Absit Omen RPG

4 Oct 2011

Dear Readers,

I write to you directly this morning with the best of tidings, too close to my heart to allocate to news report even penned by one of the Daily Prophet's many talented reporters. Competition in the media benefits everyone and I, for one, have always encouraged a diversity in print and on the airways. In the marketplace of the social and political there is incredible potential for diverse perspectives, bringing the best possible coverage on the most important topics.

And so, in the spirit of this editorial fellowship, I announce that the Daily Prophet will to cede all coverage of the trivial, vain, and cruel to the Witch Weekly and its bravely anonymous correspondents. So too shall we leave to them any incitement of harassment against children, and the baiting of violent criminals.

We trust they will continue their comprehensive execution of THE same and whole-heartedly recommend them to anyone interested in such stinking refuse!

11 SEPT 2011

The Department of Magical Law Enforcement has piddly little to say about an alleged robbery on a private residence in Devon on 8 September. One wizard was released from St. Mungo's Hospital the following day with injuries hypothesized to have maybe occurred during the possible break-in.

A source close to the non-case said, "If anything was taken, we haven't confirmed it yet."

In a communication that was not an official statement in any way, the MLE assures the public that if anything did occur, it was unreported, and there is no outstanding threat. The public are urged to continue on as if nothing happened because that may, in fact, be the case. Stay tuned to the Daily Prophet for no updates on this disappointing story.

October 10, 2011

Wanted: Full-time caretaker for Hogwarts Castle. Applicants should have a diminished need for orderliness, be handy with fixing broken things and breaking fixed things, experience with poltergeists, generally lacking in disdain of children, and a hopeful outlook on the future. Responsibilities include ensuring general security of the castle interior and courtyards, collecting records on any appearing or disappearing rooms, custodial services, and resisting the urge to smack students.

Compensation includes on-site lodging and board, competitive salary, and death insurance. Squibs encouraged to apply. Familiars welcome.

Apply in person with Headmaster Knox Greyfriar at Hogwarts Castle. Owl ahead.

18 August 2011

LONDON - Knockturn Alley's oldest apothecary, Sellaphix Apothecary, has temporarily shut its doors following an apparent break in the early hours of August 17.  The break-in was reported to the Ministry of Magic by owner Zelda Sellaphix on August 17. Auror reports indicate there were no signs of forced entry, and that an estimated 500 to 1000 galleons of damage had been done inside.

Sellaphix Apothecary was the subject of Auror inquiry in 2008 in connection with a Runespoor Venom explosion that injured three and damaged the Black Chimaera Inn. Rafe Sellaphix, husband of Zelda Sellaphix and co-owner of the apothecary, was convicted on smuggling charges and is serving a sentence in Azkaban Prison.

Department of Magical Law Enforcement spokeswitch said, "We take all reports of this nature seriously, and investigate to the best of our ability regardless of who the alleged victims are. I don't know why you'd indicate otherwise."

Madam Sellaphix declined to comment for this report, and it is not known when the apothecary will re-open.

August 5th

Clues emerge regarding the strange 'mist' that attacked the populace on Wednesday evening. I.D.R.E.A.D. has discovered that the mist is the product of dark magic, having been traced back to a pair of siblings known by the names of Lori and Lee Lilly. The Lilly pair reportedly used their manor in Keswick as a base for criminal operations. They are at large and presently being hunted by Aurors.

A press statement from Level Two warns that both brother and sister are suspected of multiple murders, forbidden magics, illegal potion dealing, as well as the abuse and mistreatment of unicorns. Should readers discover persons matching the description below, they are asked to notify Level Two immediately. Do not engage.




Details of the Lillys were obtained from a survivor of events at the manor, pureblood squib Abigail Reid. The dark wixes held Reid captive for almost a year, along with their adopted squib son, Calix. Several Ministry sources suggest that the Lillys planned to sacrifice their captives as part of a dark magic ritual. They may also have ties to the late Ira Almasy, revealed in recent months to be a prolific fraud and criminal. The squibs found buried in Almasy’s rooftop garden may relate to the Lillys’ crimes.

