A lot had changed since the last time the boy had been at the flat, but the holiday retreat still seemed as before. The apartment was still done up for Christmas, even though the New Year was upon them. It wasn't his space, so he wouldn't be taking the decorations down, but Gale certainly enjoyed himself here while he could. No, where it was that changed the most was in the young Charms Professor's demeanor. A few events rocked his boat, nearly tossing him out to sea, and after a very long few days he still had to go face the crowds at the New Years Eve Gala this night.

When last the Trumble boys were here, he could tell that something was wrong, and though the topic was drifted over Gale had wondered how much of it wasn't just the need for space. It had to be hard having that many brothers and sisters, and Nightingale understood completely. He'd asked the youngest, who seemed to suffer the most, if he wouldn't care to come keep his flat company while he was out for the night. Chaz wouldn't be there, he was off doing whatever it was he did, and the boy would be well protected by the security of the building. He had welcomed Lucas to bring anyone he wished, but figured most of his classmates would be busy with New Years Eve plans of their own.

Gale had the TV set up so he could watch cartoons, and even one of those game things that the younger years seemed to be so interested in. He just needed to go to the store and pick up things teenagers liked to eat. He told Lucas to come by anytime, and as the hour chimed just after noon he figured he should start to get up. The night had been long, but fun. He was still nursing his hang over from going out with his friends, and looked rather like a punching bag with the bruises from his back alley brawl deep on his skin.

Dressed now, he was starting to braid his hair over one shoulder when he heard the doorman buzz up, and announce someone's arrival.

"Send them up please." Well this worked out, means he could just take the boy with him, and he sat down to start doing up his shoes.

Lucas was surprised to get a message from Professor Kesali. He had only helped the professor carry some groceries in his house and spoke with him a bit. Most professors didn't trust Lucas at all because of his pranks and reputation as a prankster. Kesali wasn't that bad though. He enjoyed charms class and liked the was Kesali ran it. He kept it fun and interesting enough that Lucas didn't even feel like goofing around. Not to mention he needed to learn all the charms he could for some of the pranks he pulled.

The professor wanted him to watch over the flat for awhile and he had agreed to do it. He needed to get out anyway. He loved all his siblings, but he was starting to not be able to breathe in the house. They were all dealing with the family crisis in their own ways and it was becoming too much for him to be in the house. There were so many emotions and people blaming other people and so much depression and anxiety he could barely stand it. He wanted to sort out his emotions in his own way and without the influence of his siblings. They may not understand and they may look down on him for the way he was feeling. At the flat, he would be alone and could sort out his thoughts.

When he was buzzed in, he went up the elevator and made his way to the amazing flat the professor was using for the holiday. He actually liked being at the flat last time. There weren't toys strewn through the house or a crying baby to wake him all hours of the night. There also weren't as many distractions. Sure the place looked almost too nice to walk into, but it was relaxing at the same time. He came in the door and smiled when he saw Kesali.

"Good afternoon, professor. I hope I didn't come to early for you," he said, noting that the professor still looked as though he was getting ready.

"No, you are not too early at all, M'Dear, I was just getting ready to head down to the market to pick you up some food for the night. And it makes it easy, so I won't have to guess what you like. Come," Gale pulled on his scarf, and wrapped it around his shoulders.

"Let's get out of here, and see if we can find something fun hmm?" Without thinking he made sure Lucas' coat was closed around his neck. It was cold! He couldn't have him sick. Gale even pulled one of his scarves because he didn't feel Lucas was warm enough. The fabric was rich, and smelled like the deep woods.

"Have you ever been to the muggle markets?" Even with his face black and blue in places Gale's entire being lit up. "Do you have friends coming? You know I don't mind right?"

"Thank you for taking me to get some food, Professor. I promise I won't make a mess here or anything. Just something I can pop in the microwave will be fine."

Lucas looked a bit surprised at the professor fixing him up. First he made sure his jacket was right and then put a scarf on him? Well, it -was- cold out and Lucas -did- leave his scarf at home. The only scarf he had was the one that bore his house emblem. He always took care to not wear such things when in the muggle world. He didn't know if it was against the rules, but it was best to assume it was. Usually it was better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission, but when wizarding things were concerned, it was the opposite.

As Kesali adjusted the coat and scarf, Lucas noticed all the marks on him. Kesali had been in a fight? Either that or gotten the crap beat out of him. He wasn't sure which was more likely.

"I've been to a couple muggle markets. They aren't too bad," he said with a shrug. "They have food. And I don't have any friends coming. I know you don't mind but... well..." Lucas looked down, trying to find the right words. "I wouldn't be very good company to them right now. I've... sort of kept to myself lately." He looked up at the professor and at the marks again. "Are you alright? You look hurt." That's right. He was concerned about the professor, considering he actually -liked- him.

