Dolly Birthday Gala
post-dinner revelry
immediately following this thread

This was not how Dolly had envisioned spending her 27th birthday. She had wanted something small and intimate at Calavera's, a place that would be far too crowded for Dinora to pull any funny business, a place where she wouldn't fall into the trappings of the past. She'd been stupid to dance with him, to let him close for that six minutes. She'd been stupider still to think he could understand the fact that he had scared her. Yes, she was Dolly St. James; breaker of hearts and hell on heels when she was crossed... but she was also all the versions of herself she had been before. One of those versions had been so in love with Dominik Wiedman she had not known how to exist outside of him. It would be easy to be that person again. She didn't want it though, she didn't want any of it.

It was easy to know what you didn't want, she silently mused to herself as she wandered the stone path to a small bench beside the pond. Outside of wanting to marry Dom she hadn't ever really wanted to know what she actually wanted. Even the career that had brought her so much fame and attention, it was something she stumbled into because as it so happened she could tell a good story. She couldn't even really grant herself that little victory because it wasn't so much a story as a recounting of absolutely every stupid choice she'd ever made. People bought it because it was trash, they bought her image of the vamped up sex kitten. No one wanted her to have ideas, or feelings, or flaws - not even the people who actually knew her.

Closing her eyes she took a deep breath, the fall air filling her lungs with a comforting kind of burn. She didn't really believe no one wanted her to have ideas. She knew it wasn't true, and she knew she wasn't a victim, not really. She lived in a gilded cage of her own creation. It was no one's fault but her own that she was so unhappy. It just felt lonely, as she listened to the laughter and music spill over from the tent. All the show, just for her, a small township of people all there to be seen and preen. How was it possible to be in the middle of that many people and still feel so alone? The second she even thought of the word she chided herself for being selfish and silly. She wasn't alone. No, actually, she wasn't alone, up the walk she heard a small twig break and gave a sigh, "Dom, can we just not? Please"?

The din and crowd in the tent had been much like it had been the night before - full of laughter and energy and lot of people he'd never seen before in his entire life. He'd dropped off his present for Dolly the night before, unable to stay for much of the party due to his duties within Hogwarts castle. But the feeling of being a bit out of place would have driven him home, anyway. Most of the attendants of this gala were the press, celebrities - the people who glittered and generally led interesting lives. It made him feel rather dull in comparison.

Darian had been here the previous night, as had several others who he now wasn't able to spot. Kesali had been there too, and Tapendra wasn't exactly sad to not see him this night. He'd watched the dancers for awhile from the polite refuge of the couches.

The night had been largely uneventful until Dolly had gone out to dance with Dominik. As much as that vaguely annoyed him, her departure from the tent was...not exactly what he'd expected. It wasn't a positive reaction, but it also wasn't the blowup he'd been bracing himself for. Dominik's frustrated departure just made him smirk a little bit, thouigh. Served him right, whatever she'd said.

Still, when no one seemed keen to follow Dolly, he'd frowned and gotten to his feet, making his way into the gardens outside. It was her bloody birthday; even if she told him to bugger off he wasn't going to let her go off and be emotional alone.

The night air was crisp and he didn't make much effort to be quiet. Still, she didn't seem to notice his presence til he stepped on a small twig about ten feet from where she stood. She didn't turn around, but she did pause, golden dress glittering under the lamplight. Tapendra hesitated for just a moment. The temptation was there to nervously snark; he chose to ignore it.

"It's not Wiedman," he said quietly, staying where he was, with his hands in the pockets of his slacks. "Just me."

She was caught off guard by the sound of Tappy's voice, yet her body seemed to visibly relax at the realization it wasn't Dominik come to yell at her. She used the side of her index finger to gently whisk away the tears that had gathered in her short walk before turning and giving him that brilliant well rehearsed smile, "Darling! What are you doing out here? There are dozens upon dozens of beautiful women in there waiting to be seduced by your bashful charm. I might be an utterly selfish wench but even I didn't expect to get you all to myself tonight". It was like a time worn monologue, easy to recite, natural on her tongue, masking all the actually things she happened to be thinking and feeling.