Sources tell us that Reid floo’d to the Ministry as part of an escape attempt, where she was efficiently received by Ministry staff. Her peer was not so lucky. Aurors discovered the other squibs at the manor, dead of unnatural causes.

“At this point,” announced Solomon Carstairs, “We are unwilling to speculate on the exact nature of these deaths and the presence attracting dementor activity, not without more concrete information.”

Departments of Magical Law Enforcement, Magical Accidents and Catastrophes and Mysteries are reported to be carrying out a thorough investigation in Keswick. Abigail Reid was reached for further comment, but declined.

August 4th


Dementors are back, and they’ve brought something wicked with them.

Late yesterday afternoon, dementors descended on the English countryside, scattering themselves from Cumbria and trickling in as far south as London. The Ministry received a timely warning and employed I.D.R.E.A.D immediately.

I.D.R.E.A.D. was less prepared for a strange, shrieking mist which appeared to be drawing these dementors south.

The mist has reportedly attacked both muggles and wixes, leaving several dead and many injured or changed. As night fell, the entity appeared to retreat or go into hiding. However, those affected are desperate for answers, and there's no rest for the Ministry as the Departments of Magical Law Enforcement and Magical Accidents and Catastrophes scramble to discover the source.

"We've never seen dementors hunt anything other than souls," a source from I.D.R.E.A.D. revealed.

"Attacked by mist! Sounds like an American horror novel doesn’t it?" author Rascal Rosier remarked excitedly, part of a group of wixes and muggles evacuated late last night from the Croydon area.

"It's real. My child is no longer my child," a distraught parent stated, when reached for comment at St.Mungo’s. "He can walk and talk and think, but it's not him. Something else is speaking through him."

Solomon Carstairs, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, has issued a nationwide state of emergency. Wixes are not advised to travel alone outside of urban territories.

The Ministry asks members of the public to practise cheering and patronus charms, to check in at St. Mungo's or with their primary Healer if they feel changed, and to come forward with any information.


Monday, 1st August 2011

At a monthly press conference last evening, the Department of Magical Law Enforcement was happy to disclose that Dementor levels across the United Kingdom have sunk to an annual low. The announcement follows on reports of seasonal hot weather and fewer incidents of exposure to the dark creatures. It has been theorised that widespread escalation of positive moods and chocolate sales have contributed to this recent development.


“This doesn’t mean that we can rest easy,” warns department head Solomon Carstairs, “but of course the greatest safeguard is to continue to keep spirits high, and in cheerful company.”

With fine weather and no end to summer in sight, prospects are good. Fortescue’s Ice-Cream Parlour is slated to release a new selection of flavours, while Diagon Alley will be treated to a month long farmer’s market and book fair. Music concerts are being held at the usual corner in Hyde Park, where a Muggle-Repelling Charm will be in effect - owl or drop by Reducto Records for more information.

Temperatures are expected to break into the late twenties this week, with a cooler weekend on the horizon. Keep those chins up and those umbrella charms handy!

4th June 2011

Over a month since the discovery of Ira Almasy’s double life, and new information continues to be unearthed as Magical Law Enforcement pursue various lines of investigation from the ruins of Atreus. In a minor press conference last evening the Ministry of Magic released a statement bringing light to the identities of bodies found at the Knightsbridge residence.

“We were naturally reluctant to make public the nature of these deaths,” informed Solomon Carstairs when asked why this information had not been made available sooner, ”And it was prudent to give the families a mourning period.”


Other sources on Level Two have reported over a dozen bodies as having been found dismembered and buried in Almasy’s rooftop garden - a beautiful but deadly view that features the London skyline. The official press release has identified over half of the victims to be Squibs, with a remainder consisting of wizards, witches, and muggles. Many of these persons had previously been reported as missing on the very pages of this publication over the course of these past three years.

Carstairs has disclosed that nothing further has been discovered to tie Almasy’s victims together - or even to indicate that the infamous witch was personally responsible for their deaths.

