January 23rd, 2010

Dear Harry,

You'll be pleased to know Hogwart's still as brilliant as ever. A bit wet, natch, but it's nothing a Weasley jumper or two can't keep out.

We've got a new Potions teacher, and Transfiguration, and Herbology of course. How's Neville doing back at the office? I miss having him at school already, but I understand why he went back. If it'd been my Gran who'd been attacked I don't know what I'd His replacement, Professor McDonough, is nice. I mean, I don't think he's better than Neville, but he's nice. A little weird though. Apparently he makes wands and things, but doesn't talk about it all that much, at least not to us.

Anyway. I hope the investigation goes well. The other two new teachers are good too. They're both ladies and they've been really nice. Even potions didn't go too bad. Certainly better than History of Magic -- we had a Drumstrang professor come in to teach one of the lessons. I wish they'd stop doing that, it's always a disaster. Storm broke my finger last semester, and now this bloke got everybody all riled up over witch-trials, talking all this rubbish about dangerous muggles. It's a complete mess.

Not that it takes much to get some of the class upset these days.

Some of the teachers are starting to whisper about putting on a Valentine's dance for first and second years since we can't go to Hogsmeade that weekend. We can only hope their plans don't involve dwarves in diapers. And that it'll be more exciting than that stuffy Yule Ball over Christmas.

Speaking of the Tournament, the Third Task is tomorrow. Supposed by the time you read this it'll already be underway. Hope the Hogwarts champions can nudge Drumstrang out of the run for first! It really knackers that they're so far ahead. I know Aunt 'Mione's got a friend from there, but they're just so snotty. Bad as the bad Slytherins, the lot of them.

Anyway, lunch is almost over. Gonna have to wrap this up if I want to get up to the Owlery in time. Give Ginny my love, okay? And the boys, but don't tell them it's love. Tell them it's a punch in the shoulder or something, they'll get it.

Yours,


P.S. -- Is Ginny having a shower for the new baby? Do you think I should send something? Uncle George keeps trying to talk me into sending a toilet seat and I'm not entirely sure if he's joking this time...

P.P.S. -- The wrappers are for Albus. He said something over the hols about making a chain. Tell him to send me a picture once it's taller than he is.

January 25th, 2010.

Teddy,

You don’t know wet until you’ve flown a broom in down pouring rain as you try to find the snitch and escape a few dementors, kid. I’d explain how you also don’t know what cold is, but truth be told I’ve never been anywhere colder than Hogwarts. Durmstrang is supposed to be quite worse, though. As for the Weasley sweaters, be careful –the one Molly gave me last Christmas fell to pieces the second time I wore it. I fear she no longer has the same abilities as she used to, and I wouldn’t want you ending up bare-chested in the middle of the common room. Don’t tell her about it, though –I don’t want her feel bad, so I’m having Ginny try to put the thing back together. It was a pretty one, too!

Neville’s doing fine. It’s weird seeing him in the office, but I actually haven’t had a chance to catch up with him since December. I think he might miss the school, though. Not sure. It wasn’t your grandmother, so just forget that line of thought because I couldn’t stand you having any more heartbreak. I don’t think your professor not giving you all the details about his life outside teaching counts as weird, son. But if you really think he’s fishy, let me know and I’ll dig into his background –NO DOING THAT TYPE OF THING YOURSELF! You hear me? I’ve sent an owl to Professor McGonagall requesting she inform me if you ever get into trouble, so I will know.

I’d like to be the responsible adult that tells you to stop complaining about what you’re being taught and just learn it but –dangerous muggles? What type of teachers is Professor McGonagall letting into the school? Do you mean to tell me you were given an anti-muggle lesson? I might have to have a talk with her in that case. Or with whoever this Durmstrang professor is. But explain a bit more first. (As a side note, I’m surprised to hear of Potions being passable –Snape might have ended up an honorable man, but the class was always disastrous when I was in school).

Oooh, a Valentine’s ball? They never did anything of the sort for us when we were in our first and second year. You’re not fancying any girls, yet, are you Teddy? We considered them somewhat diseased when I was your age, but with the rate youth is changing… who knows? You’d tell me if you did, right? I like knowing about your life. Anyways, honestly, dwarfs in diapers are part of Valentine’s Day, so if there’s a dance then the Great Hall will probably be full of them. Just ignore the decorations and enjoy yourself!

