He hadn't expected these lessons to be easy but he had hoped they'd be a little less...obscure than they were.  It was no fault of Raine's, of course.  She'd only just mastered her own ability to shift into an animal form and Sasha doubted the art of animagi transformation could be made logical and linear by even a skilled instructor.  It was becoming quite apparent that becoming an animagus wasn't like learning to brew a Pepper Up potion.

"How do I know what I'm feeling for?"  The question was rhetorical and Raine probably knew that.  It was a question he'd posed far too often to be mistaken for a legitimate query.  Feeling for the 'inner animal' persisted as the primary strategy even though Sasha was no closer to knowing whether he was feeling for the feathers, fur, scales or slime (in case he was something as disappointing and pointless as a slug or a hagfish).

Regardless of the vagaries, Sasha diligently grappled and blindly groped around inside for whatever he was supposed to find until that now-familiar deep-seated ache started to radiate out from his core.  He started and his concentration faltered for just a moment as the ache seemed to churn and radiate out to a random limb (his left arm this time) and seized his biceps and triceps up into sharp, painfully distorted balls.  He tried to recollect himself and refocus, despite the pain, but it was pointless.  Sasha exhaled deeply, stretching his arm out to try to work the stiffness out of his arm.

The Ravenclaw was seated on the floor in between the ever-so-familiar couches and the coffee table, leaning back against the base of the couch.  In a reversal of standard roles, Baldur was stretched out on the couch above him in a deep sleep, his feet twitching occasionally.  "How can you even tell if you're on the right track?  Is the ... can you tell the difference between the types of discomfort?"  Pain.  Whatever it was. 

He knew he shouldn't be too frustrated.  He'd only been at it for a couple of months, after all.  However, the Ravenclaw wasn't accustomed to puzzles or skills that couldn't be wrestled into submission with more studying.  He could, typically, assign the pace of an assignment, not the other way around. 

Raine was vaguely patient, as a teacher.

One had to be when tutoring the likes of Mairead- from which the awkward Ravenclaw was a mild reprieve. The Astronomy classroom was cold, as always in February, and the falling snow muffled sounds beyond the Tower. The Gryffindor wore her quidditch sweater over the usual school uniform, shoes kicked off in a corner by the shelves- where Maurice dozed peacefully.

"Well it isn't a sharp pain-" she was on the floor, laying on her back with feet up on the table. "- more of a throbbing, rather? Like a fresh bruise or..." Raine sighed and lifted her head slightly, gaze shifting from ceiling to Sasha's face.

Teaching animagi had been easier in theory.

"Or a stranglehold on your chest. It tightens and releases, repeats until-" sighing, she dropped her head again. "-until you find it. A safe place inside."

Why wasn't she better with words? A safe place inside?? Merlin's beard. It was so much more than that, it was finding something inside you that is entirely old and new at the same time. Magic in a way she couldn't describe.

"Don't try too hard." Raine closed her eyes and locked her fingers together; she smiled wryly. "There aren't any cards for this and you could hurt yourself."

"So.  More like a pulled shoulder than getting hit with the cruciatus."  Discomfort.  Pain.  Discussing and comparing notes on the subject was about as effective as discussing colors.  Everyone knew what 'orange' looked like.  But, when they tried to describe it, it was exclusively in their own terms.  There wasn't any way to know what it looked like from someone else's perspective.  All details that were only relevant to someone who stubbornly tried to make the topic of pain academic. 

The Ravenclaw nodded his head and leaned it back against the couch cushion behind him.  An odd mixture of motivations had originally nudged him towards trying to learn animagus transformation and his typical stubborn determination had certain contributed.  He'd heard Raine describe what he was trying to find as an inner safe place before and, very quickly, the promise of inner sanctity had become as important a motivator as the ability itself. 

After a slight sigh, the Ravenclaw lowered his head and closed his eyes, trying to settle his thoughts and focus on his breathing.  That was the easier part and within a few breaths he'd managed to chase most worries about classes and grades from the forefront of his mind.  It was following that mental path to the internal soul searching that was the bigger challenge.  In the past, it was all too easy for his mind to divert to picturing this whole exercise as some lost episode of the Magical School Bus where the bus was chugging around his veins, looking for some stray kitten or puppy. 

