Never trust a Monday. Never trust a ruddy Monday.

Edwin had made a face like a toad with gas when he had been informed that the mopping up of a dramatically splinched wizard who had appeared in the middle of a shopping centre had gone wrong. Beneath the face he was delighted, the only thing that could have made it better would for it to have been Oxford Street on a Saturday before Christmas. That would have made his year.

"The please-men are already all over it."
"Policemen." Edwin had corrected his junior.

It had taken very little time to join his Department's obliviators, and they were just clearing enough and about to obliviate and re-inform the policemen at the scene with the hastily thought-up excuse from the Muggle-worthy Excuse Committee when the disagreement had broken out behind him. Two junior obliviators had been having a competition to see who could obliviate more Muggles, and had both launched themselves for the final Muggle with gusto. One let loose a stray stunner in the heat of the moment which had sent their Department Head sprawling on the polished tile floor as it hit him in the back of the head.

Edwin had been running through the fine detail of the excuse only be knocked clean out on the spot, and face-plant, breaking his bulbous nose in the process. His colleagues had scraped him off the ground, and had taken him to St Mungo's after an initial chuckle and a clip round the ear of the two younger members of the Department. Someone would buy them a drink after work for the brilliance. It was doubtful who would inform Edwin eventually of how he had sustained his injuries...

With a bloody face and delirious, the Head of the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes had been carted up to level 4 where he proceeded to sing Ten Green Bottles without decreasing the number of bottles between verses.

"... there'd be ten green bottles, hanging on the wall.... ten green- ooh aren't you pretty, I'd hang my bottles on you..."

"Thorpe," a mediwitch had just come in through the ward in a flurry of lime green robes and Vivienne looked up from her clipboard, frowning at the disturbance. A pair of tiny, delicate spectacles balanced precariously on her nose. "D'ye mind taking a patient? Zelda's gone off for 'er break."

Oh, jésus. The Healer set down her work and slipped off the eyewear (necessary for anyone trying to decipher intern notes). Her colleague did not even wait but turned straight out towards the corridor- Viv never refused a patient. Unless it was an auror, naturellement, for then nobody would even ask in the first place.

"Oui," she sighed softly as the Janus Thickey ward disappeared beyond the door behind her and they began walking towards the Fourth Floor reception at a brisk pace. "Keep an eye on Mrs.Clarke while I'm away, won't you?" The mediwitch turned off into another passageway while Vivienne continued on to the treatment rooms.

Merlin what a racket; as soon as she pushed open the doors a loud (and alarmingly lively) voice caught the Healer off-guard. It was quite the rendition. The wizard, an older monsieur with a very unmistakable bloody nose, had been plopped on to a gurney. "... there'd be ten green bottles, hanging on the wall.... ten green-" he was singing until she'd entered. "ooh aren't you pretty, I'd hang my bottles on you..."

I'm sure you would, Vivienne thought with a hint of vexation but betrayed none of it externally. Instead she smiled sweetly and approached the side of the gurney, picking up the sheet of parchment they'd left clipped to the edge.

"Monsieur Glass, non?" her gaze flicked between Edwin's red face and the paperwork. "I am your Healer today, Miss Thorpe. You do not seem in terrible spirits in spite of this injury. Does your head hurt at all?"

"... does your head hurt at all?"

"Like a ruddy firecracker - haha - I bet's that's what you are - aren't ya?" He smiled through all the blood drizzling down his face. If he'd been able to behave sensibly, it would have been more prudent to mention the smack to the back of his head and to the front subsequently, though it was clear to see he'd kissed the concrete.

Edwin went to illustrate his point by pointing at the Healer's face, but pointed about a foot in the wrong direction.
"You hab a preddy face," he mumbled, "I caand call you mizz dorpe, iz so old fashioned."

Merlin this would hurt like hell later, but the mix of magic, impact and shock were doing their best to keep that for unveiling in the near future.

Even with her aversion to auror patients, Vivienne somehow always managed to get the strange ones.

The blood that coloured Edwin's face was not a disturbing sight but she drew her wand as he spoke and gestured the tip at his nose, murmuring a stemming charm to help slow the bleeding. It would have to be cleaned up before anything could be done about any broken cartilage... and then, maybe, a brief test to check for brain damage. The file mentioned a fall.

"My eyes are up here sir," Viv said in a mildly chastising voice, and largely ignored the firecracker comment. She hoped that this behaviour was part of the shock to his system. "And you may call me Vivienne if it helps. Look up please."

A sheet of muslin was procured from the gurney side table, then gently pressed to the nasal passage. The Healer reached down for her patient's hand and brought it up to the fabric.

"Hold, apply a little pressure." That would give him something to do, in a way. Vivienne swept her wand across his face, clearing the blood, and began to prod parts of the skin to ascertain further injury. "You could, s'il vous plaît, tell me some things about yourself?"

