For the third time in a week, Sasha found himself standing outside her door, staring at the doorknob.  Why this was so difficult, he couldn't rightly say but on the two previous occasions, Sasha had turned and continued on his way without making his presence known.  If she'd known he was there, Ms. Biladeau gave no indication of it. 

Part of him knew he needed to do this and he'd already convinced himself that starting with an apology was the right thing to do.  From there ... he didn't know.  Everything about this still felt wrong and even standing here went against everything he understood.  Or, thought he understood.  Over the last few weeks, Sasha had found himself spending a lot of time questioning most everything he thought he knew. 

He'd known, coming down, that chances were good he'd second guess himself back up the stairs to the library so he'd brought a bit of an insurance policy with him.  There was only so long Baldur would wait patiently for Sasha to go through the formalities of human greetings and invitations.  The dog had always appreciated the occasional treats and Sasha knew, watching the dog, that in only a few minutes the dog would reveal their presence.  And Ms. Biladeau would find him standing foolishly in the hallway like some loitering vagabond.  Unless Sasha stopped hesitating and committed himself to the meeting.

The dog started to fidget and Sasha reached out to quickly knock on the door.  Once invited, he pushed the door open and stuck his head inside.  "Ma'am," he asked quietly.  "If you have a moment, can I have a word?" 

Maiko was completely unaware that Sasha had been working up the nerve to talk to her, though she expected that he would come to her eventually. She didn’t expect it to be so soon—but then again, it was November,, and she had given him a couple months to cool off and have some space to breathe. Forcing herself into his world was in no way allowing him to feel any sense of control over his life.  The soonest that she expected to see Sasha was perhaps after winter break, or right before. Not at all during November.

So when he peeked his head into her office, Maiko did not mask her surprise. “Of course! Come in!” She exclaimed, motioning for him to take a seat. The counselor put a few supposedly blank sheets of paper in a desk drawer and grabbed a treat for Baldur. She moved to one of the chairs in front of her desk and  offered it to the dog. Mai looked at the Ravenclaw curiously, though her expression was soft. She was happy to see him, but she wondered what it was that compelled him to meet with her. As long as he stayed, she’d figure it out soon enough.

“What would you like to talk about?” She inquired after giving Baldur a few necessary behind-the-ear scratches. The counselor leaned back into her chair, her posture relaxed, yet questioning.

Baldur didn't hesitate to slip through the half open door and trot across the office to press his pointy nose against the crack between dress drawers and sniff thoroughly as Ms. Biladeau extracted a treat.  The Ravenclaw, however, was a bit more hesitant as he stepped inside and shut the door behind him.  Despite the woman's invitation, he didn't move immediately over to the other chair.  His gaze followed the dog as Baldur leaned into the counselor's ear scratch before moving halfway between the chairs and where Sasha continued to stand next to the closed door and laid down. 

To be honest, Sasha didn't know how to answer the woman's question.  He did not know what he wanted to talk about.  He was fairly certain he knew what he didn't want to talk about - it was a fairly healthy sized list.  There'd been a lot of motivations for coming to the counselor's office but the doubt and uncertainty were only continuing to compound with each second he continued to stand with his hand on the doorknob. 

The Ravenclaw took a deep breath and forced himself to cross the room and sat down, at the edge of the other seat.  "I'm not really, you know, good at this."  She probably had figured that out already.  But, he could, at least accomplish his primary goal and then stage an escape if he needed to.  "I ... I just felt like I needed to apologize.  For - I know I haven't been very polite.  And, I am sorry for that."  He knew he hadn't given a good first impression. 

"I just - I'm not cut out for this kind of thing," he finally admitted, glancing pointedly around the room. 

She nodded briefly at the apology, though she gave him a silent look that said it all—he did not need to tell her that he was sorry. It wouldn’t stop Sasha from apologizing further if he felt compelled to, but in her eyes, there was nothing for him to apologize for. He had never done her some deep personal wrong, he did not embarrass her or cause her discomfort in any way. Maiko noticed how he sat at the edge of the seat, as if he was ready to leap out of it at any moment to make his escape.

