Okay so Lexus was drunk.
 
It was early evening and the Canadian born werewolf was shuffling through Knockturn alley trying to remember where the door to her apartment was. It had been a rough Full Moon. While she was given a proper and full dose of wolfsbane at the farthest safe house from Knockturn she could find it was still a painful and taxing process one that she liked to forget about in a bottle of whiskey. The alcohol didn't take her affliction away but it did make her forget about it for a few blissful hours. After being a despicable hated foul beast for nearly four years it was the best she could hope for.

She stumbled over an uneven stone in the walkway and tumbled to her knees dropping the ring of keys she had been twirling around, "This isn't where I parked my car."

Perhaps stumbling around Knockturn while completely sloshed wasn't the best idea in the world but most of those in Knockturn knew by now what Lexus was and weren't likely going to mess with her. Or at least that had been her reasoning of it. As long as she found her apartment door, which also wasn't where she had parked it, she'd be all peachy keen. Oh and finding out where her keys had wandered off to would be pretty good too.

"Squeak!" KER-THUNKA-THUNKA-BMPA-BMPA-BMPA-THUNK!

Such was the sound of a squirrel falling down a drainspout. One grey furred pteromyini crash landed over a drainage grate after tumbling down the pipe. It spun off its back, ran around in tight circles, and as it crawled from the gutter proper...

"*Hic!*" THUNK!

The more human sound of Anadotti Squiggs, dizzy and also inebriated, her head smacking a wall as her feet were anchored. All from a lack of balance. "Frockin' OW!"

One arm braced her from the wall, the other massaged her forehead from under a long sleeve. The night had been going as splenderific as Dotty was capable of. First the patio beer-garten, then when it was discovered she wasn't a paying customer it was vamoose time as only unnoticed climbing mammals could. But driving an animagus form drunk was not advisable, as the shifting body sizes played with the level of alcohol. Halfway back towards the magical district, Dotty sought sustenance at another rooftop garden, this one somebody's herb and produce patch.

Course, those strawberries would have to be fermenting too.

So as she swagged off down Knockturn, Dotty was still pretty tipsy. Luckily she had transformed right side up this time unlike other drunken squirrel shindigs. She scowled that she was on the wrong end of the alley from her hidey hole above The Inkwell. Though she soon found recognizable persons. Person. Ugh.

Lexus Dale. "Heeeeeeeeeey cure lady!" Dotty slurred. One of those Blue Toad blue colored cures of Lexuses' would really spot the hit right now.

Lexus' head perked up from her spot on the cobbled stone. Her nostrils flared and she shook her head and sneezed.

There was a squirrel nearby, a drunken squirrel. Lexus shook her head again and sneezed once more. Her heightened senses were running rampant even while inebriated. Nothing about it made sense though. Why would there be a squirrel in Knockturn Alley when hags, werewolves and other creatures of the dark made there homes here? And why would said squirrel be drunk?

When the squirrel smell turned into a drunken female smell small pieces of Lexus' sloshed brain made the connection between squirrel, witch and animagus. She looked up at the leaning form of the street urchin she had met during the first day of her store opening.

She cocked her head to the side, her golden eyes glowing in the predark of the alley, "Cure lady?" She tried to remember the first time they had met. Dotty had been drunk then, or possibly high. Lexus had given her one of her health drinks that countered all mind altering effects. She would gladly offer one again if only she could remember where she had left her shop, "Right well, um have you seen my shop?"

"Yeeeaaahhhhhh," Dotty leaned on the word and leaned on Lexus? like the car? as she got close to the cure lady. She had been nice. And she had brews. Witches brews. *snort* ha ha...

The question jostled in Dotty's brain. "Wha-? Where's your shop? Someone's stolen your shop!" She pushed away from Lexus with the exclamation. "We need cops, but not cops so they don't hate us as we look for your shop."

