Xavier perched on top of the large arm of the green and silver couch, the swooning fifth year sitting just underneath where he was looked up with wide moon like eyes. He had been regaling her with the story of the werewolf attack in the summer. Xavier hadn't really spoken about the attack to anyone but much speculation had gone around the school on account of the scars it had left him. With most of October gone he wasn't as skittish as he had been just after the attack and a small part of his previous charming personality was starting to surface again (mostly within the Slytherin house though)

As the girl ran her petite fingers over his scars he tried to remember what her name was. It wasn't really of any importance to him in the long run. He'd be lucky enough to get a quick snog out of her and never have to bother with her again. These days it was all he was looking for any way, relationships with girls were intolerable and friendships with them were even worse. He made the worse of friends any way, at least to anyone who was foolish enough to put themselves in his hands.

"Did it hurt horribly Xavier?"

"Worss pain I've eva felt. Lucky I had me Grandda's gun on me, neva woulda lived without it."

"You're so brave."

"Mmm s'nuthin darlin." He leaned forward and ran his fingers through the girl's dark chestnut hair causing a blush to rise to her cheeks.

Planning ahead was Kitty's favourite past time. Thus, Strellie had naturally adopted it as well. She waved her blood red wand over the catalogue ordering the last piece of her Halloween Dance outfit. That way, if anything was wrong, even down to the shade, they could send it back. Then they would demand that they get it right and give them a refund. Rich Bitch manipulation. That's how they stayed rich.

Yawning ever so slightly, Strellie got off of her bed and decided she might as well find the others. The Aristocracy was having a field day with all the new foreign girls, so they were often found dispersed among the general population of Hogwarts. She tucked her wand back into its spring and took off her Slytherin robe. Honestly, it being Sunday, she didn't need it, and  it was a hassle to accio something that would work with her black and white ensemble. Instead, she slipped on her green heels and proceeded to walk out of her room.

"Did it hurt horribly Xavier?"

The words made Strellie stop. Her softly clicking heels went silent. The voice was soft, feminine, and definitely not one of the Monarchy. It wasn't just that though. It was the breathiness, like a child trying to sound like a woman. And who the voice was adressing. Xavier. Her best-friend. Her best friend that hadn't spoken to her off the Quidditch Pitch since that night.

"Worss pain I've eva felt. Lucky I had me Grandda's gun on me, neva woulda lived without it."

Her throat constricted. It was impossible. No. How could he? The scars on her chest ached from the sudden tightness. Demitria had guessed that Xavier had been with other girls ever since August. He was the mysterious, dark Slytherin after all. Girls flocked to him.

But he was talking about that night. No. That night had been for her and her alone. It had been the most, terrifying, exhausting, and wonderful night of her life. She had been nearly killed by a werewolf. She had been kissed by her best friend. Now, it was one of the most humiliating, because Xavier wouldn't even talk to her. Now, it was being desecrated by this chit. Where was she in Xavier's story? 

"You're so brave."

"Mmm s'nuthin darlin."

Tears pricked at her eyes. From the shadows, she saw Xav move closer to the little bitch and her jaw clenched. So brave? Yes, he had been. Wrestling the werewolf to keep it away from her. To keep her safe. But who had saved his sorry ass when he was losing. Oh yes, that's right. The veela. The veela who ALMOST DIED to save another one of her friends.

Casting a quick spell on her shoes to quiet the tapping, she walked into the common room. When she was in the general distance of the couch, her ruby red lips turned upward into a smile. It was venomous.

"Oh, sweetheart. He's being too modest."

Her Russian accent lilted into the air. Too bright. Too sickly sweet. Her eyes did not glitter. They were flat, ghost eyes. 

"Brave doesn't even begin to describe how he took down that awful creature all on his own. I was there, so trust me. He was magnificent."

She couldn't help but smirk when she thought of the bitter irony of her wearing a strapless top that showed every single scar she had from the werewolf and 1/2 of the crup scars. What a beautiful monster she was! Inside, she wanted to cry. How handy was it that she had left her robe in her room? She closed the rest of the distance between the couple and dipped her head next to Xavier's ear to whisper in it. She was so close, the sent of cinnamon drifting off of her hair was clear.