“I am sorry if you felt like I was imposing on you.” She replied simply. Too many frills in an apology may not only confuse the facts, but it may make one seem ingenuine. She was silent for a few moments. “Few people are cut out for sitting in an office spewing their feelings to a stranger.” The corner of Mai’s lip twitched up slightly in amusement—often times,  talking about your feelings was a part of counseling, but not always. It was usually only the people who were ready to spew who did.  Usually, she listened to each individual’s perceptions of different situations they may be in, or even their perceptions about ‘unrelated’ items that they felt like discussing.

“Maybe we should start with a more straightforward question. What brought you ‘ere? If you do not want to answer that, that is also fine.”

"I'm -"  Sasha took a deep breath and chewed his lip when the woman wordlessly accepted and dismissed the apology.  Apologizing for apologizing was, of course, superfluous and unnecessary.  Even if nerves tended to prompt him to resort to them when he wasn't sure what else to do.  It was a bad habit of his.

“I am sorry if you felt like I was imposing on you.”

Sasha's brow furrowed in thought, briefly, before he shook his head.  Imposing?  He hadn't thought it was imposing as much as ... he wasn't entirely sure.  Edith used to chase him down to feed him - especially during the summer when he was always running to lessons and practices.  But, that had been when he was younger.  And, she was paid to do it.  Ms. Biladeau was paid to ... well, Sasha wasn't entirely sure, but he was certain it wasn't to feed students. 

"I can take care of myself," Sasha said, scowling.  It hadn't and wouldn't have occurred to Sasha that that wasn't what the counselor had meant by the gesture.  "I know how to - well, not really cook.  But, I'm not a child.  I'm self-sufficient and on my own.  I don't understand why you think I can't." 

The young man shook his head.  He wasn't cut out for spewing his feelings anywhere.  It was, easily, one of the most uncomfortable feelings for him and it almost always left him feeling guilty.  "I don't like complaining.  And, no one wants to hear it, either.  You just got to get over it and suck it up." 

In which case, the woman's question was a good one.  What had brought him here?  "I don't know," Sasha admitted, shrugging his shoulders.  "I just felt guilty and needed to apologize.  And, since that's not necessary-"  The young man shifted, uncomfortably.  "You mentioned, earlier - a while ago, a willingness to help me with the Divination stuff.  I'd understand if, for some reason, that offer didn't still stand.  But, it's still the only class I'm really struggling in." 

When Sasha scowled, Maiko grinned almost deviously—she couldn’t help it. It was an amusing response to her apology, and one that didn’t seem quite Schlagenweit-like to her.  “I’m sure you can fend for yourself. I just like to feed people.” She said honestly. Maiko enjoyed leaving pastries in the staff room and forcing unsuspecting coworkers to dine with her. To her, sharing food and talking was her way of showing that she cared, on some level. If she hated the person, or was angry at them in some way, they could expect a basket of burned muffins.

“You don’t ‘ave to like complaining.” Maiko shrugged. “I don’t see anything wrong with expressing your thoughts. Positive, compliant words are not the only ones worth ‘earing.” She listened as he shifted and spoke with hesitation. He wasn’t comfortable with her yet. He might never be comfortale with her, or it might take time. Sasha seemed like someone who had so many things running through his mind. She wondered how close those thoughts were getting him to imploding from the stress.

Maiko raised her eyebrows in pleasant surprise—oh. He was interested in her help? She wasn’t a tutor, but she did have experience with divination and seers, though she had some very strong opinions when it came to that particular branch of magic. “I would still be willing to ‘elp you in any way I can.” She said gently,  “Do you ‘ave anything specific in mind that you need assistance with?”  Maiko had completed a book of her own, with case examples of anonymous seers and how visions vary from person to person or due to different levels of stress or problems in living. She was unsure if it would actually help Sasha in any way, but it depended on what aspect of divination he was having difficulty understanding.

The Ravenclaw supposed he understood Ms. Biladeau's need to feed people though his Oma was the only person he could remember in his family with a similar tendency.  But, Sasha had been no more then nine or ten the last time anyone had let Kat Waldgraf near a kitchen.  At first, Sasha wasn't entirely sure what to say so he said the first thing that came to mind.  "Then.  Can it at least be carrots?  Or, you know, hummus." Now, hummus was something Sasha definitely missed while at school.  The young man blushed, then shook his head.  "I just - I try to watch my weight.  I ride, you see.  Equestrian sports.  I'm already on the too-tall side so I try to keep my..." 