"Oh, or, or!" Dotty bounced on the balls of her feet, long sleeves flapping away in the breeze as if she was prepped for takeoff from the nest. "It could be one of those traveling shops. Yeah. Like, you buy something and after a week you try to return it but the shop has disappeared. Or the next day it's on the other side of the street, or in a different country or a different planet! Where did you park it?"

Lexus shakily got to her feet, once standing she removed her heels so as not to trip again. She was about as wobbly as the drunken squirrel was. She looked down the alley again trying to get her bearings but she had forgotten which wind she had gone down to begin with.

She smirked, "Right no cops, don't need any of them though I don't think my shops been stolen." It was such a crazy concept to think about, though she was a witch and a werewolf so she supposed anything was possible, "No one said anything about it being a travelling shop when I got it." It wasn't like she had bought the shop or anything, she had heard from her contacts at Level Two that the place had been abandoned for quite some time and they didn't think the original owners would be coming back so she kind of just moved herself in.

"That's the rub ain't it. I don't remember where I parked - speaking of which," She looked around the cobbled steps under her now bare feet, "Yup, my keys are gone too."

"Yeah, screw the cops. Stupid Oh-roars." Slurred as her speech was, Dotty had always had trouble pronouncing the word. It was Oh-roar, or Aurora Bory-Alices and the wizard cops weren't christmas lights at the North Pole. This is where a simpler term for law enforcement would have been easier. Like pigs. Or, badgers. Whatever fit here.

"Let's summon your shop!" She padded down her jacket for her wand, inspiration pin-balling through her head. She hiccuped through the spell. "Accio *hic* Cure Lady's Shop! And/Or keys! *hic*"

Nothing should have happened but after delayed moments something made of iron whizzed through the air and smacked Dotty in the face. "OW!!"

One sleeve rubbed her forehead where she had be (twice now) struck. The other held the object from her multiple choice summon. It was a large, old fashioned rusty key with an ivory handle carved into a skull, the teeth were iron bristles that flexed like the tines on a toothbrush.

"Right, one key. Now the rest. And the shop." Though it was questionable if Dotty could pull off such magic again.

Vivian began her patrol down Knockturn slowly, relishing in the freedom from the constraints of Level Two. Even though she wouldn't necessarily be spending her freetime in a place like this, it was a welcome change. As she walked, she noticed the glances over the shoulders from some of the people walking by her; they were probably guilty of something, but Vivian wasn't here to make assumptions like that.

The auror noticed two women, obviously quite drunk and one more so than the other. She didn't recognize them, but became quite alarmed when one of them was smacked in the face with a pair of keys. She was rubbing her face and it seemed as if she was preparing to perform magic again in her intoxicated state. Where it wasn't so illegal to do something like that, it was defineitly not the best idea.

Vivian walked up to the pair, "Excuse me ma'am, are you alright? Can I help you with something?"

As drunk as she was she still had enough mind not to pull her wand out. She had been slowly getting her magic back under control, perhaps Jonas had found a cure to the Dagger's curse or the effects just wore off over time but she was a little less weary about her spells going wrong these days. That being said she was well aware that she was way too sloshed to try and summon anything. She also thought it might be hard to summon a whole shop, then again magic could do anything right?

Lexus let out a peal of laughter that wasn't unlike a howl when a large old fashioned key smacked Dotty in the face. She was doubled over bracing herself on the nearest solid surface. Sober that would have been funny, as drunk as she was that was absolutely bloody hilarious, "That's *chuckle* not even *gasp* my key *howl*"

She opened her mouth to add to Dotty's comment but forgot what she was going to say when they were interrupted. She bared her teeth and growled at the newcomer, her golden eyes glowing in the low light of the alley, "Oi, I thought you were summoning my shop, not the red coats."