"I keep getting lost.  It's just all -"  With a sigh of resignation, the Ravenclaw started to abandon his endeavor and relax.  As he let his focus soften, he felt it.  A slight shift from the usual discomfort to something entirely new.  Something more ...

He opened his eyes and looked across at Raine.  "It was warm?  Not like a bath or ... more like sitting in the sun on a cold day?" 

Not unkindly, she laughed.

"Yes!" Raine propped herself up by her elbows and smiled proudly at him. "Sun on a cold day. You ought to write that down, it's better than any of the Restricted Section lore." Those were always terribly dull, as they messed about with convoluted language that only confused younger readers.

There was something to the comparisons she made with Sasha. Or perhaps nothing! Only he would be able to tell if progress was being made, at least until physical transformations began taking place.

"Not all that nasty, is it?" Raine sat forward properly and brought her legs down from the table. "My sister and I had a rotten time trying to figure it out." Although it was easier when you had somebody like that learning at the same speed- the girls had been so close, sometime they felt the changes in one another.

The Gryffindor rather enjoyed thinking about Sanya in this pleasant context, and decided not to pursue the thought any further. No point in ruining the moment.

"How did you go about it?" she glanced away from Sasha to beckon at Maurice, who wasn't dozing any longer. "Didn't look much different from this side." Meaning the outside.

A faint hint of color brushed across the Ravenclaw's features and he ducked his head, slightly, in a casual effort to hide the blush.  Practicing animagi transformation was very much a lesson in patience.  Like fishing, a lot of time was spent waiting and hoping that, under the surface, something was happening.  That little hint of progress was exciting and that excitement showed, in its own introverted way. 

"No.  Not really nasty.  Assuming, of course, I'm not going to shrinking down into some slimy sea cucumber."  That.  That would be awful.  Not to mention...  "Wonder if you could suffocate.  You know, if you turned into a fish and couldn't turn back in time." 

The Ravenclaw glanced up as Raine spoke of her sister, grinning slightly as he nodded his head. "I'm sure it led to some amusement.  I'm not sure my sister would have had the patience for it."  Either of his sisters.  Anna would have been too much of a social Hufflepuff butterfly to focus herself on extracurricular studies.

At first, Sasha didn't have much of an answer for Raine and he dropped his gaze, scowling as he tried to deconstruct the last few moments before he'd felt the warmth.  "I'm not entirely sure," he admitted, shrugging his shoulders.  "I'd been focusing on relaxing and all that but wasn't getting anywhere.  I think ... I'd given up and then it happened.  Just a quick flash." 

“The trick is not to force it,” Gracie drawled as she stepped into view, pushing off from the wall she’d been leaning against– watching quietly, and with amusement. A smile rippled across her face, broad and blinding, and she made herself comfortable on the table. “Or so I’ve heard. Hey, Schlagenweit.”

Downwards, the smile shifted into a smirk. “Nice view, Almasy.” It flickered in the Ravenclaw’s direction. “Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear.”

As far as watching other people struggle went, Sasha Schlagenweit wasn’t the most fun a girl could have– if one could even call it ‘fun’ at all, and it wasn’t, really; there were only so many strained expressions a girl could take before she burst into uncomfortable laughter, or backed away before she was moved to something unpleasant. (Like pity.) But there was something intriguing about him, if only vaguely, and the opportunity to study Animagi magic in any way– live, in person, with other people  was too good, too rare to pass up. There was little on practical research as it was. She herself had to study on her own to keep her privacy, and even after she had achieved her form she was well aware of what she’d been missing—that ignorance all the more obvious when she had finally found herself a mentor.

And even then, it wasn’t enough—not with her stuck in Hogwarts, and her mentor busy running a diner. Anyway, she was rather curious to see what Schlagenweit would be, if he succeeded tonight at all.

Making herself comfortable, Gracie crossed her legs. Her hand– creeping close to Raine’s foot –glinted opaque black, matte like a squid’s beak.

Raine, propped up by her elbows, turned her head to follow the snake who'd slithered up to join them in the Astronomy Tower. She smirked at the starting comments and drew her legs together to sit up straight on the floor. With two animagi and a potential animagus now in the room, there was more... potential.

Be it for learning or fun.