Still she closed the space between them, extending her hands and placing a kiss on either of his cheeks as she entered his space, voice low and earnest, "It is terribly good to see you though. It's been far too long. I've missed your letters," she rested her forehead against the side of his jaw for a moment. Tappy was safe, solid, logical ground. He was familiar, he expected more from her than she expected from herself and she loathed the idea of letting him down. Until eight minutes ago he'd have been amazed at the progress she was making. Well, he might not have liked her actually dating someone else but all the other things, they'd be met with some sort of approval. Then she'd let Nora sweep her up in nostalgia. What an absolutely stupid thing to do.

She pulled back to look at him, dark curls framing her face as her lips curved into a bashful smile, "How have you been? I feel dreadful I haven't managed to make it to a single tourny event. Liviana writes pages and pages about life with three extra schools of students taking up space in the castle. I must admit I'm extremely jealous. I can't remember the last time I was that excited about a single thing," she was rambling. She just felt the urge to fill the silence, a rarity with Tappy. She had always been equally comfortable just sitting with him as talking a mile a minute. Taking his hands she tugged him toward the stone bench and perched herself carefully before looking up at him, "Since I've got you all to myself I might as well take advantage, talk to me".

That wasn't quite the reaction he'd expected, and Tapendra blinked in unmasked surprise as she whirled around with a bright smile. He recognized the words and expression for what they were, of course - but he smiled slightly anyway, willing to play along for now if it made her feel a bit better.

"Me, seduce? You've mistaken me for someone else, Dolly," he said with a soft but warm laugh. "I couldn't seduce my way through a brothel even if my pockets were stuffed with galleons." Awkwardly give up, perhaps. That seemed to be where he sat with women, currently - polite, harmless and rather comfortably floating in the Friend Zone.

He did back up a tad when she came into his personal space so abruptly, the reaction automatic even though the gesture was normal for her. One of his hands rested on her shoulder blade, only dropping away when she pulled back and took his hand. He returned her smile, his echoing the hint of bashfulness.

"Busy about sums it up, really. I'm sorry I haven't written, it's been -" With the necromancy and dealing with Sasha, the issue with Kesali, his Ravenclaws turning prankster and the school dealing with the Tasks... "It's been rather crazy, as of late. The school never seems to slow down."

He let her tug him towards the bench, and he sat next to her after a moment, crossing his legs and wrapping his hands around his raised knee. "You're not missing too much. With the Tourney, I mean," he said. "You were able to see the last one, yes? Aside from the...hopefully happier conclusion to the final task, I imagine it's similar." He was watching her carefully, unsure exactly what to say. She'd clearly been changing over the last few months, and he didn't have much ground to know what had triggered it.

"This party," he said, picking his words carefully but the tone coming out casually. He looked away, waving a hand at the elaborate gardens and the bright party tent, "Is a little crazy, Dolly. I don't think I've been stuck mingling with this many people that I have no common ground with before." It was as good an excuse as any to hide out of the thick of it.

"It's par for the course for Dolly St. James though, isn't it?" He asked, warm and jokingly, the inclusion of her surname slightly emphasized. "I'm not sure it's quite what I'd have seen for Dolly, though. Are you enjoying it?"

Dolly gave him a sidelong glance, smile a little rueful, "You forget I know things about you Master Trishna, while perfectly harmless and agreeable on the surface I know what you're capable of when you put your mind to it or there happens to be some firewhiskey involved," her tone was teasing as she lightly bumped his shoulder. She didn't know why it made her both sad and a little relieved that he didn't seem to be seeing anyone. It all came down to her being selfish probably. She wanted him to be happy, to find someone to be that thing he needed...at the same time she knew when that happened these little moments they shared would have to stop. She was a wickedly unfair person sometimes, entirely loathsome when she really stopped to think about how selfish she could be.

