Tapendra Trishna
Astronomy Tower
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Dolly St. James
17 Little London Court
Penthouse Suite
London

Dear Dolly,


I'm sorry for not owling you sooner. I've rewritten this so many times.

I've been thinking about what you said when we argued, and you're right. About Judy, and not letting go, and most what you said. And for getting upset. I can't take back everything I said. I still can't be happy knowing you're still running and hurting. But I've been doing the same thing, just in different ways. It's not easy to let go. Especially when I know she'd hate never forgive me for doing it, and when you know what should have been.

I'm sorry for what I said. You're a really strong and vibrant person, Dolly, and it just hurts to see you tearing yourself up over Dom even after all this time. Because of Judy, I understand why you're the way you are. But that doesn't mean it makes it any less painful to see you suffering.

I'll understand if you're angry and don't want to see me anymore, but I really hope that's not the case. You're refreshing, Dolly. Even if we don't see eye to eye on everything, it's good to have someone rattle my cage sometimes.

Dolly St. James
17 Little London Court
Penthouse Suite
London

Tapendra Trishna
Astronomy Tower
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

My Dearest Tappy,

To say I forgive you would be terribly condescending because you have nothing to be sorry for. We both said things, extremely hurtful things that were made all the more hurtful because they were true. That is one grave misfortune to knowing and caring so much about another person; one always know exactly where to stick the knife and twist. When I feel backed into a corner I have a tendency to come out swinging. That night should have never turned into something about me, you needed someone to talk to, to be there for you. I will always be that for you, no matter how we may quarrel. You'll note my history does not include a habit of giving up on the people I adore no matter how wretched they are - and you could never be as awful as Dom or Landis; I just don't think you have it in you. Your heart is too big.

I would say consider the fight forgotten, but I know that neither of us can. The reality is in saying the things we've said our relationship has changed... I am just not sure how it's changed, or where it leaves us. Ironically I am in the same place with Dominik at the moment. I'll spare you the gory details, but he finally confessed to his mad love for me, that it's always been there. It isn't like I thought it'd be - but then if I'm honest with myself nothing much is ever as I think it will be. It should put some part of your mind to rest knowing I didn't jump up and down and demand we elope that night. It felt hollow mostly, like there was the Golden Goose laid before me and yet all I could see was the devastation left in it's wake. All the years and mistakes it had taken to get to that point and the prize didn't quite feel worth it.

Falderal and fiddle-dee-ee, life marches on and the Muses should be calling to me soon - so I will leave you with this one single thought: I miss you, terribly.

Tapendra Trishna
Astronomy Tower
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Dolly St. James
17 Little London Court
Penthouse Suite
London

Dolly,

You have no idea how glad I am to hear that - and I hope you know that I feel the same. We lead very different lives, but in some ways they're very similar, aren't we? It's odd to think. And flattering, in a way. My life must seem so boring in comparison to yours!

If you ever need me, I'll be there for you. Even if I'm pretty inept at most some things. And my advice isn't the best. By far. (Or ever, I guess)

I'm not sure where this leaves us, either. Maybe it's just easier to start from square one and see what happens. I can't be totally honest in saying that I know how I feel on that for sure, but - as long as I'm your friend, I'm happy, Dolly. Things might be kind of awkward but I'd rather that they were awkward than angry, or nonexistent. I don't think it'd do me any good to forget, anyway. Sometimes change is what you need.

It does put my mind at rest, to be honest with you. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't skeptical, but I hope you believe me when I tell you I really hope it works out. But reality tends to be harsh, and I'll be here if you need me. Just, please, don't feel like you're obligated to stay with him if it doesn't work out, Dolly.

I miss you, too. Please let me know how things go with Dom.

