Absit Omen RPG

In her petrified panic, Penelope Pickler had plummeted to the floor in a polka dot and panicked mess. Piercing scream was followed by panicked panting followed by piercing screaming followed by panicked panting etc etc. From behind her, Fauna suddenly appear, placing a hand on Penny’s shoulder and staring across at the corpse slumped over in the phonebox she’d just travelled down in.

Now, with the corpse at eye height and her panic fully highetened, Penny got a really good and detailed look at it. A poor wizard sprawled out on a furry pelt. Bruises were like polka dots over his skin, and flowers spilled from his mouth. He was naked and exposed except for the cupcakes hat had taken a tumble all over him.

“P-P-P-Fauna! I didn’t-!” She shook her head, eyes now streaming with terrified tears, face the colour of a ripened plum. “He was just t-t-t-present! In the phonebox!” Regardless of the crowd suddenly gathering around them, clearly drawn by her screams, Penny shuffled back on her bum, trying to desperately put some distance between herself and the corpse.

Penny Pickler’s petrifying period of unpleasantness was practically past. It was finally Friday. Almost the weekend. Almost 2 days away from the chaos and terrible atmosphere of Level 4 was needed. She’d done well to avoid Bagnold and Ballentyne since Tuesday, hiding in her own office most of the time. She had, of course, ventured out to present people with pamphlets for programs in preparation for overpowering personal pain. She’d found several of these pamphlets on the floor and in dustbins in the offices. Very disheartening.

This morning, Penny had proclaimed to her housemates and Pez the pooch that she was going to be the Positive Proclaimer for the office. She would be spreading the positivity and pull her colleagues out of their holes of despair. As such, she’d dressed in her favourite pink and purple polka dot dress and pulled her hair into neat red pigtails. The polka dots on her nails even matched those on her dress. She was a vision in polka dot perfection. Even better, as she approached the red phone box to proceed towards her place of profession, Penelope Prudence Pickler was carrying a large tray of pink and purple polka dot cupcakes topped with purple and pink polka dot butterflies.

It was a careful balancing act to hold the tray of cupcakes and pull open the door to the red phone box, but Penny Prudence Pickler could prevail over any problem at present. So, without paying any real attention, she popped open the door, and smiling to herself, popped inside.

Preceding her, a perished person, perfectly presented on a bed of fur. Purple bruises over a pale peritoneum.

Petrified, Penelope punctuated the air with a powerful and ear-piercing scream.

The door behind her suddenly closed itself and Penny fell back against it, trying to push back as the lift proceeded to plummet.

Her purple and pink cupcakes had upturned, punctuating the perished person in purple and pink sugar paste.

The screaming proceeded all the way down into the depths of the ministry until the door finally opened and out tumbled Penelope, still shrieking powerfully.

Penny clasped her mug of warm tea gratefully. She lifted it to her salty tasting lips for a sip. Extra sweet, like Kayla knew how to make it. On the other side of the desk, Madam Ballentyne took her cup and placed it on the desk, none too prudently. Penny lifted her sleeve, wiping her eyes for a moment before drawing a deep, calming breath. Cepheus was next to her, coaxing her. Ballentyne would have to give in.

“Madam Ballentyne, you’ve been parted from us for a p-p-profound amount of passing time. You n-n- It is a prerequisite that you partake in a Pickler Presentation on Policy for Parity on Four. I p-p-d-d-don’t make up the p-procedures, Ma’am.”

“Just the course titles.” Bruce commented. Penny took another deep breath and a gulp of tea.

“I’d profoundly prefer it if we could p-perch.” She tried a smile, strained and nervous. It gave her the expression of having bad wind. Bruce scanned to her side, at Gamp who must have given her a look, because the werewolf relented and lowered herself into her seat.

“W-w-werewolf capture unit are o-overdue, too. Mr B-Bagnold keeps saying no.” Mr Bagnold was mean and unpleasant. Not Penny’s pinch of pepper, at all.

“Mr Bagnold is in charge of the WCU, Miss Pickler.” As if she’d decided they were done, Bruce picked up a quill and dragged some parchment down from a pile. Penny scanned sideward t Cepheus, pleading for his help. Her knight in shining armour. Her paladin in purple pantaloons.

Proceeding their progression to Bruce Ballentyne’s particularly sloppy office, Cepheus propped in close enough that Penny could smell his perfect pheromones and perfume. Cepheus’s scent of cedarwood, clementines and cigarettes. Perfectly piquant!

Three hours precipitated to two!? What an out of the box, peculiar suggestion! She wasn’t so sure that she could even do that. But, if Cepheus had faith, she had it too.

Thus, the young witch nodded in concurrence, and continued with him down the corridor to the disorganised and clearly unfastidious office.