”Our investigations have led us to believe that Almasy not only committed crimes herself but acted as a liaison between various members of the criminal underground,” he explained. Readers with any information on the subject are encouraged to get in touch with Level Two.

3rd June 2011


Muggles are to be told to eat chocolate in the latest bid to counteract dementors. According to the Muggle-worthy Excuse Committee and Muggle Liaison offices of the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, Muggle doctors (their healers) will suggest eating chocolate regularly to any Muggles complaining of prolonged sad thoughts. This comes in response to rising numbers of Muggles reporting negative thoughts to their healers, corresponding with dementor activity monitored by the Department.

“This is a safeguarding measure,” a Ministry spokesperson told The Prophet, “Muggles cannot conjure cheering charms or patroni, so their only other remedy is chocolate.”

Other preventative and precautionary measures include encouraging the BBC (who control the television - the wireless with pictures) to show more comedy television programmes to cheer Muggles up.

“One of the Muggles we spoke to crudely suggested putting the Duchess of Cambridge’s sister’s bottom on every hour or two,” an inside source suggested, referring to the royal wedding in April.

There is still no news on a long-term solution for the dementor prevalence in Britain, though IDREAD’s efforts have reduced the number of serious attacks in recent months. The public are reminded that casting a patronus charm in the presence of Muggles is strictly against the Statute of Secrecy. Should dementors be found in number preying on Muggles, summon the Ministry at once.

1st May 2011


Last evening, as the rest of London was having a well-earned Saturday nightcap, an assembly of Aurors were poised to raid the House of Atreus. A statement from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement declares that the mission was the result of weeks spent investigating Russian aristocrat, Ira Almasy.

To those familiar with London's strata of upperclass socialites, the name is associated not only with globe trotting opulence but the generous and artistic nature of a patron of the arts. Ira Almasy began making headlines in British society rags when she first visited Great Britain in the early 1990s. By the time she settled into her sprawling abode in East London - and Atreus residence of Muggle Knightsbridge - the witch was well-known for her many lavish soirees and fundraisers. Proceeds of Almasy’s functions often went to worthy causes, the most recent being a generous donation to St.Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies & Injuries.

How is it then, that the charitable crème de la crème of wizarding society has been revealed as a long running malefactor of justice? Far from being a mere embezzler or thief, Almasy’s crimes extend into the realm of assassination and terror. Supposed samaritan or butcher? Or both? Only time will tell, but one thing is clear: Almasy never did anything in halves.




In spite of the department’s best efforts to launch a covert attack on Atreus it soon became apparent that their presence was expected.

“It came out of bloody nowhere!” exclaimed distressed Atreus resident Artemis Childs, who was amongst the first of bystander casualties when the Atreus elevator erupted to prevent the ascent of Aurors to its Penthouse. Apparation wards prevented further entry.

According to eye witnesses, traps and enchantments were employed to intercept mass infiltration of the building. The Ministry of Magic reports that no lives were lost in these ambush attacks but at least nine Aurors sustained serious injuries. In addition to these casualties, seven civilian bystanders suffered wounds. Inside sources disclosed that the raid failed to reach Almasy’s apartments before an explosion on the topmost floor precipitated the concave disintegration of the structure. At present only the facade and outermost flats of Atreus continue to stand.



Solomon Carstairs, current Head of Magical Law Enforcement, was reached for further comment about the investigation leading up to last evening’s raid.

“It became apparent to us from first indication of Almasy’s true nature that we were dealing with a complex and extensive history of criminal activity” he explained. “Thus far we have discovered her explicit involvement in numerous infractions. Kidnapping, extortion, the death of Wolfgang Storm, the running of underground Werewolf rings, and the destruction of the Leaky Cauldron on Guy Fawkes night.”

Carstairs also indicated that the investigation would continue to look into other crimes linked to Almasy, and invites members of the public to come forward with any information they might have on either the witch or her associates.

