Jazelle Hawke was Head Girl.  A lot of things about that fact made her do a mental double-take.  The badge adorned on her outfit felt heavy, making her feel exposed.  She was on edge.  Like at any moment someone was going to do something bad and she would have to fix it.  Talking to Church and Elijah only did so much to quell the panic.  No, she knew the only way to get some peace was to talk to the one who recommended her for the title.  Her Head of House.

Why would she pick me?  I've never been a Prefect or anything... so why this?  Why now?

When she thought about what Levartian would say to her, she half-expected an apology, saying it was a mistake.  Jazz felt both relieved and saddened by that possibility.

Rounding the corridor, she sped up, eager to catch her when the time was right.  It was shortly after Creatures and she had three hours until dinner to get this done.  She never had Levartian in a class but she had talked to her a few times and really liked her.  As she entered, she had a rush of old memories being in the classroom.

"Excuse me, Professor Levartian," she called politely, stepping further into the room and looking out for the woman.  "I was wondering if we could talk, if that's alright?"

Myrni was in her closet sized office doing what many of the professor were doing in their hours of freedom when  classes were not in session --reviewing more lessons.

The Arithmancy professor looked up from her desk when she heard Jazz's voice. "Miss Hawke," she greeted the newly annoited Head Girl with a genuine smile. It also glowed with a bit of pride that one from her own house had been selected for the responsibility.

Even though Jazz had not been a prefect the previous year and had not taken Arithmancy, Myrni knew the girl and her abilities quite well. Though she had hung around in the same circles as some of the other prefects and had been involved in extra curriculars, Hawke had become of special interest to the Gryffindor Head of House the previous year when other staff members had mentioned a change in disposition and demeanor while in class. Myrni had set about to discover its cause and in her little way, attempt to help find a fix.

Their increased interactions had allowed Myrni to know Jazz better and the girl had quickly become a favorite of the professor.

Naturally, when Jazz requested they talk, Myrni hoped that nothing was wrong. She indicated to the chair across the desk from her and prodded, "Please, sit down. What's on your mind?"

Jazz gave a small wave to the professor as she accepted the invitation to enter.  The place felt very cramped.  She suddenly remembered the story of the great Harry Potter who allegedly lived in a cupboard.  And she felt saddened by that thought.  Wow, this room really is tiny, she thought with a scrunched-up nose.  Do not many people take this subject? she wondered as she sat down carefully.  Okay, let's get this over with so I can get a quick nap in before dinner.

Setting down her bag, Jazz corrected her posture, as was the norm when in the presence of adults she respected.  She felt a little weird talking one-on-one with Levartian again.  Before it had been a subject of her personal life, because of her uncharacteristic drop in academic performance.  Though Jazz didn't divulge in the details of what was bringing her down, she told enough to have the professor understand where she was coming from.  In truth, talking it out helped her to distract herself in her schoolwork.  If it wasn't for her, she wouldn't have gotten as many O's in her transcript.  Or heaven forbid, received an A.

"Good day Professor Levartian," she said softly, smiling quickly and clasping her hands in her lap.  How to begin...

"Well, as you know, I found out I'm Head Girl," she started obviously, licking her lips habitually.  "And I figure you were the one who recommended me." she added, bowing her head at the professor politely.  Swallowing, she straightened further in her seat and looked Levartian square in the eyes.  "So... why?  Why me?" she asked outright, not wanting to beat around the bush.  She felt awkward enough; might as well not prolong it.

Myrni waited patiently for Jazz to take a seat and talk. She understood that it was not easy for students to approach professors, or adults in general, about issues that concerned them. So that was why she tried to present herself in such a way that would open and inviting, even to those who were not in Gryffindor House. Myrni loved her job and she loved working with the students, even if many of them she did not get to interact with until after their third year at school.

As soon as Jazz brought up her selection as Head Girl, Myrni's brow furrowed, at first not understanding the objection to the idea. But then the Arithmancy professor allowed the question to fully sink in. She leaned forward and smiled serenely. "Well, why not you?" Without a doubt, it would be seen as a frustrating response that evaded the question entirely.

After a pause, Myrni seriously declared, "Miss Hawke, I assure you that you are perfectly suited for the position. Even if you don't believe it yourself."

Jazz watched her Head of House anxiously in the silence.  Levartian looked confused, as if wondering why Jazz would be asking such a question.  Oh, God, she thinks I'm ungrateful, she thought in slight paranoia until the professor leaned forward and said something cryptic.