"I can't believe you."

Being so close to the girl he could smell everything about her, from the soft scent of her shampoo, to the flavour of her lip gloss, even the slightest hint of parchment and ink suggesting that she had been doing school work before she attempted to use her still developing charms to woo him. Xavier could easily tell that this was the first time she had done as such but that had only made her easier prey.

He watched as she tilted up her chin, her lips pursing ever so slightly and her eyes fluttering closed. He almost caught himself laughing at how pathetic the whole scene was. He knew he was being a bastard playing up the most terrifying and heart wrenching night of his life but he hadn't been the one to bring it up. The girl had approached him with rumours of him being a beast of all things and he had to set the record straight, easily manipulating her as he went along was simply a bonus.

Pathetic-ness aside he found himself making the motions to give the girl what she wanted until the last voice he wanted to hear turned him rigid. The girl opened her eyes in surprise and annoyance that quickly turned to fear when she noticed who had interrupted them. At least the little twit wasn't too stupid to cross the Monarchy. She muttered something about having to finish her potions assignment before collecting her things and scampering out of the room.

Xavier had steeled himself when Strellie leaned in close to him, the smell of cinnamon on her was like a sick joke, having her so close to him and yet so far away was torture and the anger in her voice was enough to make his broken heart bleed again. When he finally looked at her there was no smirk, no hint of predatory joy that had been there only moments before. His eyes were as haunted as her own. In a dull voice that barely contained his own fury he lashed out, "What thee feck do ye wan from me?"

This was too good to be true. As soon as her easily identifiable voice made her presence known, the 5th year's head had shot up. She looked like a rabbit on the end of a stunner. That child was going to be miserable for the next three years of her life if Demitria Strelnikov had anything to say about it. And she did. With Kitty at one side and Liviana on the other, she had enough power to crush any hopes the twit ever had of having a life.

Was it this sense of malicious satisfaction that Kitty loved so much? Strellie wondered. No. Kitty had a tendency to be a little sicker than this. This was pure social gold.

As she walked towards the couch, her gaze was diverted from Xavier momentarily to smirk at the younger girl. Oops. That did it. The Slytherin twit turned tail and fled, some vague and utterly horrendous excuse sputtering from her lips. Oh dear. She was going to have to inform the Monarchy that they needed to start tutoring the younger years. Their manners were abysmal. 

On the other hand, she knew that Xavier's eyes hadn't left her from the moment she had announced her entrance. Of course that was expected. If her Charm had attracted Xavier once, it would again. It was like a drug. And this time, she had no qualms in using it. Last time, it had felt like betrayal, but she in turn had been betrayed. Strellie was beyond the point of mercy. Almost 4 months beyond.
 
"What thee feck do ye wan from me."

Those words tore her deeply. She was so tired and her heart was weary. It was easy for those few words to claw at her sickened heart. In the past three and a half months, Xavier hadn't said more words than absolutely necessary to her and they were always sheltered and cold. But this? They were filled with venom. Once that voice had been filled with love for her. With adoration. And now, nothing.

Strellie pulled away from him, her eyes meeting his own.

"What the fuck do I want from you?" She couldn't help but giggle, her voice like bells. "Where the hell do I even start?" She stalked around to the other side of the couch and sat down, her legs crossed perfectly. With the obvious tension in the air, the common room had vacated in mere moments leaving all of the couches open, but she wasn't afraid of Xavier Tawse. Common sense told her that she should be.

"Where the fuck do I start?" She repeated, her expression darkening. "First of all, I'm tired, so god damn tired of you walking around me like I'm pariah. We both suffered that night, but instead of even talking to me, I don't exist. No, you drown yourself in willing pair of lips every chance you get while I suffer. I don't even care anymore about your sluts, as long as you're happy with their perfect pureblooded lips. But how dare you talk about that night like nothing."