"No, it won't be microwave. But it doesn't have to be something you need to cook either. You are a teenage boy, well...close enough, I don't think just one pizza will do it hmm?" He grinned, his Picardy accent as clear as the church bells that rang down the street. There wasn't enough time to go to his favorite pub, nor did he think it was proper to take a young student there, but Gale thought that Lucas would enjoy it. He could feel like one of the boys, and meet Dietrich.

When the boy asked if he was alright, Gale looked at him with a small smile, not willing to tell him the truth he kept it simple, "I got mugged the other night on the way to get my tattoo touched up. Nothing major. Looks worse than what it is." He held open the door for the boy, "Can't say the same for the other guys."

Once they were in the hall he pondered over the next question, not wanting to let the remark Lucas made about wanting to keep to himself. Gale had a feeling there was something terribly wrong, and the papers were a buzz with a woman being put away for ten years for child neglect. Overall, he felt Trumble looked well enough, though he looked a little thin, tired, and stressed. He was clean at least, but he was also old enough to take care of himself. He wondered if that was the answer, but how did you out right ask that?

"Been a rough Holiday huh?" He commented and put his hands in the pocket of his sweater as they hit the street, "Bet it's hard to get some alone time with a family the size of yours hmm?"

"Whatever you think is best, Professor. I won't argue with pizza."

Lucas chuckled a little. Pizza he could handle. Honestly, he was a little tired of it. Garrett's solution to feed everyone was a ton of frozen pizzas. He wasn't going to argue with the professor though. He was going out of his way to get food for him. There was no way he was going to seem unappreciative! That would be rude.

"I got mugged the other night on the way to get my tattoo touched up."

"To get your tattoo touched up? I didn't know you had a tattoo, Professor! Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. That's pretty cool though! And I bet you showed those muggers who's boss! Way to go!"

Professor Kesali just got a million times more awesome. He wondered what the tattoo was now though. He wasn't going to ask by any means. That didn't mean his little mind didn't wonder now though. He did the same as the professor, putting his hands in his jacket when they got outside. He sighed and looked up at the sky when the professor asked about his holiday.

"Yeah. There's not much room. We've been staying with my brother Garrett and the place is too small for all of us. It's hard to breathe in there. It's hard to think too," he said looking back to the road. "This holiday has been... different to say the least." He kicked a pebble as they walked. He wondered if he could talk to the professor. He certainly felt comfortable around him. He seemed to be understanding too. Not to mention, anyone who had that many piercings -and- a tattoo couldn't be -too- judgmental. He kicked another pebble and watched it bounce across one of the lingering puddles. He just wasn't sure.

"Honey, I'm not the one eating it. You are. And don't be shy either, you tell me what you want." The walk wouldn't be too long, but Lucas looked as though he was so far in thought that Gale could have walked him around the blocks a few times and he wouldn't know any better.

"I had help," He smiled, enjoying the very youthful expression of his little companion, and forgot how fun it was to be that age when everything was so new and exciting. However, the topic was quick to find it's way back to the heart of the situation, and as Lucas went on about how small the apartment was he was staying in he frowned.

"I totally understand what that is like, Lucas. I grew up in a tribe of travelers. My people didn't have one particular home, just caravans or even some motor cars. It was always noisy and constantly in motion, I could hardly think let alone sleep. And that first year at Hogwarts...oh man that was a heaven. I had my own bed, it was quiet, and no horses. I struggled so hard to adjust back." Gale smiled to himself, thinking of how much he would have gone back there now if he had the chance.

"Looking back, I realize how much I grew to appreciate it later in life, but also how much I did have a grand childhood. And you know," He looked at the boy bumping his shoulder playfully, "I think that is what made me want to take up the position at Hogwarts. It's my way of making sure you have just that. So you know..." Gale gave the boy a side glance, "If something is keeping that from you. You will tell me won't you? So that I may do everything in my power to keep a student happy?" He studied Lucas a moment, noticing the same stressful lines under his eyes, the pale nature of his skin, and the way his entire body was sheltering him from a storm. How could he just let that go, without at least asking?

"You are far too young to have such a grown up frown, M'dear. I know that face." He once wore it all too well.

Lucas let out a heavy sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He could barely take it anymore. He had to let someone know. He had to let it out. He just hoped the professor would understand and maybe ease his mind some. He needed that now more than ever. He kept his head down as he spoke, using his side vision to make sure he was still beside the professor.

"It's just... my mom. She did some stuff at home... and ended up getting sent to Azkaban. She's going to be gone for ten years. I'm not sure how to feel. I'm so confused about it all. I have so many thoughts going through my head. I don't know what to feel or what to think or if what I -do- feel and think are normal."

He lets out another heavy sigh. He was speaking faster than normal and his eyes were darting left to right, almost like they were searching his mind for the right words to say. He almost felt like he was going to have a panic attack from letting so much out so fast. He didn't even know if he could tell the professor -exactly- what was going on without babbling or having a miniature panic attack about it all.

