Absit Omen RPG

Oh, Merlin, where did that come from. Koko rubbed the side of her forehead without thinking as she felt a throbbing pain begin to build. It was all this talk about ducks and double identities. The Carstairs boy had arrived exactly the way you would expect an Unspeakable to - like a ghost. That entire floor gave her the bloody creeps.

"You're much better looking in the photos!" Koko remarked with a glance at the duck photos she'd left behind on Abby's desk, though she didn't really think he appeared any better or worse. He was one of those tired looking types.
   
Virgil turned his head to look at her, wearing something like a smile without any of the warmth. "You're much better looking without a pseudonym," the wizard told her.

Koko stared. Did he know? How the bloody hell did he know? Solomon Carstairs knew, of course, but she didn't realise he went around gossiping with his relations about it! Unless... she looked away from Virgil, a cold feeling in her stomach. Unless level nine just knew these things.

              "What are you going to do with the copy I gave you?"

The witch was relieved at the question, and made a mental note to avoid writing about Morgenthau as she answered Abby's question.

"It's for our files," she explained, which was vaguely true. It was just for her to figure out who had forged her handwriting - it wasn't like Gen was keen to publish anything Snigger related now. "I'd better be off to level four. You can keep the photos!" Koko tried to smirk but her headache was getting really bad now.

Koko was not looking forward to meeting other people in her investigation. She'd already crossed Pratt off her list - they'd seen that letter - but Bagnold's was still a mystery. She smiled at Abby's advice: the girl meant well and it was hard to hold it against her on this occasion.

              "Do I? Of course I do."

Definitely not holding anything against her. Koko took the letter, getting that strange jolt she did when she had read the one to Pratt. The handwriting was basically hers! There was no way she could have told her actual letters apart from this if she'd found it. She hadn't been wrong to suspect this was a professional job.

The content of the letter made her bristle though. It was too blatant and not nearly mean enough. Koko could understand the duck photos, now.

"Snigger definitely went off her rocker," she remarked before drawing her wand to make a copy of the forgery. "So rude to ask those questions too. But I guess you are friends wi--" Koko stopped and blinked bemusedly.

She was going to say that the photos with Virgil Carstairs proved she was friend wi... the thought eluded her again and she felt muddled, like someone around her was smoking up a storm of gillyweed. The witch shook her head. What was she doing here even? Wasn't she supposed to be seeing Bagnold now?

"She asked for ducks?" Koko repeated rhetorically, deadpan, wondering what in Merlin's name the forger had written. Nobody who had read these letters seemed very amused by them - least of all Queen G, who had suspected her of having actually written them. She was no expert when it came to handwriting but Koko had to try and get to the bottom of this.

            "Am I the first person you're talking to about all this?"

"We've heard from some others... in writing," she informed Abby with a roll of her eyes as she fiddled with the handle of her handbag. "But you're the first I've come to see. Just thought it was worth following up, you know? Now that Snigger is gone."

Saying that felt yucky. There were already writers at Witch Weekly ready to fill the vacuum by writing more outlandish articles than usual in an attempt to imprint their own names in the conscious of the public. Koko glanced down at the papers on Abby's desk, curiously.

"You don't still happen to have that letter she sent, do you?"

She didn't know who the memo was for - if it was some piece of unfinished assistant work or if Reid was calling in the big bad boss - but Koko kept her cool as the squib continued to giggle like a drunk bat. This was going to be dead easy. The girl was obviously a chatty one, best kind to squeeze for details. What was Carstairs thinking hiring her as his PA anyway?

            "So, Little Snigger didn't explain? Or she didn't get .....Or! She never received these at all?"

"Snigger definitely saw them." Koko assured with a gossipy little smile. "But she didn't explain. Just threw them at us and did her thing. Such a flake. I mean, I really don't understand the ducks...." she glanced down at the photographs and wondered if Queen G would find them worth a light piece on a slow news day.

Stardust was low on her priorities. People weren't scandalised by actors doing whatever it was actors liked doing, unless there were threesomes or orgies involved. Koko leaned against the desk and gave Abby a pensive look.

"Like, did Snigger write to you about ducks?" she raised an eyebrow. "None of us at the office have any idea about the rubbish she's been sending people, you know."

After lunch hour, Level 2.


Carstairs was having a late lunch elsewhere, according to her insiders intel, so Koko didn't feel too nervous about walking into the Department of Magical Law Enforcement today. Only a handful of people here knew that she was actually Lil Snigger - a few aurors or officers who had been sent to investigate the usual threats from angry readers - so she counted on not running into any of them during this quick mission. The welcome witch in the foyer was an easy mark: she was Koko's source! And a great fan of Witch Weekly. They chatted for a bit before the reporter slipped past determinedly and headed straight for Carstairs' waiting room.