Dolly St. James
17 Little London Court
Penthouse Suite
London

Tapendra Trishna
Astronomy Tower
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Darling of Darlingest Darlings, Tappy,

I shall tell you a secret, writing drunk letters is the most amusing a person can do with a night like tonight! I've had a bottle and a half of vino all to myself and a dish of nuts because I cannot be bothered to cook for myself and I gave Molly the night off. Poor dear, I really run her ragged - but I'm obviously quite helpless on my own! Or just terribly lazy, I suppose more the latter really. Terribly, terribly lazy! But you do love me in spite of myself don't you? Poor bastard - I say that with love and adoration all my own of course.

I'm laid up in bed on a fat stack of pillows, contemplating this bloody novel I've got to write and I simply do not know what to do. Which I suppose gives away the situation with Dominik in it's entirety. If I knew what the devil to do with the book I would know what the devil I'm doing in my personal life. Of course there are some people who would argue I've never had much a clue about either. You know, they just might be right! I've always just done whatever I pleased and hoped for the best.

Can you believe Poppets look up to me for that? Dreadful, you should give them proper role models like... I don't know one of your fancy muggle scientist ladies. Is it worse that I know I'm a wretched role model and I do nothing to change my behavior or does it just make me delightfully self aware? Can one be delightfully self aware you think? I've always considered people who were self aware and aware of their being self aware terribly tedious. They're so busy knowing all about themselves they don't know anything else!

Do you know what I think we should do? We should go to Marseilles, you and me - the sprogs too, maybe I'll even bring Livi. I've already promised her a trip to Rome with her sister; the sister to whom I am hardly speaking because shes a boring beast and almost as bad as her brother. I'm beginning to think that family cursed, a pox on their happiness or something. Anyway, back to Marseilles. Wouldn't that be divine?  Sea air, beautiful skies, absolutely no responsibility?

You have to admit; my hedonistic overly indulgent ways sound pretty tempting, right?

Think it over, I'm going to go see if I have any Martini olives or Brie in the icebox!

xoxoxox

Tapendra Trishna
Astronomy Tower
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Dolly St. James
17 Little London Court
Penthouse Suite
London

Dolly,

Sorry I didnt write you sooner. The last few days have been kind of rough and I don't know what to make of them. As you're probably aware Mum is gone to Azkaban for 5 years and I don't know what makes it worse - that shes gone or that shes coming back. Is that bad? That's terrible of me to think, isn't it, she's my mother and everything but I cant say I want her around for christmas you know?[1]

Sorry for the writing. I've gotten into Ignan's firewhiskey, dont tell him. Woke up with a hangover and had to go to the trial I think I did well enough at it. The paper didn't say I threw up so thats good.

I was out drinking with Darian yesturday and it was kind of odd. Dolly why do I keep waking up with men? Nothing happened through. I know it didn't. So if he acts like it does he's lying. The man is a fox.

A holiday would be nice. I couldn't find anyone to substitute for me tonight so the kids get to starchart while I have a headache and pretend to not be hung over. If we traded lives for a day I think I'd spend it sleeping.

I guess I should mention that I'm apparently rich now or something. Mum decided to give me her money. I don't know what to do with it or about it. I don't think I even want it. The girls don't know so don't tell them.

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Dolly St. James
17 Little London Court
Penthouse Suite
London

Tapendra Trishna
Astronomy Tower
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Dearest Tappy,

It seemed wildly improper to write you while intoxicated again, so I'm having a cup of strong black coffee without a single hair of the dog who bit me. It pains me to write this but I believe, my darling, we are getting too old for this. I'm going to have to sweat the Vodka out of my pores at this point, but the idea of a sauna just made me a little queasy.

As for waking up in bed with men, Darling I couldn't tell you. I've been asking myself that question since the first time I woke up next to Landis - and if you tell a soul I ever woke up next to Landis Morgan I will do very bad things to you that you will not enjoy at all, as opposed to the bad things you do enjoy. Darian is a horrible life choice and I hope you're enjoying him to his fullest capacity. I adore the man but I've always liked things that were awful for me.

