It wasn’t like Jordyn had originally chosen to see a counselor.  After she got sick and she lost her badge, it had been recommended (forcefully) that she go so she didn’t go off the deep end, apparently, and it had, at first, been a fight to go.  But, she had started to take it a little bit more seriously.  She didn’t tell anyone she was going, but it was a pretty regular thing and even though she was still getting into the groove of the whole thing, Ms. Maiko wasn’t so bad.  (They’d had to compromise on what she would call her, and it seemed most agreeable to both of them). 

Ms. Maiko was a little enthusiastic and over zealous, plus she always had candy around and that made Jordyn feel like going to office was basically saying goodbye to any room she had left in her uniform clothes.  But, she was going now, especially because it was right after a very eventful break and there was all this career stuff going around and she was feeling overwhelmed already.  She knew that Ms. Maiko was running all of the career day things, but she finally admitted that she really needed to talk to someone that wasn’t another student.

Sometimes it was better to have an adult who wasn’t going to say something to anyone – who couldn’t.  She had told her friends that she was going to do homework, which seemed to sate their desire for knowledge – and Jordyn had sneaked away to head toward Ms. Maiko’s office. As she walked, she routinely looked over her shoulder to ensure that no one followed her toward her destination. 

Knocking on the door, Jordyn poked her head in and anxiously moved to cross the threshold.  “Hello Ms. Maiko,” she greeted – still somewhat nervous, despite the fact she knew this was the woman’s job and even more than that, no one had followed her here. “I hope you’re not too busy?  I can come back later…” she fumbled with closing the door behind her and stood at the entry, in case she was turned away. 

Maiko was reading a very long, scientific article entitled “The Way You Make Me Feel: Evidence for Individual Differences in Affective Presence” or something of that vein; although it was quite fascinating, and brand new research—she had been reading articles for the better part of the last three hours—all her appointments were not until later in the day. It was a surprise to her—she expected more students would be coming in closer to the job fair.
But maybe they were waiting until after the job fair to seek her help.

Jordyn’s interruption was a welcome one. Maiko immediately took off her reading glasses and stood up to greet the young Slytherin. “I’m not too busy at all, please—take a seat.” She motioned towards one of the overly-stuffed fluffy chairs in her office. Mai pulled out her wand and with a flick, locked the door.

Just because it was polite to knock didn’t mean that people didn’t barge in on occasion. She knew that Jordyn was a private person, and everyone who walked into her office deserved the confidentiality and the safe space.

“Would you like some tea?” In between two of the comfortable chairs, was a small circular table with a bowl of chocolates. There were other treats stored around the office, ready to be offered at a moment’s notice. “I’ve got jasmine, peppermint, chai… Breakfast tea.”

She always felt a little weird interrupting her, but Ms. Maiko insisted she wasn't and got up so quickly that maybe she was just perusing over something and waiting for a distraction.  Jordyn knew those moments well. 

Taking a deep breath, Jordyn accepted that she was here and she wasn't getting turned away in favor of whatever papers were on the woman's desk so she entered all the way and looked at the chair that Ms. Maiko had motioned to.  It was a very nice chair, it reminded her of the common room and her favorite perch by the window where the giant squid swam by on ocassion.  "Thank you," Jordyn said quietly and moved to the chair, making a move to sit with her legs folded under her. 

She distracted herself with smoothing her dress over her knees, making sure she was decent while Ms. Maiko locked the door.  That was customary - Jordyn had insisted on it the first time she had come, she didn't need anyone else seeing her here, or knowing that she wasn't the picture of absolute perfection that she put off to the rest of the world.  Looking up in surprise, the idea of tea was actually quite welcome.  "I would appreciate some tea, yes, thank you," she responded, considering the options. 

She didn't have a strong preference, but she knew how this went: Ms. Maiko wouldn't drink unless she did, and she wouldn't pick for her, so she shrugged.  "Breakfast tea, thank you," she shrugged: it hardly mattered, if it was warm she couldn't be bothered by anything fancy.  Perhaps if there were chamomile to calm her nerves she'd have considered, but she didn't have a stomachache for peppermint, and Jasmine was a little flower-y for her taste.  Breakfast was the best option, for Jordyn anyway. 

