It was not to his office that Tapendra headed, but to his classroom, far across the castle and high up in the tower. The trek from Ignan's office was taken at his full, hurried stride, his overcoat billowing out behind him as his long strides carried him through the halls. He did try to make sure Sasha was keeping up, but his stress and agitation was obvious. The trek was made in silence. Sasha knew where they were going, and that was that.

They did pass a few straggling students on their way. Tapendra shooed them off to their common rooms rather more gruffly than was typical for him, earning a few odd looks to both he and Sasha in the process. On the whole, however, it was rather uneventful.

He took the stairs two at a time, sweeping his cloak from his shoulders and throwing it over a desk when they reached the classroom. Letting his breath out in a massive sigh, he ran a hand through his hair as he waved his wand to turn the lamps on.

"Did he teach you to do this?" He asked, turning on Sasha and frowning. The frown was an odd mix of concern and agitation.

Following in Professor Trishna's agitated wake, Sasha could feel the tight ball in his gut churn and writhe and grow.  Sasha was in no way short but he found he had to skip every few steps to match the man's stride.  Just as they reached the base of the Astronomy tower, Sasha was suddenly struck with a strong sense of reminiscence.  It had been only little over a month since Professor Trishna had led Sasha to a classroom after the announcement of the first round of champions in a similar hurried manner.

The man's question, when they finally reached the classroom, came as no surprise.  Sasha stepped inside the classroom after the man and glanced around the room before shaking his head.  The Ravenclaw stood in the center of the room, his arms crossed over his chest, his own expression taught with a mixture of grief, fear and uncertainty.  He and shook his head, again, trying to find his voice.  When he did finally speak, his voice was hoarse and quiet. 

"No.  He didn't.  I ... taught myself.  I started looking for information in August and found some books right when I got back."  He grew quiet, again, but only for a few moments.  He knew what Professor Trishna was getting at; he knew the man was trying to use this to sully Sasha's perceptions of the man.  And, Sasha wasn't interested in helping with that.   

But, given the stakes and everything that was on the table, full disclosure seemed prudent.  If he left information out and that was discovered, later, it would only make matters worse.  "I asked Kro- Malvivicus about it.  He helped when I asked for clarification on something, but - it wasn't his idea.  And, he didn't ... I taught myself."

Sasha's answer was, in a way, worse than the one Tapendra wanted to hear. If Kronos had done it, then...then, well, Sasha hadn't been able to step to that without a push from someone else. Having done it on his own? That was bad. Very, very bad. Kronos's influence must be worse than he'd feared - if Sasha was resorting to such things on his own, that meant it'd gone subconscious.

Letting his breath out in a gusty sigh, Tapendra all but collapsed onto one of the couches, hand to his forehead. The sound that escaped his lips was half-sigh, half-hiss.

"You've been planning this since August?" Honestly, that fact hurt more than anything - he'd been planning, or at least looking at this, the entire school year. The entire time he'd otherwise been claiming he was fine, or stressed about the tournament, or otherwise acting normal. Well, normal for Sasha.

Sometimes he thought he knew Sasha. It was times like this that brought home the fact that he didn't know him at all.

He sucked his breath in, pressing his thumbs against the bridge of his nose. "Why did you do this?" He asked.

After watching Professor Trishna drop onto the couch, Sasha dropped his gaze to stare briefly at his hands.  He fidgeted, awkwardly, where he stood - uncertain what he was supposed to do with his hands.  Or his feet.  Finally, while watching Professor Trishna closely for any sign of disapproval, he moved over to the empty couch and lowered himself to perch on the edge of the cushion. 

Sasha closed his eyes but nodded his head.  "Yes," he confirmed.  "I didn't ... I'm sorry." 

The Ravenclaw chanced a quick glance across the alcove at his Head of House before slumping back into the couch in defeat.  Professor Trishna probably hated him and, given how everyone was reacting, he was probably justified in doing so.  Maybe they were right in considering expelling him. 

Sasha shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair.  "I ... I needed to talk to her.  Just talk.  I didn't - I don't know what else to do," he admitted.  "I need to know if she really blames me.  If I ... They blamed me.  It's my fault and that won't ever change.  But, with Ava ... maybe what she said was from the curse.  And not her?  I just can't take the guilt and if I could just apologize.  Just let her know I-"  Sasha's voice faltered and he choked up, letting his head drop forward. 

"I swear - I didn't know it was this bad."

Tapendra sighed again, but this time it was less a sign of his agitation and more of a release. His shoulders still betrayed the tension that felt almost as if it was ravaging his body, but he ignored it and tried to focus. Sasha was...could he trust the boy's explanations on this?