Every time he talked about work he followed it with an apology, something about how boring it must have seemed to her. The fact was she loved his stories about his students, the fact it was so obvious that he cared. "You seem to be cycling through Headmistresses and masters quicker than usual this year. I was terribly sad to hear of Ana's vanishing and then Reid only lasted a two months? i never really believed in that whole cursed position nonsense but if the lot of you manage to chase off McGonagall I may have to invest in a few talismans before I dare set on school grounds again". In the history of the world there were maybe five people who intimidated Dolly St. James, Minerva McGonagall topped the list of those still living, just thinking about that glare gave her a little chill.

Of course she also remembered one of the most hilarious secrets Judy had ever told her and couldn't resist the chance to bring it up, nuding him with her shoulder "what is it like to work with the first woman you ever had a crush on"? She bit her thumbnail, trying not to giggle and failing miserably, her expression playful for a moment before his next statement settled into her skin. Shaking her head and tilting her face toward the floating lanterns at first she could only shrug, "To say I am anything less than blissfully happy would be a dire insult to Dazmond and her mother. You know how I loathe insulting people I actually like. You know I save up all my nasty snark for reporters who say my bottom is fat and my breasts aren't real".

Finally she looked at him, chin pressed into her bare shoulder, "You know, there was a time in my life I'd have soaked this up like a flower in the sun. I'd have been six sheets to the wind and dancing on a table, trying to get people to sing sea shanties with me. A year ago I was sending Dominik a howler for leaving me to get drunk alone on my birthday. I still cared enough to get angry then. That is the absolute worst part, I can't even get angry anymore. I should be livid his mother pulled that stunt withe our song and the expectation that somehow being in his arms again would bring back all the reasons I loved him. All it served to do was remind me why I don't belong there anymore. It's a rotten thing, giving up on your first love. It's more terrible when you have to tell them on your own birthday".

Tapendra couldn't help it, and a flush arose - one that seemed to start at his feet and travel up his entire body to his face. There it was barely visible, but his sudden urge to look elsewhere and apologetic murmur was confirmation enough.

It had hardly abated when she mentioned - how in the world did she know about that? Someone must have told her - probably Judy - but it barely mattered. His ears caught the blush and his gaze very quickly darted to the cobblestone walkway as he sputtered, glasses sliding down his nose.

"I - it's -" He stopped, sucked his breath in, and cleared his throat. "Awkward. A little. And, um, I think it's more likely she'll run the lot of us off, not the other way around." Hogwarts was...well, more so than any of the other Headmasters he'd served under, Hogwarts was her school. There was a comfortable sense of possession and a fierce loyalty that, in Tapendra's mind, no army or mortal dared budge. Perhaps she would see fit to retire again, but with the chaos that reigned nigh at the school far too often...he doubted it.

Still, the blush faded as she answered his question, and he nodded slightly, uncrossing his legs and his elbows falling to rest on his knees, hands cupped together. He snorted and smirked slightly at her comment on the press, though the humor didn't reach his eyes.

"On the scale of dick moves, I imagine telling them while at their birthday party ranks a notch higher," he observed, somewhat blankly, as he considered what she'd said. His shoulders relaxed slightly, though. Despite her tone and words, that outcome was encouraging, at least to him - he'd have been afraid that she would remember all the reasons she'd loved Dominik... until the man's tendency to be a complete and utter tit reminded her of all the reasons she didn't love him about a week later and she left him again. Rinse, repeat, pull hair out from the sidelines...

He grunted. "I'm surprised she'd have tried that all, frankly," he said, shaking his head. There were plenty of things he could have followed that with - the fact Dominik seemed to collect women, the fact that the only one who could fix Dominik was Dominik...but he said nothing of that sort, instead reaching over and patting the top of one of her hands.

"Are you done with him, then?" He asked, knowing what he wanted the answer to be but keeping it out of his tone. "Completely?"

It was easy enough to tell when Tappy blushed even if his skin tone and low light worked in his favor to hide it, there was a certain sort of change in his posture, the way his eyes half lidded. Dolly had to bite her lip to keep from giggling. She could see the truth to what he was saying of course, if anyone could keep Hogwarts from collapsing in upon it's own mischief it was the steely redhead. In a way it was comforting to know that Livi would be under such guidance for her remaining years at the school. She gave him a wane smile and shook her head, "I can't see anyone chasing you from the Astronomy tower any time soon, Love. You hide it well but your stubborn streak rivals my own".

