A heavy, uncomfortable feeling of guilt had followed Sasha throughout most of the afternoon.  The Ravenclaw had never knowingly failed an assignment, aside from the unfortunate debacle following Figaro's insistence that Sasha should 'live a little' and miss a homework assignment.  Even intentionally missing the assignment had been a complete failure - he'd ended up turning the assignment in ahead of time, only to still not be given full credit.  But this - this had been a midterm. 

He knew, the sooner he turned in the assignment, the better he'd feel.  As soon as Herbology had wrapped up, Sasha had hurried Baldur outside for a quick break before making his way directly up to Professor Kesali's office.  The Professor had requested the assignment by the following morning, but Sasha knew he'd have no chance of sleep if he left it for the morning - and he was, at least, supposed to be trying on the sleep front. 

"Sir?" Sasha called through the door, after knocking.  "If you - do you have a few moments?" 

He slipped into the office, on invitation, letting the dog follow only after it was obvious the man didn't object.  He set his bag down on the floor next to the door and rummaged amongst the stacks of textbooks and notebooks until he found the empty vial and bit of parchment from this morning tucked safely in a side pocket. 

"Sir - I'm ... I'm so very sorry about this morning.  I didn't mean to be troublesome.  I really didn't.  It's just ... things happened this morning that I really can't share.  I appreciate your understanding and I can finish it, now.  Is there...is there a particular type of memory you need?

Gale had quickly retreated to his office to have a cup of tea and enjoy the quiet. After taking a little nap he felt a little better, but mostly now he just felt tired from the medication. His hair fell in dark silver strands around his face, his pale skin seemed flushed with a pink tent indicating a little fever, and his good eye if possible seemed much paler.

"Sasha. Please. Come in." He smiled to the dog and slipped out of his chair to take his favorite K-9 a few treats. "Take a seat, make yourself comfortable. We'll make this quick and painless." He said weakly pulling his wrap further around his shoulders, "Don't apologize. If you were not such a good student I would have a problem with this, but you are one of my best. You've never missed a class, and I have a feeling you couldn't help what happened this morning." Gale seated himself across from the boy,

"I want to ask you about it, but I'm not. It's not my business, unless you are in danger or in trouble, and I trust that you know by now that if that is the case you are safe here and you can trust me right?"

The Ravenclaw watched as Baldur approached the professor with apparent, though obviously restrained, enthusiasm.  At the promise and availability of treats, the dog plopped down into a sit, his tail sweeping the floor.  Sasha, for a moment, found himself wondering how many professors had taken to stashing treats in their desks.  Certainly not all of them, but the shepherd had started making detours by professor's doors as they moved through the castle. 

This whole term, focusing on memory charms and spells, had been amongst the Ravenclaw's hardest.  For several weeks after the discussion about memory modification, Sasha had found his thoughts straying to the idea on those rare occasions he allowed his thoughts to idle.  During some of his more desperate moments, Sasha had found himself balancing the idea of memory modification with his necromancy plan.  For better or worse, he'd opted for the necromancy. 

Sasha pursed his lips in thought and nodded his head - he did trust Professor Kesali.  It wasn't that at all.  And, if he really, truly trusted and believed what Professor Trishna had said then, yes, he had to acknowledge he was in trouble.  And, he was in danger.  But, others were, too.  Now that he was facing reality, he had to acknowledge it wasn't just about him - it wasn't just his story to tell.  He could not tell anyone else without, at least, Professor Trishna being aware first.  One thing was certain - if something accidentally went wrong, it likely wouldn't be Sasha who'd pay first.  If it had just been him, he might be more tempted but he couldn't even suggest he was in trouble.  It would only raise suspicion.

"It has been kind of a rough month.  There's a lot of ... memories?  Anniversaries?"  An incomplete truth but a truth, nonetheless.  "I'm still not really doing a great job of making sense of it all.  I was a wreck this morning and, you know, most of my classmates already don't think much of me.  Schlagenwagon and all."  Sasha shrugged and shook his head.  I didn't - I don't know what you're going to do with the memories so I ... I kind of panicked."  Was it going to end up as a group assignment?  Would they be left out on a desk? 

"I've had classmates break my wand and frame me for cheating before.  I didn't want it falling in the wrong hands."