The only change in her voice was her accent thickening the angrier she got. But her words stayed even, not speeding up or getting higher. She even started dropping articles, a mistake she had barely ever made since 3rd year 

Xavier sat stock still, his perfectly chisled face still expressionless while he was doing nothing but screaming on the inside. He was well aware of how surreal this scene looked. The entire common room was filled to the brim with the tension that was brewing between them, so much so that everyone that had been present had quickly vacated and yet here they sat, on the couch as if they were having an every day conversation. Xavier was used to these kinds of confrontations on his feet with his hand on his wand or his fist balled. The fact that they were sitting was just adding to the ridiculous amount of tension.

He restrained himself from scowling. He wasn't actually mad at her, he never had been. He was furious with himself for having been so foolish. He hated himself for having endangered her life and he had been avoiding her ever since so that she would never have to succumb to his stupidity ever again. Unfortunately her anger was delicious and he couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth. It was easier to let her think he hated her than to tell her how much he still needed and wanted her. The few times they had to interact, in classes or on the pitch, it took all of his willpower not to pull her into his arms and sob like a baby about how much he missed her. If she hated him than she wouldn't give him those hooded longing looks any more and he could keep her safe.

"It was nuthin', nuthin but a big mistake tha' almost got ye killed. Yer alive now so stop thinkin bout it and move on."

After her first flurry of words ended, Demitria couldn't help but feel a small part of her heart sigh. It was so tired of pretending and fighting. It killed her to be this angry with Xavier. It killed her to be speaking to him with such calmness, with such closeness when all she wanted to do was slap him, kiss him, and be done with it. But her pride wouldn't let her do that. No. It was all a game. A stupid, messed up game that neither of them could ever win.

Strellie couldn't bring herself to take her eyes away from his. She prided herself on being able to read people well... being able to pick up on emotional and mental clues, but nothing was making sense. Her own emotions were so strong that she just. couldn't. focus. If only her heart would stop beating so fast. If only she didn't feel so desperate for him to love her. And none of it could ever happen because she wasn't a pureblood. It hurt to shove everything she felt behind the mask of pain of deception. Those were real too, but the others were far stronger, but he could not know. She didn't want to ruin him.

 "It was nuthin', nuthin but a big mistake tha' almost got ye killed. Yer alive now so stop thinkin bout it and move on."

It was like a knife had just gone through her psyche. It sliced everything in its path. She forcibly pulled her eyes away, those words having sliced her control and letting her truer emotions come onto her face. Instead, she stared at the fire.

"Nothing?" Oh Merlin no. Tears. She could not cry, would not cry. Just look at the fire. Breathe.

"If it was nothing, Xav, if it's over..." She shook her head. "Then tell me why I go to the Room of Requirement when I want to sleep just so I can scream. Every night it's a choice. Either I sleep and scream, or don't sleep. The first week of school, I tried putting silencing charms around my bed, but they didn't work. You know what I sound like when I scream, now imagine it not by choice, caught in a dream I can't get out of that's twisted and wrong."

Damn it. Tears. No no no no. She had to close her eyes.

"How easy do you think it is to move on when every night, I relive it. And it's so easy when the only one that knows, that can help me, disappears."

She was so weak. She was a disgrace to Russians and her Durmstrang family. She was so weak. 

HIs expression was still, not changing but his body showed the smallest of tremors. He was doing everything he could not to explode at her, not scream about it all. He needed this to end, he wished he was anywhere but there, wished he was someone else, someone she could find comfort in, someone she could love. Instead he was the misfit, the screw up, the man who's foolish love and adoration had almost gotten her killed.

He watched, stared intently as she continued, his jaw clenched as he ground his teeth against his anger. Even without trying he was still hurting her, he was still putting her in danger (even if it wasn't a mortal danger, she was still in danger of getting in trouble with the prefects and Professors) Everything inside was brewing into an uncontrollable storm, his exterior still holding it together.

The fire she had been staring intently into leaped higher, soaring into the flu and blazed a brilliant emerald as if an unseen someone had just tossed a handful of floo powder instead. Xavier growled and pushed off from the couch. He hadn't done spontaneous magic since he was a first year but all the emotions he had been trying to keep inside was causing his magic to go berserk.

