Fauna Blake
Radford Estate
London, UK

Sophie Flickwick
Gryffindor
Hogwarts School
Scotland

Dear Sophie,

I heard what happened in the Great Hall. I've been fighting with Fig through letters. Just wanted to sort of... see how you were doing? I still can't believe Fig did this. I probably shouldn't get so wrapped up in it but I can't seem to help it. I still care about SAWS, about people there, even though I'm not at school anymore, you know?

Let me know if I can help, or if you just want to talk.

~Fauna

Sophie Flickwick
Gryffindor
Hogwarts School
Scotland

Fauna Blake
Radford Estate
London, UK

Dear Fauna,

Everything is ruined forever. I smashed his face Fauna, I legit broke his smarmy little nose... and I don't... I don't even feel that bad about it? It all got so far out of control, so fast. It's like one day I had all my ducks in a row, I had the - well I wouldn't say support of the Headmaster but he's so different from Snark. He treated me like my ideas were valid and I promised him that I would do everything in my power to make sure we were safe, that we didn't get into fights like we did last year, that we didn't let people bait us. It's all so much and I just can't get my brain around it. Ollie leaving, having to carry around this big secret for Zel, trying to help him help his sister and make him feel safe only to have it fall completely to pieces because Ollie hated being back at school and Fig has a mouth so big you could fit all of Loch Ness in it with the bleedin monster to boot!

I tried to warn Zel. I really did, I told him that telling the boys was a stopgap measure, a way to keep Fig or Seto from saying at dinner "Oy, how come Zel's always gone with Ollie and the first year", they're not stupid and obviously they don't have control over the shite that comes out of their mouths. I thought if Figaro knew, could see how ashamed Zel is, how damaged and scared that it would sink in that this real. This is something that changes who you are to yourself and most likely everyone around you too. Zel's mother has spent years abusing his sister, teaching his younger siblings that that was ok. His life won't be any different when he goes home if something wasn't done. I know that, you know that, Zel knows that. I thought if I put trust in Fig then he would get it.

He accused me of setting him up, Zel told me I'm completely untrustworthy. Maybe I am. I have managed to ruin all of the work we put in last year in a fecking month. I never meant for any of this to happen, I kept trying to do what was best for everyone. I've been making myself crazy, I miss Ollie so much it hurts, and every time I see Sasha I can't help but hate him because I know he's part of the reason she left. No matter how hard I tried she never stopped feeling inherently other, different, outside and separated from everyone. I didn't want to put Zel through that and when I suggested he tell Fig I meant for us to do it together, but I guess he just blurted it out one night to the two of them.

It's such a mess. I'm such a mess - and everyone keeps pointing fingers like I'm some grown up lady who should have all the answers. I'm only sixteen, my mother died seven months ago, my family is in complete shambles, my best friend is completely shutting me out, I just broke my ex-boyfriend's nose (did I mention I don't even feel BAD about breaking his nose? I also hit him with an apple). Can you tell me the exact moment my life went from a comedy of errors to a tragedy? Because I keep trying to find it and it just makes me want to punch him again.

I am a terrible person

- Soph

Dear Sophie,

I'm so sorry. All of that sounds stressful and awful. If it makes you feel better I'm not too worried anymore over Fig's broken nose either. In the scheme of things it seems kind of like there are worse things going on. I'm sure Fig doesn't agree but oh well.

You were just trying to look out for Zel and be a good friend. Trying to prevent Fig and Seto from being dumb-arses, but I guess that is an impossible task even for us. Fig's big mouth is not your fault. You didn't 'set him up' , I can't believe he said that. His own inability to relate to people got him in this mess, hurt Zel most of all, and messed things up for everyone else. How could you have known he would do that? That's huge even for him.

Don't beat yourself up, Sophie. I can't tell you the number of times I have felt like I've messed things up with SAWS for good, only to understand later that things happened outside of my control. There are always things we could do better, I guess, but right now, the one who should be feeling massive, awful guilt is Fig. From the letters he wrote to me, he doesn't get it. He's just 'sorry' and wants people to quit harping on him for something that 'shouldn't be a secret'.

Are there people there you can talk to about this stuff? Tulo or someone? You can always write to me and I love hearing from you but I know it's different this school year. Things are harder. We got werewolves back at school, but it's only become more complicated, especially poor Ollie leaving. If Sasha was being a jerk to her, I swear...