A representative of Ira Almasy’s family has informed the Prophet that a funeral will be held in Highgate Cemetery as soon as her body is released for burial by the DMLE. She is survived by her niece and rumoured beneficiary, Raine Almasy. The remains of one Jebediah Layton, Hogwarts alumnus and Almasy’s private secretary, was also discovered in Atreus.

7th April, 2011


The Department of Magical Law Enforcement’s most wanted man, Lawrence Musgrave, was apprehended late last night. Wanted in connection with a string of incidents from the Leaky Cauldron attack in November to the abduction of Hogwarts student, Zel Trumble and targeted dementor activity up and down the country, Musgrave evaded aurors for weeks. Following a coded message to the Minister of Magic, Musgrave, 48, former auror, surrendered to aurors in London.

Speaking this morning, Department Head, Solomon Carstairs stated: “We are gratified that, as a former Auror, Musgrave eventually understood the futile nature of his efforts to evade capture by us.”

Head Auror, Edward Pratt arrested Musgrave for thirteen counts ranging from petty theft to attempted murder, and the number of charges is expected to rise in coming days as aurors begin extensive interviews. Musgrave is considered to be at the centre of multiple high-profile cases since he broke parole last summer, and it is hoped he will provide significant information and evidence to link multiple parties involved.

Auror Pratt declined to comment about his high profile arrest, but colleagues on Level 2 are assured, now that Musgrave is in custody, he shall remain under close guard to await sentencing from what can only be a long and arduous wizengamot trial in months to come.

14th May 2011


Arathorn Wentworth, proprietor of Wentworth Menageries, passed away late yesterday afternoon at the sprightly age of 81 years old. The wizard had been called in by the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, to consult on the welfare of a domesticated Pegasus being re-introduced to the wilderness. 

"It was unexpected," commented Vincent Fournier, a dragon handler who had come to observe what should have been a commonplace procedure, "We hadn't been told enough about the creature's history."

A violent outburst by the Pegasus had lead to the trampling of two department trainees, a handler, and the wizard Wentworth himself. His death has been described by witnesses as 'near-instantaneous'.

Balfour Spectre, Head of of Beast Division, has released an official statement indicating that an intra-departmental trial will take place pertaining to the Pegasus. "We have to be sympathetic about animals who have been abused in the past," he informed the press, "but all measures will be taken to ensure she is no longer a threat to the sanctuary's populace."

Arathorn Wentworth was well-known for his work as a philanthropist and for his position on the Hogwarts Board of Governors. He is survived by six daughters, several grandchildren and great grandchildren. His grandson, Xavier Tawse, has been named heir to Arathorn's fortune and menageries.

By Dreogan M. Eleor[1]
April 21, 2011


With this article, I, as Head of the Muggle Affairs Office, announce the launch of its LUMOS Campaign, an international effort with Ministries in Africa and the Near East in aid of victims of witch hunts and witch trials.  LUMOS aims to promote:

Literacy
Unification
Mediation
Organization
Service

One of the greatest obstacles to addressing a problem is not knowing it exists. After some rather pointed backlash from my November 2008 article, I write to you again about the state of witch hunts and executions that plague our world. I have written before: witch hunts are not a thing of the past. What is more, I will make the following case:



Let me be clear. This article does not question the Statute of Secrecy—merely points out where it is ailing, if not failing, and where we need to redouble our efforts to protect those in our purview. What I want to address is how we are beholden to our brothers and sisters, our sons and daughters in our community. You do not know them yet. That can change. Consider this an introduction to four of the hundreds in recent memory who have or are suffering.


And it continues.

I have heard other heartbreaking accounts, some within our own borders:[7]

• a 13-year-old girl, tied up with chicken wire and starved and beaten for two weeks
• a 14-year-old girl, burned with acid before her mother attempted to bury her alive
• a 17-year-old, left brain-damaged after having a three-inch nail driven into her skull

Currently, witchcraft is punishable by death in over 13 countries. The most notable players lie in the Middle East, Sub-Saharan Africa, India, and the Amazonas. Most of these efforts are persecutions center on women and children. Female children are doubly cursed and are lucky to survive. If they do, they are maimed, mutilated, and cast out into the wild. If human rights groups do not find them in time, they die of exposure.

