October 26, 2009
A little after 2:00 PM


Zel was finally comfortable enough to go back to his classes, though he didn’t much feel like being there. He was relieved when DADA was finally over, and he decided to use this time to make amends. He had felt so badly about hurting Sophie, especially when Fauna had made it clear in the letter. He couldn’t think of a proper apology, and he wanted to let her know that he didn’t blame her in any way. He hoped that she would have realized that he wasn’t mad at her after he had carried her to the hospital hut—but he also had somewhat avoided her (and everybody else, really) for almost a week.

The werewolf had spent a good few days working on a little apology present. The strings had been clumsy, and the beads, he felt were chunky—but he hoped that Sophie would like it. It had been awhile since he had made jewelry, but he felt like the bracelet was very Sophie-ish. She seemed like the sort of person who would wear their house colors proudly, and not knowing what her favorite colors were, he figured it’d be safe to pick red and gold. Zel’s number one worry, of course, was that the bracelet wouldn’t fit her. He could always remake it to make it longer or shorter, but the project had been difficult. It’d take a good hour to adjust it.

He walked into the courtyard and froze.

There she was. Sophie Flickwick.

His heart started to race, he could feel his palms beginning to sweat.

Zel took a deep breath, ”It’s now or never. He thought, putting a hand in his pocket and fingering the bracelet as if it was a rosary. He only needed to take a few nervous, determined steps before he was behind the Gryffindor.

“Hey, Sophie.” He greeted quickly, as if he hadn’t allowed himself enough oxygen to speak. “H-how’re you doing?” Zel winced. Of course she wasn't good. He had been a total jerk to her, he couldn't expect her to want to talk to him at all. He wouldn't have been surprised if she decided to walk away.

Sophie was meditating in the courtyard. Well, actually, Sophie was sitting cross legged in the courtyard, with two narrow worry lines forming between her eyebrows and her face tilted toward the cloudy Scottish sky. She was trying to relax, that had been a big point Headmaster Reid had driven home, she needed to let go and stop trying to control everything around her. He was also making her find another student adviser - which to be fair made sense because there had never been less than two the previous year. At the same time it made her feel as though she couldn't completely be trusted with the task...but if she were honest with herself she would know that was true. She had cracked and fizzled under the pressure of trying to keep everyone together and happy. She was lucky, really, that that was all he was going to make her do. He had all the grounds he needed to force them to disperse after the Great Hall fiasco and poor Zel.

She gave a sad little sigh at the thought of the other boy and how he must hate her. He'd been avoiding everyone and for once in her life Sophie was respecting someone's boundaries. She didn't feel she had any right to intrude, she didn't have any right to say anything to him at all really. He had asked for her help and some how - even with the best of intentions, she had lead him straight into a path of destruction. She wanted him to know how sorry she was, but being sorry wouldn't change anything. There was a level of shame she was going to carry with her over the whole thing for the rest of her life. By some weird twist in the universe, it seemed, thinking about Zel Trumble made him appear, his voice hasty, her eyes fluttering open as she turned to look at him. He looked pained, and clouded by her own guilt she assumed it was because he hadn't been looking for her at all and felt obligated to say hello. Her doe eyes were sad as she slowly unfolded herself and stood up, hands stuffed awkwardly into her pockets.

How was she? She was awful, but she couldn't very well say that to Zel now could she? His life was ruined. Who knew what Sasha had said or would say to him once he heard about all this mess and there was nothing Sophie could do to help him with any of it. So instead she gave him a weak smile and a shrug, "Alright, been quite nice not having to listen to Figaro jabber on about absolute shite for hours every day during lessons," she winced at her own words. Figaro was probably the second to last thing he wanted to talk about right now. Still, they needed to clear the air. She couldn't very well hide from him for the rest of the year. Rubbing the back of her neck she let out a long breath, "I know it doesn't change anything, it doesn't undo everything you lost that night...but I never wanted... I thought Fig would..." she looked at him helplessly, and then shrugged, "it doesn't matter what I thought. I was wrong and I'm so sorry you got hurt".

“Heh,” Zel rubbed the back of his neck, “I like that Figaro’s quiet, too. That way I don’t have to hear him whine about how I wrapped him in a blanket, sat on him, and interrogated him.” He forced a laugh, “Fauna told me that if that’s the worst I do when I’m mad, that I must be a saint. Not so sure I believe her.” After all, he had freaked out at Sophie and kicked Figaro in the ribs.

He gave Sophie a smile. She was talking to him, she was willing to talk to him. His expression sobered up as soon as she started apologizing. “No, no. It’s not your fault.” he said stubbornly. That was the one thing he was sure of-- it wasn’t Sophie’s fault. She didn’t need to take any blame for the situation. The only blame that she needed to take was the blame for beating the shite out of Figaro, but Zel wasn’t even mad about that. He wasn’t mad at anyone or anything except himself. Hell, he wasn’t even sure if he was mad at Figaro anymore. It was hard for him to be mad at his roommate when he couldn’t speak. It had been a fitting punishment, and the werewolf approved.