"Well, why not you?"

What kind of a reason was that?  Was that supposed to be funny?

Just as Jazz was going to reply, Levartian spoke up, this time with something more serious.  But it still left Jazz confused and unsatisfied.  Shaking her head, she licked her lips habitually, fingers fiddling nervously in her lap.  "Okay, so you think I'd be good at it." Jazz mused to herself, letting it sink in briefly.

"With all due respect, Professor, but what makes you so sure?" Jazz asked, her head starting to pound with fear of disrespecting an authority figure, and, more importantly, an authority figure she liked.  "I've wracked my brain and although I'm fairly good at my studies, I don't see how I'd be good at representing the student body."

Myrni continued to sport a smile as Jazelle spoke -- a smile of a person who seemed to know the answer to a riddle that others had yet to figure out. It wasn't a smug smile but simply a knowing one, a confident one. She was no great diviner, but she was someone who tended to trust in the tools available to her, both as an Arithmancy scholar and as an intuitive woman.

Her hazel eyes intently watched the girl who seemed intent on not seeing the virtues in herself that made her perfect for the role. It occured to her that the new Head Girl might still be honing her own abilities and tools to solve the puzzles in her life. That was all part of being a teenager and growing into adulthood.

When silence filled the small office, Myrni quietly spoke, "Jazelle, I would like to show you something. And I haven't shown many people....because....well, it's just one of the quirky things I do as part of my job...and as a hobby."

Again, the eccentric professor was speaking vaguely, but as she spoke, she started to shuffle some papers on her desk. She stacked some and picked up piles and moved them elsewhere until the desk appeared empty, except for a piece of parchment that spanned the entire length of the desktop. It looked blank. Ordinary even.

But then Myrni pulled out her wand in one hand and summoned her quill. Taking it in her free hand, she scrawled a mixture of numbers and words on one corner of the parchment. When she finished, she set the quill aside and touched the tip of her wand to the ink. After a moment of nothing seeming to happen at first, the paper slowly began to show other words and numbers. In fact, as they sat there and watched, the numbers and words seemed to have a life of their own and multiplied continuously beyond and within the depths of the paper itself. At first glance, nothing would make sense to anyone else but Myrni, who knew exactly how to regard it.

Looking over at Jazz again, she grinned, anticipating the silent question in the room of What the heck is this?

"This is a numerological profile listing of everyone here at Hogwarts," she plainly explained. "You're in here somewhere. But before I show you what I have -- which is quite extensive as you can imagine --" she paused dramatically and spread her arms wide to encompass the size of the paper before them, "--I want to know what you remember about your own Arithmancy studies."

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OOC: It's almost like a numerological Marauder's Map!

Jazz quirked her eyebrows together briefly, watching Myrni search for something on her desk.  What could she possibly have to show me? she wondered, undeniably curious.  When the professor brought out a blank sheet, she eyed it quizzically and watched her antics wordlessly.  What on earth is she doing? she thought idly.

Suddenly the parchment was filling with infinite numbers and words, making Jazz stare in wonderment.  Now that's what I call organized chaos, she mentally joked, allowing a breath of disbelief escape her lips.  Magic really was a marvel.  Once Myrni started talking again, she tore her eyes away from the gibberish and listened patiently.

Jazz wrinkled her nose, trying to remember what she learned in Arithmancy years before.  "Well, everything can be broken down into numbers.  Words, names, anything.  What does that have to do with me being Head Girl?" she asked, mildly confused.  Oh, please don't tell me she recommended me because I had the right amount of vowels in my name or something. she thought in mild panic as self-doubt seeped in even more.  This could all just be a mistake...

The words and numbers contained in the parchment was quite extensive and many only Myrni could really understand as until she called up the name she wished to observe, it did only seem like a huge pot of alphabet and numbers soup.

Numbers were a tricky thing and many students never followed her subject through to take NEWTS, so it was no surprise to Myrni that they only maintained a surface level understanding of Arithmancy and the power of numbers. In fact, they and many adults alike considered it to be a frivilous subject.

"Yes, everything can be broken down into numbers. And just as divination and astrology are often able to speak to our traits as individuals, so too can Arithmancy," the professor explained quietly. She then brandished her wand again and touched it to the parchment between them. After a moment, numbers and words parted until a name and a bunch of words and numbers surfaced and displayed themselves larger than the rest. And even though there were many, many descriptors that accompanied Jazz's name, a few continued to resurface more than the others.