Lucas didn't need to speak at all to make Gale's heart ache for him, he could see the pain and conflict there on his face like words on a book, and he had every right to feel that way. This boy had every reason in the world to hurt like he was, and before they got too further he lead them into a little coffee shop. Lucas needed milk and cookies, that was the end of that, and as Gale listened he carried their order over to a table.

"Of course you are confused, Luke. You are so torn between anger and heartache. Your mother, who bore you, who raised you did something very stupid, and you are angry. Angry at her for being that way, angry that you don't know what is going to happen. Scared because everything you thought was safe and secure is being pulled out from under you. Sad because it happened." He did his best to keep from just hugging the boy, it wasn't proper, but damn it he just wanted to shield him from it all.

"It's ok to not know what to feel, Hell, you are probably conflicted about that. You don't know if you should be sad or mad. Cry or punch something. And there are so many people around you that right now all you want is a little quiet, and comfort." Gale pulled out his wand, right out in daylight in the Muggle world and cast a 'notice me not' and quieting charm so that the world would fall away, and they could have some privacy.

 

Lucas held his cup, looking down at it as the professor spoke. He -did- understand after all. Kesali seemed to pull the words right out of his mouth. That was exactly how he was feeling inside. He -was- angry and he -was- sad. That was only part of it though. He was glad Kesali had said that much for him. It would make things easier from here.

"Yes. I do feel that way, but there is more to it. I'm not worried about being mad and sad. We all are. It's the other part that confuses me," he said as he munched on a cookie. "I'm... sort of glad she's gone. She had mood swings a lot and we never knew if she was going to have a good day or a bad day. We always had to walk on eggshells around her. With her gone, we can actually relax a little bit."

He kept munching on the cookie and sipping his milk. His eyes started to moisten and tears began to pool at the bottom of them. He felt so bad for feeling that way about his mom! He felt bad even -saying- it. As the words came out, he started to feel even worse. It sounded so, so bad!

"I feel horrible for feeling that way about it. I love my mom, I do, so for me to say that I'm -glad- she's gone? I must be a bad person. I'm so upset with myself! I'm upset for being happy she's gone. I'm upset she's gone too, but I'm more upset with myself for being happy she's gone. I'm mad at myself for being more upset about that stuff than I am about her being gone!"

He put his head in his hands and tears started to stream down his face. He didn't even know if he was making any sense right now. He felt like he was just talking himself in circles. He felt like he was going to explode trying to get everything out and make sense of it. He was actually trembling he was so mixed up. He looked up at Kesali, tears falling and eyes pleading.

"Please tell me that's normal. That I'm not a horrible, terrible person. Or at least that everything will be okay."

The moment the boy got teary eyed, Gale felt his entire body shut down. His throat felt tight and swollen, his eyes both started to fill with water, but he tried his best to stay where he was seated. When the boy cried, he cried too, but when Lucas made his confession Gale moved from his seat to sit beside him.


He didn't care how it may seem to a stranger, or how most would deem it improper--Gale hugged the boy, and held him. He rocked slightly to help ease the shaking son of Trumble in his arms and spoke,


"It will be alright, and it is perfectly normal. It's so normal to feel this way about someone you love. You feel betrayed. You feel heartbroken. And you feel relief that now they are gone, because you didn't realize how hard they made things. It's ok, and it's very normal to feel this way." He sat back a little, not holding Lucas as tight, and now just keeping close enough that it would be of the boy's choice if he wanted held. Maker, he just couldn't help it, and dabbed at his cheeks with the napkin.

"During the Battle of Hogwarts, when I lost this." He pointed to his covered eye, "My lover died as well, and I use that term lightly as he was a complete and total abusive ass. But he died right there in my arms, and at first I thought it was sadness that I was feeling, but it wasn't. I was so relieved when he was gone, that when he took his last breath I felt myself awaken. But then I struggled with the guilt of feeling that way, and I won't have that for you. So understand that it is perfectly normal to feel this way, and if anyone tells you otherwise, they can answer to me.'

'Doesn't mean that this term is going to be easy on you, and you won't struggle with the guilt. But I'll be there, so will your friends, and your family. We'll get through this ok?"

When Gale hugged him, at first he was a bit surprised. Then he realized how it felt. Someone other than his family cared. His siblings and stepfather were there, but they were all going through the same things. He didn't know if they were feeling the same way or not. He was afraid to tell them out of fear of them being mad at him.

After it set in, he hugged his professor, almost clinging to him like he was the one string of reality he had to hold onto and cried. Just cried. He let everything he was holding inside pour out, feeling grateful and relieved that someone actually understood him. That he -wasn't- crazy and he -wasn't- a bad person. It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he could finally breathe.