Her fingers curled tightly around the bench's edge as Tappy suggested there were worse things she could have done to Dominik. It was so hard for her to articulate why it still hurt, why it still mattered. She knew that he didn't really understand because he saw what was left over of Dom - and Dolly could admit the left over bits weren't that appealing. He was a self centered git, but he hadn't always been. She had been his Dolores, he had been her Dominik. They weren't meant to be star crossed lovers, they were meant to grow old together. That was the bill of goods she'd been sold and he had never been able to deliver. Sometimes hope was a dangerous thing, it kept you stuck in a place you didn't belong anymore.

Giving up felt like an act of betrayal, while holding on felt like self abuse. She merely laughed when he claimed surprise at Nora's efforts. "Oh the dance bit was rather clever of her actually. We both suspected love spells or potions - at the very least locking us in a room together, especially after Cam didn't come with me. I should have known to expect the unexpected, she'd have known what I'd be watching for. She's quite crafty - and she's got a legion of co-conspiritors that are, for whatever reason, heavily invested in the tragic love story that is Dom and I. She thinks I can save him, she's thought we were meant for one another since we were kids".

For a moment she found it hard to talk, a lump forming in her throat, a bitter tear forming in the corner of her right eye, "Then she sent him off to a war that killed all the beautiful things I loved about him". It was the first time she had ever let herself feel real anger, resentment toward the woman who had been like her mother. Nora had worked to keep her trapped in this cycle, completely disregarding Dolly's plainly stated wishes when she and Aliec were the ones who had the biggest hand in destroying any possibility for the two of them to be together and happy. Chewing her bottom lip she closed her eyes for a moment, inhaling a sharp breath. She had to let it go if she wanted to survive.

It was then that she felt his hand resting atop her own, his question hanging between them for what seemed like ages though it couldn't have been more than a minute. She chose her next words carefully, "I changed the locks. We had this horrible fight in October. He had let himself in with his key and was so drunk he just crawled into my bed; even though he's firmly attached to Miss Niobe Thursby. He called me a whore, not in so many words but the implications were the same. He accused me of not wanting his friendship while failing to understand what I have given him the last ten years is not friendship. Friendship does not require you to degrade yourself in the hopes of saving someone".

Dabbing at the corner of her eye with her knuckle she let out a long breath, "That night, for the first time in my life I was scared of him. I didn't feel safe, I didn't feel loved, I didn't feel like I was fighting to keep us together. I felt ashamed and filthy. He had invaded my home, my bed, my sanctuary and he wouldn't even leave the key. He had been off loving someone else but was angry with me for not wanting him there, not wanting this drunk mess sloppy mess of a man in my bed. I realized, in possibly the most painful moment of clarity I have ever had in my life... I would always be the other woman... and it was like all the years of being myself never quite being good enough crashed over me...and I was done. I can't anymore. I can't give him everything and get nothing. I'm too old and I'm too tired".

It was like a floodgate - once Dolly began speaking the words came out and so did the tears, though the tears were fewer than one might have expected. His hand did not waver from hers, and he waited until she'd fallen silent to respond, his words at first careful, frown not a disapproving one but rather one of thought.

There was some anger there, though, easily seen despite his calm tones - the knit of his eyebrows gave it away, as did the angled and tight set of his jaw. Tapendra very rarely wanted to punch people, and the urge of it made his head feel hot. The bloody ex-Death Eater and his bloody idea it was alright to take advantage of people! The places he wanted to shove that beater's bat -

Not that he'd win in a fist fight with Wiedman. But right now, that didn't much matter. The man had always set him on edge as it was, but the very idea the man had done something like that was enough to make him quietly see red. He tried to keep it out of his expression and tone, and most of all out of his words.

"He took advantage of you," he said finally, quietly. "Not - not that way -" He hoped. And...maybe Dominik had, kind of, but not the way that usually...anyway.