Xavier crossed the common room and leaned his head on the stone hearth staring into the emerald flame. He could have easily returned it to it's previous size and colour but that didn't feel right, not right now at least, "I don't want this." He spoke in his native Londoners accent, the one he saved specially for her, still looking into the flames, "I don't want to want you, I don't want to feel like I'm dying every time I see you cause I can't hold you, I don't want to lay awake every night thinking of nothing but you, hoping you're okay. I don't want to love you."

He lowered his head and closed his eyes, "But what I want has never really matter all that much,"

It was killing them. Honest to Merlin, it was flat out eating them piece by piece. Pain was of no concern. In fact, if they died screaming, whatever hell bent diety that they had been subjected to the whims of would probably laugh. It would laugh and laugh at the misfortune that it was causing in the lives of people that loved each other.

She could see it now, so much clearer than it had been minutes before. The events of the August moon was not just hurting her. From the way Xavier to moved, to his bitter words, she saw how it was attacking him just like her. How had he seemed so fine? How had he pushed her away so easily? Those questions had been on the forefront of her mind when she had begun to confrontation, but now- Now she just felt stupid. Nothing but a stupid a selfish child.

How could she forget what House she was in? They were all masters of being what they were not! But how terrible, how... Slytherin of Xav to act exactly like himself when in reality, he was far from it. He had been hurt.
And she had hurt him.

Suddenly, he was speaking in his true voice. Not the rough accent she had come to associate with her best friend and partner in crime. No, it was his true voice: the beautiful London accent that he reserved only for her.

"I don't want to want you, I don't want to feel like I'm dying every time I see you cause I can't hold you, I don't want to lay awake every night thinking of nothing but you, hoping you're okay. I don't want to love you. But what I want has never really matter all that much."

After Xavier finished talking, Demitria couldn't breathe. Half of her brain heard the I don't- I don't- I don't over and over again. And it ate away at her just a little more because every I don't was exactly what she DID want. But the other half of her brain, and her heart, heard I don't want to love you and stopped right there. He did love her.
Of course he did. He had been her best friend! They had said I love you to the other so many times, they could have been the most disgustingly mushy couple in the castle. This was different, though. She could still feel the electricity of that night under her skin especially with him so near to her. That night they had said I love you and it had meant so much more.

He loved her.

Strellie did everything in her power to smash the little imp that was jumping up and down in her heart, but it wouldn't go away. Finally, she managed to place it behind a thin veil and answer.

"Look at us Xavier. It's so sad to see us at sixteen and already having to give up on what we want." She knew her eyes were giving her away, but she didn't care. She looked straight at him. "But I understand why. No matter how I may try, I'll never be good enough." He was a pureblood with a vast inheritance. She was the fourth child, a girl, and with blood like dirt. "No matter how I may want to, I can never be what you need."   

Xavier twitched when she said, look at us. He had almost turned to her. Desperate to see the look in her eyes after his confession and yet terrified of what he might find there. It was obvious, this thing between them. Anyone with a pair of eyes could see it and yet he had spent the better part of the last three months denying it. He claimed it was for her own good, for her protection but maybe he was just so good at punishing himself he was able to accept it as truth.

His head hung a little lower as a deep chuckle started in his chest and burst through his mouth. As ridiculous as the tension between them had been it was nothing compared to the lunacy of her thinking she wasn't good enough for him. He couldn't believe she was so stupid or so blind. He hadn't withdrawn because she wasn't good enough, it had been all about him. Pureblood or not Xavier was a bad apple and he knew it, hell most of the time he down right accepted it but constantly subjecting her to his madness was something he couldn't do anymore. He had almost gotten her killed and he didn't think he could ever forgive himself for that.

When the chuckle finally subsided her turned to her, his eyes looking even more haunted with the emerald flame burning behind him, "You just don't get it do you?" He took a step closer, not daring to move any further in fear of what he might do in her direct presence, "Where has being my friend gotten you? You were almost expelled for following me to Hogsmeade when I ran away, you were the only person in school who didn't think I could be capable of killing Ava, again and again you dealt with my drunk ass over the summer, you went into a forest despite being terrified because I told you too and you were almost killed by a bloody werewolf!" He paused for a moment trying to calm his own anger, "Veela or not, mudblood or not, you're not the problem. You're not the reason we shouldn't be together. Arathorn's wayward grandson, the only Tawse male that isn't or hasn't been in Azkaban. The entire school thinks I'm a screw up, and you know what love, they ain't wrong." He turned back to the fire, staring into the coloured flames, "Count yer blessin's darlin' an' git out while ye still cin."