Behind the desk, the office’s inhabitant was limping, but she didn’t sit. Instead, the red headed Iona Ballentyne stood, hands on her desk, looking like some fiery dragon from a terrifying Welsh cave.

“Proceed?” was all it took from the Welsh werewolf with the walking whatchamacallit when Penelope Pickler proceeded to warble.

As the tears of frustration fell furiously, Bruce raised her hands and shook her head.

“Preposterous!”

Going to parley over the problem! Perfect! Cepheus Gamp really was perfect, wasn’t he? Penny hadn’t even noticed Pepper staring at Mr Vaillancourt like he was a circus attraction. Poor Mr Vaillancourt, Penny had even spoken to the staff about behaving correctly around vampires. But right now, Penny was preoccupied with a particular werewolf who clearly had no politeness. She knew she shouldn’t judge, but Madam Ballentyne was former WCU, after all…

To further provoke Penny, Ballentyne refused to take this conversation elsewhere. Fortunately, however, father than further spill her emotions out in front of everyone, Penny pulled herself together.

She panted a puny amount, puffed out her peritoneum, and pronounced:
“Madam Ballentyne, I profess that you have provoked me to perceive a precise level of perturb at your punitive and pan pronouncement. I propose that we pull back and reposition ourselves in your office. please.” Every p was practically spat out!

Ballentyne’s eyes scanned between the various people stood around, her lips pressed tightly together. She gave a wave to Kayla, ordering a tea with no sugar, and turned on her heel, walking slowly and purposefully back towards her office.

Penny’s red puffy eyes shot up to Cepheus, a pleasing thanks on her lips. Wasn’t he perfect?

“Sensitive!” Penny protested, watery eyes wide as she looked across at the witch with crazy red hair. “You told me that my course for your team was practically pointless and impractical!”

She took the handkerchief from Mr Vaillancourt, kind and polite vampire working with Mr Gamp. The handkerchief went her to nose and she took a big blow.
“They’re not p-p-perfect, Bruce! And you r-requite it after your…” she paused, not wanting to further incite the werewolf’s irritation. “sabattical.”

“Sabbatical!?” It hadn’t worked. Bruce looked even more irked which only made Penny’s tears fall harder.

“I’m s-s-s- I apologise!”

“No, Pickler, that isn’t what I meant!” The red head persisted, pursuing Penelope from the office in an attempt to apologise. Penny frowned, looking down at her palms. “I’m happy with your course, without me in it.” Continued the Welsh witch who gripped a pole to keep her upright.

“P-p-p-p---I was trying to helP.” Penny pointed out.

“I know, I know.” Bruce was smiling, there was a hint of amusement in her eyes. That amusement had been there when she said a sentence full of words beginning with ‘p’. As if Penelope Pickler wouldn’t notice. It was positively pernicious. Penny did not feel playful right now. “I just think you can handle it yourself. With all of your positively powerful Penelope Pickler power.”

That was too much. Penelope burst into tears. Loud, ugly, unpleasant tears.

Bruce Ballentine of the Werewolf Wing put her palms up in perplexity.
“What did I say?!”

“You took the p-p-p---mickey!”

"I did, I’m dressed as Prince,” Cepheus told the younger witch and she stared up at him, mild confusion clear. Of course, she’d have most certainly agreed with the suggestion of such a wonderful man to dress himself as a prince for such a party. Unfortunately, the wizard appeared to have missed the mark. Penny had grown up fully aware of what a prince should look like. When your parents were dragon tamers, you tended to be shown a lot of books about princes rescuing princesses from dragons. Cepheus Gamp definitely wasn’t dressed as a prince. The silly billy wasn’t even wearing a crown!

“He’s a musician, you might recognise the chorus-.”
         A prince that sang… different.

Then he started to sing and Penny lost all confusion at his lack of crown. He was singing. To her. Holding her hands. Singing. So close! Closer!


Cepheus wanted her kiss?



This was the moment.


Her heart suddenly started to pound at ten to the dozen.

Soft pink lips pressed against his, her eyes closing.

“perhaps you are best to pop upstairs to put down your things and see what present is on your bed.”

It was positively profitable that Penny Pickler didn’t have such a presumptive persuasion and that she did not, in fact, find anything suggestive in Theta’s words. Penny grinned and had been about to respond when her gaze caught that of Cepheus, her one and only.

“Perfect!” She responded, distracted as Cepheus smiled and waved. Well he needed a personal thank you! A squeeze of Theta’s hand later and Penny was abandoning the girls for the boss she dreamed of.

“Cepheus! As if you came to my petite party. In purple!”