Sasha's voice trailed off and shrugged.  The woman probably didn't need the inner details of his ideal BMI and how carefully he monitored it.  Nor would it likely help his case any.  Though, he was being perfectly honest that he worried about it for practical, competitive reasons - not because of vanity or insecurity or anything like that. 

"My parents didn't tolerate it," Sasha admitted, in regards to complaining.  "I-"  But, explaining that or getting into that wasn't why he was here.  It was about getting help with class. 

Now, they were getting to a topic that was much more in Sasha's comfort zone.  Classes, studying and grades.  "I ... well, we're doing Divination techniques in class - finding whatever method 'speaks' to us.  For projects and our midterms.  And, I'm just ... I'm rubbish in Divination.  I've never gotten above an 'E.'  I want to do well.  I don't want to give up.  But I know I'm not really a - the Divination type.  I want a decent grade." 

Hummus. Maiko had to smile at that. Hummus was tasty with crackers or, with what Sasha probably preferred, fresh vegetables. If she made enough hummus, she would have enough for herself to snack on for a long time—it would be a lot more low maintenance than the other stuff she was used to cooking. Plus, she understood the pressure to keep under a certain weight for a hobby. Ballet dancers were under pressure of looking a very specific way, while equestrian athletes also needed to watch their weight. Now, Sasha keeping an eye on his weight was the least of Maiko’s concerns. Even if it was a problem, there were others that needed to be addressed. Right now, this wasn’t what he was asking for help for. He needed help with divination.

She brought her hand to her chin and looked at one of the piles of books in the corner of her office. Then she looked back at Sasha.  "Divination is a.. Softer magic." Maiko started, but then shook her head. No. There was no need to impose her own personal opinion on the subject to someone who was wanting to learn. In her eyes, divination was useless at best and damaging at the worst.

“There are books that can help you understand different aspects of divination, but it takes more than understanding the concept to do it.” She hesitated, “You mentioned that you ‘aven’t gotten better than an E mark. When you ‘ave gotten that E, what do you think you did differently?” Maiko asked. “Tell me about the assignment that you did the best on. I will do my best to ‘elp you with this subject, but it sometimes ‘elps to figure out what you were doing when you were closest to succeeding.” She didn’t want to specifically say that an E was a successful grade. In Sasha’s eyes, it probably wasn’t. 

The Ravenclaw's eyes widened and he pursed his lips at the description of Divination as a 'soft magic.'  That, it most certainly was.  There was no question Sasha was much more comfortable with the exactness, definitive lines and relative lack of vagueness in the harder magics - just as he preferred the harder sciences.  Any topics or subjects that allowed for multiple correct answers was, innately, suspect in his mind.  But, he'd already decided studying Divination would be useful - if not pivotal - for what he wanted to do.  Not the actual act of divining.  He couldn't care less if he never read another person's soggy tea leaves again.  But the practice of Divination as a whole.

Sasha nodded, confirming what Ms. Biladeau had already stated: reading books wasn't the answer.  It probably didn't need saying that that was a tactic he'd already attempted.  He'd already have secured is Outstanding mark if it was a simple matter of reading more. 

The Ravenclaw fell quiet for a few moments as he considered the woman's question.  He wasn't quite sure what had made the difference - his "E" in divination had taken him by surprise.  "I don't know.  My OWL exam, I guess," he admitted, with a shrug.  "I was out of school for most of the spring term last year so I did a lot of studying on my own.  Tutors and help outside of class.  Mostly - I think...the exam was just theory?  Or not just theory but we did tarot.  And, we laid out a spread of cards and interpreted them.  Which is fine - I can memorize the spreads and the cards meanings and all of that.  It's easier, you know.  Reading the cards when no one else is involved." 