As for the money and your mother... Salazar save us all if I start trying to give you advice. Tie the money up for the girls, a trust that they can't touch until they're old enough to use it wisely; of course in my life using money wisely involves running off to the South of France or Northern Italy so by all means feel free not to take anything I say seriously.

I dunno about your Mum though, Love. I've got a shite Mum, not as shite as yours at least on the legal front but I've survived all my adult life with little to no input from her. Family, for me, has never really been about who shared my blood. Di Wiedman practically raised me, Landis (believe it or not) has saved my arse more times than I care to count or think about, she gave birth to you; but from what I've heard you raised yourself up right, and Gigi to boot when you were still a kid yourself.

Give her your gratitude for giving you life, make peace with the past, and set clear boundaries for her that you can live with. If you don't want her round for Christmas, don't invite her. You're a grown man Mister Trishna, you live your life the way you see fit and tell the rest of the world to bugger off.

You'll be much happier, I promise.

Tapendra Trishna
Astronomy Tower
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Dolly St. James
17 Little London Court
Penthouse Suite
London

Dolly,

Thank you for your advice. I’m not sure how much money I’m getting yet – a lot of it is in property or business deals and all those things that don’t translate to actual cash. I just don’t want the girls to grow up or decide they don’t need to have careers.

It just feels strange. I’ve had to work for everything I have ever since mum left. When I was young I would have loved it, I think. Now it just feels…I suppose I resent it. Is that bad? I just don’t want to be given things, I guess.

I hope you and Dom are well, or that you are at the very least. I can’t wait for summer break to get here.

We’re going to Egypt this summer – the school’s sponsoring a trip and I figure it’s a good time to go and see what  - apparently – own.

Dolly St. James
17 Little London Court
Penthouse Suite
London

Tapendra Trishna
Astronomy Tower
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Tappy,

Have more faith in your children than that, Love. There are only so many hours you can spend sitting on an overfed arse before you're completely bored of yourself. The wee one has too much of Judy in her to ever be happy just being rich, and Gigi, well if her goal is fashion design she's going to have to work whether she has money or not. If you don't believe me, ask Darian. Morgans are old money, money so old it's probably moldy in fact - but life is so much more when you're doing something because you love it.

I'm so tired of people looking at life in this narrow lens, letting resentment spoil good fortune. Who's to say that this money, the land, the business deals, aren't a Cosmic reward for all your hard work? This is a chance Tappy, a chance not many people get, to never have to worry about how you'll take care of the girls or yourself. For all her years of bad parenting, for all the inconceivable life choices she made, maybe this is a one last ditch effort to be some kind of mother to you - not to buy you off but because she doesn't know any other way.

Make peace with the past, with all you had to do, with all that was done to you, with all that wasn't done for you - make peace with it and know that you've come out ahead. You're a better person than your mother, than your father, than any of the people who ever let you down. Money doesn't change who you are, just what you can do - the impact you can make in the world, the kind of leg up you can give Cy and Gigi; dreams you can help make come true for them when they find what it is they really want to do.

As for Dominik... I haven't been seeing him. He needs to sort his life out without influence from me. He won't ever figure out what makes him happy with everyone telling him exactly what he should be doing. I don't want to be a sense of duty to him, to fall into this idea that he's almost 30 so the right thing to do is get married and make babies. I don't know what kind of life, future, I see or want for myself but I know that isn't it. It was for awhile, I thought I could be that person, the Socialite mother. If it happens, then I will play that story out to the fullest of my abilities but I don't want it to be born from some antiquated idea and the ghosts of who I thought Dom and I were meant to be.

I'm tired of chasing ghosts, and I'm tired of the Ivory tower. I was never much good at living in one place. Once schools out I'm absconding with Liviana and give her a taste of life can be if you let yourself have things. Salazar knows neither of her siblings can teach her that. I think it's important to know the world is full of more complicated answers than yes or no, maybe just means endless possibility.

Egypt will be entertaining no doubt. Watch out for Camels, they spit.