Give her time though. She'll talk to you again. And don't be so hard on yourself. This situation is not easy and there is only so much one person can do.

~Fauna

Sophie Flickwick
Gryffindor
Hogwarts School
Scotland

Fauna Blake
Radford Estate
London, UK

Dear Fauna,

It's all messy, I probably won't see Hogsmeade for the rest of the year. The worst part is that... I mean Zel wasn't just outted at Hogwarts. It was in the Great Hall, during dinner, we have three other schools here. We didn't just make SAWS look bad on a home level this is international now. We made Hogwarts look weak and childish, and worst of all cruel. Part of me knows that Fig didn't mean for it to happen, but I should have known from the way the first meeting went that he was not ready for the weight of the way the club had to change because we finally made an impact. I don't think for him it ever became bigger than being about Ollie. It was never a grown up thing about effecting change in the rest of the world, he was just pissed that she was gone.

We've always made excuses for him, but I wonder if there is a moment someone goes from being a good person who does careless things to just... a bad inconsiderate person who never thinks of anyone but themselves? I feel like about him right now, I feel like he is so busy living in his little Fig bubble that he will never ever ever get the true ramifications of what he did, of how he's damaged his relationships. Zel might be a big enough person to forgive him (don't ask me how) but I don't know that I am. Every time I see him I just want to scream at him to grow up, but a part of me knows that just because he can't talk for the foreseeable future doesn't mean his listening skills will improve.

I do have people I can talk to. I've never been as close to Tulo as you were but we have a new school counselor. She's very sweet, if a little strange. She's also a Seer so she checks on me from time to time. I just feel like I've let everyone down and I haven't any real right to complain. Who am I to be angry or sad when someone's life was basically ruined? I can't imagine what it's been like for Zel with Sasha, they were getting to be friends apparently, and you know how quiet Z. has always been. It's not like he had a lot of friends in the first place, and now he basically hates the group of people that are more than likely the most accepting, because Fig is an idiot.

I miss you, and your hugs, and how things seemed easier when I could just defer to you or Dion. I wish I had a time turner. I don't know what I could do differently but I know there has to be something. Maybe I should have broken his nose when he made up that song about you becoming a Werewolf from snogging Ollie, breaking up with him over it obviously didn't jar anything loose in his head the first go 'round.

I am tiny and violent, that seems dangerous

Love, Sophie

Dear Sophie,

I know what you mean. Where and how can we draw the line between people in the club who genuinely want to help and understand the right things to do that (which makes up about two students), and students who don't know where they're at and our job is to kind of... educate them? I don't know. I guess we can't have both. Both a safe place and a place where anyone can learn, without the risk of werewolves getting hurt.

I'm glad the school counselor is there for you. It's probably required for school staff to be strange. I miss you too! As much as I like Auror training it's hard not being there sometimes.

I don't think you let anyone down. If anything, you've done such amazing things this year in face of all the drama. You led a SAWS meeting, with werewolves actually there, which I bet was ten times more tense and shouty than other SAWS meetings, and then the tournament students, if any of them came. That's a lot! I think you did the right thing suggesting that Zel tell his roommates. If he hadn't really wanted to do it, didn't feel comfortable, he wouldn't have told them. No one could have predicted that Fig would blab about it to the whole Great Hall.

I don't think we can help how we feel, either. It's Zel's life that is affected the most, but there's nothing wrong with his friends and others rooting for werewolves to be upset on his behalf. We don't go up to him and say 'SAWS! Figaro! My life!' Which would be wrong.

It IS sad and upsetting that those who want to support him will likely be the ones he doesn't trust now. I couldn't ever expect him to after this. But it's still sad. I am so angry at Figaro. Still angry at Sasha from that shite he pulled with Baxter. I thought I would be over it by now but something like this just reminds me, and I get angry again.

With Fig, it's like... I was never TOO upset about that stupid song. I don't know why. Maybe it's because the 'news' was already out and I knew he didn't mean anything bad by it. It was just another fly in the soup, kind of thing. But this, it's just on such a different level. His level of stubbornness about it is just so hurtful. I tried to explain it to him, maybe my letters don't make much sense, and maybe I wasn't as nice or patient as I should have been. I've just lost all patience with him. If he doesn't get it after a punch to the face, after half the Great Hall attacking him, and after losing any trust from me, then I don't know if he'll ever understand, you know?

Sorry! I don't mean to be a downer. I am going to send this now.

Love,
Fauna