December 15, after dinner


As the stress in Zel’s life was plateauing, he found himself able to actually eat-- he was still almost sickly-skinny, but part of that was admittedly pure genetics. All of his siblings were the tall gangly type, though his older sister was able to pull it off and look more graceful and willowy more than anything-- his mother was the same way. Like his brother Garrett, Zel felt like he was almost stretched out at times. He wished that his build was more like his father’s, but it seemed the only similarity in build that he shared was just their height. Even then, his father had been taller by a good inch or two.

After dinner, he regretted eating so much-- he felt lethargic, his stomach felt bloated, and he just wanted to lay down and nap. This wasn't an awful feeling, but perhaps four plates of food was a bit too much to eat after eating so little over the past few months. As he crawled through the tunnel into the common room, he was thankful that the opening was just big enough for someone of his size to enter. He wondered what it would have been like for Hagrid if he had been sorted into Hufflepuff; would someone have made the opening bigger for him? Did the tunnel adjust it’s size to accommodate each student?

Upon entering the common area, he saw his date to the Yule Ball-- and she wasn’t looking as chipper as she usually did. There was something off. Now, Zel had heard that Winifred was a bit of a dramatic type, but weren’t all teenage girls dramatic types? It sort of came with the territory, right? besides, if she was feeling sad, shouldn't he try to make her feel better? It didn’t matter if she was notorious for overreacting, her feelings were still there.

He wiped off the front of his pants and moved to sit down next to Winifred, not quite sure as to what to say, but saying nothing wouldn’t help either.  “Err.” He patted her shoulder like a baby seal. “Are you... okay?” Zel inquired, the words feeling awkward and foreign in his mouth.

The Charms midterm had been very depressing. She'd been losing her drive to work hard in the class since Professor Kesali threatened to expell her... Even though Winnie knew that he had no authority to do it, and that he couldn't do it just because she'd called someone else weird. But the fact that he said he'd snap her wand himself had really hurt Winnie. It had been a real struggle for her to find a wand that was decent. Three years of Hogwarts before an Ollivander wand finally chose her. She'd been working so hard, and just wanted to be a good witch, and that someone would take joy in snatching that away from her was just awful. But even if she was angry and upset with the professor, Winifred knew that she had to work hard in the class. She didn't want her tutoring to go to waste.

But after writing down such a long list of her personal flaws- Winifred had been moping all day. The Hufflepuff girl had a terrible self esteem. And banishing a sheet of parchment wasn't going to make your problems go away. It just served to remind Winnie that if she wasn't such a horrible witch, that half of her list wouldn't have existed in the first place.

Immediately after dinner she had returned to the common room, and curled up on the end of the couch nearest to the fire. There she had sat, plucking at the fabric of the couch, continuously re-writing that assignment in her head, and adding new flaws. She was on "Thing I Hate About Myself #57" when Zel sat down next to her, patted her shoulder, and asked if she was alright.

Winifred looked at him, sighed a little, and shrugged. "I don't know," was her honest answer. "I've just been depressed all day." Typically one would expect Winifred to wail dramatically about her problems. But she didn't have the energy. What she was feeling right now was true despair- not the manufactured kind she usually felt just to get attention from others. "Charms is stupid," she added. "And Professor Kesali is stupid too. And I don't like him anymore."

Zel wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. He understood what it was like to be in a bad mood (who didn’t?). He took his hand off her shoulder and looked at her with concern. Something had happened in charms? Professor Kesali was kind of weird and alienating, but he wasn’t really hateable. In fact, Zel thought he was usually very kind to his students and eager to teach.  He was silent for a long time, thinking about her response. He didn’t want to offend her by telling her that professor Kesali wasn’t stupid. He had a brain-to-mouth filter, unlike some of the other students. He wanted Winnie to feel like someone was listening to her.

“Why is charms stupid? What happened?” He frowned, a crease forming between his eyebrows. “Was the midterm hard…?” No, those weren’t the right questions. Those were bad questions. She would probably answer all of them if he asked the right one. “Err.” He hesitated, “Why are you depressed?” He felt like such an idiot—he didn’t know what to say to her! Zel wans’t really in the business of comforting people that weren’t his family members. His little siblings were easy to deal with—their problems were so simple, but teenagers and adults… Sometimes there was just so much that he didn’t even know where to start. Problems seemed to get more complex as you got older.

Winifred shrugged a little. "Charms is just stupid because I'll never be good enough at it to actually use it." He asked what happened, whether or not the midterm was hard- why was she depressed? So many questions! But Winnie wanted to talk about it with someone. She shifted her position so that she was facing Zel. She pouted at him for good measure, just for a few moments, before launching into her narrative.

"Well the mid-term made us list all the stuff we don't like about ourselves! That's stupid. It has nothing to do with charms. But I really want to get better grades. So I did the assignment anyway. And my list was just so long. There's just so much that's wrong with me! And then we were s'posed to banish it away to banish our problems. But magic can't fix all of your problems!" she exclaimed.

"And even the problems it can fix, you gotta be good enough at magic for that. And I'm just not. I'm horrid at everything. I'll probably fail out of Hogwarts after I take my OWLs. Hogwarts will just tell me it's time for me to leave!" It was a genuine source of fear for Winifred- that she might not be able to finish school through her NEWT levels because she wouldn't be good enough at magic.