The singing! Why was Fauna singing at a petrifyingly pessimistic time like this!? In accompaniment to the melodic sounds from the other side of the bathroom door, Pez whined and Penny wailed again, shoving her nose into a tissue and blowing hard. This was why Cepheus didn’t like her. He was a refined, intelligent and beautiful gentleman and she was Penelope Pickler with a snotty nose, red eyes and a dog who had poor bladder control. She was a cataclysmic catastrophe and he was a God. A gorgeous God.

Now it was both Pepper and Fauna singing with Pez whining. They cared about the cataclysmic catastrophe, didn’t they? Surely! Or maybe they just cared about Pez’s pee on the parquet?

“And those four walls now are the only place that I c-c-an feeeeeeel. Aaaaand those four walls now are h-h-hoooome.” Penny started to sing amongst sobs, sniffs and nose blows. It was with the emotion of the song that Penny rose from the toilet seat, pulled off another ream of tissue for her nose and unlocked the bathroom door.

“He…he…de pardoned Pratt!” The girl wailed to her friends before her gazillionth nose blow. “He didn’t even look at me to tell me. Why didn’t he look at meeeeee?”

The positively perfect Cepheus Gamp stood before her. He was dressed in purple. Everything was perfect about him but his name. Alliteration made everything so much better and it was the only way to improve on the near perfection that was her supervisor and love of her life. Unfortunately, he was talking to someone else.

"Pardon, Penny!" The beautiful French man or poodle came close and started to fuss over Pez, who’s pee had been polished off the parquet flooring.

“You’re a sweetheart, Sylvie.” The polka dot loving Pickler responded with a pretty smile. Before she had the chance to say anything more, a porcupine covered in pines mauled her, arms wrapping around her and wishing her a happy birthday. When the porcupine did step back, Penny grinned at her friend and housemate before yet another hug!

“It’s prodigious and purely perfect Fauna!” Penny excitedly told her friend, her own gaze casting past Fauna to Cepheus. Now whatever was handed to Penny, she threw precaution to the powerful p-wind and gulped it down, pulling a face as she did so.

“I’m not dressed in anything, P, Fauna.” Penny muttered quietly, gripping her friends now considerably less spiky arm. “What will Cepheus think?”

Crocodile milk was soon to be the bane of Penelope Pickler’s perfectly perky life! Theta had petitioned for her help, she’d been positively peeved by the rash possessing her profile and Penelope had been her only possible protector. All she’d had to do was find the crocodile milk from one of the three suggested apothecaries. Unfortunately, the might of Merlin had been against her all afternoon as she’d desperately pleaded with potioneers for such an ingredient. One cruel cretin had even cackled crudely in her face!

With pitiful poignancy, Penny Pickler returned home, dragging her feet along the street as she’d chosen to walk. Apparation was certainly not a skill that Penny possessed. Bizarrely, the house was in darkness so it was with mild misgiving that Penny pushed open the front door. Pez playfully pranced into the living room with no concern and Penny followed him.

“SURPRISE!”

Penny screamed and Pez proceeded to pee on the parkuet as the room lit up.

She saw polka dots and posies and pooches! There were poppies, a princess and a poodle. A….whatever Fauna was, a pirate and peanuts!

“P-p-p-“ The witch tried to speak, shaking her head as she stared in shock at her party goers. Here for her! “Pez peed!” she finally screeched and pulled her wand out.

It was positively peculiar! Unpleasantly painful! Perplexingly puzzling! Penny Pickler’s only true love hadn’t even looked her in the eye when he’d given her the news. Unpleasant Edward Pratt had overpowered her training course, he’d pooh poohed her approach and laughed at her Programme of Platitudes, and was he being punished? Positively not! The complaint was going no further and Penelope would have to just put up with it!

"Right, yes.” Cepheus Gamp had started, decidedly uncomfortable and not touching his Gorgeous Goji Berry Biscuit. “I did follow it up again for you with Carstairs, but, like I mentioned, he's had a word with Pratt and there's nothing more to say. Look, I'm sorry, but it's not like he's kicked a house elf. Not everyone's going to enjoy your .... delightful... sessions, Pen..."

Penny hadn’t said a word as she left the wizard’s office, heartbroken and dismayed.

Of course, the beast handlers had gladly gobbled up the Goji berry vegan biscuits that Penny had brought into work that day. They always ate her biscuits but even that, today, hadn’t been enough to sate her upset and Cepheus’ lack of thought and care. He could have fought for her like a true lover would!

But Cepheus wasn’t her lover. He was her professionally prudent and perfect principal. He was her boss and it darn well broke her heart.

This was why she was sat on the toilet with the bathroom door locked. This was why her mascara had dramatically run down her face from teary eyes while Pez scratched the door. She couldn’t face Pez. She couldn’t face the world.

“Penny?” Theta was at the door, presumably perturbed. Penny didn’t make a move to open the door and instead gingerly blew her nose into the piece of toilet tissue she’d ripped from the roll.