He looked up at Sasha, silent, expression unreadable and blank. After a long and thoroughly awkward pause...he decided that he could, at least for now. He wasn't sure 100% if he could, but...for now.

"Sasha," he said, rubbing his nose again. "Look, I - I haven't gone through what you have, with Ava, but..." He frowned, his fidgeting taking on the same attitude as Sasha's, for a fleeting moment. He didn't talk about this much, and just merely mentioning it was difficult.

"When my wife died, there was - I was tempted to do things I can't imagine doing now," he said, sitting back on the couch, head and gaze tilted upwards towards the domed ceiling of the tower. "Even necromancy. But I didn't, because death...it's not someone one just toys with. Death isn't...it's not..." How did one say it? Death was, of course, permanent. But...

"You'll see her again, when you - when you cross over," he said finally. "But necromancy...defying death and doing something so inherently evil...dark magic leaves marks on the soul," he said, one hand going to his chest. "Marks that never fade. There's a line and once you've crossed it, it's terribly difficult to go back. Ava...whatever occurred between you two...leave her in peace. Lingering guilt - all the what ifs - they're things you need to deal with yourself. Free of magic." He frowned again, looking at Sasha with an air of defeat.

"All this time, you said you were fine," he said, tone not accusatory or disappointed, but at this point openly hurt. "Sasha, you know you can talk to me. Why didn't you tell me?"

When Professor Trishna spoke of his wife, Sasha lifted his head and watched the man, his vision blurring slightly.  This wasn't the first time the man had shared a difficult and personal memory and Sasha desperately wanted to avoid making the same mistakes as last time.  He looked back down at his hands, his chest clenching as he quickly brushed a tear track from his cheek. 

"Sir, how did you ... how did you convince yourself not to?" Sasha shrugged his shoulders and looked back up.  "I mean ... what did you do instead?  Professor Kesali talked about modifying memories - of erasing or ... changing, you know, our own memories.  And, I considered that but that seemed scarier.  More extreme." 

When Professor Trishna spoke of necromancy and dark magic, Sasha couldn't help but shiver and wrap his arms tighter around his chest.  He closed his eyes and shook his head forcefully, a big part of him not wanting to hear what the man was saying.  He hadn't set out to do dark magic!  He hadn't ... he'd had no ill intent!  Right?  And, didn't that make a difference?  It wasn't like there was some solid, tangible line that separated 'acceptable' curses from dark magic.  He hadn't been intending to ... do anything to Ava and didn't ... didn't that mean something? 

"I don't know!" Sasha blurted, pushing himself to his feet.  That underlying confusion and fear was churning behind all the guilt and grief.  He started pacing the room, clenching his fists so his nails dug into the heels of his hands.  "Everybody says something different!  I mean - we do it all the time!  Every time I take communion and confess, I'm ... I'm doing a ritual to seek advice and forgiveness from one who's dead.  That's ... that's where I got the idea.  Of course, to them, any other magic is dark.  But, then, he - Kronos says it's all power and it's all ... just what someone will use.  You think ... do you think I'm evil?"   

"All this time, you said you were fine.  Sasha, you know you can talk to me. Why didn't you tell me?"

Sasha froze at the sound of the tone of Professor Trishna's voice and flinched.  "I don't know.  Because I wanted to believe everything was fine.  And, as long as I had a plan - as long as there was something I could do...that I could fix.  Sir, I didn't want to disappoint you or ... make you give up on me."  Sasha shook his head.  "I don't know what I'm doing," he confessed.

"I loved her," Tapendra said, gaze on the floor for a moment before darting back up to Sasha's face as the boy wiped away his tears. "And as much as I wanted to see her again...there are things you don't do. Necromancy is inherently disrespectful to the spirit involved. I loved her too much to force her from the afterlife simply to ease my sadness. Especially when the parting is only temporary."

His expression turned cynical for a moment at the mention of Kesali and, under the stress of the moment, he spoke his thoughts. "I wouldn't give what he says much stock," he said, darkly. "I've seen what might be his true colors, not that flighty show he makes for the students. The man is at best unstable and at worst a complete loony." It seemed the coward's way out, in his mind. A band-aid to run away from an issue rather than confront it head-on. But Tapendra, for all his desires to be happy and carefree, rather liked his pain. It was as much a part of him now as anything else. Erasing it wasn't just frightening, it seemed disrespectful to the people involved, and to himself.

Tapendra paused, having said that, and added, "My apologies. That was terribly unprofessional."