Myrni tapped the paper with the tip of her wand. "I'm not telling you that I submitted your name solely because of what the numbers said, Jazz. You should know me well enough by now to understand that I don't operate like that." Myrni sat back in her chair and it creaked a bit. "But seeing as you don't seem to want to believe or see in yourself what I see, I thought this might be helpful. Visuals always help me," she said with a bright smile.

Finally, she added, "I know you are capable of doing a good job. Where you will lead, others will want to follow..."

Jazz's eyes widened at the sight of her name appearing on the parchment.  Around her name were phrases that at first made her even more confused, but as she let the words sink in she understood.  They were all traits a good Head Girl would possess.  And based on Arithmancy and the power of numbers, she had them.

But it's just a name.  I was almost named Kimberly for goodness's sake.

Levartian seemed to sense her doubt, but her reasoning didn't reassure anything.  To be honest, Jazz didn't believe in numerology.  Words were just words, and names were just names.  That's it.  There was no hidden meaning behind them.  It's not like a superhero outfit: once you put it on you suddenly have powers.  It was the same with names.  Just because you were named "Jazelle Lynne Hawke", the number nine aspects don't suddenly befall on you.  It's something you become: something you earn.  Whether or not Jazz believed she possessed them was the problem.

Work tirelessly and are an inspiration to others... Strongly determined... Dedicate themselves to service... Completion and achievement to the fullest degree...

The words circled in her head endlessly.  "Where you will lead, others will want to follow."

She really thinks I can do this.  For whatever reason.  Maybe I should just fake it until I make it.  It's not exactly a new concept for me.  And in the end if I fail...

I'll not only disappoint myself but Levartian as well.  What a way to end my years at Hogwarts.

Sighing, she looked up from the parchment, snapping out of her reverie.  Looking at her Head of House, she saw something in her eyes that halted her swirling of doubt and worry.  She really believes in me.  She's an intelligent woman, and if she didn't really believe I could flourish as Head Girl, she wouldn't have recommended me.  Maybe this is more than just numbers and figures and coincidence after all.

Hell, Jazz, you know you can do it!  Search your feelings, you know it to be true...  She smiled at the mental reference to Star Wars and did just what Darth Jazz told her to do.  Yes.  Darth Jazz was right.  She could do it.

"Yeah.  I suppose I can.  I will." she said, finally.  "And it's not like I'll be alone.  I have Church."

Myrni watched the girl's expression with interest. Even as the most basic information about the new Head Girl was called up and presented to her, that could still be as overwhelming and confusing s an entire reading. Plus, the Arithmancy professor was fully aware that a great many students did not believe in the subject as it was. Same could be said for Divination. And maybe even Astronomy.The things she overheard students saying when they thought she wasn't listening...

Myrni simply continued to smile. For in every doubter, the numbers did hold a great many truths for those who cared to look.

Let her doubt....soon she will see....

But registering the look on Jazz's face, Myrni said confidently, "As long as you try your very best, Miss Hawke, you won't disappoint me." Even in the previous years when there had be instances of prefects not being very prefect-ly or her entire house being quite disorderly, Myrni had come to the conclusion that with a group of adolescents, it was hard to hold onto disappointment in them for long. The best thing she could do was help them make heads or tails of their own disappointments, which were sure to be in abundance even if they seemed small in the grand scheme of things.

"And yes, you will have Church," she affirmed. "The talents of Ravenclaw and Gryffindor combined....an unbeatable team." The dark haired professor tapped her and to the parchment and for a brief moment Church's name surfaced. Another tap and his name, as well as every other name on the paper, disappeared. Myrni smiled brightly and murmured, "We can hope...."

And with that, Jazz thanked Myrni for her time and stood up, ready to leave.  She was satisfied with her chat.  She got the answers she looked for, and although it differed to what she expected, it was more than she hoped for.  With one last look in the cupboard-sized classroom, she bid farewell to her head of house and left with a smile.  Her self-doubt which weighed heavily for the past few days finally lifted considerably, and she could breathe easier.

Thinking back on all the times her doubt threatened to prevent her from trying at anything, she remembered what brought her out of that phase.  Jazz felt a new determination that made her believe it would be fine.  Jazz just needed a reminder and encouraging push of what she was capable of if she really wanted it.  In certain things, she could focus anything like a razor and won't rest until she's happy with what she's done.

Strongly determined.  The numbers got that one right, at least.