Tapendra Trishna
Astronomy Tower
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Dolly St. James
17 Little London Court
Penthouse Suite
London

Dear Dolly,

Hah! You are an endless demonstration that age doesn't equal wisdom and youth doesn't equal naivete, Dolly. You're right; dwelling on the past and resenting good fortune aren't going to do anyone any good, are they? I'll make peace with what I've got. And, in some ways, I do like it. I can finally afford to pay off my car. And send it in to find out what that rattling noise is.

I only resent the money because - well,you know how I grew up. I've seen far too many kids and adults treat money they got without lifting a finger like they earned it, or that it's something to be taken for granted. Even some of the sweetest kids I know do that. I just don't want the girls turning out like that. I don't think they will, but it still worries me. You know how I get.

I'm glad you took that stance with Dom, though I am, of course, biased. Hopefully it works out for the best. And if he  decides that it's his duty to marry you and tries to play that angle, please do me a favor and hit him with something heavy. And, preferably, sharp.

I know I say it a lot, but: I really hope you find what you truly want to do. You've got the drive and the heart to really make something of yourself, Dolly, and I don't want to have to think of you trapped in something you don't want to do. Whatever you choose to do - and whoever you chose to do it with - should be something you can pour your heart and soul into without regret.

Egypt will be fun, I think. I plan to learn to surf. Ideally with as few people watching as possible.

Dolly St. James
Villa Marittima
Cupra Marittima
Italy

Tapendra Trishna
Wherever he is currently located

Darling!
I'm so sorry it's taken me ages to write you back. I was swamped getting every little thing in order for this glorious trip I've started with Livi. I'm currently tucked in the corner of the Villa's wine cellar. The place really is far too massive for just the poppet, even dragging Molly along the first day felt as though all our footsteps echoed too loudly. Luckily for me finding people to take up space has never been a problem. It's been years since I had more than a stop over night here, but in the "good old days" Daz and I would run wild. I look back on that time with a certain fondness but I can't say it doesn't leave a bitter after burn. It's a peculiar thing, the way life forms itself in your memories. To be sixteen and so hopelessly in love seems like such a waste now. I was so desperate to belong to someone, to have a place, a relationship that was just for me... I let so many things pass me by.

To be fair the rather maudlin moody mess currently being splashed across the page has as much to do with the bottle of wine sitting next to me as it does actually thinking of my life with Dominik - or rather the life that never was with Dom. I could resent him so bitterly, hate him even... but I don't. I mostly feel sorry for him, sorry that he lacks the substance and backbone to try and make his own happiness. In a way it annoys me with myself, all those wasted years! All that time I thought I could love him enough for the both of us, the things I threw away, good hearts broken because I never could see the disaster that burned me up at both ends. For all my wise words about how the past should stay in the past some nights it's hard to not just hate the world for how it all turned out.

Of course normally I'd just go out dancing and eat my weight in pasta but I've been thinking all this over because Odette deserves an ending. She deserves her story to end with  bang, something fabulous. For the briefest moment I thought I could really make her happy ending work. I could give her the fairytale. Writing without Eli has proven harder than I ever expected. I don't think I realized how much of himself he gave for me to put into the books. I don't know how to trust what I'm writing is good without him looking over my shoulder telling me when it's sentimental drivel and he's starting to feel nauseous. I was never a better writer than when he was my editor.

It dawns on me that for all my acting liberated, I rely very heavily on the rest of the world to help me keep the shape I call myself. I needed Dom to love me, you to counsel me, Eli to edit me, Molly to keep track of me. I wonder what might happen now that most of that has fallen away? Can the entity known as Dolly St. James exist outside the vacuum of fame and gossip? Is a person only as real as the stories written about them? Salazar's knickers that's a bloody depressing thought. Disregard everything I've blathered at you Darling, blame it on the wine and the sliver of moonlight seeping through partially open cellar door. In the morning I will have turned back into my utterly fabulous self and deny having sent such a silly letter.

Only you will know what pieces I fall to when I think too much about all that has come before ad my level of uncertainty for the future.