Lexus turned her gaze from Dotty to the other woman, she stood up straighter and adopted a sweet innocent demeanor, "Sorry missus cop lady, we was jus tryin ta find our ways home now, no need for the laws to get involved." Lexus let out another howl of laughter. She had recognized Callen the instant the woman made her presence known. Had she not been drunk she probably would have smelt her long before that, all Aurors smelled the same (it was the long lonely hours and gallons of coffee that left a stink on someone that no amount of showering could wash away) Though the Auror likely could have said the same about the Canadian werewolf, had she been around the pens during the month or so Lexus was being held there waiting for her trial.

"Stupid wand!" Dotty had been expecting that she really could summon all of that with magic. When she recognized the key, an item from her stash kept under the nearest alleyway dumpster to the Inkwell, she grinned. "But this is even better cuz when..."

"Oi, I thought you were summoning my shop, not the red coats."

Redcoats? Damn, the British were coming! That was the only stupid thing from American history Dotty could remember. Though redcoat seemed to be cop. Double damn! And then the twitch of the no longer present bushy squirrel tail...

hidethekeyhidethekeyhidethekeyhidethekey!!!!

She let the key drop into her over long sleeve, then bunched up the cuff closed with that hand. "Yeah nothing," she chimed in alongside Lexus, "nuthin' but going home. Nuthin' else."

Well, Callen was relieved that Lexus hadn't lost her sense of humor after becoming so intoxicated. Redcoats... as if she hadn't heard that joke before. 'Missus cop lady' was a new one though, she actually hadn't heard that before. If only Lexus could irritate her even more, it was the stupid nicknames she pinned on the Auror.

A glint in her peripheral vision brought Callen to face the other woman standing there. She had one sleeve all bunched up and a terribly guilty look plastered to her face. After being in the business of crime for a while, one would think somebody would learn to conceal things better. Especially things that they weren't supposed to have.

"Doesn't seem to me as if there's a home around here for either of ya," Vivian said, shifting her weight to her left. "And you wouldn't be hiding anything up your sleeve that I shouldn't know about right?" She lifted one eyebrow in question, testing the will of the guilty to see if she was going to give in. Maybe she would, maybe she wouldn't; but Callen didn't feel like processing paperwork today. Maybe just intimidate a few people and get on with the day.

He hadn't come to Knockturn Ally in anything approaching an official capacity but when his contact failed to materialize, Michael had found himself with a little more free time than he had anticipated.  When he'd spotted Lexus, obviously intoxicated, his professional side had taken over.  Sometimes werewolves just stuck out.  He wasn't sure what it was.  There was just something about the way they moved, the way they kept to themselves.  To the trained eye, it was as obvious as her hair colour.

She didn't seem to be much of a danger to anyone other than herself in that state, which was why he didn't approach her.  His department wasn't exactly popular even with the werewolves who complied to the regulations.  To offer her assistance might be construed as a form of harassment.  It didn't stop him from staying down wind, however.  There was no point in being foolish.

He watched from the shadows as another young witch crawled up out of  the gutter, equally inebriated.  He smiled when he heard Lexus speak.  Her accent reminded him that there was someone he needed to speak to when he had a chance.  The smile widened when the Auror approached the pair.  He considered the Aurors allies of a sort although it was unlikely many of them shared his opinion.  Both the Aurors and the WCU were tasked with protecting the public, just in different ways.  The dark wizards the Aurors faced were by far the greater threat, however.   

He doubted that the Auror was in any danger or that the two drunken women were going to cause any problems.  Still, this was Knockturn Alley.  He'd already foiled two attempts to pick his pocket and evaded one fight.  Anything that could go wrong usually did in Knockturn Alley.  Still, to not offer assistance would be nothing short of unchivalrous.

He stepped out of the shadows.  "Is there anything I can do to offer you ladies some help?" he asked.  He was dressed in a well tailored Muggle suit, a habit he adopted whenever he wanted people to underestimate him.  He was a half-blood, rather than a Muggleborn and his facility to blend into both worlds was frequently beneficial. 

Lexus let out another intoxicated howl of laughter at Callen, "Shows what you know, Scarlet. Dotti'll park her furry lil tush any alley she can find and I actually live down here." She glanced distracted at the shop fronts down the way before absently adding, "Once I can remember where I parked my bloody shop." Her golden eyes turned to the cobblestone again as if just now remembering that they had been trying to find her missing keys as well.