"How was your break, Ms. Maiko?" Jordyn asked, to be polite.  Plus, it was easier for her to start off these things not focused on herself even though she was busting at the seams with things giving her anxiety: school, the future, Jai, her friends... when she looked at it all together, her chest started to hurt.

Maiko put teabags in two cups that were shaped like little elephants. Her own cup had peppermint, and breakfast tea in Jordyn’s. Her self-heating kettle began to whistle and she tapped it with her wand before pouring hot water into their respective tea cups. Mai carried the cups to the little round side table and set them on coasters.  She took  a seat and leaned back in her chair, crossing one leg over the other.

“My break went well. Spent time with family, lounged about.” She replied with a gentle, warm smile. Though, it wasn’t really a break for her. She worked through most of it—many students had stayed behind during the holiday. Still, it was a lighter workload than usual.

She tilted her head to the side and looked at Jordyn—wondering what exactly, brought her in. Jordyn came on her own accord—and that was a good sign she was ready to talk about something.

“Enough about me. What inspired you to stop by?” Mai took a sip of her tea and raised her eyebrows inquisitively.

Ms. Maiko had very adorable cups, she supposed elephants might have meant something to the woman, but then again, she was just eccentric enough that maybe they were just random tokens that caught the woman’s eye at some little shop.  Granted, she could liken the counselor to a much smaller, much less grey and wrinkly elephant – never forget and whatnot.  Plus, elephants were known to have high empathy, weren’t they?  That seemed like a Ms. Maiko trait if there was one to capitalize on.   

Taking the little cup in her hand, Jordyn let the steam float up and into her nose, inhaling the scent of the tea with a contented sigh.  There was very little that could relax Jordyn like the promise of tea.  Plus, the warmth of the cup seeped even through her gloves and warmed her straight up.  Her hands were always notoriously cold. 

Letting the tea steep more, she just continued to hold it and nodded at Ms. Maiko’s assessment of her break.  It sounded uneventful in comparison.  She was jealous for a moment, except for the family bit, Jordyn could live without that.  “That sounds nice,” Jordyn commented, polite as ever.

When the color was looking at least a little bit better on the cup, she put her lips to the edge with only a moment of hesitation, remembering that this woman probably had everything pristinely clean all the time because of some of the people who stopped by and eased her anxiety enough with that.  That was definitely what she needed she thought as the hot liquid seemed to heat her up from the core out.


The question turned on her, like she imagined it might, and all of a sudden, Jordyn was a ball of nerves again.  She took another cautious sip of the hot tea and took a deep breath.  “I’m feeling… overwhelmed,” Jordyn led off with – a true enough statement.  “Career things are coming up,” she bit her lip, “and break was… weird.”  She found herself having trouble getting started and looked down into the cup, it was much easier to take a sip and let Ms. Maiko ask another question. 

“Career things are coming up.” Maiko acknowledged, but that was a problem for future Jordyn. “We can talk about that if you’d like.”  Present Jordyn was worried about personal things as well, and those concerns seemed more immediate. The Spring holiday had come and passed quickly, but whatever happened seemed to be lingering for Jordyn. Overwhelming her, as the girl put it. The combination of the two things wasn’t easy, and she simply nodded. She understood all too much the feeling of being overwhelmed.

“Spring break was weird.” She repeated back to the Slytherin, and allowed there to be a bit of silence, to give Jordyn time to gather her thoughts. “We could start with that.” Mai spoke calmly, her tone even and sure, yet with a bit of warmth. Counseling to her, was just another type of conversation. One with depth and a bit of rawness to it.  It was important in a counseling relationship to be… Egalitarian. Equal. Was much harder to be ‘real’ with someone when there was an imbalance of power. 

“What was weird about it?”

At first she had found Ms. Maiko’s repeating annoying.  Of course Jordyn knew what she just said, she didn’t need it parroted back to her, but saying as much had been an easy explanation: it was just a way for Jordyn to collect her thoughts.  Usually, she would have balked and said she had no need for time to think, but in situations where it involved being honest and sharing things, her snappy comments tended to fade and she was left quiet.