"I'm afraid that Slant has a point~" she tore her gaze away from Gracie to fix Sasha with a thoughtful look. "It worked when you had given up, perhaps you're trying too hard. There is such a thing as trying too hard." Unlike some, he did not have the leisure of time.

Of course she didn't want to pile on to the pressure that he was already feeling. Godric knew what it was like to live in fear of Kronos Malvicus. The Gryffindor glanced briefly at Gracie, foot nudging the gloved hand playfully. Seemed that Slant wasn't keen on letting Sasha know about her skills.

"Do you want to try it again?" Raine smiled encouragingly at her classmate. "If you have the energy. I know it can be draining."

As the Ravenclaw started to further considered the experience and what, specifically, had led to it, the relative quiet of the classroom was interrupted by a familiar but unexpected voice.  Sasha started and peered over the back of the couch towards the classroom door, watching the Slytherin closely as Slant pushed herself off the wall.  "What-" Sasha started before catching himself.  Slant hardly needed to offer an explanation for coming up to the tower. 

Though he and Raine hadn't, exactly, sought out a private location for practice (after all, the location was neither exclusive nor was it a secret he frequented it), he still was surprised and disappointed to find they'd been interrupted.  Inwardly, Sasha cursed his carelessness but if Raine shared any unease on being interrupted, she didn't seem to show it. 

He wasn't intending on allowing his animagus form, whatever it turned out to be, to become common knowledge.  But, it wasn't likely the end of the world if Slant learned of his attempts.  She was hardly likely to go running to Malvivicus to tell him. 

Sasha's hesitation was too long to be entirely casual but, finally, he shrugged and tried to appear nonplussed.  "It's no worry," he offered, settling back against the base of the couch.  "Though, if it's not too much to ask, we'd - I'd appreciate discretion."  For what it was worth. 

"Except, is there really an alternative?" he asked, focusing on the Slytherin's advice.  "I mean, you can't try lazily, can you?"  Though in that instance he was referring to the transformation, the potential for broader references wasn't lost on him.  "If you didn't have to try hard, wouldn't people be randomly poofing into animals all the time?  I mean-"  Unlike a Hufflepuff, Sasha still struggled to believe that anything could be achieved with only casual dedication.

 But, the last attempt had left Sasha with more to go on than he had in the past.  Stubbornly, he shook his head, dismissing Raine's question about energy.  "Spring break's only six weeks away."  It was only a matter of time before the request to capitalize on the time away from the castle came from the Isle of Man. 

"Alright."  Sasha closed his eyes and repeated the process from before.  He readily found the cold mass of confusion as he had so many times before.  This time, though, rather grappling with it and trying to force some unknown from it, he tried to relax and gradually recreate 'giving up.'  That time, after only a few moments, he recognized the warmth and mentally stared at it.  For several long minutes, he remained engulfed in that strange feeling until, finally exhausted, he let go and opened his eyes. 

"So what ... what do you do with it?" he asked, looking towards Raine, feeling simultaneously pleased to have made progress and frustrated that the progress presented no obvious, logical next step.

“Of course,” Gracie waved him off, dismissive. The thought to tell had never even occurred to her; even less so, when one of the few people she would have told was already well in the know. “Your secret’s safe with me,” and she mimed her lips zipping shut.

Merlin, what a worrywort.

And, apparently, had other things he should be worrying about– like comprehension. Her head cocked to the side, Gracie gave him a long look, looking faintly amused. That’s what he got from her?

But she waited him out. She understood where he was coming from, ridiculous though she found it. And she was intruding. “That’s a silly comparison and you know it,” she replied, the corner of her mouth inching upward. “That only works in the case of things already learned, or known—not skills that are notoriously difficult to learn in the first place.” A comparison to dancing would have been more accurate; that if one thought about the steps too hard, then one was more likely to stumble over them. Whatever the Ravenclaw actually thought, relaxation was hardly laziness– particularly during a moment of exertion. If anything, the former was a necessity—the latter, indulgence in excess of it. Sometimes, if your head was so full of thinking of things, it made it impossible to actually do anything.