Demitria's eyes closed when Xavier started laughing. It was a terrible sound. An absolutely heart wrenching sound. How had they been dancing around each other for three months without something like this happening before? It was probably their sheer determination. Xavier was determined to stay away from her and she had been determined not to seem desperate for him. She had broken first and she was not going to come away from this empty handed. If she left now, they would never reach a conclusion to this painful madness.

After the laughter subsided, the Russian lifted her gaze to meet Xavier's. His words were harsh, but it was self directed. Each blamed themselves, but Xavier had so much more to atone for than Strellie did. He didn't want her hurt.

He didn't want her hurt.
 
That was much clearer now. Xavier wanted her away from him so he wouldn't hurt her anymore. Why hadn't she seen that in the beginning? It was almost palpable in his gaze as his intense blue eyes bore into her.

Demitria sighed deeply and pushed herself up off the couch. She took a few steps so she was standing next to her best friend. She did not touch him. She did not look at him. Instead, she stood beside him and stared into the fire as well.
"You may think I'm crazy, Xav. Actually, I know you think I'm crazy. But, I don't care. You didn't make me do any of those things. I wanted to. I did them because I cared about you and still do."

She paused for a moment, unsure of what to say. What could she say that would make him stop blaming himself? "Your family is irrelevant, Xav. They may shape you, but they are not you. If it was like that, I would be... unimaginable. My father has committed every crime in the book and I was raised to be his Princess. My brothers, mother, uncles, grandfathers, grandmothers, and every other family member in Strelnikov, Putilov, and Volkov recent history were raised criminals. They may not have gone to Azkaban, but a crime is a crime, convicted or not. I was raised not to care what it took to get to the top."

"You and I are more similar than the school realizes, Xav. The only difference is I managed to escape and you haven't yet. So you can't just expect me to leave. You can't Xavier." 

Feeling her standing next to him burned more than the fire he had been staring into. He listened to her words but barely registered them. He knew that the next moment was crucial and would decide the road on which they would walk. He had one of two options, he could walk away now and never hurt her again but always feel empty inside, never knowing what redemption could feel like in her kiss. Or her could embrace her, take her for all she was worth, drag her down into the deepest depths of his soul and ruin her forever for his own selfish pleasure. She thought she cared about him, she thought she knew what she was getting into. Arathorn had showed him a vision of what his life could be, riches, gold, power and everything he'd ever wanted without the effort of claiming it but there was a part of him, a snake nestled deep down that knew he was bound for Azkaban sooner or later, there was no escaping his destiny no matter how hard she wanted him to try.

Unfortunately he was weak and in that moment he didn't care how much it would hurt her, he didn't care how much it would destroy both of them. He just wanted to stop feeling like this. He wanted her back. He was sure he'd have a moment of clarity some time later and they'd be doing this dance all over again but for now he simply needed her and he wasn't strong enough to walk away again.

Xavier turned her and slipped one arm around her waist while the other snaked it's way into her hair. He roughly pulled her against him and pressed his lips to hers, putting just as much passion into the kiss as he had that night in the forest only this time all of his fear had been thrown into it and a solitary tear escaped down his cheek. When he was done, when he was desperate for air he pulled his lips away but kept his forehead resting against hers, his eyes bearing down into her, "Do you still love me?"

Demitria felt the move before she saw him. Her side went from cold to warm as Xavier's hand slipped around her waist. Her breath hitched with even that simple touch. It was her answer. He turned her around roughly and his other hand snaked through her hair, pulling her close to him. Oh Merlin. The tiny Slytherin locked eyes with Xavier for the briefest moment before his lips came crashing down to hers.