Of course. Sasha liked the exactness that reading cards had. He preferred being able to memorize things—a lot of divination methods required feeling and sometimes inexplicably, knowing. Being a seer, that part was deeply ingrained in her, it was difficult to explain. It was also a part of her that she avoided much contact with, as she viewed the future as multiple futures, with multiple paths that could be taken to go a different direction in life. There were often so many factors, so many other lives involved that it was difficult to find something that would be set in stone, unless things had progressed so far that it was irreversible.

 Maiko nodded, “If that is your strong suit in divination, then you have found the method that suits you the most.” She said, “But even that will not be accurate, one hundred percent of the time. Even if you think no one else is involved, there are many different factors-- including the decisions that everybody makes.” She hesitated. Sasha was a book reader, perhaps he would like to read her rather lengthy but informative book that focused on divination, seers, and of course, self-fulfilling prophecies. It was chock full of psychology and how thinking that you knew your future affected people in different ways, but had delved into the realm of magic far too much to ever be published in the muggle world. As it was newly published in the wizarding world, with the help of a few other seers, not many people had read, or even heard of it yet. 

“There are some books I recommend you read, just so you could understand how divination can affect people. It might not be much, but it could ‘elp with your research.” Maiko finally said, “Would you be interested?”

The Ravenclaw pursed his lips and shook his head.  Comparatively, perhaps, it was true - he'd certainly been more successful with Tarot than with some of the other forms of Divination.  Perhaps because what he was reading was much less ambiguous.  There was so much subjectivity in the drifting shapes in a crystal ball or the soggy mass at the bottom of a teacup.  With Tarot, it was far more definitive.  The King of Swords was the King of Swords and it either came upside down or right side up.  Those things could be memorized and repeated. 

Slowly, Sasha shook his head.  "It's not quite that."  No one else being involved wasn't, perhaps, quite the right wording.  "Last year, when I was out of school, Dreogan Eleor helped me some.  And it was more..."  Sasha hesitated, trying to put it into words.  "If I lay out a spread, I can ... I can tell you what it all means.  I know what the book says The Sun followed by a Knight of Wands means.  But ... actually reading someone else...trying to read your cards, for instance.  It ..."  He shook his head.   

Sasha sat back and nodded.  The book did sound potentially useful to where he, ultimately, wanted to go with Divination.  But, he still was uncertain another book would help him with being more successful with the material.  Was she making the offer to divert his request for help to that?  He couldn't blame her, if that was the case.  He hadn't done much to help his case any with her. 

Assuming that was the case, Sasha frowned and nodded again.  "Yes, ma'am.  That would be helpful.  Thank you." 

“Alright.” Maiko nodded. She stood up and walked to one of her shelves and pulled out a moderately sized book, The Eye and the Mind. She handed it to him, “If you ‘ave any questions about it, let me know.” She said. Then she thought a bit about the cards. She sat back down and gave him a smile, “I’ll let you in on a little secret. It’s not just about the cards. The cards are not the only thing to focus on.” Maiko explained, “You need to focus on human behavior as a whole. To read that person, you need to understand human behavior and that individual person well enough to put two and two together. What are the cards saying, compared to how that person is?” Maiko wasn’t sure if she was explaining it well at all—she wasn’t a professor. 

“You need to learn ‘ow to read people—not just their cards. Watch their body language, listen to the tone of voice. You need to take it what they are saying, even if they are not direct. Even if they do not notice what they are saying. The better to know the person, the more accurate of a reading you will get.” That was the method of divination that worked the best for her—though she could hardly call it divination. To her, it was simply people skills.

“Think about your ‘ead of ‘ouse, for example.” Maiko said, “When ‘e drinks tea, he puts an obscene amount of sugar in it. He’s not very likely to drink tea without sugar in it.” She groaned to herself. That was an awful example. “Or, Zel Trumble. He swims in the lake every morning.  Chances are, that is where ‘e will be tomorrow morning. If you were to read 'is cards, you would also need to consider 'is personality-- what path is he more likely to take? What 'as he communicated to you?"  She felt like she wasn’t conveying the message very well. That was why she didn’t go into education. “Do you understand what I am trying to say?” It was much easier for her to have put it in writing, in the book that Sasha had in his hands, than it was for her to verbalize it.