"It's very understandable, Sasha." He spoke as he listened, and moved in the floor to be on the dog's level. He should have asked permission to give him the pup the treat, but darn it he was a sucker for those big brown eyes. "You are so well behaved, look at you." He growled playfully as he ran his hands over the K-9's coat and rolled him over to scratch his belly, "Here." He extended his hand for the treat, but stayed in the floor with Baldur.

"You've been through a lot. And I can't say that I know all of it, or even any of it. I can just tell. I have that same look on my face when I get up in the morning." He wanted to reach out to the boy, but stayed his hand. It probably smelled like German Shepherd by now anyway.


"Next term won't be so tough. We're moving on to other subjects, and I'll say this now. Don't you let them bother you with the names. I was a Hufflepuff who grew up in a caravan, no social skills, nor money. I got it too, and it will just make you stronger. They are probably very jealous of you anyhow. You are the staff favorite, even if you don't mean to be. But let me say this..." His wrestling with the dog came to an end, "If it comes down to where you are in trouble, or you need something. I'm staying in London this year. Owl me. I'll come running, and so will my friends on the other side."[1] He took a good look at the boy, and felt his heart tighten in his chest at how tired he seemed.

"Nothing will come of this memory. It's not even a big deal. No one is going to see it, but you. I'll have them locked away, and I'm not wanting anything that will change anyones opinion of you. Just write down what you had for breakfast one day this week, and give me the memory of that. And after this, we won't cover such charms again--at least not until review." 

1.	Friends on the Other Side

The Ravenclaw watched, quietly, for a few moments as the Charms professor crossed the room to the shepherd.  After taking the treat, the dog abandoned his usual stoicism and flopped onto his back to fully receive the professor's attention.  While the professor was focused on the dog, Sasha turned his attention to the unfinished midterm. 

He pulled the worn, purple-hued wand from his pocket and touched the tip to his temple, slowly extracting a thin, wispy tendril of a thought.  He let it drift into the bottom of the flask to swirl and settle.  He then leaned over the bit of parchment and wrote out a simple account of the memory.  It was about as generic a morning memory as they came and could have described any number of mornings over the previous summer.  What more, it was safe, clean and did exactly as the assignment asked - just on a different day. 

The alarm clock beeped at 5:00, as usual.  I went down to the kitchen, took a breakfast roll and a couple of apples out with me to the barn.  After letting the horses out into their paddocks, I ate my breakfast while refilling the paddock troughs.

He'd finished about the time Professor Kesali turned away from Baldur.  The Ravenclaw flinched and closed his eyes, nodding his head and taking the professor's grim invitation at face value without elaboration.  He hoped it would never come to that but whether that was a realistic hope or a simple fantasy, he didn't know.  He would do what he could to avoid it - though time would only tell what that would entail.  That part, though, Sasha couldn't tell the man - regardless of whether he wanted to or not.  The rest of it, most of it, though... 

Sasha shrugged awkwardly.  "None of it's a secret.  Not anymore, at least.  Rita Skeeter covered most of it for everyone's entertainment.  Others at the Prophet got what she didn't."  There was an obvious, rare bitter streak to the Ravenclaw's tone as he shook his head.  "I'm sure you read most of it." 

He recognized and understood the Professor's attempts to relate and sympathize - he'd been getting a lot of that lately.  And, he appreciated he sentiment behind it - he really did.  Sasha, however, had no way of actually relating to the Professor's situation.  Growing up in a caravan with no money.  It was so outside his realm of understanding.  He suspected, in reality, the reverse was true as well. 

Finally, quietly, Sasha shrugged again and offered an elaboration.  "Did they every break your wand in front of the whole Great Hall?" he admitted, a deep, shameful blush rising in his cheeks.  "Plaster Azkaban wanted posters with your face all over the school with permanent sticking charms?  Two weeks after - "  Sasha quickly shook his head.  Did the Professor ever have to wonder whether the one man who'd been at his back through all of it had been malevolent and insincere the entire time? 