She chewed her bottom lip and squeezed her eyes shut. Winnie didn't want to cry on Zel. Then he'd not want to be her yule ball date anymore. "And it's just stupid. And Professor Kesali is mean. And I don't like him. Because he threatened to expell me and snap my wand in half a couple of of weeks ago. And it took me years to find a good and proper wand! And if I lost it, what if another one never chose me? I'd have to go back to my old stupid wand and being even worse at magic than I am now! All my hard work would be ruined." And she had been working hard since the beginning of the year to get her grades up and get better at spell casting.

"You know my list had more than thirty things on it by the time we had to stop. And I could have kept writing more stuff that I don't like about myself or what's wrong with me. Everybody else only wrote a few things. But I filled up the front and the back of my parchment. I don't see how anybody could like me when so much is wrong with me."

He did not expect Winnie to burst it out all at once. He thought he’d have to coax it out of her-- on the one hand, he was thankful that she was so willing to talk about her issues. On the other, she was saying so much that he was beginning to feel overwhelmed. He wasn’t the counselor here! He was just some skinny albino werewolf dude who wanted to make sure Winnie was alright. He wanted to help her, but she had so many problems. Maybe it was just best to be honest. Even though Winnie saw all these horrible things about herself, Zel didn’t see them. He thought she was a genuinely lovely person, albeit a little dramatic at times.

“My god,” he thought, “I’m sure dragons have problems less complicated than this.” He took in all of Winnie’s information and frowned, “That wasn’t very nice of Professor Kesali to threaten that.” he wondered if other people knew about this-- he was sure that other staff members wouldn't be okay with a teacher threatening to snap a student’s wand!

He took a deep breath and then continued, “And. Um, about you not being good at anything. I don’t think it’s about being good about anything as long as you try. And you seem like someone who tries really hard, you know? So I don’t think you’ll fail. I’m not very good at astronomy but I could help you with other subjects if you need help. No one wants you to fail so I’m sure people will do what they can to help you. L-like I said, maybe I could help you study?” But that didn’t seem to be the root of her problem. Zel felt like he was talking more than he ever had in his entire life.

“B-but, maybe there isn’t as much as wrong with you as you think? I don’t see anything wrong with you.” Zelig said with complete sincerity. “If it helps, I like you even if you think no one else does.”

Zel's words were not particularly comforting at first- until he stated that he didn't see anything wrong with her, and that he liked her. Winnie looked at him, eyes wide, brimming with tears. "You really mean that?" Winnie asked. "That you don't think that I'm awful or anything?" Nobody had ever really told her that before. They'd always said they liked her anyway- even if there was stuff wrong with her. Which was comforting enough, she supposed, but it wasn't the same as having somebody tell you that nothing was wrong with you.

Winifred scooted closer to him, and rested her head on his shoulder and heaved a sigh. "I just wish I was more perfect. You know- like some of my friends. Sophie is super pretty and talented. And Cy is really smart and pretty. It's just... You know. I want to be smart, pretty, and talented. And I feel like I'm not any of those things."

“Uh-uh-“ he stammered, “Of course I mean it!” Zel insisted. And he did—there was nothing wrong with Winifred. He knew his fair share of crazies, and although she made the list, she was very mild. Crazy didn’t even mean bad, it just meant interesting. Yes, Winnie was interesting, and he liked it. “Nobody’s perfect, you know? I mean…” He patted her head awkwardly when she leaned it against his shoulder. That was what girls liked, right? Patting them was supposed to be comforting. He felt like he was petting a horse or something. Maybe Zel should ask someone for girl advice, just so that he wouldn’t be so dumb with Winnie. Maybe he could ask his sister. Or, for something more immediate, he could ask Figaro.

After all, that couldn’t possibly go wrong.  Zel figured that Figaro had already done his damage, it wasn’t like he could do anything worse.  “I think you are smart in your own way. You can talk about your feelings and a lot of people have a hard time with that. I know I do.” He sighed, “And you know how to speak your mind. You say things and you don’t seem afraid to say them.” The more he talked to Winifred, the more comfortable the werewolf got. Her exposing her own insecurities made her easier to understand and relate to. He knew how she felt. He felt like he wasn’t very handsome sometimes, like he was too stretched out and gaunt to be considered likeable. "I-I guess I just think you're smart and pretty and talented in your own way, you just need to see it yourself."

Winifred could have just died- from all the feels- when he said that she smart and pretty and talented in her own way. Nobody had said such nice things to her before! And she felt like Zel meant it. He didn't seem the sort to say things like that for the sake of it... She was going to not read into it more, either. Because if Winifred over analyzed, she'd pick apart his kindness with suspicion. And that wouldn't go over well at all!

She sat back up, and crossed her legs on the couch, tilting her head at him. "Sorry for getting all weird on you. It's just been a bad day. That's all." Winifred offered him a soft smile. "But you made me feel better. Thank you."

Winifred rubbed her face, wiping away the moistness from her eyes. She hadn't fully started crying- but had come close. "So... Urhm... How was you day?" she asked. Winnie knew she shouldn't make this conversation ALL ABOUT HER. And she had monopolized it so far. "Hopefully better than mine, yeah?"