October 7, 2009
A little after 9:00 AM

Earlier in the week, she had received an owl from an old friend, Patrick Watkins. He had been in Hufflepuff with her, though he had been a year younger. They occasionally sent letters to check up on each other, so she was pleasantly surprised to see that Patrick wanted her to have a meeting with his younger brother, who was a student. She was not surprised about why Patrick wanted such a meeting to occur; from what she could recall, their mother had been quite a piece of work.  Mai remembered Kelvin from when she visited Patrick at his house, and she could hardly believe that enough time had passed for Kelvin to be a student at Hogwarts, let alone a teenager.

She looked up Kelvin’s schedule and sent him a not the previous day, asking him to come into her office a little after 9:00 in the morning, after he was done with Arithmancy. Mai trusted that he would come to her office, so she had a small plate of scones with jam ready, in case he wanted to snack on something while they talked. They may only discuss things for ten minutes, and maybe they needed to talk for two hours. It all depended on what Kelvin was ready to share, and what he needed assistance with.

Maiko sat down in one of the large, cushy chairs in her office, instead of behind her desk.  She did not like the idea of a counselor and a client being on two different levels. She believed that things worked best if the two people talking were at the same level, in identical chairs. Other counselors may have a special chair reserved for clients, and others may sit behind their desks during the entire chat. But not Maiko. She crossed one ankle over the other and leaned back comfortably, waiting.

Kelvin had been surprised to get a note from the school counselor.  Kelvin was pretty sure he hadn't requested a meeting, and he was pretty sure he hadn't done anything to get her attention.  But he wasn't going to ignore it, since that would probably just cause problems, and he didn't necessarily finding out that he was seeing the counselor, willingly or not.  Not that he would ever willingly seek out the counselor, he had friends he could talk to when he wanted.  He just hadn't been ready to talk about the summer.  His brother had cornered him in Hogsmeade and forced him to talk to him about it, and then given Kelvin some advice he wasn't ready to take yet either.

With a sigh he knocked on the door, opening it and stepping through.  "Hello, Miss..." What was her name, he knew he should know it but at the moment it had escaped him.  He pulled his bag in front of him, pulling out the note "Ummm I got this, said to come by after Arithmancy."  He looked down at the note, where her name was clearly written, too late now though.  "So yeah, I'm here."  He finished awkwardly.

She looked up at Kelvin and gave him a wide, genuine grin. “Merlin, you’ve grown up!” Mai exclaimed, motioning for him to sit down. “Get comfortable. But—merde, you’re tall.” Well, he was taller than her, and most anybody taller than her was considered to be a giant in Mai’s book. She then motioned towards the plate of scones and jam. “Are you ‘ungry? If you don’t like scones, I’m sure I could find something else…” She very much had a nurturing mother-hen personality, and a strange compulsion to feed everything that moved. Mai cleared her throat and reached over to grab Patrick’s letter from her desk.

“You may call me Ms. Biladeau.” Maiko said simply, “You might not remember me, but your brother and I were friends when you were…. This tall.” She held her hand just a couple feet off the ground. She was so happy to see Kelvin—it was exciting and fascinating to see how much children grew up in tenish years. She let out a small, lighthearted laugh—but then her face suddenly grew serious and concerned. “Patrick sent me a concerned letter. He tells me you ‘ad a tough time this summer?” She felt like with Kelvin, it would probably be best to be direct and to the point. If he didn’t want to talk about it, she’d be happy to discuss something else until he grew more comfortable with her.

Kelvin cautiously moved to the chair and sat down, putting his bag down between his feet.  Other than the questions about scones, of which he had taken one, he didn't understand why she was commenting on his height and growth until she said she had been friends.  Not that he remembered her, his brother had lots of friends.  He choked on a piece of the scone he'd been eating when she told him Patrick had sent her a letter.  "Wait.   He Did What?"  His voice cracked, "I can't believe—I'm gonna hex him.  Can't believe he just—ugh."