The mention of Kronos made his nostrils flare, but his only reply was a simple, "There is no good and evil. Only power, and those too weak to seek it." His blue gaze shot to Sasha as the boy paced, expression hard. "If Kronos truly believes that, he's as much a misguided fool as Who-Know-W...as Lord Voldemort was."

He stood up, a hand going to the bookshelves behind the couch. "I'm not disappointed in you, Sasha," he said, tone rather more gentle. "Nor am I going to give up on you." He walked to Sasha, a large hand coming to rest on Sasha's shoulder and he smiled, slightly. "Unless you want me to go away, I'm sticking around." His smile was slightly rueful for a moment. "I'm rather annoying that way, I'm afraid."

Pressing his lips together, he looked at Sasha worriedly. "I don't think you're evil, no," he said. "But I do think you're looking for advice in places that aren't going to help."

The boy visibly flinched, his stomach churning painfully when the professor offered his explanation.  The desperation and urgency were just finally starting to fade, leaving behind a mixture of fear and revulsion.  "That's - that's not what I intended," he offered quietly, though he was starting to grasp that the words probably meant little in comparison to what he'd done.  "I -"  Had he loved Ava?  In some strange way?  Certainly, not in the same way - or even to the same extent that Professor Trishna had loved his wife. 

"She thought we were siblings, then," Sasha admitted, with a weak shrug.  "Skeeter ... she'd published an article ... back in December."  Sasha's chest clenched and the tears started, again, coming more freely that time.  "She acted like she hated me - that she hated we were related.  Half the time she was mean - cruel.  Even that night, she ... she crucioed me.  Repeatedly," Sasha admitted, reluctantly.  That had been a detail he'd omitted when retelling the story to anyone, including the Aurors.  It seemed irrelevant and he hadn't wanted it tainting anyone's memory of her. 

"She doesn't ... didn't know we weren't related.  I don't know if she really hated me.  I know they did.  I just -"  Sasha's voice caught in his throat and he shook his head.  Had there been spite?  Something else that made him willing to be blind to what he should have otherwise seen?  "I'm sorry." 

Sasha grew quiet and still when Professor Trishna spoke of Professor Kesali.  There would come a time, later, when he'd give the comments more thought.  For now, the Ravenclaw felt a subconscious flare of defensiveness when Professor Trishna drew a comparison between Kronos and You-Know-Who and it showed, briefly, in his eyes.  But, the boy held his tongue.  Sasha was well aware Professor Trishna did not like Kronos but, there were differences that Professor Trishna did not understand.  Important differences between Kronos and You-Know-Who.  Even important differences between Kronos and Professor Trishna. 

For one, Sasha knew he could trust that Kronos would be there in the long term.  With Professor Trishna, he knew the man believed what he said but Sasha couldn't - nor was it appropriate for him to assume where the line between professor and mentor, or even father-figure, lay.   

"I'm not disappointed in you, Sasha, nor am I going to give up on you.  Unless you want me to go away, I'm sticking around.  I'm rather annoying that way, I'm afraid."

"But,..." Sasha said, choosing his words carefully, being mindful of propriety.  "As a professor first.  I ... could never thank you enough for everything.  I'll always be indebted.  But, I know I'm just a student.  A high-maintenance one, I know.  But, a year and a half from now ... I-"  Beggars couldn't be choosers.  He'd have Kronos or be completely on his own. 

"Intent isn't magical, Sasha," Tapendra said, tone gentle rather than accusatory. "Magic doesn't care why you're doing something. The effects it has when cast are ultimately the same, in the end. All it boils down to is how resolved you are when casting the spell." Magic was delightfully neutral that way - sometimes it was a good thing, other times...

He raised an eyebrow at Sasha's admission, wondering for a fleeting moment why Sasha had never confessed that before. It certainly...well, he had never known Grosvenor that well himself. She hadn't been in his courses and had basically been a dark-haired face in the crowd up until the night she'd died. But it didn't sound like something she'd do.

Now wasn't the time to pick at that, though. Instead his wrapped an arm around Sasha's shoulders again, letting his breath out. "It's alright, Sasha," he said, as reassuringly as he could. Would Grosvenor forgive Sasha? Tapendra assumed the answer was, in fact, yes. The studies of ghosts seemed to show that they knew the activities of their loved ones. And...well, his biggest question for Grosvenor wasn't what her relationship with Sasha had been. "She's forgiven you - she knows. I promise you that," he said.

"No, that's not-" Tapendra said, to Sasha's words, the response coming before his real thought about it. "You're not just a student to me, Sasha." He blinked, and...well, if Reid knew about the way he treated and acted around Sasha, he'd surely be lectured for unprofessional behavior. But he had no doubts about the fact he cared for the boy as more than just a student. "You probably should be just a student, I admit," he added, with a slightly rueful smile. "But - you're not. I care for you far more than I care for any of the other students."