Not that he seemed to interested in her excellent point, Gracie noted with an internal sigh, as Sasha directed his attention on Raine again. But she let that go, too; if she were in his shoes, she’d be keener to accomplish her transformation, rather than argue semantics. (Though she totally would have rocked them; when she had perfectly good advice offered to her, she took it, damn it.)

As the Ravenclaw focused, Gracie watched, careful to note even the most minute shifts in his expression. And so she knew, then, when he had found ‘it’ and what he meant when he mentioned ‘it’. Although she hadn’t had a mirror on her when she had achieved her own form, her mentor had explained it for her, providing a description that made recognition unmistakable. Gracie’s own face had mirrored his not too long ago.

The young Animagus bit her tongue. Sink into it, she wanted to say, because that was what she had done– but didn’t, because she sympathized with his desire for discretion better than he thought. Instead, she looked to Raine, too, curious as to what the Gryffindor would have to say; the way she understood it, not everyone responded to the feeling the same way…

Pensively, she looked between her two classmates as Sasha fell back into concentration.

Their differences were as stark as day and night- yet Raine could discern a common factor. Neither of them gave up. She folded her legs underneath and leaned forward to watch the Ravenclaw much more intently than before; curious now that she knew he was striking on familiar territory.

Her stare was so rapt that it almost came as a surprise when Schlawkward finally snapped out of it. "So what ... what do you do with it?" he asked. The Gryffindor blinked and sat back, considering Gracie fleetingly but long enough to recognize the expression. Well. That was the price of keeping a secret.

"Let it take you-" Raine finally answered, then wrinkled her nose at the expression. "- or rather, you surrender yourself. It won't be easy. People like you or me, or... well, people like us. We don't let our guards down very easily. And perhaps that's why everyone isn't, um, poofing into animals all the time."

Maurice, as if though this were a cue, slinked over to the trio with his black tail swaying high. He rubbed against his owner's knee affectionately and tottered curiously over to Gracie. Raine had paused, obviously searching for words.

"I think animagi need to be very disciplined and self-aware, but we also have to be able to let go at a certain point of transformation. If that makes sense," she grimaced. Textbook authors were possibly rolling in their graves at her job of paraphrasing and conjecture. "Just trust the feeling, even if you don't really understand it."

Sasha watched Slant do her weird lip thing before shaking his head and putting it behind him.  Unless he actually got this thing, there wouldn't be anything for her to go run and tell the world now, would there?

“That’s a silly comparison and you know it."

Sasha's eyebrows hitched up and for a brief moment, he stiffened as that all too familiar sense of defensiveness crept in.  The moment was fleeting.  The Ravenclaw forced himself to take a deep breath and released it slowly, with a slight though still awkward grin.  He had to remind himself he was no longer needing to keep people at that carefully calculated distance.  He was trying to get beyond all that.  "Are those notes from the seminar?" he asked with a curious smirk.   

"Surrender myself."  He mused quietly as Raine talked about letting go.  "Though, I suppose, sometimes we let our guards down a little too easily.  Just at the wrong time."  He offered a lopsided grin before shrugging and turning back to the task at hand. 

As abstract as it was, he could understand what they were describing.  He was familiar with the feeling.  Riding out on a bright, summer day and laying in the grass when no one was around.  Closing his eyes while his horse was at a full gallop and just letting go of any attempt to exert control.  It wasn't an entirely unfamiliar feeling, though he'd never really applied it to school.  He wasn't sure he'd ever really allowed himself to get that lost and at ease at the wizarding school.  There'd always been too much uncertainty and too much conflict that got in his way. 

"Alright.  That makes sense"  He glanced between the Slytherin and the Gryffindor and nodded his head before closing his eyes. 

That time, it was easier to find that metaphorical beam of warm sunlight (as corny a metaphor as it was).  He lingered in that mental space for a moment, trying to shove any thoughts from his mind until all that remained was his own nagging reminder not to think of anything.  Then he forced himself to still that thought. 

For a breath, there was nothing followed by a complete sense of itchiness!  All over.  Then, he felt his consciousness ... slip. 

He had no idea how long the blackness had lasted but when he finally opened his eyes, he was looking at one of the legs of the coffee table.  The Ravenclaw took a deep breath and pushed himself back upright, grinning as he shook his head.  He explained the series of sensations before shaking his head again and looking at Raine.  "Is that normal?"