Being in a relationship with Tamis Raynor did not have many perks, when it came to the professional world.  They had talked about the situation and tried to not talk to each other about anything other than work at work – of course, sometimes that didn’t work, but most of the time they were very good at it.  With the recent influx of trainees, Archer was busier than ever and adding on investigations was really picking up his schedule.

Of course, one member of the team seemed to have a more open schedule than the rest – oddly enough.  Eddie Pratt had put in for a holiday – something Archer couldn’t remember doing in the past decade.  If someone needed sick time, that was normal – but a holiday?  An honest to God break from the office?  Unlikely.

So, Archer decided it as appropriate to snoop.  Only one of his kids – Noah – was going to Hogwarts, so it wasn’t as though that responsibility was gone, particularly with the newest Pratt, and then there was the fact that he wasn’t with the wife – so he was going on Holiday with?  It wasn’t like Eleor and Trevelyan going to investigate. 

He had some ideas, but he wanted confirmation.  So, without much of a thought, Archer was casually approaching Pratt’s cubicle, mug in hand, Rufus following him along, trotting at his side. Archer leaned against the side of the cubicle and peered down at his friend, and his messy work space. 

“Heard you’re going on a holiday,” Archer said nonchalantly, “Celebrating your birthday with the wee ones?” Innocent question: potentially telling answer. 

September was proving to be rewarding as a month already. Noah had been sent off to Hogwarts out of his parents’ hair and annoying someone else, the escape to Greece with Viv had been booked and Winston was finally learning to take his messy business outside. Ed was in a good mood and had not tried to hide it. He was being less demanding on the trainees, drinking slightly less coffee and keeping on top of his paperwork. Granted it was only the third of the month, but Ed considered the already manageable pile of paperwork on his desk an achievement. Any other month it would have been three times as tall.

“Heard you’re going on a holiday,” An all too familiar voice came from the cubicle entrance and Eddie heard the wall creaking quietly as a rather large figure rested his weight against it. He’d wondered how long it would take for Archer to hear from his miniature girlfriend and their boss about Eddie’s well timed time off. Radley’s relationship with Raynor still made Eddie was to hurl or cringe like a teenage boy at the thought and he’d known about it for many months now. He’d even seen the witch in her fluffy dressing gown and slippers. That had been a sight that should be reserved for nightmares.

While Eddie hadn’t yet looked up at his close friend and colleague, he did laugh at the question.
“No way am I taking my kids on my first holiday in almost a decade.” He responded and put his quill down on the report he’d been working on. Coffee now snatched up in his left hand, he span around on the chair to look up at Radley. “I only asked the guv’ about it yesterday, Arch. Yer quick. Worried yer gonna miss me fer a week?”

The aurors usual cheeky grin was offered to his mate as he sat back in the chair. Radley was probably just gutted he wouldn’t get to engage in usual birthday pranking. Ed was making sure of it this year.

Alright, that was good to know.  He wasn’t taking the kids – and he acknowledged it was a holiday.  He hadn’t heard that Ed got back with the wife, and he probably would have been one of the first to hear it.  After all, he was Noah’s favorite – at least he liked to tell Eddie that – and miff his friend.  Though, it seemed he had no interest in spending his birthday with his kids.

“Don’t want to climb over the hill with the quidditch team?” Archer asked in faux surprise.  He didn’t blame the guy, but he figured if he spawned them, he might as well spend his time with them.  Archer probably knew the most about Eddie’s personal life out of anyone in the office, and vice versa, which wasn’t exactly ideal, but it was what it was. 

Obviously, they had mutual dirt on one another. “I guess I don’t blame you,” he laughed, good humored, ignoring Eddie’s comment about missing him.  Hardly!  There was enough to deal with without Eddie around this office – though, he had to admit – he was a bit jealous the oaf got to shove off for some kind of celebration…

“So…” Archer drawled, “is this some kind of monastic retreat?” he asked with a cheeky smirk.  Eddie was just as likely to do anything alone as Eleor was.  There had to be someone going on this trip with him. 

“Or are you bringing someone along?” he arched an eyebrow… Archer almost asked about the parents, but that would have been a dreadful mistake.  He had responded to that call – it was not in good fashion.  He was just thankful he had the presence of mind to remind himself that was not an appropriate question.

And voila, there was the reason Archer had asked. He wanted to know who his colleague was escaping the country with. He wanted information. Eddie hadn’t mentioned anything for several reasons. He certainly didn’t fancy giving his friend too much information to save himself from waking up one morning to find Archer had done something cruel to his hotel room or hijacked his holiday in revenge for his 40th birthday party. Yet perhaps that had been forgotten after all that had gone on since then. A lot had happened in the months between that Pratt very much wanted to forget.

“Well I’ve always had a thing for nuns.” The dirty blond haired wizard muttered before taking a sip of his third coffee of the day.