“I’m sorry I was mean to you.” He blushed and looked down at his feet, “I... I wasn’t thinking. You are trustworthy, I was just in shock, you know?” He chewed on his bottom lip. “I-I made you something. I wanted to say sorry but I didn’t know how, so...” He let his voice trail off, and he pulled the red and gold bracelet out of his pocket and offered it to Sophie. “If you don’t like it, th-that’s okay.” Zel hoped that she liked it, but maybe she didn’t like Gryffindor colors. Maybe the look of the bracelet was too chunky. Maybe she didn’t like the beads. And oh, he hoped it would fit.

He let out a shaky breath, “Do y-you forgive me?” Zel thought Sophie must have hated him for being so rude to her about a week ago. He hoped that she didn’t hate him, and maybe after he apologized she would hate him less? But she apologized too, so maybe it was just an awkward situation where they both thought they hated each other? Either way, thinking about all of this was making Zel’s brain hurt.

Sophie watched as Zel fumbled through trying to make her feel better, she didn’t quite know how he did it – making it seem like he should be so ashamed of himself for lashing out when his life was in shambles. How he could forgive her, forgive Figaro, to feel guilty about any of it just seemed so wrong. He was the victim in this mess; he was the last person who needed to apologize for anything. There was a welling of that fierce protectiveness in her again, very much the same way she’d felt all those weeks ago when he’d told her about his sister and the horrible situation he was in. Without thinking the tiny pixie girl threw her arms around his middle and squeezed him tightly, ducking her head against his chest because she didn’t want him to see the tears welling up in her big brown eyes.

It was no secret that the sixth year Gryffindor was both an emotional and physical person, her reactions to things could seem almost manic to someone looking in front the outside. In reality...it was just that she had felt so much guilt (and it wasn't something that would just go away because Zel wasn't mad at her) that the fact he cared enough to even speak to her after the whole mess... Sophie was physically and mentally exhausted with worry which made her more emotional than she would have been even otherwise. Her voice was too thick to speak, so she just hugged him for a little while. It seemed like a good deal of time passed before she felt like she could finally talk without completely going to pieces on him, but it might have only been a moment or two when she finally pulled back to look at him, "If the worst you ever do to Fig is kick him in the ribs, or cocoon him in a pile of blankets you deserve a medal of valor".

She tried to smile then as she gave the tall lanky Werewolf some breathing room, lightly fingering the knotted threads of the present he offered before slipping it onto her wrist, "I love it, thank you. You didn't have to," she looked up at him again as she shook her head, "It's beautiful... but I'm honestly just happy you're talking to me again. I can't imagine what it's been like for you - I've made myself a bit sick trying actually," she looked down again at her shoes wishing it could go back to how it had been before. The problem was just because Zel told her it wasn't her fault didn't mean she really believed that. A part of her knew that it all would have come out eventually - probably much in the same way with Fig or one of the other sixth year boys bringing up the fact he was always gone around the full moon... but if it had happened that way Sophie would have had no culpable part in it at least. She felt like she had lead a lamb to slaughter... and that feeling wasn't just going to go away.

He jumped. startled when Sophie hugged him. Zel wasn’t sure what to do, it wasn’t every day that he received a hug. Zel wasn’t a particularly touchy person, so it had definitely take him off guard. He should have assumed that Sophie would have embraced him. It in fact, would have been very unusual if she hadn’t done so. Once again, he marveled at how short and tiny she was compared to him-- the top of her head didn’t even make it up to his chest. He felt like he was hugging his little sister, who was approximately Sophie’s height despite being 9 years old. Of course, Sophie didn’t look like she was nine years old, but to Zel she was as short as a nine year old. He didn’t even account for the fact that everybody in his family was freakishly tall.

Zelig patted the top of Sophie’s head awkwardly before finally returning the hug. He released her before she pulled away, and shook his head at the Figaro comment. “I even sat down on top of him. Heliotrope walked in and broke everything up by being... Just by being Heliotrope.” He had been so worried that people would assume that he and Figaro were now a thing becasue of the strange position that the mer-girl had found them in, but then Fauna had told him that people probably wouldn’t take Helio seriously, even if she thought to tell anyone. The thought both relieved him and made him feel sorry for the girl.

His eyes lit up when she said she liked the bracelet. Impulsively, he put his arms underneath hers and lifted her up into a giant Zel-bear-hug, swinging her around slightly. Zel couldn’t even express in words how excited he was that she enjoyed the bracelet, how happy he was that she didn’t hate him.  “S-Sophie, Sophie, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” he insisted, still hugging her but no longer swinging her around in excitement. “I’m fine. It was going to happen anyway.”  Zel bent down and released her so that she wouldn’t have to jump to her feet. “I mean... We can’t do anything to change it, so why worry?” He was still upset and hurt about the whole situation, but the werewolf was trying so hard not to be upset. He hoped that if he claimed to be fine over and over, it would eventually come true.