Slinging his bag over his shoulder he stood, scone clutched in his hand forgotten, and started toward the door.  "What did he tell you?" he said turning back to Ms. Biladeau, his arms crossed in front of him.

Maiko looked directly at Kelvin when she spoke. “Patrick told me that your mother did not talk to you or communicate with you all summer. Your brother also told me that your mother did not even talk about you to anybody.” Her voice was soft, gentle, and unthreatening.  Her body language was calm, relaxed, and open—she was ready to listen to whatever Kelvin had to say, and she was ready to listen if he was not ready to say anything. He could leave if he wanted, and it wouldn’t have annoyed her. He would talk to someone when he was ready; she just needed to extend the invitation out.

“Would you like to talk about this if it’s true?” Mai saw no reason why Patrick would lie about such a thing, but she wanted to give Kelvin the choice. She didn’t want to force him to talk about something that he simply was not ready, willing, or able to discuss. 

"Oh.  Really that's all he said?" Kelvin asked skeptically, he'd figured Patrick had told her everything.  In the past he might have appreciated his older brother's help.  Like his first year when he would ask his brother to send him a new cauldron after he'd already gone through a handful of them.  It was easier to ask his brother for things like that, instead of his parents.  But he hadn't asked for help with this.  As nice as Ms. Biladeau seemed, what could she do about his mother.  If his brother had really wanted to help, Patrick could offer to let him move in to his flat over the summer.  That would be useful.  Maybe he'd ask.  Since Patrick obviously wanted to meddle.

"She hasn't spoken to me since the beginning of summer.  She didn't help when I needed a new cauldron after I-uh-needed a replacement last month."  Not a good experience there either, nearly disintegrating himself[1], and an awkward shirtless walk back up to Ravenclaw tower from the dungeons.  Patrick had helped with that too.  Though it had been asked for.  "It's just stupid and frustrating."  And it hurt, though he didn't say the last bit, his eyes said it for him.  Kelvin dropped his arms to his side and moved back toward the chair yet, he wasn't quite ready to sit but he did drop his bag, and take a bite of the scone.  "And Patrick said he wouldn't say anything."

1.	How to earn a troll

Mai nodded in response to Kelvin’s question, a silent nod that really could have been taken either way—whatever way that Kelvin wanted to interpret it. She listneed to Kelvin’s side of the story quietly, her hands rested gingerly in her lap, her posture relaxed, yet straight—open, and welcoming. It was the posture of someone who had spent many years simply listening, and was pretty good at listening too. After all, she’d be the worst counselor in the world if she couldn’t listen to Kelvin’s words or pay attention to his body language. Nonverbal language was much more powerful than words, and if one wasn’t listening, it would be difficult to catch small things. Small things like the pained look in the Ravenclaw’s eyes.

“It does sound frustrating.” She agreed, "And it looks like you're 'andling it with a lot more grace than others would." Maiko paused, wondering if it was too soon to ask. Then she decided that he would change the subject, or give some other cue to show that he wasn't ready to discuss it if she was pushing him a bit too far.

 “Do you think you know why your mother is acting so distant?” Mai didn’t want to throw the word ‘neglectful’ out there, it was too strong. It could drive Kelvin away, and leave him more frustrated with the situation than he had been before he entered her office. It seemed like Patrick really did care about Kelvin, and she wondered if it would have been better for the boy if he was able to live somewhere else, separate from his parents. There wasn’t much he could do about his relationship with his mother, until his mother was ready to look at it in a new light.