He ran a hand through his hair, smile fading slightly. It was difficult to put into words; Sasha hovered in a grey zone between friend, mentee and child for him, a spot where putting a label on it was extremely difficult. "I'm sorry. It's not really proper, is it? But..." He fidgeted a moment. "You're more like a family member to me, I suppose. I'm sorry, it's hard to describe, and if - I'm sorry."

How resolved you were when casting the spell... 

The Ravenclaw shuddered and closed his eyes.  What exactly, then, would Professor Storm find when he reached the clearing?  What all would he be able to surmise from the evidence?  Looking back on the start of the year, there'd been a few scattered moments when doubt and uncertainty had crept in, but they'd been incredibly easy to sweep aside.  By earlier this evening, he'd been so focused and desperate that most everything had been clouded with numbness. 

Sasha's eyes were still tightly closed when he felt the professor's arm over his shoulders.  As he listened to the man's reassurance, he bit his lip, fighting desperately to maintain composure.  He hated the vulnerability and he could hear his step-father's voice in the back of his head chiding him on his weakness.  Pain, guilt, shame, confusion and fear were continuing to churn more and more intensely.  For a brief moment, the pressure reached such an intensity that he was almost on the verge of shrugging off the man's concerns and yelling, demanding to know how he could possibly know what Ava felt or knew. 

But, the boy caved to the emotions instead, giving in to the tears instead.  He turned towards Professor Trishna and leaned against him.  Without the audience of a sulking Bevans and the distraction of the half-finished ritual, the sobbing came more freely and deeply.  And, It was several long moments before sobs finally subsided and Sasha's head seemed to clear.  For not the first time that long night, he suddenly became painfully aware of just how disheveled he must appear.  He fidgeted, nervously, with his tie for a few brief moments but abandoned the effort as he listened to Professor Trishna's response. 

"Really?" Sasha asked, quietly, running his fingers through his hair.  Of course, he trusted the man at his word and the clarification wasn't nearly as surprising as, perhaps, it should have been.  The words came as a relief more than anything.  "I ... no.  I suppose it isn't proper.  But, sir, I ... thank you.  I'm ... glad." 

Head cleared and, for the first time in months, emotionally drained, Sasha moved over to one of the couches and slumped down on to it.  "I'm ... I'm so sorry," he offered, shaking his head.  "I've been an idiot."

With his head clearer, it was easy to realize he would be better of coming clean.  Better with Professor Trishna than Professor Storm when he finished with his survey.  With a sigh, he offered the rest of the 'why.'  "I'd - I'd gotten so desperate.  I wasn't ... I can't sleep.  I haven't slept in two days.  I can't stop or sit still - my head just starts going.  I got the idea and found some books in the restricted section.  And, then, at least I had a plan.  I could control something.  I don't think I even cared if it was right.  I didn't care.  I just believed I needed to do it.  I figured, if something went wrong, it would just be part of the repentance."

Sasha abruptly turned and was against his chest, shoulders shaking as the boy sobbed. Tapendra blinked in surprise, mostly at the suddenness of Sasha's reaction, and found himself automatically drawing Sasha into a hug. The crying was almost as much of a relief to Tapendra as it was to Sasha; the explosion of emotion a calming thing after the tension.

Thankfully, Sasha didn't seem too upset - or upset at all, really - at his explanation, and Tapendra couldn't help but feel massively relieved. The issue had hung over them for a long time - been something he'd been repeatedly called on by the other staff for. Maiko felt it was an actual issue, that was for certain. He didn't really see how him caring for the boy was such a guarantee of him not understanding what was up with Sasha.

And given what he knew that she didn't...

"Thank you, Sasha," he said, and meant it even if it was a tad odd for him to be the one thanking Sasha, given the circumstances. At the moment, he hardly cared.

"You haven't slept in two days?" He asked, frown turning increasingly worried. He looked down at Sasha, gaze searching. That explained a lot, really; Sasha not eating properly, as well. "Sasha, that's - that's not good for you," he said, though he knew Sasha knew that.

The Restricted Section's mention made his eyebrow rise, though. "You - how did you get access to those books, Sasha?" He asked. "Which professor signed off on it?"

Sasha's brow furrowed, briefly, as he looked down at his hands.  This Halloween seemed to be following dutifully in the footsteps of the previous - full of confusion, emotional charge and newly unfolded dynamics.  Last year, the most recent Skeeter article had prompted him to spend the evening with Ava - an evening that had culminated in a kiss.  This year, Ava had still been a key player, again, - though whether she was aware of that, Sasha had no idea.  Just how far had he gotten?  Would she have known?  Wherever she was? 