Did they ever break your wand in front of the whole Great Hall? Plaster Azkaban wanted posters with your face all over the school with permanent sticking charms? Two weeks after --

"No, they didn't. I never let them bother me my first few years, if I had my father would have killed me, and fell in love with one of the most terrifying…um…students in school who tore eyes out of people who messed with. They lived in such fear of this student that I didn't get bothered my later years, but also…things were a little different. Soon, we stopped fighting each other and fighting for the school." He smiled at Sasha, warmly, and seated himself close to the Ravenclaw,

"Sasha, you act like I should know these things about you, that it's such public knowledge that I'm almost stupid for not knowing…but, honey, if I listened to ever sort of rumor that ever was, do you know how much I'd be drowning right now?" The entire time he kept his eye on the boy, and a warm kind smile…always with the smiles.

"And…I don't read a lot of the news. I find more truth in fairy tales than in that garbage." In truth he hated Skeeter with a passion, and she would be one of the few he truly wouldn't miss on this world.

"But, I don't want you to think that I'm prying. You just have to understand, that I love all of my students very much. You are like the children I'll never have, and just like any other mother bear out there--if someone is messing with on my cubs. I'll gut them like a fish." The entire thing sounded so comical with his accent, but Gale was very serious.

The Ravenclaw froze, his eyes widening slightly as he stared at the professor's desk in front of him.  A student that tore people's eyes out?  Two thoughts sifted simultaneously through Sasha's head.  On one hand, Sasha had to believe that was a slight, dramatic exaggeration.  On the other, a student like that had been wandering around and they'd talked about expelling Sasha?  Disturbed, and (admittedly) slightly offended, Sasha glanced uneasily at Professor Kesali. 

"He would have killed you?"  Sasha wanted to assume this was one of those moments when he was, mistakenly, taking something far too literally.  Perhaps, it was a simple figure of speech but something about the way the man said it suggested not.  "He ... he didn't like you?" 

"Sasha, you act like I should know these things about you, that it's such public knowledge that I'm almost stupid for not knowing…but, honey, if I listened to ever sort of rumor that ever was, do you know how much I'd be drowning right now?"

Stricken, Sasha quickly turned towards the professor, shaking his head.  "I ... no!  Of course not!  I don't think you're ... no.  I swear.  I'm sorry!  That's not what I intended.  I ... just ..."  He'd never consider a professor stupid.  Of course not!  Even on the rare occasions he came across a professor he disagreed with, he'd never be disrespectful in such a manner. 

The imagery Professor Kesali offered made Sasha physically queasy and the young man shook his head.  He hoped the man's words were an exaggeration - an extreme exaggeration; he wouldn't will such a fate on anyone.  He'd seen too many people meet such an end.  He'd ... he'd done that to someone!  The Ravenclaw shivered and shook his head fervently.   

"Enough people have died," Sasha said quietly, hoarsely, shaking his head again.  "No." 

"My father cherished me, would still if…" Gale bit his lip to ponder how to properly say this, "If he were still around." Leaving it open to make it seem his father wasn't simply just missing from his life, he hoped it wouldn't make Sasha hurt further, "But he would have killed me if I let anyone make me feel any less than what I am, or I believed them. Trust me, Sasha. I don't make friends easy, and I know what they say about me. But if I let that bother me? I'd be locked up and never let out."

Gale let out a little sigh as he brushed his hair back from his face, and pulled his wrap around him further to sink more into his chair. He hated feeling bad, and especially when one of his students needed him, or at least needed someone.

"It's not always about death, Sasha, but promise me that if your life is ever in trouble you will at least give me or someone a chance to shield you?" He stood when he watched the boy shiver, and put his grandmother's patchwork quilt over the boy's shoulders.

"Hang in there, Honey," He smiled at the boy, "Mid-terms are almost over. You will have the Yule Ball to worry about, just like every other student out there, and for one night you can just have fun doing this no?"

If nothing else, the explanation Professor Kesali offered about his father made it easier for Sasha to write off the comment as a figure of speech rather than a literal concern.  Whether or not it was the accurate interpretation mattered little - it made him less uncomfortable to see it that way.  Besides, either way, Sasha had a hard time not being envious of the man.  The only person who'd ever really claimed to cherish him was, supposedly, a complete nutter who everyone believed had nothing but the worst intentions. 

Which, if Professor Kesali's father would have literally killed him, maybe there were more similarities here than Sasha first expected.  One more reason for Sasha to convince himself it was meant figuratively. 