Kelvin opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.  He didn't particularly feel like he was handling it gracefully.  He was handling it better now that she wasn't there in front of him ignoring him.  Over the summer it had been different though, his magic had been out of control.  Something that he hadn't experienced since before he'd gotten his wand.  Thank Merlin he hadn't been actively using magic.  But that had stopped after he was no longer confronted by her.  But he didn't want to tell the counselor that, for all he knew she'd pull him out of classes.  Wasn't like he didn't already have a history of magic, mostly potions, going awry.  Could she even do that?  Would She?  If she did would that make him behind and by how much?  What would his friends think--

He'd been so caught up in that spiral, that he almost missed that she'd asked the question he'd been dreading.  "Why?"  Why, because she's a b--.  no probably not a good answer, he realized thankfully before he'd even opened his mouth.  He moved in front of the chair and sat down heavily.  Seeing the scone still in his hand, which surprised him cause it never seemed to get smaller no matter how many bites he'd taken, he took a big bite of it and slowly chewed.  Drawing out the silence.  He  didn't know why he was so worried.  Well yeah he did, cause of his mum.  Up until her he'd been all ready to tell everyone.

"Yeah, I know exactly why."  Kelvin said, surprising himself with the anger in his voice.  "I came home at the beginning of the summer.  Sat them down and told them that I--um--that I liked---that I'm gay.  She didn't believe me till my dad said I was serious, that he'd known.  He was fine with it.  But she wasn't.  She just left the room.  We went to the dining room for dinner.  She un-set my place.  In front of me.  She didn't even look at me.  I just ran.  Straight to my room.  I was so angry and sad.  All the glass in my room cracked."  Oh, he hadn't  meant to to tell her that last part.  He took a deep breath, he was a little light-headed.  Somehow he had gotten through all that without taking a real breath.

She hadn’t expected Kelvin to open up so soon—Mai had gotten used to students closing up immediately, and they very rarely got anywhere in the first meeting. It seemed that a rather direct approach, with direct questions was the best way to go with this particular Ravenclaw. Mai already knew the answer to the question from Patrick’s point of view, but she needed to hear it from Kelvin’s side as well. She was pleased that he was able to answer her question so honestly, but was also frustrated with his mother for neglecting him, simply because he was gay.

“Don’t forget to breathe.” She said gently, furrowing her eyebrows together. His negative feelings had caused an outburst of magic—that wasn’t uncommon, and it wasn’t completely avoidable either. “Magic outbursts are not uncommon when you’re dealing with stress or some sort of conflict. In many cases, there’s not much you can do about it. It’s not a sign of weakness, or a sign of poor control. For many, it’s a sign that you’re feeling overwhelmed by any sort of ‘negative’ emotion.” Maiko commented, though she didn’t seem that concerned about the magical outburst. It wasn’t unusual, and it didn’t mean that Kelvin was necessarily dangerous.

 “And you’re still feeling angry and sad, aren’t you?” Maiko asked in such a way, that he could easily correct her if she was wrong. He might not be angry anymore, but just hurt. Maybe he wasn’t sad, but he was bitter. There were many different emotions he could have been feeling, and they may be different now than they were when his mother reacted poorly to his coming out.

Kelvin was surprised he said so much.  He hadn't even told his brother the particulars.  He'd only told his brother the main points.  Gay.  And mean mom. Maybe it was cause he knew Patrick would blow up and the whole situation was bad enough without adding a sometimes volatile older brother into the mix.  And he hadn't talked to any of his friends, he couldn't not without telling them the whole story, something he had been ready to do until-until he'd told his mom.   He took another deep breath trying to clear his head.

"Yeah I know, sometimes wizards lose control."  He knew that.  Even adults lost control.  He just hadn't thought about it.  If you didn't count messed up spells and potions, it had been forever since he'd done magic he hadn't meant to do.  So no reason to panic.  She wouldn't remove him from classes, and now on top of everything else he felt stupid for not thinking.  Some kind of Ravenclaw he was.  "I don't know how I feel about it.  Sometimes I get angry.  Sometimes I want to quit potions cause I know it is--was important to her.  I'd quit history but--I threw away  her book.[1]"  He said matter-of-factly.  He had wanted to burn the book, but he'd been interrupted by an older student telling him fires near the forest were forbidden.  "It just sucks."