Most people probably thought she had a comment for everything, but with her teacup poised near her lips, Jordyn nodded, avoiding Ms. Maiko’s eyes.  She’d opened the door and now she had to talk about it.  It seemed like the woman zeroed in on the real issue after not even a moment anyway: career things were important and did give her hives sometimes, but she could even feel some heat rising to her cheeks and ears here. 

Intellectually, she knew the room was safe and there was no chance of anyone coming in or hearing her, but that didn’t stop her from glancing at the door momentarily, waiting to begin.  She didn’t really want to go through the whole ordeal of telling the entire story, but then again, she didn’t necessarily want to jump straight into the… weird part. 

So, she sort of started in the middle.  “I was staying here for break, you know,” she shrugged – it wasn’t a secret to Ms. Maiko that she didn’t have the best relationship with her family – though many of the bigger details were clearly left out, “and I went to Hogsmeade… to meet some friends…” she sipped her tea again and continued avoiding eye contact.  “We were having fun and I ended up running into someone else…” oh this was a harder story to tell than she thought it was going to be. 

“A boy,” she clarified, lifting her eyes while she bit her lip. 

Jordyn’s face tinted with pink—it was difficult for her to speak about such personal things. She was a private person—outwardly she seemed very put together. Most people wouldn’t suspect that the Slytherin was one of Maiko’s regular visitors.

Maiko nodded—yes, she knew Jordyn had stayed for the break. Mai had been around, although it was Spring Break, there were plenty of students who frequented her office for one reason or another. She wasn’t going to put their problems on hold, so she had been at Hogwarts, keeping to her usual hours.

Then she got closer to the core of her problem. A boy. The counselor raised her eyebrows inquisitively before giving Jordyn an encouraging nod. She didn’t say anything—there was nothing wrong with letting there be a quiet stillness for Jordyn to gather her thoughts. Mai was open to listen, if Jordyn decided to elaborate on this boy. Listening and silence came as naturally to the counselor as her cringe-worthy ramblings.

One thing that she’d always hated about coming to this room was the uncomfortable silence.  Jordyn hated it.  She liked other people to fill it up with their voices, then she could strategically put her voice in when it suited her best.  Ms. Maiko was not one to break silence first.  Jordyn had tested that before and then it had gotten so strange after about seven minutes that she just had to talk.

It felt like one of those times now.  She could stretch it as far as she could, but she’d end up talking.  She didn’t even know where she wanted to start.  It could have been a totally innocuous conversation – but she supposed she didn’t come here for that. 

She breathed deep through her nostrils and closed her eyes, trying to be as clear headed as possible about explaining it.  She knew Ms. Maiko wasn’t going to judge her, but that didn’t matter.  Jordyn cared about her reputation, she cared about the way people looked at her, and she didn’t want anyone to look at her like she was somehow less than now.  She knew her parents would if they ever found out, and she had a sneaking suspicion it wouldn’t go unmentioned in any social circles in school.

You could only give out so many detentions before you became an enemy of the people, and even when stripped of power, the reputation seemed to follow.  “I ended up – well, we ended up…” she cleared her throat, “I wouldn’t call it a mistake, that’s the wrong word, but… it was unexpected and… I don’t even know him that well,” she was rambling a little and the pitch of her voice was rising steadily as she talked, a telltale sign of her anxiety.  “I feel like a bad person.”

She did what she was best at—listening. Taking in what Jordyn was getting at—not just the words, but what she meant at the core. Like most people, she was concerned with how others viewed her.  Some amount of that was healthy, but the degree of which this bothered her was anything but. Mai doubted that Jordyn’s family would have supported her through this.
Maiko’s features that had hardened with focus immediately softened. “It wasn’t a mistake. You took a leap and you trusted someone else.” She said, “That doesn’t make you a bad person. Trusting yourself with someone else does not make you a bad person. Your worth, your value, is not wrapped up in who you sleep with or why.” Mai leaned forward, though she was sure to give Jordyn her personal space.