"There's only so much you can help someone or try to put things back together on your own," he said, sighing. "They have to genuinely want the help, to want to improve, to want to mend things. You have to work together. If they don't - if they just want you to fix things without any effort on their part - then they're taking advantage of you, making you a crutch. And sometimes...sometimes it's better for both parties to just let them fall." He looked up at her from where he'd bowed his head slightly.

"I'm sorry, Dolly," he said, sighing. "I shouldn't - I don't want to be happy to hear you say that, but...I kind of am." He rubbed the bridge of his nose, letting out a short, annoyed sigh. "It's...you're 27. You should be your own person, not...not chained to something that never makes you happy, you know? I wasn't...I'm not part of this. I don't know who Wiedman was, or really is - or who he's supposed to be. But from where I'm standing he...was last good for you over a decade ago. Whoever he was when he was what you needed..." He waved at the darkness, in the direction Dominik had run off to. "That's not him."

He shrugged, uselessly, his lip bitten for a moment as he sought to collect himself. "I'm sorry," he repeated, and took his hand away so he could cross his arms, wrapping his arms around himself.

She knew this was hard for him, listening to what she let herself be put through. She knew that he didn't understand how she could let someone take advantage of her the way she let Dominik just thrash about her life. At the end of the day the never ending cycle was her fault alone really. Dom could only do as much damage as she allowed him. Physically he'd never hurt her, even if he tried she was still as good with her wand as she ever was. It was the emotional damage, the scars no one could see. It was the giving and waiting, in was the life lived behind closed doors, it was all the memories and promises that had never been kept. She could have played it all off as wounded pride but it went so much deeper than all that. When it came to Dominik Wiedman there was no such thing as pride in her life anymore, it simply didn't exist. At one time in her life there was nothing she wouldn't have done to protect him, and now...

Peering out into the night she tried to find a way to make sense of it all, "The death of a dream is some how harder to face than actual death. I've started actual death straight in the eye and told it to bugger itself. I look at the last decade of my life and what have I got to show for it? Books, about him, outlining every mistake I've ever made, ever heart I ever broke. It's trash and it's my legacy - and before you go into inspirational Tappy mode, or lecture me about how it's all been my own doing, you don't have to. I already know. I think that is what makes it so terrible, so sad. What's the saying, never regret what once made you happy? It's brilliant advice if any of it had ever really made me happy. It's the worst damn feeling in the world Tappy, to be surrounded by people who adore you and feel completely separate from them because you know deep down in your bones the thing they love is not real, it's all a fucking farce".

She was angry with herself, she felt selfish and wrong. She had nothing to complain about. Her life was the sort of life other people would kill to have. When he pulled away she turned to look at him finally, her smile small and a little sad, "Darling you've got nothing to be sorry for. All you've ever done is wanted what was best for me, and all I've done the last year is try to find ways around doing it. I know that I'm not an easy woman to deal with, I've got a temper and if there is a self destructive option within twenty feet of me I'll usually opt for it," she paused slithering her slender arm through the crook of his, sliding closer, "Once you get past the nice bum and the way I fill out a dress it'd be easy to dismiss me as another social climbing bimbo. You've always expected more out of me than that. I can't say it's always made me happy, or that I've known what it was I should have been being more of... but in the end you're the only one who's still standing with me".

Her comment on death made his hackles raise for a just a moment, before it was clear she wasn't talking about someone else's death, but rather the idea of dying. That...he agreed with, actually. Tapendra himself didn't like the idea of dying, but had faced it before. He wasn't sure which was harder, really - but facing death had never been difficult for him. It had simply been what he had to do, because he couldn't have faced himself if he hadn't. So he supposed that, yes, having to realize you'd effectively wasted a good decade of life was likely more difficult.

But he'd also never had a dream die quite like Dolly had. His dream's death had been rather overshadowed by the fact it had been Judy's death that triggered it. He'd never had to give up on a dream after a long emotional struggle -

He hoped that wasn't how this thing with Sasha would end, admittedly. But, no...that was far more likely to get him killed.