People were fond of talking by themselves- much to the pleasure of Healers on the fourth floor, it was a very simple way to ensure their patients weren't experiencing mental impairment. And Viv was having her doubts about this one.

The healer was most efficient in her dealings with the addled Department Head. He tried to reassert his eyes, only seeing two of Vivienne wasn't helping.

Edwin's hand was applied to his nose, and his eyes crossed momentarily as he tried to focus on the fact. He looked like a dog trying to focus on the bee that had just landed on his snout. The request to tell her about himself fell on dull ears, he much preferred trying to compliment Healer Thorpe poorly.

"I dove you, you dealers," Edwin slurred, his consonants dulled by being unable to breathe properly beneath his hand. "Oww oww, whads with da poking, won't you leh me do that layder?" He let go of his nose and tried to catch her hand to stop her.

"Vivienne's a dovely name such a preddy name..." Edwin continued, and swallowed noisily, trying to get his intonation to return, "You'll let me buy you a drink after this won' you? I don' have a wife.... or a girl... no' like you... preddy Vivienne."

"I dove you, you dealers," began Edwin Glass and Vivienne fixed him with what might have been an exasperated stare (although it wasn't, because she could only giggle at his cross-eyed expression instead). He was almost, maybe, too silly to be the Head of a Department.

But then she remembered Cameron Rosier and decided that these Heads were unfortunately imperfect. At least this Monsieur was not yelling rudely at her.

Viv's wand hand danced away from her patient as he tried to wave her away from his face- she pulled the tip away and then shook it at him. "Non, non. It is only a little pain..." in a quick gesture, the Healer prodded at Edwin's right cheekbone before deciding to stop. "Your nose, seulement." 

A spell for the cartilage, assuredly, and then something for his head... his silly little head....

"I am flattered," Vivienne smiled sweetly at the man. He was silly, maybe, but engaging in his own way. "I do not think my gentleman friend would agree. He is what you call jaloux." Ed Pratt was not so much jealous as he was proud- naturallement, men could hardly tell the difference between the two as it was.

"Now," she tried to veer the conversation back to his treatment- possibly in vain. "You will allow me to fix your face, oui?"

Merlin damn her gentleman friend!

"You never know, I migh' be nicer than him?" Edwin grinned beneath his broken nose, but this witch seemed a little hard to convince. She was so very pretty though.

"Now, you will allow me to fix your face, oui?"

"Ouuuui." Edwin replied, still grinning, "You'll have do if you if you wan' a kiss after." He chuckled. The delirium of his concussion was allowing him to be oblivious of the fact healing his nose might cause pain because he was irritating Healer Thorpe.

It didn't stop him from trying to reach around and pinch her bottom though.

Mon dieu, either there was something terribly damaged about this wizard's brain or there was a very evident reason as to why he was on the fourth floor. Vivienne wondered if he was a frequent visitor. Surely someone must have hexed him before.

Flirtations aside, at least he was going to allow that she repair that broken cartilage...

The Healer lifted her wand and aimed it delicately at the mishappen bridge of Edwin's nose, her tolerant bedside manner fading into a more serious expression while she considered the spell. Maybe, if used well, a thorough charm that could restruct--

SLAP!

Vivienne's reaction was instantaneous; she almost surprised herself by how quickly she'd stepped away and struck the patient in his face. Careful not to drop her wand, she held a hand to her mouth in surprise. Jésus. She had half a mind to send him into the long-term ward with a hearty hex.

"Monsieur Glass," Viv's cheeks coloured but her grey eyes fixed a schoolteacher glare on him. "You will keep your hands to yourself, si'l vous plaît!" Or she would bind them herself, the silent threat loomed as an afterthought. "I would not want to also have to repair your wrists."

Merlin's buttocks on a red hot fire!

Edwin's stunned mind received a sharp bolt of attention from Thorpe's hand rather than her wand. He yelped loudly in surprise.

"Merlin woman!" He exclaimed, putting a hand to his face automatically as his cheek stung, but the slap brought him half to his senses after the stunner had left his mind all over the shop. He half sat up, eyes suddenly turning a lot colder as he began to think straight again.

Then he blinked, patted his face and looked surprised instead. The woman's hand had inadvertently brought him out of some of the levels of confusion.
"Oh, well, that seems to help. What did you say your name was, Thorpe?"  Still frowning, he added "Why is ten green bottles in my head?"

There was, maybe, something to be said about the medicinal properties of a good and proper slap. Vivienne's temper had plummeted back to less threatening levels and she felt the colour leave her face as some form of sobriety finally settled in Edwin's eyes.

"Oui, Thorpe." Her gaze remained quite steadily on his face, brow furrowed as she tried to distinguish if her smack had at all worsened the broken cartilage. "You were dazed, Monsieur, by a stunning charm. Watch your nose. It isn't bleeding anymore but we haven't fixed it yet."