1.	His mother is a historian, and shes written history books about obscure magical topics

It looked like as far as Kelvin went, a more direct approach seemed to be beneficial. If she was wrong about something, she was positive that he would correct her. He was so focused on things that were important to his mother, but that  made perfect sense. It was the woman who raised him, the woman who should have been showing Kelvin love and acceptance. Instead, she acted like he didn’t exist anymore. It was normal for him to want to cut her out, and remove any reminder he had of her, even if it was precious to himself.

“It sounds like you’re frustrated and fed up with this entire situation.” Mai stated, looking at Kelvin in an almost motherly way. “Does it make you feel more ‘esitant about telling other people that you are gay?” After all, parents were supposed to be supportive. If his mother didn’t respond in a respectful, kind way, how could he expect everybody else to? There were always going to be people who would use homosexuality as an excuse to bully somebody, but there were also many people out there who did not care who you were attracted to.

"I guess so, yeah," Kelvin said quietly.  "I was going to tell my friends when we came back to school, but instead I haven't told them anything."  His plan had originally been to tell his parents, then his brother, and then once back at school tell his friends.  Which now that he thought about it he was still going in roughly the right order, just the timing was off now.  He was sure that Connor and Blake would be fine with it, but what if they weren't.  He wasn't sure he could handle sharing a dorm with them if they took it like his mother had.

"I haven't really told them about how much summer sucked, cause then I'd have to tell them why, and I..." Kelvin trailed off and was silent for a moment.  "It's just...some of my closest friends are in the....my best friend is in the next bed over from me.  What if they hate me?" What if Connor hates me, he thought, trying and failing to keep the emotion from his face.  There was no way he could deal with that.  "I just....I don't know if I want to take that chance."

These fears that Kelvin was expressing were very normal and typical. She remembered her brother, just a few years ago, talking to her about these very same issues. Circumstances were different, and he wasn’t being neglected by anybody, but the fear was still there. Sometimes, Mai thought, Kohaku was still feeling scared that people would judge him simply for being who he was. Mai leaned forward and looked at Kelvin directly in the eye. “Would you act differently around your friends if they knew?” She inquired, raising her eyebrows inquisitively.

“And ‘ave your friends given you any reason to believe that they would respond negatively?” She didn’t want to just tell Kelvin to go ahead and come out if he wasn’t ready, and if he didn’t have a support system that he could fall back on if, for some reason, this whole thing turned out horribly. She believed Patrick would stand by his brother, no matter what-- but sometimes you didn’t want to talk to family when you had problems. There were people who liked to keep their issues to themselves, and allow it to build up until they couldn’t handle it anymore.

Mai hoped that Kelvin wasn’t one of those people, but she couldn’t ignore the possibility that he might be unless he showered her otherwise.

Would he act differently?  Kelvin wasn't sure what would change.  He wouldn't have to feign interest in girls.  Not that he acted like he did that much anyways though.  He'd be able to tell his friends about his summer. And he had no idea what his friends reactions would be.  Too many unknowns.  Same thing that got him into trouble when he was moving too fast in charms and transfiguration, unfortunately it was easier to get the answers when it came to spells gone awry.   

The only way to know what his friends reactions would be, would be to tell them.  "I don't know."  He felt his eyes starting to tear up, and he quickly dropped his head into his hands, covering his face.  "Gah, I don't know what to do."  He said, muffled.

Maiko immediately grabbed a handkerchief and gently placed it on Kelvin’s lap. She didn’t want to touch his shoulder or do anything that may make him uncomfortable—though the mother hen in her just wanted to hug him and tell him that everything would be alright. “What do you want to do then?” She asked quietly, her words just audible and clear enough for him to understand, and for it to be obvious that the words were indeed intended for him. She leaned forward and watched, knowing that listening was far more than hearing the words he had to say.  About seventy percent of human communication was nonverbal.

Of course he didn’t know what to do—he wasn’t sure what he needed to do. But sometimes, people needed to step away from obligations and look at what they wanted to do.