She turned back to the older woman, "But that's not the point, the point is-" Whatever point Lexus was trying to make was cut short when someone else deemed it necessary to make their presence known.

This time she gave Styx a full out growling bark before turning back to her drunken companion, "Damn it Dotti! First the Red Coats and now the Dog Catchers! That's it, you are not allowed to drink and cast anymore, next thing we know you'll be summon the damn Minister of Magic!" She made a movement as if she was going to take Dotti's wand away.

Lexus turned her attention back to Styx, her fangs bared and her golden eyes alight, "As for you, unless you can dredge up my bloody keys, or find where I parked my shop you best be getting yer filthy lil dog catching behind outta here before I bite you." Lexus had spent four years terrified that the Aurors or their little lap dogs would find her and bring her in. Now that she had been forced to register and live in Knockturn (or face a life sentence in Azkaban or termination back home) she was annoyed at the very sight of the WCU. The Aurors she could somewhat get along with, most of them were nice - like Adon and Archer and Jonas - but the WCU were just horrible (despite her still present feelings for Bagnold) She didn't know Styx directly and certainly not as intimately as she had known Bagnold but she had been in the pens long enough to know who he was.

"Right, we live here." Dotty nodded along to her companion's reasoning, while willing the iron key to disappear in her armpit or something. She thought up a list of marks that could or could not be on her arm. "Slits. Puncture marks. An embarrassing misspelled tattoo. Skin rash. Sucker stings from a fun night with a tentacle. Unnatural hair growth. Nothing that bothers you!"

Frickin' cops. If only there was a way to hex her when her back was turned and run for her attic nook.

When another suit stepped out of the night, Lexus got cross with her. "That's mine!" Dotty withdrew her wand into her other sleeve, so now both of her arms looked like pool noodles. She'd only summoned the key, not people! And as it so easily happens while inebriated, the former best friend became a loathed enemy with flip flopping emotions. "And stop calling me 'Dotti!' It's 'Dotty!!' I can hear the 'i!!!'"

"But that's not the point, the point is-" Lexus had trailed off, leaving Callen to wonder what the point was anyways. She noticed Micheal walk up and she did a bit of an inward groan at Lexus' reaction. Having Styx around made it all the better if she was going to irritate the feisty werewolf.

Callen jumped in where she found appropriate, right after Lexus threatened Styx. "Okay, there will be no biting of any sort or you will have a one way trip back to level two and maybe some other place I know you won't enjoy." Actually, Viv would get a kick out of watching Lexus try to bite somebody from the WCU, but it wasn't her place to enjoy that sort of behavior.

...She was sort of supposed to prevent it, no matter how entertaining the situation.

"Right then, there's nothing I can do to assist you in finding your shop?" Callen asked, trying to be nice because it was always a rough day when you lost your shop. At least, she figured it was.

Michael chuckled.  "You probably wouldn't like biting me," he said, moving forward slowly enough that it wouldn't be construed as threatening.  "Not unless you'd like getting bitten back.  As far as dredging up your keys, I'm sure I can do something to help there.  Oh, and for the record, I'm not a dog catcher.  Last time I checked, you weren't a dog.  I don't think we need to resort to threats like that here, officer.  She's clearly drunk, has no reason to see me in any kind of positive light and is assuming I'm here for something other than personal reasons.  I'm not.  I'm just trying to help."

Dog catcher.  It spoke volumes about the self loathing that many werewolves felt.  To call the WCU dog catchers was to call themselves dogs, something that they clearly weren't.  His job wasn't to hassle the law abiding werewolves, it was to find the ones that tried to evade the system that was in place for everyone's protection or to bring in the ones who really didn't understand what was happening to them.

"Would you mind if I shed a little light on the subject?  You might find your keys a little easier if you can see where they fell."