Kurby Bagnold
Don't Bother Writing Back

Dervla "Bagnold"
That Funeral Shop
Diagon Alley, London

Derv,

You know that I don't want to be writing to you any more than you want to be reading this, so save the complaining.

As you've probably forgotten, Rosheen's birthday is coming up later this month.  Unfortunately, she's insisting that the only thing she wants is the entire family back together.  She wouldn't stop whining until I promised I'd write to you, so now I am. 

If you want to arrange an appearance, you can talk directly to her.  Just make sure you don't do it while the rest of us are there.

Kurby

P.S.  I had to deal with Ma sobbing all through Christmas because of your damned store name.  Apparently one of her friends stumbled across your little "shop" and asked her about it again.  Which I'm sure only makes you giddy, but since the rest of us have to deal with her on a semi-annual basis and you're apparently off the hook, the least you can do is make our family get-togethers slightly less unpleasant.  If the sign doesn't change by the next full moon, I can't be held responsible for anything that happens to it.

Dervla Bagnold
Bagnold Funeral Home
Diagon Alley, London

Kurby Bagnold
Regulation & Control Magical Creatures
Ministry of Magic
London, England

Kurby,

I apologizing for sending an owl to the ministry, but as I am unaware of your current living situation I had no other option. I have no desire to come to a family function only to be shunned and disrespected by my so-called family. If Rosheen wishes to see me, she is more than welcome to visit me at my shop, and I would be more than happy to receive her. As you have been chosen to be the spokesperson of this unexpected and unpleasant interaction, please pass along my warmest regards to our sister.

Also, I have kept your letter. Should anything happen to my shop's sign I shall report to the authorities and show them your letter as proof of threat and evidence. Considering the extreme dislike Level 2 has for your kind, I get the distinct impression they would take my complaint of theft and destruction of personal property quite seriously.

Dervla

P.S. It is not my fault you are stuck dealing with Mother. She is the one who forbade me from ever contacting her again. Perhaps you should take a page from my book.

Kurby Bagnold
Doesn't Work at the Ministry

Dervla Doesn't-Have-a-Family
That Place That Smells
Diagon Alley, London

Don't you THINK that maybe Rosh just wants to see you?  You could make an effort, instead of always expecting her to reach out!  And what the bleeding hell is that supposed to mean:  My KIND??

You're just as selfish as you were five years ago.  The kid wanted to see you for her birthday.  I'm glad to see that family still doesn't mean anything to you, aside from when you can use our last name for advertising purposes.

And I'd like to see you set the damn Ministry on me.  Luckily, Cousin Alberic shares your lack of qualms when it comes to family loyalty.  You say anything at all to Level Two, and he's going to get another anonymous tip as to what you're up to in that stupid shop of yours. 

You two deserve each other.

Kurby Bagnold (triple underlined for emphasis)

Dervla Bagnold
Bagnold Funeral Home
Diagon Alley, London

Kurby Bagnold
Regulation & Control Magical Creatures
Ministry of Magic
London, England

Kurby,

I would very much like to see Rosheen. But I have a suspicion should I attend any family event that it would result in arguments and unpleasantries which would only ruin her birthday instead of making it a better one. This has nothing to do with me being selfish, but attempting not to cause our family any further grief. Whether you believe it or not, I do still care about our family- I still love all of my siblings (you included), our parents, and everyone else. I did not ask to be removed from the family, I had no choice in that matter.

And I have no idea why you would think I am up to anything in my shop. I am regularly inspected by the ministry. I simple fulfill a need. There are not many people in the world who are willing to do what it is that I do. People die, Kurby. They need to be buried and prepared for that burial. That is all which goes on here. I run a reputable business an have had only a handful of complaints over the years- and not a single one in reference to my past mistakes.

I hope that one day you and the family will be willing to forgive me, but I can tell now is not that time. I do wish you well. I would ask you to send my love to everyone, but I have a strong suspicion you would only ridicule and then refuse to do so.

Dervla

P.S. Your immaturity is side splitting, really.