Her mention of inspiration mode made him jar out of his darker thoughts, and again came the flush and apologetic mutter, but this time it had a hint of grumble to it, as well. He said things like that because he was thinking about his words! Had he just said what he was thinking, it'd have involved more cuss words and possibly some rude gestures in Dominik's direction.

She slid closer to him on the bench, arm intertwined with his, and he smiled softly. "It's because you've got a good brain," he said, reaching over to gently rap her head with his knuckles. "Even if you can't see it - you're brighter than you give yourself credit for." He didn't know what she should be doing more of himself, though. It was really a matter of what he wanted her to do less of, and...if tonight was any indicator, that was what she wanted to do. It was hard not to be somewhat happy about that.

He reached over and took her hand again, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'll always be there if you need me, you know that," he said. "And - I'm sure your friends, your real ones, will be there for you too."

Dolly's dark head rested against his shoulder as she closed her eyes for a moment, "It's different with other people. Dazmond has done a damage to our friendship I am not sure can be repaired. I basically pay Molly to be my friend. I adore Darian but you know as well as I do you can't trust the man as far as you could throw him with one hand. He doesn't think about life, or love, or trust the way a normal person would. If he can stir the pot he will and he has no idea why I let anything matter so much, least of all everything I went through with Dom". She sighed softly, squeezing his arm a little, "I used to know who the sacred were, the people I could count on". She paused for a moment, her eyes narrowing, "D'you know why I'm with Cam, I mean really why"? She tilted her head to look at the Professor, bottom lip caught between her teeth before speaking low and slowly, "Because I already know he'll let me down. I knew he wouldn't tear himself away from work for this weekend. I won't ever have to worry about him telling me he loves me, or wanting to get married, or a desire to tie me down as some brood sow".

Casting her eyes down she looked at the toes of her glittering heels, "I know that's not what marriage has to be, and I actually believed for a very long time that I would have something different. As much as I rallied against the idea of conventional pureblood marriages, of romantic love, of children, and a summer house in the country; a part of me believed that it was fated. I would have that life with Dom, and I would love it because we loved one another. Then after a few years, I'd pop out an heir or two and a dark haired girl in the St. James tradition. We'd have Christmas holidays in the Alps, and I wouldn't care that I couldn't be out all night drinking or that my name wasn't splashed about the gossip columns. I'd trade writing novels for children's books and every Christmas I'd have a picture perfect card to send to you and Judy," when she said the woman's name it was a soft murmur on her lips, inherently sad and almost wounded. His wife had been the first in a long line of losses Dolly had had to learn to cope with, people she had ot learn to survive without. She couldn't imagine how Tappy had carried on after losing her. Dominik was still alive and a part of Dolly wanted to curl up and die a little.

"I held a lot of grand illusions as to what my future held, I knew it wouldn't be easy of course - nothing with Dominik was ever easy, but I always believed we'd work through it. I believed it because that's what you do when you love someone, you stay through the hard times. Even when I was with Elliot, even when I was swearing I had moved on with my life, deep down that dream lived, and now it's gone. I don't know what to put in it's place because I've spent my whole life either fighting against who people expected me to be or trying to fill some grandiose mystique, the illusion of a rebellious woman. Dolly St. James is a brand, she's little more than an idea of a person. It's all so petty and tragically stupid. Who spends ten years play acting at life, biding their time until their supposed real life starts? And the worst part isn't even what I've done to myself. My pain I can cope with. The worst part is the collateral damage, the people like Elliot. Not even I can spin that story to cast me in any light but villainous. He deserved better, deserves better really. I still don't know why he's come back. I certainly don't deserve another chance, or his help to finish the stupid series".