The kiss was filled with fear. Strellie could feel it coming off of him as his lips moved with hers. It was desperate. Unlike the night in the forest, where they had been filled with adrenaline and joy to be alive, this one had a dread of rejection. Soon, too soon, they had to break apart. With Xavier's forehead lying against hers, she could see the tears in his eyes. There was a single track down his face. "Oh, Xavier." She sighed and wiped the tear away with her thumb.

Being involved with Xavier was dangerous. It had always been dangerous. But being involved with her was dangerous as well. Huck had nearly died and Leon had disappeared. How long until something happened to Xav? She didn't want to think about it. She couldn't.

"Of course I do."

She leaned away slightly to kiss him on the nose. She could ignore the minor details, but she couldn't ignore what was right in front of her. "What you did still hurts, Xav, and always will. You lied to me and I've never lied to you. That's the only way that you could ever hurt me." She put her forehead back to his. "Please don't lie to me anymore. That's all I ask."

Xavier moved his hands down to hold both sides of her petite waist. He didn't flinch when she wiped away the tear but he did close his eyes. He had always hated being weak and looking vulnerable in front of others but much like he once had with Bella he simply didn't care when it came to Strellie. She had seen him so much worse any ways. She had seen into his soul, as deep as one could see and she was still here, he couldn't imagine why but she was and he supposed he should be grateful for it. She wasn't running away, even after everything he had done to her she was still sticking by his side. Perhaps she was crazy or maybe this was what love really was, or as close to love as two crazy sixteen year olds could get.

He gently pressed his lips to hers, briefly this time, just to feel close to her, "I didn', I mean I jus -" He sighed and closed his eyes again, "I didn't wanna hurt ye, I jus' wanted ta keep ye safe." He pulled back only far enough to be able to look into her face.

There was a part of him that was screaming to run. Telling him that there was still time to get the feck out of dodge but the more his mind screamed the tighter he held onto this moment. If he ever had a chance for redemption, if he was ever to keep himself out of Azkaban or away from the darkness inside him that constantly tugged on him, he had a feeling Strellie was the one to keep him grounded, even if it killed her to do so.

"So wha' 'appens now?"

Demitria could tell from the way that Xavier was looking at her that he thought her insane. And perhaps she was. She was one of the most rational people she knew, but what about her friendship with Xavier had ever been well thought out? She had limitless faith in a boy who had grown up tainted by darkness. She would trust him with her life, even though she knew he was one of the most dangerous, probably even the most dangerous, people in Hogwarts.

But who was she fooling? Only herself. She could give as good as she got, if the past three months had been any indication. If she was insane, it was on her terms and no one else's. She may have looked like it, being no more than 95 pounds from lack of food and sleep, but she was no porcelain doll, not even to Xavier.

"I don't need you to keep me safe, Xav," her lips turned up in a smile and she couldn't help but chuckle slightly. "I need you stand there with me, not give up everything for me."

Strellie let herself be enveloped once again by Xavier's arms. She took a deep breath and leaned into the tight embrace, relishing in the feeling. "So wha' 'appens now?" The Russian barely heard the words. They were spoken with something wary, almost trepidation.

"I honestly don't know." Her words were light as she looked into the other Slytherin's blue eyes. "But right now, I don't think I care." 

Xavier sighed and the emerald flames behind them finally turned back to a blazing gold. He was still nervous about the whole thing though, he had been so desperate to keep her safe, how was he supposed to protect her now, keep her from getting hurt again? At least at school there weren't many dangers to contend with other than perhaps Quidditch or the tournament but he didn't think either were competing. For now they'd be safe, they could be around each other but what happens when June rolls around? Or May for that matter when he turned seventeen and could do magic without any restrictions?

He nuzzled himself in between her neck and her shoulder, taking what comfort he could from her embrace. For now he'd just have to take what he could get and worry about the future later. At least classes and practices were going to be less stressful now. In fact most things about school were going to be easier now that he had his best friend back. But then was she still his best friend? Or had she suddenly become more than that? And if she had, what was it that she had become?

He pulled back from her with his hands now resting on her waist, he looked down at her outfit, "Were ye goin' somewhere?" He suddenly realized that she likely hadn't come to the common room just to have it out with him. What kind of plans had he been interrupting with his constant stupidity?