Sophie tried not to laugh outright at the image of a swaddled Fig with lanky Zel sitting on top of him and the expression that was probably on the mer-girl's face when she found them. She looked up at the pale boy with bright eyes and just shook her head. He had to be some kind of Saint, even though Sophie was trying her best to let it all rest in peace and move forward she was having a hard time. Lighting into Fig hadn't been as satisfying as making his nose go crunch. Or maybe it was that she couldn't be righteously furious with him anymore because, frankly, she thought she might have broke his brain with her last tirade. It was like he got it, he finally got it, what it was like to think about other people and realized what a monumental dick he had been. Not in the sense that he knew everyone told him he should be ashamed, but that he was actually really ashamed of the damage he had done just by being himself. It made her sad but it also...was a relief in a way.

When Zel scooped her up she gave a small squeal, her heart fluttering just a little faster. She had been so withdrawn lately that she'd almost forgotten people often just scooped her up like a sack of flour and swung her about. Of course the  little spark of glee left her eyes as Zel tried to reassure her not to worry. It was one thing to try and be accepting of the fact something had happened, that it was an inevitability. She could understand the wanting to move forward...but it felt as though Zel was trying to pretend it away, to repress whatever he felt about it really in favor of trying to get things back to being as normal as possible. Looking up at him she shook her head and signed, "Look...this is a big deal. I know it would be easier if you really felt like just because it was inevitable it was less devastating. And you might be able to fool some people into believing that you really think that... but I saw in your face how important this secret was, I saw how much pain you were in".

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, her hands resting on his arms as she tried to find the best way to say what it was she wanted to say without telling him how he was supposed to be feeling about all of this. "I get that being angry feels counter productive. It won't change anything, it doesn't make you happy or vindicated... but sometimes I think we just have to be angry for awhile - and if we don't let ourselves be really angry for that little while, even if we don't know who to direct that anger at it just eats away at us a little more every time we try to tell people we're fine. Just because you say something fifty-thousand times in a day doesn't mean it's true. I learned that the hard way - and then one day, even though you've been saying you're fine for months, maybe even years, something inside you will snap... and if you're like me you break someone's nose. Admittedly I don't think you would do that but I still don't think repressing whatever you're feeling for the sake of normalcy is right or healthy".

Things had gone from serious, to cheerful, and back to serious in no time at all. Zel let out a long sigh and stared at Sophie. He appreciated her concern, he understood her worries, but. He didn’t want to focus on this, he didn’t want her to focus on this. Sophie had her own life to worry about; she didn’t need to be worrying about him. He could worry enough for everyone, as he was very aware of his chronic nervousness, and a little more stress, he felt, was not enough to drive him over the edge. Zel thought at the very worst, he would wrap Figaro up in a blanket again and demand answers that Figaro simply could not give.

“I know the secret was important to me” Zel rubbed his temple, as if it would rub away all the stress that was pressing on his mind. He didn’t want to think about it, but he also didn’t want to lie to Sophie and make her more worried by holding it in. He had to share some information with her. After all, he had been waling around for a week feeling like complete shite. “It did hurt but… It was going to come out. I couldn’t really hide it, and I shouldn’t have expected Fig to keep his mouth shut.” Zel looked at Sophie with a sad smile.

He glanced at her hands—they were so tiny, especially compared to his arms. His arms weren’t exactly bulky—they were rather skinny, but because everything about him was so long and stretched out, he still looked giant next to the tiny Gryffindor. “I’m not mad at anyone.” Zel insisted, “I’m not mad at Figaro, I’m not mad at you. I’m j ust… Not angry. I am tired of being angry. The only person I should be mad at is myself.” He paused, “And… I am mad at myself. If that counts?” He couldn’t explain his anger, but he hoped that Sophie could understand. He felt, in some weird way, he deserved all of this. He deserved it for trying to keep such a dangerous secret private, and he deserved it for being stupid about checking in on his sister during the full moon. Yes, Werewolves were pretty harmless if they took their wolfsbane, but he shouldn’t have taken that chance.

Zel promised that he would never put himself in a position where people would take that chance. Every full moon, he planned to go to the ministry,  even during the summer.

Especially during the summer.

The Hufflepuff brushed a strand of her hair behind her shoulder. “You don’t need to worry about me, Sophie. There are other people who will benefit from your kindness.” Sometimes he wondered why she wasn’t placed in Hufflepuff instead,  but then he remembered that despite the fact that she was cute and cuddly, she could also be vicious if she needed to be.