Rubbing the bridge of her nose, her eyes squinted shut, she gave his fingers a squeeze, "And now I sound like some maudlin damsel in distress. I hate that, because it isn't as though I don't know it's my own fault," letting her hand drop from her face she took a deep breath, "Honestly how have you not shoved me into that pond already? I have got to be the most self involved idiot on the planet". Her expression was twisted in warped amusement, as though she couldn't really believe her own inability to shut up and just let the man comfort her. Why did she always feel the need to keep talking in these situations? It was almost as though she believed the sound of her own voice could keep it all at bay, the real feelings and having to deal with all of the ideas that were pinging around in her brain. Without really trying she had gone into survival mode, trying to distance herself from the feelings that were associated with everything she was talking about. If she talked about it abstractly, out loud, then it wouldn't have time to sink in and she could keep it together for a little longer.

He remained quiet as she spoke at length, listening. He really didn't know most of her friends well, and the unspoken theory he had to consider was that part of the reason he'd always been (and always would be) there was that he really wasn't there - he was a separate element compared to the rest of her social circle. For the most part the two spheres didn't overlap. He knew these people as names and on occasion as faces - but mostly they were names, characters. They weren't real people, and he could only guess at their motives.

His eyebrows did crease for a moment when she spoke of Darian, though. He'd have to take her word for it, he supposed. Darian hadn't given him any reason to believe he was that callous; the man was a dandy, certainly. Being somewhat more...mobile in relationships than usual seemed normal. But the man didn't gossip or make a habit of breaking promises, in Tapendra's experience - and Tapendra certainly didn't trust the man, at least not the way he assumed Dolly meant. He wondered what had occurred between Dolly and Darian to make her think that of the tailor, though.

Tapendra chuckled softly, his smile genuine but a little snarky, too. "Because you'd send me the bill for that dress if I did," he deadpanned - though she very well might have, and justifiably so. There was a certain sparkle to the fabric that suggested it was quite the expensive one. "You're not an idiot, Dolly," he added, rather more quietly and seriously. "We all make dumb decisions or gamble on the losing side. It doesn't mean that was a dumb choice - it just turned out to be the wrong one, for whatever reason. Sometimes it was the right decision then...and then things change."

He sighed and leaned back on the bench, shaking his head. "Honestly - I'm not sure what to say to help. When I...when Mum left and I graduated, I didn't know what to do with myself, so I suppose this reminds me of that, but...it wasn't really an abrupt change of plan. I had no clue what I wanted to do with myself when she was around, so..." Other than hiding in the wardrobe or the attic, but you could hardly call that a career path. "I held myself to trying to find something she approved of that I could do and then, when she was gone, it was like the whole world opened up."

Tapendra shrugged. "I guess...this isn't something you have to or need to answer overnight, Dolly. It's alright to be directionless for a bit and try to figure yourself out. Think of it like graduation?" It was as much a question as a suggestion, and his brows furrowed. He smiled slightly. "It's odd to think that was only eight years ago, isn't it..." His own felt so distant that that gap in years seemed only a short time ago.

Dolly's laugh was a sharp staccato'd burst, more lyrical than a bark but the same general principle, "Ah, my Tappy knows me better than I thought. Though, if there ever was an occasion on which I would forgive you for ruining a very pricey dress tonight probably would have been it. I've been a whiny bore since you sat down with me, it's in absolute terrible form to bemoan so much when, in reality, this is what happens in life. It changes. People grow apart, relationships that were everything are often reduced to dust for some reason or other. I don't know why I believed myself immune from it. If it happens to every other person on the planet, then it was bound to happen to me eventually, no"?

He was being gentle with her, trying to offer answers that he couldn't possibly know. She only knew he couldn't know because she didn't know and it was her life. She had hope not all was lost with Dazmond, that somehow they could find a way back to some version of who they were to one another. She would eventually forgive Nora because the woman was the closest thing she had to a mother. She didn't think she'd ever feel quite deserving of Elliot's kindness...but then there was Tappy, steadfast and kind. Saying it like that would make him sound like an old reliable plow horse to anyone who didn't understand that what Dolly had always needed in her life was someone to just be there, be reliable, be the counter to her former chaos.