When Kasali sat back, Lucas still stayed close afraid he would lose the shred of reality he felt if he moved. He listened as Kasali told the story of what happened to his lover, it not even phasing him that the lover happened to be male. He didn't know Gale had fought or that that was the way he had lost his eye. The eleven year old in him wanted to hear more of the battle, but this wasn't the time. Right now, he was more focused on the fact that Gale knew exactly what was going on. He knew Gale was the right person to talk to about this.

"Thank you, professor. I really needed to hear that," he said with a sniffle and wiped his eyes. "I feel a lot better now. I don't feel as bad at all." He closed his eyes, letting the relief cover him. He sat there enjoying being able to breathe and liking the feeling of a ball and chain being removed from him. "I'm glad someone understands."

"I know, baby. Dang it's so hard, but you can't keep it in like that ok?" When Lucas didn't want to let go, Gale kept one arm around him and pressed a cheek to the boy's crown. The boy's trembling concerned him, and had he not made a prior commitment to the Gala he would have just stayed home to tend to Lucas.

"It's best to talk to someone, and I know they will be pushing so many counselors at you and your siblings that you will get frustrated with them, but know that it's out of your well-being. In many ways this is exactly the same as a death, and it won't be easy." He let out a slow breath and lifted his face from the boy's hair to brush it from his brow, "You will feel better now, and tomorrow wake up just the same. Maybe it will be a week, or even a year before you start to feel sad again. But know this is all part of the healing." He smiled warmly to the boy, and let go enough that way he could see him properly,

"But soon we'll be back at school. You will have your friends, and the staff. My office will always be open for you when you need to escape them, and until the break is over you are more then welcome to stay at the flat. And if it gets to be too much then I'll get you some help. All the kings horses and all the kings men took nearly 10 years to put me back together, but it will happen." He smiled and let Lucas have his space again, and pushed the cookie back towards him.

"Tonight, you just take some you time. I've got that game box set up, and there are movies on the television. If you need me to send an owl to your step-father I will, or brother. We can even stop by there if you want?"

"I just don't want to talk to Maiko. I bet they'll want me to since she knows ma. I don't want to though. Anyone else but her. I feel weird around her since her and Garrett broke up." He almost cringed thinking about talking to her. It wasn't that he didn't like her or anything. They had gone to her house before and she had come to theirs and everything. Then she left. He didn't really know why. All Garrett had told him was that they couldn't agree on a lot of things. He certainly didn't want to be around her with him this emotional. "I want it all to be over with. I don't want to deal with it. I just want to feel better."

He picked up another cookie when Kasali pushed them back to him and nibbled on it. He considered the offer the professor proposed about staying there. He would like that much better. He didn't really think it would be right though. Kesali was right about going back to school and having people around as well.

"I think it will get better when school starts. I'll have my friends and school as a distraction so I should be better then. I'm glad your office will be open though. I may need you at some point again." He sipped his milk. "I wouldn't mind staying with you the rest of break... but I don't want to intrude. I'm sure you want your space when your boyfriend comes over and I don't want to be in the way."

He laughed a bit at Kasali calling it a game box. "I'm sure I'll be entertained tonight then. You don't have to tell Rhys though. He knows we're in London and I already told Zel I was coming over here to watch your flat. He told me to be on my best behavior and not to mess anything up." He finally manages a small laugh.

This poor child, suffered greatly from abandonment issues--so much so that even a brother's girlfriend leaving seemed to hurt him a great deal. It made Gale realize that maybe his parents had been checked out for a while, and just as he had at this age, Lucas craved structure.

There were nights when Gale would worry of his father, the only true and steady person in his life other than his grandmother. He would leave late in the evenings and return sometimes not until the next day, but he had always been there. They were very close growing up, but when he didn't show after his second year at Hogwarts--Gale understood true and complete heartache. To this day that empty feeling of being the last one on the platform sank much further than he ever wished, and found himself after the train stopped waiting until every last student was claimed.

He wouldn't let the Trumbles feel like that.

"Then it won't be Maiko, but she's very helpful. I will say that much about her, and would encourage you to give her the chance. But if you don't want her then I'll find you someone else."

I want it all to be over with. I don't want to deal with it. I just want to feel better.

"It will be, before you know it. You will start feeling better. School will help, Thales will be there, and I'll be excited to see what the two of you come up with next. I was very impressed with the cherries by the way."

'I wouldn't mind staying with you the rest of break... but I don't want to intrude. I'm sure you want your space when your boyfriend comes over and I don't want to be in the way.'

That stopped the words in Gale's mouth, and he looked at Lucas with a very careful eye as if to study him--see if he was fishing.

"What made you think I have a boyfriend?" Had he said something? He did talk about Arthur, but had he mentioned Chaz? They were open now, so maybe he had, and he wasn't about to hide it from anyone. But this would be the first student that knew, or so he thought.