You do get that part of the point of the competition is to learn how to get along with other schools, right? Oh, what I am talking about, you’re eleven. You don’t give a damn. Krum –Hermione’s friend from Drumstang- is actually a nice bloke, so I’m sure they’re not all as rubbish as you think. He did almost kill Fleur during our Triwizard Tournament, but he was cursed so he doesn’t really count. Might want to give them a chance, right? Not saying you should change sides –HOGWARTS FOR THE WIN!-, just try getting along with a few of them. They’re the same as you and I. Only somewhat darker in general. Just try to stay away from the professor you mentioned, could you? Doesn’t seem like the type of bloke I’d want you spending time with.

Ginny… I have no idea what she’s doing anymore. All I know is she craves the strangest things, at the oddest hours. I’m telling you, Ted –women are completely nonsensical. Never marry one, it’s no use. Especially when they get pregnant –one moment she wants the baby shower, another she’s yelling at me to just shut up and hurry with the venison stew. I think Aunt Hermione and a few other of her friends are organizing a surprise one, though. Ron and I might just go out for a couple of drinks that night, and escape the madness. Might drag Neville along while we’re at it –I keep meaning to catch up with him.

I should be signing off now, too. It’s late, but three in the morning is the only hour I can manage to sit down and do nothing lately –and that’s only when Ginny isn’t waking up in the middle of the night, craving something or another. And then, when she sleeps through it, usually one of the kids has a reason to suffer insomnia. I’m telling you, being an adult is hard, Teddy. So I’m going to go ahead and try to sleep, at least a little bit.

The Pregnant Woman actually managed to smile for a little while, so I’m sending you a picture. James and Albus wanted to be in it, but she claimed she wanted to model on her own –she isn’t sleeping much either, might be getting to her. See how big her stomach is? And we’ve still got a month to go, supposedly! I’m eager for her to pop the kid out already so everything’ll go back to normal. I’m also tossing in a box of chocolate frogs, since I know you like them.

Much love, and be good,
Harry

P.S. – Remember to tell me more about that class you mentioned regarding muggle borns. I didn’t like the sound of it.
P.P.S. – Be good, will you? If you are, and I get no word from Minerva, I’ll send you whatever you want. Just ask for it. Sound good? And try to get good grades, too.

January 27th, 2010

Harry,

You’re paranoid. I have told you that before, haven’t I?

I didn’t say Professor McDonough is fishy, just that he’s weird, like how Luna is weird– he lives in a wagon! And we haven’t covered a single magic plant all month, it’s been mostly shrubs and normal things Muggles can raise. It’s not bad, just something to comment on.

Also, give me some credit. I’m not going to run head-first into anything dangerous. And there’s no need to mount any investigation because none of the professors are going to kill anyone this semester, not even the lion they’ve got sweeping the floors. (I actually really like Mr. Woodward. He’ll let people pet him so long as they don’t bother while he’s working, and when else are you going to get to pet a lion?)

The History lesson – I dunno if I’d call it anti-muggle exactly, not in any way you could report to Professor McGonagall. We were talking about witch trials, and this Drumstrang bloke – who only had the class because our actual teacher was working on something – kept bringing the talk back around to why muggles were afraid and all the different ways that witches and wizards got tortured even though even he outright said it was mostly other muggles who got offed. It was more his attitude than anything else, nothing you could quote. So I doubt you could stick anything on him.

Anyway, you don’t have to tell me twice to avoid him. He’s a mean bugger, the class fell apart because he caught a couple of Hufflepuffs passing notes and picked on them until they nearly cried. One of them stormed out and that was it for the lesson. Rough period all told.[1]

Honestly Harry, I’m getting on with the other schools just fine. The Americans are barking brilliant – you should see how far their half-giant can punt a football! – and Beauxbatons are all just little versions of Tante Fleur. It’s just Drumstrang group that’s got a stick up their bums. You should see the looks some of them give us younger years in the Great Hall, like it offends them that Hogwarts let the first-years come during a tournament year!

When it comes to dancing, though…Girls couldn’t be all bad, I don’t think. You kept around Aunt Hermione your first year, didn’t you? Bet she'd love to hear you thought her 'diseased' at the time... (Joking, I'm joking!)

But...there is one girl. I don’t ‘fancy’ her, she fancies me. Or at least she did. I told you, didn’t I? Accidentally transfigured my face onto a pumpkin while daydreaming in class.[2] Hearts and everything. We’ve only spoken a bit since then, but she’s a good friend and I wouldn’t want to lose that. So, I’m going to try and catch her at the dance. Maybe we can get it cleared off once and for all.

For the last time, I swear I’m not getting into any trouble. I swear. None of the teachers want to slit my throat. I'm not leading any of my classmates on expeditions through the secret passageways. There are no evil rumors lurking except the snake Mr. Woodward believes to be loose in the castle AND EVEN IF THERE WERE I wouldn’t go after them. I’ve even stayed in the common room during the full moon, batty as it makes me. I’ve been on my best behavior. Honest. Godric's truth.