Uncertainty crept over Sasha's features as the quilt was draped over his shoulders and he stiffened slightly.  His own mother had never so much as buttoned Sasha's coat growing up - he simply wasn't accustomed to acts of nurturing.  He didn't know what to do with them. 

Figuring the easiest way to deal with it was ignore it, Sasha shook his head.  "But, I don't want that!  I don't want anyone ... shielding me.  I don't ... can't deal with anyone else getting hurt." He knew Professor Trishna probably couldn't understand but that sentiment applied to Kronos as much as it did to everyone else.  "I just - I want things to be normal, again."  It was a childish sentiment, he knew, and woefully unrealistic. 

The Yule Ball.  Yes, there was that.  "Yes.  And, I can take a night off from studying."  Just one night.  By Sunday morning, he'd be back at it in a feverish last push before he could finally take a break on Wednesday.  "It will be nice."  A nice change. 

I just want things to be normal again.

Perhaps Sasha did feel it was a childish statement, but it was one that had Gale absolutely grow weak in the knees from heartache. His chest hurt him so much from hearing that little phase, and he came to set on the edge of the sofa. Would it have been so wrong to just wrap his arms around the boy (who by now was taller than he was) and baby him? Yes, but Gale half didn't care. This wasn't the same sort of struggle some of his students went through, this wasn't about bad grades or being poor. This was his life that was balanced between the dark and light, and Gale worried they would lose Sasha.

"I know you don't want that," He finally admitted lightly, "But that's not really your call to make. By not including who you can, they will jump blindly instead of thinking things through. Even if you were to pack and leave tomorrow and never return, can you honestly tell me that someone won't try and follow you? Maybe get caught in the spider web without knowing the way out?" He sighed,

"You don't have to answer me, Sasha, I just want you to keep that in mind. As a raven claw it's your way of doing things no? No leap of faith, but lawful and well planned." He smiled and let the topic die.

"But the Yule Ball, it's more important than anything else. Mid-terms, and fun with your friends. Christmas is happening, and you won't have to worry about one thing."

"I know you don't want that.  But that's not really your call to make. By not including who you can, they will jump blindly instead of thinking things through. Even if you were to pack and leave tomorrow and never return, can you honestly tell me that someone won't try and follow you? Maybe get caught in the spider web without knowing the way out?"

Sasha tensed and grew very, very still.  Packing up and leaving tomorrow.  Never returning.  Running away.  He did not want to be hearing that.  Didn't need to be hearing that was a possibility.  Didn't need to be hearing how, even that, wouldn't even solve the problem.  All it would do is put him out of earshot of the mess he'd left behind - and the mess would be horrible.  Kronos would still likely be angry and he'd still be looking for the reason why Sasha had vanished.  The outcome of that was obvious. 

The Ravenclaw's stomach churned, painfully, and he crossed his arms over his abdomen.  He already had enough reasons to realize this whole bloody situation had been hopeless from the beginning, he didn't need more.  And, he certainly didn't need the added guilt of being careful who to tell.  Especially when it wasn't just his decision.  He already felt trapped enough.

"I'm sorry," Sasha offered, his voice faltering some.  "I should ... I should go.  I shouldn't be - I'm sorry.  I really, truly hope you don't get caught in the web.  But, you not knowing's the best thing I can do to ensure that.  I'm ... you should have everything you need, right?  I appreciate you making an exception."  The Ravenclaw quickly got to his feet, frazzled and uneasy as he reached for his bag. 

"Sasha, it's not about me. I have nothing to lose. I'm of the Romani, we don't look before we leap. If I can lay my life down for you I would, you are so much younger than I am, and have a whole life to live. I've lived mine. I've gone probably about as far as I plan to. So don't turn around and pin this on me. I just want you to understand, that if you stopped fighting the truth it would make this a lot easier." Maker, this wasn't easy. "This is nothing you haven't heard before, I'm sure."

"Yes, that is all I need." He sighed heavily, "And get some rest. I'm sorry if I upset you, but just know my door is always open? I'm a lot tougher than people give me credit for. I survived a war, my childhood, and my first semester here. I spent years with the Ministry. I have friends on the other side, and Sasha...I have nothing to lose. You have no idea how eager that makes me to win this for you."