“Yes,” He lowered the coffee mug and shrugged. “I’m goin’ with a friend.” And that was all Radley would get right now. If he knew about Viv he’d spend the rest of the afternoon, week, month making jokes at Ed’s expense.

That’s what you got being a divorced wizard with kids and friends like Archer Radley. Although Ed was exactly the same, he just still struggled to imagine Raynor as anything other than she boss he enjoyed hating. Radley obviously saw more to the game playing tyrant or there was a different reason he was now Senior Auror Radley.

Why else would he put up with Tamis Raynor in his private life?   
“Was it carrot sticks for lunch again?” Pratt grinned. "Or did the boss' houseelf decide to make life interesting and add celery instead?"

"Only corrupting them," Archer commented dryly, trying not to grin.  Of course, this was a complete failure of an attempt on his part, so he just grinned and shook his head.  Eddie was smart, even if Archer would never say so out loud - and his responses never left Archer disappointed.  Of course, some of the things he did did leave Archer slightly horrified.

The birthday party incident of last year had not yet been forgotten, and Eddie was not going to get away with it.  Now, Archer didn't necessarily have anything to do to him right now - and wasn't necessarily going to do anything right on his birthday, not that he could - since the bugger was going away, but Archer knew he could at least spy. 

"Friend, eh?" Archer asked, "You don't have any friends.  Don't tell me - it's..." he rubbed his temple, pretending to think - but he knew exactly what he was going to say.  "You're going with Bailey!" he announced, maybe a little too loud.

Of course, then from somewhere in the middle of the room, there was the call out in that obnoxious voice, "What about me?!" Archer could only see the top of his ginger head over one of the cubicles and he shook his head, "Nothing, Bailey!" he said with more force than necessary and the ginger head dipped down again.

Archer rolled his eyes, "Or is it Frizzy?  I'll have to tell my brother..." he laughed quietly to himself - so amused, but then there was the question about food and Archer gave a disgruntled sigh.

"I Could murder that elf," he pointed out, "but hey, the celery, at least, comes with peanut butter?" he snorted.  "But stop changing the subject boyo, where are you and Bailey or Frizzy - or all three of you," he held up his hands in mock surrender, "I don't judge - headed?"

The mention of Frizzy made Ed’s brow crease ever so slightly. Even if he would never admit it out loud he missed that smashingly annoying mop of frizzy hair and the auror underneath. She’d been...she’d grown on him. Her frizzy hair had become less annoying and her handle of tellyfoams had very much entertained him. Anyone could understand how those owls had got into these foams by a very particular shrinking spell. Frizzy had just struggled with the idea. Perhaps that had been why she’d left. It had been too much for her in the office surrounded by eyewashes and tellyfoams. Ed could understand that. He just couldn’t understand his new partner.

The prospect of spending time off with Bailey, however? That was inexcusable.

With a plain emotionless expression, Pratt regarded his friend.
“Abroad.” The single word  formed on his tongue and he took another sip of coffee. Archer was certainly not getting a location out of him. They may have been friends and colleagues for a decade and Ed trusted him with his life, but he didn’t trust Archer with someone like this as far as he could throw him. And that wasn’t far at all with all the cakes Radley obviously consumed when Raynor wasn’t looking.

“I’ve never had peanut butter. It sounds revolting.” It sounded like something to stop nappy rash for babies and toddlers. Of course Archer would get excited by te prospect of eating it with his delightfully fresh and healthy celery sticks. Ed would have to stand at the entrance to his cubicle at lunch tomorrow and eat some cake. It was nice not having a wife insisting you ate healthily anymore.

And Viv? She just called him her teddy bear.
Eddie was still very unsure how to take that.

“I arrested a bloke that killed his house elf once. It weren’t death by celery, mind.” A smirk began to twist the auror’s lips. “He could have had a peanut allergy.”

Archer knew he wasn't going to get too much out of Eddie.  That didn't mean he wasn't going to try though.  Eddie gave away more than he intended anyway.  He was going abroad, good.  But where?  He didn't know the man to have family anywhere else, and what on Earth was he going to do in another country that he couldn't do in England...

Except, of course, celebrate without his mates.   

"You're missing out," Archer shrugged, trying to make the best of the situation.  It wasn't necessarily what he would have chosen, but being the prize winning stud in the eyes of Squeak meant he had to be in tip top shape, not that Squeak could expect anything out of that.  Archer and Tamis were equally vigilant in that respect.  Something Eddie could probably benefit from.

But, regardless, the fact that he wasn't picking his own diet had its perks.  He was trimmer than he had been in what felt like years.  He would never acknowledge this to either Squeak or Tamis, lest they revel in their healthy lifestyle. 

Raising his eyebrows, Archer snorted.  "If I kill the house elf," he said with a grin, "no one would be able to link me to it."  He let out a deep chuckle, shaking his head and running his hand through his hair. 

"But, seriously mate - how are we all going to buy you a pint if you're not here?"  he was taking a slightly different approach.  "What could be more important than that?"