So don't worry. I survived one semester without too much trouble and only one broken finger I can do it again easy.

Tell Ginny she looks gorgeous in the picture. Thanks a ton for the chocolate frogs -- I've got about a dozen of these, so feel free to do with these whatever it is you do with the pictures every time you turn up in the Prophet. At the very least they'll be good for target practice. (And don't worry, I didn't eat all the frogs in one sitting! I just happened to get these two right off.)

Try to get some sleep if you can. It's just one more month. You can do it. Stay strong!

Love,

1.	All of this refers to this class a few weeks previous.
2.	Back in October.

Harry,

Saw the Prophet today about Godric’s Hollow. Didn’t say you were there but I know Neville would keep you informed. Did they find a dog? I know you don’t think he’s real but I swear he is and he’s always in that graveyard especially when something bad happens and he would have been there, Harry, what if he’s hurt?

Please please write back soon.

January28th

Teddy,

I blame it all on Mad-Eye. Or maybe just on the fact that there was at least one attempt on my life for each of my years at Hogwarts.

Luna-odd? You could have clarified that, couldn’t you? Luna-odd isn’t dangerous-odd and wouldn’t have made me go into the Ministry on Tuesday and start asking around about this bloke. I have a full background check running on him now, and all simply because he’s Luna-odd. I need to remember to go cancel that as soon as I finish this letter; good thing the owl reached me at the Ministry. Next time, be a bit clearer, okay? Although, I might just let them finish the background check; who knows? Maybe he’ll turn out to be a closeted Voldemort supporter and you’ll have been the reason he’s caught. Or maybe I just need to go to Ron and Hermione’s every afternoon and get some sleep there –I’m ever and ever more exhausted by the day, Albus. Jamsey. Neville. Bellatrix. TEDDY! Merlin’s Pants, I need some shut eye.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY HAVE A LION SWEEPING THE FLOORS? I had to read that line twenty times over, because I was certain I was misreading it. But I wasn’t. A lion? AND YOU’RE PETTING IT?! How many kids have lost a limb already? That seems to me like an attempt to kill random students. Damn it, evil is getting ever more random in the day. At least in my day they were just after me and nobody else. For the most part. Don’t be surprised if you hear my voice yelling at Professor McGonagall at some point soon –I think I might have a word with her. HOW THE HELL IS A LION ALLOWED TO BE PRAWLING THE SCHOOL AT FREE WILL? Just, stay away from it, will you? If you see it running towards you, it might be a good idea to run and scream your head off as if someone’s trying to kill you –because, well, there’s a good chance that’s true. It’s not that I don’t trust you, son. I just worry. You’re like the son I’ve never had –only, wait, that’s wrong. I do have a son. Two, for that matter. And a third on the way. Oh hell. Well, you’re still like my first born, so deal with it. Don’t like it? Too bad. I’m all you’ve got. And, well, your grands and all but she’s probably going to go owlcrap crazy soon I love you.

Yeah, you heard that right. I’m man enough to say I love you, kiddo. James also wanted to send you a broom, and didn’t understand why you weren’t in the family picture we had taken the other day. Get it? You’re a part of us. SO RUN FROM THE BLOODY LION!

You doubt I could stick anything on this Durmstrang bloke? Just watch me, Teddy. From the sounds of it he isn’t too kind of a bloke, and I already don’t like him. I’m an Auror, remember and the Boy Who Lived, I can do anything I well want. Meanwhile, just stay away from this guy as well, could you? Who knows what he might be planning at Hogwarts? But just him! The rest of Durmstrang is cool! They’re unlikely to all be killers and muggle haters, after all. The Salem bunch, though, I’d be careful with. I just don’t trust them.

It’s not that I think you’re going to pull a me walk blindly into danger, it’s just that I’ve been your age and I remember feeling like it was my duty to save the world. Which did somewhat turn out true, but that’s not the point. I don’t want you to hear about the spiders in the forest or the basilisk skin in the Chamber or the broken Elder Wand which is NOTHING. Don’t read that. Freaking hell. I need to sleep or I might just end up telling the world my deepest darkest secrets. Point is, at times those things all seem like fun adventures –and then you end up running for your life and yelling like a lunatic or trying to battle off dark wizards with no idea what spells to use. And then it’s all done and you have no idea how, but you managed to win –but what about the next time? Next time could be different. Just… CONSTANT VIGILANCE. You need to learn that –will save you from walking into walls, too.