The Ravenclaw paused as he reached the door, looking down blankly at a bare patch on the floor while he listened to the Professor's words.  For a few, long moments he remained very quiet as the Professor's words filtered through his mind but, when he'd finally made sense of them, he turned back towards the man. 

"I'm not pinning this on you!" Sasha insisted, his voice elevating in frustration that stemmed from more than just the current conversation.  "This ... this isn't about you!  This isn't even ..." 

Sasha hesitated and leaned back against the closed door.  Yes, of course Sasha cared about what might ultimately happen to Professor Kesali or anyone else who had or would get wrapped up in this mess.  But, when Sasha tried to steer the man clear of that, it wasn't out of any doubt of the man's ability.  Or, distrust in the man's sincerity. 

No.  The motives were totally, completely selfish. 

"It ... doesn't matter.  It doesn't matter how little you have to lose.  It ... I ... six people are dead because of me.  I got my family killed and I killed a man.  And, this ... this is all my fault.  I just can't take anymore guilt.  I'm sorry if you don't understand that - I just can't deal with it."  It wasn't about the death, itself.  It wasn't about the risk.  It was about the what ifs.  Sasha did not know how to shoulder the weight of being responsible for it. 

"Sasha wait," He started a few steps forward, "I'm not saying that you shouldn't carry this, nor that it isn't yours to carry. I just want you to understand that we are here for you. And if pushing it from your mind is the easiest way to deal then so be it. Get mad! Get upset! Anything, Sasha, just don't hold it in. If you want to scream at me then do it.

This isn't about what? What is this not about? What is that you are bottling up so tight that you are about to explode from?"

I just can't deal with it.

"Then don't. Don't deal with it, don't think about it, but most of all don't let it effect your life? You are a child, a man-child, and it's ok to just let things go and be selfish for once. Have a good time, fail a few classes, when is the last time you just closed your eyes and let the rain fall hmm? Goodness, if I could just show you what I know. Give you the way I was raised, and wasn't so fucking stupid when it came to expressing my words. I would make you understand that there is so much more. So much that you have not done yet, that you will. That death isn't the end. That there is even more."

Sasha wasn't the person he would ever admit this to, but in many ways he went head first into the battle in hopes of dying--and when Arthur fell, Nightingale didn't feel sad, he just simply felt relieved. Arthur wouldn't have been at the battle to begin with if it wasn't for him, so in many ways he felt responsible for his lover's death. However, Sasha he doubted ever asked for any of this. He doubted greatly that this boy would have it in him to kill.

Wait?  Wait for what?  To sing a round of Kumbaya as if just sitting out in the wet rain would magically make things all better? 

And, yes.  For a few brief moments, Sasha did want to scream and yell.  He wanted to vent all that churning frustration and, really, Professor Kesali was a convenient target.  He was there.  He was pushing.  And, he'd already proven he was relatively safe to vent against. 

Unfortunately, Sasha had no choice.  He had to deal with it.  There was too much at stake for him to just casually ignore the situation and he'd gotten himself into it, after all.  If everything Professor Trishna said was true, Sasha had no one to blame for his current situation but himself. 

As the frustration and the urge to vent started to win, the Ravenclaw pushed himself off the door and took a step forward, one hand raised to gesture an accentuation to his words.  "You don't-" he started to say, his voice elevating quickly.  But, before the verbal momentum took full hold, something cold and wet pressed against the Ravenclaw's clenched fist.  A warm, solid weight plopped itself down on the top of the boy's feet.  Sasha looked down at Baldur, sitting with his back leaning against Sasha's leg, his head tilted back to look up at the boy.  The dog was perfectly relaxed and, when the boy ran his hand down the dog's chin, he let out a deep, draining sigh. 

"I'm sorry, sir," Sasha offered, quietly.  "I didn't mean to speak out of turn.  Especially not after the accommodations you've offered.  Exams and Christmas has me more stressed than usual."  It was not a lie.  And, unfortunately, it was as complete a truth as he could offer. 

Then, with an uneasy, awkward smile, Sasha added: "what you describe sounds nice.  I never knew anything like that, but maybe one day?  But, right now, I just need to focus on getting through this year."