A smirk continued to tug at Eddie’s lips as he turned away from Archer and placed a hand on a desk draw. A small glow illuminated Eddie’s hand and the handle and he pulled the drawer open. You could never be too careful when keeping food under lock and spell in this office. Not with carrot stick tortured aurors wandering about. A small blueberry muffin was plucked from the wooden drawer and Eddie turned back to his colleague and friend, taking his time to peel back the paper case.

“They would. You have motive.” Eyes were keenly on the muffin as Eddie responded to Radley. “Everyone knows ye hate the little pillowcase wearin’ squeak toy.”

But of course Radley was only interested in one thing and didn’t want to discuss the squeaky, 2 foot tall bane of his life (Raynor was never a good topic of conversation with him). Radley wanted details about this trip away because he knew better than anyone that aurors didn’t just go on ‘holiday’. Not the seasoned ones with more scars than days they’d spent abroad.

“Do you want a list?” Looking up at Radley, Eddie was now grinning. He continued to slowly peel away the paper case from the beauty beneath. “I’ve not been on a beach that isn’t covered in dog shit and has a wind that can pick it up and blow it in yer face for almost a decade, Arch. I’ll choose that over beer and whatever shit ye’ve no doubt got planned.”

"Just because I hate something doesn't mean I'd kill it," Archer grinned, "You're still here, aren't ye?" he laughed at his own joke, leaning more heavily against the cubicle at this point, really perplexed by Eddie's secrecy.  If it wasn't something good, he wouldn't be hiding it so carefully, and that meant it had to be really good.  It wasn't as though Pratt had a good year, to be exact.  Some part of Archer might have stopped pressing, but he suppressed that part, realizing it was much better to know.

Of course, Eddie revealed a small piece of his plan and Archer grinned.  "Beach, eh?" he raised his eyebrows.  That conjured some unpleasant images of Pratt in an old fashioned swimsuit with the blue and white stripes... flipper feet and an awkward snorkel type contraption on - but other much more pleasant beach company as well.

Mulling that over he smirked.  "You've got a bit on the side, don't you?" he had suspicions, but this was nearly confirmed, as Eddie wouldn't go to a beach by himself.  That'd be pathetic.  And as much as Archer would love to tease him about that, somehow, women found Eddie to be attractive, maybe they just smelled fertility on him.  That had to be it. 

He lifted his hands up, mock surrender, and grinned.  "Far be it from me to suggest you take a minute away from the new one.  What's her name?  Bambi?  Sugar?"

Bright eyes remained on the muffin clasped between thick, well worked fingers and the grin that had been tugging at the corners of Ed’s lips only grew larger when his colleague boldly accused him of having ‘a bit on the side’. What his new lady friend was supposed to be on the side of, Eddie was unsure of, but the idea of her being on top of him would always make him grin.

Until she started to annoy him like all women doubtlessly ended up doing.

With the glorious blueberry delight fully exposed and helpless, Eddie lifted it to his mouth and took a large bite, severing the desert in half with mercilessly white gnashers. He briefly considered the fact that that could have been the way Raynor had taken Radley’s soul.

The muffin was slowly lowered as Eddie continued to chew and finally swallowed. He then grinned at his former work partner.

“Muffin.” He responded. “She’s a stripper, bakes in her spare time. Cooks these French things called craps. Basically pancakes for poor people.” Eddie would appreciate her a lot more when she mastered the art of roast beef, gravy and Yorkshire pudding.

Archer sighed.  Eddie was ridiculous.  He was also a jerk.  That muffin looked glorious and Archer was denied almost all baked foods, except for the ones Squeak deemed appropriate, and they were disgusting, so it was effectively no sugary baked goods.  Because Archer was right, and Eddie couldn't stand that, he was getting his revenge through food.  He resented the man.

"For poor people, eh?" he smirked, "Well - sounds like she knows your lot then, huh? Tell me, what does she think of having litters?  Might want to bring it up sooner rather than later, since you've probably already messed that up," he laughed.  It was no secret that Eddie's particularly large family and strained resources were a constant battle in his life.

It wasn't like the man as really poor, Archer wouldn't have joked about it - so much - if that were the case.  But, alas, Archer was not going to make progress now, and that muffin was taunting him.  He needed something to eat. 
He made himself feel better knowing that he and the boys would figure this out.  One way, or another, Eddie's secret would not stay secret for long.  "You can't keep her secret for long, mate," Archer warned ominously, standing up straight.  "We're aurors - designed by trade to solve mysteries - find the things people don't want us to find," he tried not to grin - impossible, and shook his head. 

"Now get to work, you lazy layabout." He put his hands in his pockets and started to saunter toward the coffee pot - maybe the rest area had something the trainees had brought in - some of them were smart enough (or desperate enough) to bring presents... Maybe Eleor's wife sent something to Blake... now that would have been a treat - one Squeak couldn't do anything about.