A couple of aurors were just leaving as she entered, flashing them a quick sycophantic smile. And then her gaze set itself on the redhead squib behind the desk. Abigail Reid. The PA who had, for some reason, been sending her photos[1] of Bachelor's List bottomfeeder Virgil Carstaits. With rubber ducks.

Koko had disregarded the first photo as a random, eccentric bit of fan mail. But then there were more, and she began to suspect that it had something to do with all those forged letters going around. It was time she took matters into her own hands and did a little snooping. And nobody snooped like (the late) Lil Snigger.

"Hi!" she grinned at Abby, setting down her bag and opening it to take out the three duck photographs. "I'm Koko Yukawa, for Witch Weekly. I've been sent down to ask a few questions about these," Koko set the pictures down in front of the girl. "What's the story behind the ducks?"

It was easier to pretend she was some random writer from the paper, being sent on errands for filler articles. Nobody was about to be scandalised by anything people did at Stardust. They were actors, for Merlin's sake! Besides, with Lil Snigger officially[2] gone, people were probably less snappish.

1.	Absolutely Quakers - 27th Sept onwards.
2.	A Heavy Heart - 1st Oct

She couldn't help feeling antsy about the trolls. Koko hoped Sandy followed through - she'd just realised how much trouble she could have been in if Spectre recognised her. He hadn't done anything too bad to the wizard across the desk but what if someone with a shorter fuse came in? Or someone with less to lose? And what if she had been in the office, and someone pointed her out?

Koko didn't need that stress.

           "That will be all Koko."

"Aye aye Captain!" she saluted sarcastically as she got up, hat going back to rest on her head. "Back to work for Lil Snigger!"

Wherever that would lead her this time!

She played with the rim of her hat as Misslethorpe mused about this and that, literally weighing his options in his hands. Sometimes Koko was glad that Sandy and Gen were the bosses around here. They had to make much bigger decisions: most importantly, they always had a final say, which was a great scapegoat for her.

"Our freedom of speech is from the Ministry, not private individuals -" she pointed out with an arch in her brow, "- so it goes to trial as a private dispute."

Especially because Spectre, that moron, hadn't even hexed the right person! It worried her. Koko didn't put it past a good defence lawyer to bring up the part of the story she didn't publish, currying favour with the Wizengamot or jurors. They'd eat it up like her readers ate up a gossip column.

There had to be a way out of this that didn't make them look monstrous or guilty, which was what Sandy's options indicated to her.

"Shrug it off." Koko narrowed her eyes, suddenly focused. "Pretend it didn't happen. If it gets out on the grapevine, we look gracious for not shitting on Spectre's assault, right?" she paused. "If it doesn't get out, the only thing that's been hurt is your pride. Are we going to get a security troll?"

"I always have something in the back of my mind," she rolled her eyes at Sandy as if though he didn't understand the first thing about how her mind worked - which, Koko guessed, was probably the truth. "Just tell me the angle you want."

They didn't understand all the scandalous little connections she had fun pulling together, the leaps of logic she loved to make that made her good at this. She could make the most innocent of creatures look like the devil incarnate and wasn't that something to brag about, in this business?

            "But you wrote no lies in that article right?"

"Nope." Koko tilted her chin up, and then hesitated. "I mean... there are some things I didn't put in the article. Just stupid stuff my contacts on level two would say -" she shrugged, "- about the kid being from some weird orphanage, but I couldn't trace the place so I left it out."

Which was to say, she knew that if she tried to trace or mention the place, she would find herself dead in a ditch somewhere between Moscow and London. The Almasys there didn't play nice like the Ministry here.

Koko took off her hat, setting it down on her lap as she continued. "It's more or less the truth, I just asked questions that our readers would answer themselves."

Firing Lil Snigger?

Koko lowered her gaze, no longer watching Gen with her usual interest, tossing the idea around the inside of her head instead. Lil Snigger had been around for a while. She had entertained their readers in all kinds of outlandish and dramatic ways, making a mockery of powerful people who would realise their social clout was useless in the face of a few well placed assumptions on the printed page. It had, she could admit to herself, given her one hell of a power trip.

Queen G didn't know. Her editor enjoyed the game but she didn't enjoy it in the same way Koko did, watching giants fall.

And now she would be the one falling. Or her pseudonym would be anyway. She sighed, glancing up at the other woman's threats. Yeck, Cuffe really rubbed off on Gen. It was starting to get on her nerves.

            "Can you handle that? People knowing you?"

"I won't report it. I'll tone down my writing as Yukawa, it'll be fine." Koko muttered dismissively - most of her contacts knew her by her real name and assumed she was some lesser being who worked at Witch Weekly, so she could come out as a reporter in name.

Given some time so as not to arouse suspicion.

But Lil Snigger. It was kind of painful to let that go over something like a bunch of harmless letters. "I'm taking the day off," she said abruptly. "You do whatever you have to do to cover your arse, Gen." Koko turned on her heels, not doubting for one moment that the older witch was worried about her own brand more than anything else . "I need to go buy my alter ego a hard drink or four."