This Halloween had culminated in this.  And, there was one important fact that rang through all of it.  Despite what he'd done, despite what he'd almost accomplished, Professor Trishna had still said what he'd said.  His own family, he knew, would have denied him for far less.  "Sir, I-"  He wished he could find some way to express just how much that meant but this wouldn't be the first time he found himself wishing he could be even just a bit more eloquent.  "I'm sorry."

Sasha nodded his head, confirming the lack of sleep.  "I take potions and stuff.  Or, I just ... finally fall asleep on the couch.  I haven't slept in the dorms all year.  Except that once.  I think ... I think Alvis put something in my coffee.  The night before the tournament task.  I woke up in my bed.  It was...strange." 

The Ravenclaw shrugged and shook his head.  For a moment, he hesitated, reluctant to provide full details.  After all, he could probably predict what the man's response would be.  But, hadn't he already concluded being open and honest was probably the best route?  Even though he wasn't sure how much of a difference it would make. 

"I ... well, no one.  The librarian signs off on all of them for me.  I just read them in there, at first and ... found a couple written in old German.  He doesn't ask questions so, he just signed them out.  It was easy."  Once he had them out, he'd concealed them.  Somehow, Bevans had seen past the concealments. 

Aside from the hint that one student had slipped potions to another, Tapendra couldn't help but shake his head a little bit. He doubted sending the boy to Tulojow would do much good for anyone involved, but that wasn't a situation he could let stay put.

He rubbed his chin, the kernel of an idea taking root in his mind as Sasha explained the situation with the library. Interesting though the seed by be, he cut it off fairly quickly at Sasha's words, frown turning to a scowl.

"I know Mister Morgan," he said. "Not well, mind you. But he doesn't - he doesn't seem the sort to do students favors out of the goodness of his heart...or to be lazy and careless." Heck, he wasn't the sort to do other professors any favors, really. The idea of Landis simply allowing a student to waltz into the restricted section and take whatever books he pleased was...unlikely. Tapendra thought rather highly of the younger man, their differences in viewpoint aside.

He crossed his arms. "I doubt he's really just signing off on letting you walk in and take any books you like," he said. "And if he is, then he does so at considerable risk to his position as Librarian." He quirked an eyebrow at Sasha. "And I doubt your latin lessons were enough to melt his stoic exterior."

Sasha's brow furrowed into a scowl and his gaze fixed, hard, on the coffee table.  He could feel his jaw stiffen and he shook his head, slightly, having no desire to elaborate or explain further.  He knew where this would go and he knew it wasn't anywhere good.  The conversation was about to swing back to Kronos and Sasha couldn't see any way to avoid it.

Truth was, Sasha wasn't sure he knew Mr. Morgan at all, despite having spent several hours, twice a week with him since the start of the year.  He didn't know the full details of how Mr. Morgan came to be tutoring but he knew the basics.  And, that was enough to guess at the rest.  He was fairly certain Mr. Morgan wasn't tutoring him by choice - a fact which made Sasha do everything he could to make the whole situation as painless as possible for the man.  He did his best to be cooperative, attentive and as low maintenance as he could.  And, his attempts to make it as easy as possible for the librarian extended to not throwing the man under the proverbial bus now. 

Sasha shook his head forcefully, a last ditch effort to evade answering but he didn't expect it to be effective.  "He doesn't have a choice," Sasha blurted.  "At least, I don't think he does.  He ... he can't tell me 'no' so he doesn't bother to look to closely.  It's not his fault." 

The Ravenclaw rubbed his face with both hands before pushing himself to his feet, again.  "He assigns some books to me so he signs them out regularly enough.  If I take ones he doesn't assign, he almost never asks.  It's not ... It's just how it is."

"So it's on Malvivicus's orders, then, is it?" Tapendra's tone wasn't as harsh as it could have been, but it did have an edge. Certainly Kronos seemed the only man capable of forcing Morgan to do much of anything, and certainly the only one who could force Morgan to be bad at his job.

Tapendra frowned, watching Sasha as the boy got to his feet. Whenever Kronos came up, he couldn't help but get the overwhelming desire to yell; to grab Sasha by the shoulders and shake until the boy's centers of logic and common sense actually began to do their job. No doubt Malvivicus had some further hold on him, though. And it wouldn't work, even if he didn't have a grip on him.

He sighed, letting his breath out.

"He's not teaching you Latin, is he?" He asked, tone softer.