INTER-SCHOOL COOPERATION! Okay? I don’t want to hear you being all Ron about it. Although, again, careful with the American lot. They’re all fishy. Americans think the world belongs to them, I wouldn’t trust them. But INTER-SCHOOL COOPERATION! Just play nice.

If you tell her that, I swear I will… will… find a way to stick your hair pink! Okay, no, I couldn’t do that to you. Hermione’s great, but she’s still a woman. And they’re all mental, I’m telling you. Ginny has me organizing some wacked speed dating event for charity. Something about good luck for the baby –but I’m the one who has to stand up in front of crowds because “your scar buys people” and blah blah blah. Never thought I’d hear her say that.

I don’t believe you when you say you’re keeping out of trouble, because you’re eleven, and you’d walk into a wall if it sounded fun. So, listen to this, and listen carefully –or read, whatever: I am going to turn up at the Gryffindor Common Room to surprise you, and if you are not there and I find out you’re in anything even slightly fishy, I will first send you the most embarrassing howler EVER, and then remove you from Hogwarts. Got it? And all because I love you, kid and maybe a bit because the howler’d be fun.

Stay away from the girl who fancies you. At least until you give me a name so I can do a background check on her family. And enjoy the pictures of yourself as a baby –I’m sure you want to show them to all your friends, so I might just send them out in bulk tomorrow. What do you think ‘bout that? Meanwhile, I’ve placed the cards in some long forgotten book. You know I hate showing up on those! Now you’ll have to live with the consequences of everyone seeing you in a diaper. Maybe. Pending an apology.

Ginny sends her love, James sends an imaginary broom, Albus sends a somewhat slobbery kiss, and The Pregnant Lady’s stomach sends a kick.

Love you, son,
Harry

P.S. – Just got you letter about the stupid dog. I’m tempted to just sit here and keep saying you’re wrong and it doesn’t exist but… well… just got word from the scene that there has indeed been a black dog found. He’s fine though! I don’t have too much detail, but they’ll be bringing him to the Ministry soon. Don’t worry, Ted, I’ll let you know. This is just amazing. I still don’t believe this.

January 30th, 2010

Harry,

Background checks on my school friends? Really? She’s a Hufflepuff! When have you ever heard of an evil Hufflepuff?

If I had a reason to NOT tell you about my life, that would be it. I feel sorry for the baby if it turns out to be a girl. Keep this up and you'll be on track to buy a gun just so you can threaten her would-be boyfriends.

DON'T come to Hogwarts complaining over Mr. Woodward. Or send any howlers. Honestly, do you really think Professor McGonagall would hire a wild lion as caretaker? He's a wizard. Or at leas the was. He’s still got a wizard’s mind. He just had a bit of a transfiguration accident, something about being an animagus, so now he’s a lion. A talking lion. It’s brilliant. Besides, he’s no more dangerous than Hagrid ever was. And who else was going to hire him but Hogwarts? Godric’s truth, he’s like a two-ton Crookshanks. Treats students like they’re his own cubs. Even when he’s mad he’s just scary, not dangerous. The only things he’s hurt since he got here are the flying monkeys trying to break in from the Forest – and those things are dangerous, so it’s good that he gets them out.

Besides, I doubt Professor McGonagall would appreciate you telling her how to run her school. She’s liable to transfigure you into a teapot for trying.

You really do need sleep, Harry. You’re starting to ramble funny. Is that really what Mum’s mentor was like? “Old Mad-Eye”? Somehow I doubt he went up and down the halls shouting about inner-school cooperation.

Anyway, I already know about the spiders. The Champions fought them for the first Task, remember? And they went to the Chamber for the second without finding any basilisk skin. But I have NO INTEREST in going after either of those things. Trust me, after that incident in the dungeons – which we DID NOT GO LOOKING FOR, we were only trying to get to Herbology! – I’m not looking for any “adventures” bigger than borrowing a broom for a flight around the lake. Not all of us were born with the instinct to rush out and save the world.

How is setting up dates for charity supposed to bring good luck for the baby…? I guess I’d be better off asking Ginny, huh? I’ll add it to her letter.

Don’t even joke about Gran going crazy. It’s not funny.

And Padfoot’s not stupid. I told you he was real. Please make the office take good care of him. I don’t think he’s ever left that graveyard. He’s probably really scared. But he’s a good dog and a good friend.

I know you don’t like the cards, that’s why I sent them to you. Figured you’d like to burn them or something, like what some of the older kids do with their textbooks at the end of the year. They said it’s – what’s the word – cartharatic? It’s a stress-reliever. But honestly, Harry, that blackmail is weak. You’ll have to do better if you want to keep James in line when he’s my age. Start stocking up on embarrassing pictures now!