Although she was sorely tempted to let it heal on its own by now. The limitations of a Healer's oath. Vivienne was hoping to tactfully avoid the fact that he'd... made an unwelcome pass at her, in his previous state. She cleared her throat and indicated her wand.

"You are recovered from psychological effects," her emphasis was curt but she sounded seemingly good-humored. "There is only the physical. We can remedy the injury, non?"

"Yes, yes, of course." Edwin replied his hand halfway to his throbbing nose instinctively to examine what had occurred. Gosh, cracking headache too.

He obligingly lowered his hand and looked up at the healer, examining her properly now he had come to his senses. She was a pretty witch. For some reason he thought he might have told her that...

"Merlin, blood better come out this suit otherwise I'll have to get it remade by Darian Morgan, be a damned shame." Thorpe was waving her wand at him now and he held himself steady a moment, trying not to cringe about the impending snap of pain as she healed what appeared to be a broken nose.

Ye gads!

Edwin instinctively held his nose in surprise and squeezed his eyes shut rather like he was sneezing.

"Thank you. Forgive me, Healer Thorpe, what 'psychological' symptoms was I exhibiting before you brought me out of them?" He opened his eyes and left his nose alone, sitting up steadily now back in one piece.

Silly, silly wizard. As he muttered on to himself, Vivienne continued with the business of healing- making no effort to be gentle this time.

A barely audible snap! at the tip of her wand. The cartilage in Edwin's nose cracked effectively into place and she withdrew while concealing a satisfied smile. Served the little lutin right! Even if he didn't seem to recollect the reasons, poor devil.

"You're welcome," Viv decided to ignore the apology- this had become awkward enough. He did not even know for what he apologised! "You were exhibiting symptoms that, I'm afraid, my amoreux would have considered most disagreeable..." she couldn't help but smile at the idea of explaining the day's work to Eddie.

He had nothing to worry about. Monsieur Glass was no predator, and maybe even endearing in his own way.

"Your head must feel sore. Can I prescribe you an elixir for the headache?"

Nose repaired, and senses rather reached now, Edwin rubbed at his face and patted his nose. He blushed at her explanation.

"That would be appreciated. Merlin, that wasn't quite what I had expected to follow a routine callout." Running his fingertip down his nose, happy that it was back to its usual way, although sore, he checked his clothes for bloodspots and dirt.

"Last I remember I was just overseeing the last of the muggles being obliviated in a shopping centre." He reached into his waistcoat pocket for his familiar pocketwatch and checked the time. It was perhaps half an hour or more since he'd checked it last.

"Sorry, Edwin Glass, Head of the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes - the irony is always clear when I end up in here." The older man's features turned into a genuine smile, "Thank you for your assistance."

Vivienne frowned, perturbed by her patient's memory loss. It wasn't uncommon in magical accidents but it was natural for Healers to be suspicious of any mental alterations.

"I see..." she flicked her wand at the large cabinet that took up the far wall of the treatment room. Several drawers opened and closed, bottles whirling towards them gently. "It is good to- to meet you again then. You may call me Vivienne. Is there anyone to monitor you for the next twenty four hours Monsieur? A friend or colleague, oui?"

Her shift was far from over so if he relapsed at least she would still be at the hospital to receive the readmission. Viv considered the elixirs that hovered in a line before her, considering the choices. Non... non...

"Here," she plucked a long vial filled with murky green liquid. "Two doses in this." Her lips relaxed into a warm smile: "Take with food mais no alcohol. Ideally, no liquor for three days." Vivienne held up three fingers pointedly.

"It is good to- to meet you again then. You may call me Vivienne. Is there anyone to monitor you for the next twenty four hours Monsieur? A friend or colleague, oui?"

Edwin puffed out his cheeks as Vivenne contemplated a choice of bottles in a line before her.

"Here, two doses in this. Take with food mais no alcohol. Ideally, no liquor for three days."

Edwin nodded, though his face spoke volumes about how appetising the green stuff looked. He reached out to take it from the healer.

"I live alone, not very convenient to ask one's Department staff to stay over. I'm sure I'll be fine, not the first time I've had a smack to the head in my career." He admitted, shoulders hunching as he shuffled his weight on the side of the bed and he examined the potion in his hand.

"Three days, eh?" Edwin muttered, "Tough." He managed a smile to the healer, his feet finding the floor of the room, he made his way to his feet, his head aching like he'd had too much to drink. After briefly closing his eyes to adjust for the change in perspective he sought Vivienne's eyes.

"Thank you Healer Thorpe, I'll be sure to come back if I have any unusual symptoms, and take the potion... and not drink." As he listed each of the things he had to do, Edwin gestured gently with the bottle in hand.