Sasha nodded and took the book, flipping through the first few pages before closing it and holding it in his lap.  He was sure questions would arise, as well as new ideas and thoughts.  There would be so much time and opportunity in the future to explore those thoughts and weave them into whatever research path he ended up taking.  "Thank you, ma'am." 

But, with midterms coming up, it was the application of the techniques he really needed to focus on.  The theory could wait. 

He tried to return the woman's smile but it was only half convincing.  "So, I'd be better off divining a horse," Sasha said, quietly, glancing down at dog flopped across his feet.  "But ... isn't that ... that's invasive.  Or, maybe more like you're judging someone.  If someone wanted you to know something, they'd tell you.  I mean, it's one thing to notice an obvious pattern in someone -"  Professor Trishna certainly didn't try to hide the amount of sugar he put in his tea but he also didn't publicize it, either.  If Sasha still spent as much time in the tower as he used to when the previous professors were still here, he probably wouldn't have noticed. 

"It's another entirely to ... to ... snoop.  It's none of my business what path he's going to take.  And, I'm certainly not going to go and divine a professor!  Even if it's-"  Sasha caught himself and stopped, shaking his head.  "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean ... I just get so nervous someone will find out something that they shouldn't.  Or, that I'll find out something I'm not supposed to know.  You get so self-conscious."

“I’m not asking you to snoop.” She replied, “I was just using ‘im as an example. He is the Head of Ravenclaw.” Maiko leaned forward. “It’s not about snooping at all. It’s about knowing people. People will communicate with you, even if aren’t trying to. It’s their ‘onest signals, their facial expressions. Their subtle actions. Body language can be controlled, but there are unconscious cues that people give others. People pick up on it, whether you realize it or not. Have you ever met a person that you felt uncomfortable with for no reason? Someone you met and disliked immediately? There’s a reason for that. Something about them, something they communicated to you is something you dislike.”

Mai frowned, “But we need to learn ‘ow people, in general, react to different situations. That ‘elps predict their next move. One thing that needs to be learned and practiced before learning about others, is learning about your Self. You must first be aware of your thoughts and feelings, your first reaction to events. Why are you ‘aving these thoughts? What caused you to feel happy, or uneasy? What are your actions? Why are you choosing these actions?” The counselor paused, “Learn about yourself, and you will understand others better. You will be able to predict what actions they’re likely to take, and divination will come easier to you—at least, in regards to people.”

Why did Sasha want to learn divination if he was worried about finding out something that he shouldn’t? “M. Schlagenweit, you may find out things people don’t want you to know. That is the risk you take when you engage in Divination. It’s not intentional. And it might not actually ‘appen, but it could. Can you accept that?”

It was true.  Most of the time, Sasha was not good at reading people at all.  He was not, generally, comfortable displaying emotions and he had a hard time reading them in others.  So, when there was any doubt about a person's intentions or motives, the Ravenclaw simply opted to assume the worst.  As the woman across from him was quite aware of by now.  He'd learned long ago it was safer that way. 

Have you ever met a person that you felt uncomfortable with for no reason? Someone you met and disliked immediately?

"Sort of," Sasha half-way conceded.  In most of the examples that came to mind, whether or not he'd had reason was highly debatable.  "But, isn't that, you know, prejudging?  I mean, you-"  Sasha fell silent, grimacing apologetically.  Ms. Biladeau was, after all, the last person he'd experienced that with.  Though, again, whether or not he had reason was the debatable element.  Sasha believed he had plenty of reason.

Learning about yourself.  Sasha shifted, uncomfortably in his seat, looking down again at the dog.  In theory, that seemed such a simple, straightforward idea.  Simple enough that Sasha felt incredibly foolish for admitting he had no idea how to do that.  "How ... how are you supposed to do that?"

When the woman asked if Sasha could accept accidentally uncovering information about others in divination, it took a few moments for the Ravenclaw to answer.  "I - yes.  Of course.  That's what you have to do for the class."  Like getting one's hands dirty in Herbology.  If that's what one needed to do to achieve an "O" then, yes.  At least, Sasha was willing to say that.  "But, how do you keep ... I understand.  It's very vulnerable."