 “There’s more to you than that.” Though her voice was gentle, there was a certainty to her tone. “Most things are never a clear-cut right or wrong, good or evil. The world is full of grey areas. People are more complicated than that Mai cleared her throat.

“You say it wasn’t a mistake. Just because it was unexpected, just because you feel like you didn’t know him well, doesn’t mean it was wrong. It’ll only define you as much as you allow it to.” She laced her fingers together. "Why does this make you feel like a bad person?"

Jordyn supposed she hadn’t articulated her idea very well.  She knew what Ms. Maiko was saying was true.  That wasn’t what made her feel bad.  Not really.  Maybe it was a little bit,she realized as she practically cringed when Ms. Maiko mentioned sleeping with someone.  It felt so weird, and her reason why was pretty pathetic.  She thought he was cute, he was nice to her, and she really liked when he kissed her… but that wasn’t the main point.  She felt bad because she was probably going to end up hurting him. 

Jordyn wasn’t a good person with feelings.  She wasn’t really a good person in general, from what she knew of good people they were generous and giving, usually compassionate.  Jordyn was almost none of those things, at least not until she really knew a person. 

But all this talk of grey areas and whatnot, Jordyn also knew that.  If things were clear and simple she’d have very little anxiety.  She didn’t like complicated.

That didn’t seem to matter currently, however.  “It’s not that that is making me a bad person,” she reemphasized.  “It’s just...” she lowered her eyes and flexed her fingers in her lap.  “He’s nice,” Jordyn informed her, “and I’m not.”

“He’s nice and you’re not.” Maiko repeated. “I have to say, cruel people wouldn’t be worried about something like that.” She looked at Jordyn thoughtfully, “I don’t believe that you’re as mean as you think you are. Just because you think you’re not nice, doesn’t mean you’re incapable of being kind. ”  Jordyn was easy for Mai to talk to, especially since she was more open now than she had been when they first started meeting.

“Everybody has flaws, and everybody is capable of being kind or unkind. That sort of behavior is a choice.”

She finished her tea and set her cup down, “It seems like you two enjoyed each other’s company. Do you want to see him again? Does he want to see you again?” 

Jordyn didn’t know that she believed Ms. Maiko’s assessment.  Sure, people could be complicated and they made choices, but it seemed like sometimes things that were supposed to be choices weren’t choices at all.  She felt like she was naturally driven, inclined to push people to the side to get ahead and put herself first.  It was ambition and desire, things that her house encouraged – and part of the reason she belonged there. 

She had hopes of being better than her parents were and moving up in the world was of central importance.  She wanted to match the area they lived in – be worthy of the inherited house.  She breathed slowly – at least acknowledging the second part, the flaws part as true. 

Tapping her fingers against the edge of the cup, Jordyn took her last sip, but maintained holding it.  There was something about holding things that was comforting.  She could look at it while she spoke and could avoid eye contact.  That was the biggest piece, especially as she blushed.  She wasn’t sure Ms. Maiko realized how embarrassing what she said about ‘enjoying each other’s company.’  That was mortifying.

Clearing her throat, Jordyn sat up a little straighter (as if that were possible) and licked her lips.  “I think I’d like to,” she reasoned out, “I’d like to think he’d like to as well.  I don’t think he’s the type to… do that… and then never say anything again.  Though, I suppose that’s not entirely unheard of either…” it was a musing thought: depressing. 

She looked up, trying to change the subject.  “Is St. Mungo’s going to be at the career fair, by chance?”

She was not oblivious to Jordyn’s blushing, but if she wanted to discuss why her cheeks were red, she’d bring it up. Maid didn’t even consider that she could’ve been the bringer of embarrassment. Okay, she thought about it for a second but didn’t want to linger on that. Her counseling technique was very client-led. Directive, but not overtly so.

“If you’d like to see him, just do it.” Mai said simply. "There's no better way to find out if he wants to spend time with you than trying to spend time with him."

And, she was welcome to the subject change—like she usually was. Jordyn had mentioned ‘career things coming up.’
“Yes, St. Mungos will be there! There should be a few healers.” She replied, “There are a couple that are open to correspondence with students who couldn’t make it to the fair. Would you like their contact information?”