Koko reached over for the letter, and found herself gaping at the handwriting. That was her handwriting. If she'd found something like this in her flat she would have assumed she'd written it after too many shots of fairy tequila. And, well, she'd not done anything that stupid since she was fresh out of Hogwarts.

She swept her thumb over the glittery ink. This was well done. This was a bloody professional imitation.

            "...scream at me himself. You’re aasking the Head Auror, in writing, if he can ‘get it up’…"

"Of course not, it's Pratt not Spectre!" Koko snapped, thinking that Ed Pratt had neither the balls nor the recklessness to march in here on a vendetta. "I wouldn't ask him shit if I didn't think he'd spill tea over one of his stupid exes."

Which he wouldn't, because he had children, and people like Pratt did not tattle about things that would screw up their kids. He wasn't like Genny. Koko handed the letter back, scowling to herself. Someone must have been sharpening their axe for ages before setting her up like this.

"What do you want to do?" she asked her editor - Lil Snigger was a fiction, but the fiction was going to get them into trouble if they didn't act. "I could report the forgeries. Would clear us with level two at least."

Sandy on the list? Koko wrinkled her nose but didn't argue. She liked Sandy so he definitely deserved a nice witch but his appeal probably wasn't all that universal. It couldn't hurt though. He wasn't going to win so it's not like they would be accused of bias because he co-owned the magazine.

Koko slipped her notebook out and jotted down whatever Queen G was saying. Time to investigate! And she would start tonight, at Spellpunk, to see whether the usual suspects were visiting.

"Go with the obvious maybe," she remarked as she put away her quill and picked up her little lunch baggie. "Even if you're wrong, he'll know you were trying to please. And men love it when women try to please."

Most did anyway. Some blokes love a lady who put up a fight, because they liked the idea of conquering someone - but even then they eventually wanted submission. Koko gave her editor a little salute and headed out of the office to finish her food before getting started on her targets.

Whatever Sandy decided, she supposed it wasn't her pen name being dragged through the mud. She had already given him her two cents based on how well she could read their audience. "If you do press charges, just remember we might not have been kind to the judges and jurors of the Wizengamot."

They wouldn't be unfair, obviously. But she had a feeling that they wouldn't exactly go easy on him either.

            "Do you have a follow up article then?"

"If you want me to have one," she tilted her head to the side as a few phrases ran through her mind. "Just a straightforward one about him barging in and hexing an unsuspecting wizard?" Koko didn't know if Sandy wanted his name in the article. "Could ask Gen if she'd rather cover it, if Lil Snigger needs to lay low."

Sandy understood. He was a businessman. People underestimated him sometimes but Koko knew that he was shrewder than he let on, and didn't enjoy being walked over. Still, she raised her sharply drawn eyebrows at him as he informed her that charges were going to be pursued.

"If you want to stop people from cursing us then you should hire a real security service," she thought about security trolls and pulled a face. "But you're going to make us look like villains if you press charges."

Koko knew there was a fine line between not giving a shit about Spectre, and letting the public know they don't give a shit. Overprotective father with a temper? That sold her stories. Witch Weekly court trials? Less so.

There was also the one tiny, itty bitty little fact that Koko didn't actually know Feliks Spectre's full story. Her contacts on level two seemed sympathetic for the boy. If he had a really sad story, her article was going to look even worse should Sandy go to court. They didn't need that.

"Drop the charges and it's just about him attacking us for telling people the truth," Koko shrugged.

She stared at the co-owner of Witch Weekly as if though he'd grown a second, slightly less becoming head. What was he going on about?? Of course she didn't ask Spectre to comment, she had actual facts from Moscow and the public was going to eat it all up. They loved a devil child to hiss at.

"Of course not," Koko rolled her eyes and crossed her legs. "If you weren't my bosses.... maybe. If it would make good copy. Are you growing a conscience? Does it just take being hexed, to do that?"

If it did, she should have grown one years and years ago. People like them, people like Spectre and Miranda and Woolfolk and Gamp, they could afford to be the subject of scandal.

There wasn't anything really wrong about milking them for all it was worth.

He asked her to sit, so she sat and crossed her arms. Saturday. Spectre related. Why was everyone being so touchy about this? The kid would live if he was anything like his Almasy relatives, against whom Witch Weekly scandal seemed to glance off like nothing. People needed to take a chill pill. Light up with some gillyweed.

"I heard what happened." Koko raised her eyebrows, as if to say: obviously. "Did I ask him for comment before the article, or did I asked him for comment about why he hexed you?"

Balfour Spectre had suffered a lot of gossip in silence, she was actually surprised he had come all the way here in his anger. And more surprised that nobody stopped him!

"Either way the answer is no," she shrugged. "He'd have hexed me if I asked him when I was writing. Or gotten a gag order before we could publish!"