"When you say eight years it seems like a much longer time than it feels like. I suppose, as much as I've been on my own, I've never really done the growing up that comes after. I was always waiting. I do love writing you know, telling stories. I never thought I'd be any good at anything but causing a scene and knowing how to find the perfect pair of shoes. I suppose the trouble I have with it all now is...I had decided the ending before I ever began and now...now that ending just feels like a lie. It feels like it's sending the absolute wrong message to every teenage girl who has picked up a Slither Girl's book and dreamed of being me, of being Odette". Her smile turned teasing as she nudged Tappy with her shoulder, "Maybe I'll have her run off with a socially awkward professor and live in the muggle world".

"Pffh," he said, the sound a dismissive one. "Trust me, Dolly, you're never dull," he said, smirking slightly. Occasionally whiny, yes (but wasn't everyone?) but never boring. He wondered what kind of life one would have to have to find Miss James dull - and then was quite glad to not have that as his status quo.

Still, she was right - things changed. It wasn't a nice fact of life (nor was it necessarily bad one) but it was a fact, and one everyone had to wrestle with sooner or later. He nodded glumly, reaching up with his offhand to run his fingers through his hair. His own life had made change seem...normal, for lack of a better term. Until he'd struck out on his own, stability had been the unusual change of pattern, to the point that he'd just focused on what stayed the same and let everything else blur. Different house, same parent, same problems.

He breathed out, thinking a moment. "Well, you're bloody good at it," he said, looking down at her again. "It takes talent to put a story to paper - even your own life - and make it so other people care and are satisfied. Real life makes a terrible plot line, usually." And terrible special effects. "In real life there are no happy endings, because nothing truly ends. Or something like that."

Tapendra laughed at her comment, though. "Introducing a new character right at the end to subvert the entire plot? Your readers'd burn down the publisher's press. No, no, probably best to just..." He tried to think. He had his own attempt at a story, mostly written for fun, but it had nothing on Dolly's - and he wasn't exactly an expert in how to end books.

"She could just realize she's been in love with her best friend this whole time, and they could elope and get married," he said, clearly joking. "Think of the controversy! But, no...I don't know. Could always end it with something about subverting expectations and personal happiness." He shrugged.

Dolly realized, in that moment, as she was hugging the Professor's well dressed arm, he was sort of like her favorite jumper. She realized as soon as the thought popped into her mind that there was no way to make it sound less terrible to anyone she happened to say it to, but for her it wasn't a bad thing. Tappy was warm, he was comfortable, he was safe. She trusted him in a way that was hard for her to put into words. It wasn't a wildly passionate love... it was something else. It was sitting next to a person on the night all your dreams died and feeling cared for. It was someone genuinely wanting her happiness to be the most important thing, more important than old ideas of saving someone else. It was the way he cared despite who or how she was being. New and old at the same time, unfamiliar in the context of her other relationships...Tappy, sometimes, just felt like home.

"Maybe that was my mistake Taps, I thought there was such a thing as a happy ending. I thought of happy as a place you got to be instead of a thing you are. How does a person get to be twenty-seven bloody years old and not know that isn't how life works? Sometimes I am utterly daft Darling, more than even I realized," she sounded vaguely amused as she closed her eyes and let out a long breath. In that moment it felt like the longest span of time she'd gone in a stressful conversation without a cigarette to fiddle with and distract herself. Still, she didn't reach for her bag, not wanting to break the silent sort of spell that seemed to have fallen over the two of them. She could hear the music drifting from the tent, someone must have coerced Magnolia into singing. It was a sad and haunted melody, melancholy, if Dolly was remembering right it was a song about lost love - then again most Knockturnals' songs were.

Finally shifting her gaze up, she placed a kiss on Tapendra's temple before bumping the side of his head with her own, "I don't know what in Merlin's name I ever did to deserve you in my life, Professor, but I am one lucky social climbing twit," her tone was teasing but she meant it. True, the source of their friendship had been based in Judy, a shared love and loss... but in him she found comfort. She found a steady lifeline that was always there when she felt too lost to muddle through anymore. She had no idea what she brought to his life... but she hoped that it was more than just the way she filled out an evening dress. She'd like to be a little useful to him, even if it proved to be the time honored roll of transitional filler person. She was good at doing that for people, being the stopgap in between one broken heart and another.