Get some sleep and stop worrying. Everything's fine. I'm fine, Hogwarts is fine, the kids are fine, and Ginny'll be fine once this whole pregnancy thing is over with. Just take it one step at a time. I love you too.



P.S. – I still like the Americans better. They brought an open half-giant along for the tournament and not one of them seems to have a problem with her. How bad can they be?

P.S. – Please make Harry sleep. He’s scaring me. Maybe you could get Tante Fleur or Aunt Hermione or your mum to watch the kids, just for a night? Pleeeease?

February 1st

Obnoxious Teddy,

Don’t doubt me. Anyone who’s getting close to you needs to have a background check on them. Hufflepuffs might tend to be too kind for their own good, but stranger things have been heard of –such as, you know, a one year old surviving the Killing Curse. And why would I need a gun to threaten off guys that want to date my daughter –if ever I have one-? I have a wand, I know how to use it, and most people know that. Hell, just my name might scare off most. Finally a good point to being famous. But this is also exactly why you need to pay attention and tell me all about your life: I’m the type to go cursing doors open and, you know, getting my way. Nobody is hurting you if I can help it. Got it?

And now you think you can tell me what not to do? Watch it, kid: I might love you, but I’ll still make sure you don’t eat anything sweet for a month. Human or not, nice or not, lions are dangerous and even with a human brain things might go bonkers. It’s not safe, period, and I will do as I wish. Although, you do have a point about Minerva: I have a feeling she wouldn’t quite be grateful for my company if I storm into her office and start yelling about lions and how foolish she is being. Might be better to send a kind letter talking about life, and add in a small comment. Or visit, and do the same. I’m not sure,  but I’ll take care of it –in the meantime, I want you to stay away from the bloody animal.

Mad-Eye was worse, Teddy. But he was also the best. That’s proof he was getting something right. Although maybe it was more the ‘I have a magical eye that can see through solid objects’ part, rather than just the ‘Constant Vigilance will keep you from running into walls and from dying’ part of his personality. He was a bit mental, actually. But in a good way. I think. Maybe. At the moment all that pops to mind are happy cupids flying around London. Too tired to think back to the war.

What you know doesn’t matter: Hogwarts has its secrets, and for all we’re aware the basilisk skin has been moved to a bathroom and it has been cursed to breed another basilisk as soon as the moon wanes twice, or whenever the rain falls red, or something silly like that. Plus, I knew what was I looking forwards to when I went down into the Chambers, yet I went anyways. Evil blokes will always find a way to get you to walk into danger –hence the fact that I keep telling you not to. One of your mate’s sisters is in danger? Don’t bother trying to save her! She’ll just end up being your mental wife who tortures you whenever she’s pregnant, anyways. There’s always adults around, and they do know as much or more than you do, so just let them handle it. ALWAYS.

Charity… Something she calls karma? If we help the world, the world will help us right back, or something rubbish like that. Ask her, but she’ll probably not make much sense –when she doesn’t want food, she’s antsy about the baby kicking, or else sleeping. Or just over all being complacent and asking for more than I can give. I swear, Teddy, if I don’t get some sleep in I’m just going to turn into a hippogriff and rampage around London –although I’ll be in a human form. It’ll just be my mind that… well, you get it.

I’m sorry. I agree. That joke about your Grans was terrible. You know I didn’t mean it.

They brought the dog in –though as far as their tests can tell, he isn’t just a normal dog, Teddy. Something’s up with him. Or, at least, considering if he isn’t restrained by magic he starts disappearing and reappearing in other rooms, we have a feeling he isn’t normal. They’re not hurting him, but it might be a bit before we can let him out –this isn’t just about the explosion anymore, we want to know what he is. Yes, we. I’m helping out however much I can.

Oh, I’m a weak blackmailer? You really are going to wish you hadn’t said that, kid. Either you apologize, or these pictures are going out tomorrow. Your choice.

The Americans are terrible. They’re not fine. They’re not to be trusted. Nothing is fine, really. The whole world is a mess, although better than when Voldemort was still around. Strange things are happening. James is not fine. Albus is not fine. Nobody is fine. And I want to sleep.

Harry

I sent the kids to Hermione’s last night, but apparently that didn’t do much for Harry: he says its more about me than it is about them, so I guess that means he’s finally noticed how fat I am and is upset that is going to have to leave me because I’m ugly all over again. Oh, sure, he appears to glow every time he rubs my stomach, but I’m certain he doesn’t have it in him to love someone as fat as me. Talk to him, Teddy? Please?