“Pretend I’m not present, Pepper!” The girl finally called back when Theta didn’t give up. “Pleeeease!” Then another wail came and more toilet tissue.

Your Nickname: Mel
Have you read and do you agree to the Code of Conduct?: Yes
Are you over thirteen? Yes
How did you find us and decide to write with us? Other RP Site
If you have written other characters here: Yes
If Yes, list them all: See Signature
Is this a Primary or Secondary Character?: Secondary

Full Character Name: Penelope Prudence Pickler
Character Birthday & Age: 18th July, 1987, 24
City & Country of Birth: Caerphilly, Wales
Blood Purity: Halfblood
Alma Mater: Hogwarts, Hufflepuff
Job/Position: Diversity Office, RCMC

Wand: Pickler’s wand is short, swishy and smooth from a sycamore with a core of Shell, just like Mr Scamander himself.

Physical Description:
Penelope Prudence Pickler is positively pretty. Her parents told her so everyday until they dismally died as dragon’s dinner. Brilliant blue eyes are a clear contrast to silky smooth red hair that sits on her shoulders. Shiny smooth skin is a sign of a sensible diet, she delights in sharing. Her figure is womanly with a blossoming bosom and heavenly hips with a bottom perhaps too bulbous to hide beneath her usual polkadot dress.

True to form and alliteration, Penelope Prudence Pickler absolutely loves polkadots. Her wardrobe is a wash with polka dot trousers, polka dot skirts, polka dot shirts, polka dot dresses, polka dot socks, polk adot knickers and polka dot bras. Even her nails are usually done in polka dot!

Penelope speaks in a sing song voice. Her Welsh accent only serves to accentuate an already sing song tone and leads the witch to sound, to quite a few, annoying.


Personality Description:
Penelope Prudence Pickler is a vegan, animal loving ray of polka dot sunshine. It unnerves people just how friendly and smiley Penelope is during daily life. In public, even in the face of grumpy aurors and ministry staff members, Penelope’s beaming smile never fades and her jolly tone continues. She is animated, lively and all too enthusiastic about things that no one else seems to be.

Penelope Prudence Pickler is a sensitive soul. She believes in caring for all and often volunteers her time to help those in trouble (even if her help is, like usual, unwanted). As such, she sees herself as the heart of Level 4, and has often, tried to give her own heart to her boss, Cepheus Gamp. Unfortunately, the beautiful professional that he is, he has never made a move despite her desperate longing for him.

Due to Cepheus Gamp’s professionalism and the horror of the name Penelope Prudence Gamp, Penelope has been forced to center her love on her own pet dog. No, not a poodle or a pekingese. A gorgeous golden labrador called Pez. Pez Pickler was intended as a ‘service dog’ from the muggle world whom Penelope adopted when he became unusable due to weak bladder control as a puppy. Now, as a year old, Pez is her happy companion in and outside of the ministry. Pictures adorn her desk of herself and Pez in photo frames covered in, you’ve guessed it, polka dots.

History:
Penelope is the oldest child of Prudence and Paul Pickler, dragon tamers near Caerphilly, Wales. At two, she became the older sister of Peter Pickler and the two have always been decidedly close. Life was decidedly normal, the lived on the dragon ranch where her parent bred Welsh Greens while Peter and Penelope studied hard for school and looked after the small menagerie of animals on the ranch.

Penelope was gladly sorted into Hufflepuff at Hogwarts because, well, it was alliteration. She was a very happy Hufflepuff at Hogwarts and put all of her focus into Care of Magical Creatures. Peter wasn’t quite so eager to follow his parents’ path and was far more academic.

It was during her time at Hogwarts that the prospect of protecting House Elves really came into her life. Even know, Penelope Pickler is an avid supporter and protester for SPEW as many other being welfare groups.

Straight from Hogwarts, Penelope jumped straight into her position as a Secretary for the Head of Level 4. Her positively preposterous platitudes must have impressed her boss because it only took a few months for her to be given the prestigious position of a Diversity Officer.


Describe your job duties and how you go about them:
As part of her job, Penelope ensures that all are treated equally. She engages new and naughty ministry staff in her Fantastic Diversity training which is renowned in the ministry as something you’ll never need to return to!


Elaborate on your expertise in your field:
Penelope feels that she doesn’t need years of experience to undertake this career. Her heart and enthusiasm should be enough. As it is, she’d supported SPEW for decades and has a massive array of quotes and handy catchphrases to instill caring and thoughtfulness in her trainees.

Writing Sample:


Sum up your character in one paragraph:
Penelope Pickler is a friendly and cheerful lover of animals and polka dots. She believes herself to have the largest heart in the ministry and simply wants to share her love and wise advice.