For obvious reasons, those formally accused plead not guilty of witchcraft. In a town I recently visited, a boy of 8 holds a cardboard sign: “We are not witches or wizard [sic].” This has an uncomfortable consequence for our Wizarding World. In short, the question can be asked: which of these children are our own kind? Who do we have the obligation to protect?

The answer is all. The existence of our community—known more broadly in some areas than others—has led to the ultimate climate that is coming to a head.  In the past 10 years, witch-related persecution of children has exponentially increased on the African continent--and has been noted even by Muggle news sources as increasing in frequency in the UK.[8] A Gallup Poll found in 2010 that up to 95 percent of the Muggle populations in Cote d’Ivoire believed in “sorciellerie” – the French word for witchcraft.[9] This means that witchcraft is more or less a ‘national religion.’ Almost everyone in the country thinks as a matter of fact, not fantasy that witchcraft is real in its conception and consequences, that people can harm others using mystical means. As they would say in the Ivory Coast: C'est la vie. But the fate of those who suffer from accusations of witchcraft need not be. I repeat my appeal to you: We have a moral obligation to help those who suffer with us, for us and because of us.



In ways, the failure of the Statute in these area is demonstrated not by the knowledge of Muggles of magic but instead, of the suffering of those because of magic. Let us not forget, this was the reason the Statute was established. If anything, the Statute is proof that we need to be protective of our own. Protect those who suffer at the hands of Muggles ill-informed of our ways.

There is much work to be done. Let us be not complacent in the suffering of others on our behalf. Let us bring light.[10]

1.	Breaking the fiction-fact divide here to state the sad fact that every single piece of information in this article is based on accounts data in our real, Muggle world. I've included some references, for those interested. This issue is as important for us to learn as it is our AO characters.
2.	“Fawza Falih,” Wikipedia
3.	“Saving Africa’s Witch Children,” Dispatches.
4.	Ibid.
5.	”The Victoria Climbié Case,” Crime and Investigation, UK.
6.	See this Huffington Post article from just last month about the current state in the UK.
7.	"Channel 4's Dispatches to investigate Nigerian 'witch children'," The Guardian[/url] October 2008.
8.	"Toil and Trouble," The Economist, December 2015.
9.	"Child Witchcraft Accusations in the Ivory Coast," Institute for Ethics and Emerging Technologies, July 2015.
10.	For real-life organizations functioning in the UK, see The Witchcraft & Human Rights Information Network, Safe Child Africa, and the UN's white paper on the issue.

Sunday, 3rd April 2011

April’s arrival brings an increase in high pressure and warmer weather. With a warmer than average April reported by weather diviners across the country, Spring is in bloom. Temperatures are expected to reach the twenties in London by the end of the week.

But it is not only the warmer, drier and sunnier than normal weather weather which is bringing out the honking daffodils, the warmer temperatures are driving dementors North. Flocks are reportedly heading away from the South East, leaving the countries of Cornwall and Devon relatively dementor free. Exmoor and Dartmoor are both looking fabulous for an early dementor-free weekend break. But bad news for the North East, who are seeing an increase in dementor activity.

Just remember, chin up, cheering charms, and practise that patronus!

30th March, 2011

Edwin Glass is Britain’s next Minister for Magic. The Wizengamot announced the results of days of debate and observations of the ancient waters of acclamation late last night to a congregation of press and senior Ministry officials.

The news comes with dismay to Ignatius Prewett and his supporters, a popular choice, his waters were rarely far behind Glass. The public support for Prewett’s war efforts always highly commended, though recent decisions on werewolf policy received criticism from those in support of Glass and his tighter restrictions. Glass’ supporters are in high spirits, confident he is the best man to succeed Persepolis Zephyr.

Glass will take office on 4th April, where he will swear oath before the Wizengamot. Quill Som, former Deputy Head of the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes shall step up as Acting Head of Department.