Absit Omen RPG

Ash looked visibly hurt by Callie's introdcution, and dramatically clutched his chest as if she had driven a stake through his heart.

Uncle Griffin did not seem pleased that Margo was no longer a dragon handler, and now owned a bar. His cat butt face mirrored his wife's. He hadn't exactly proved of Jillian... Or anyone Nate had ever brought to meet the family, come to think of it. Nate could feel the judgement radiating off his aunt and uncle, and decided now was the time and the place to, well... Put them in their place.

"Fun fact, Margo." Nate took a smug sip of beer. "Mandy and Ash are short for-- wait for it--" He gave his uncle the side-eye, "Mandrake and Ashwinder."

Mandy let out a bark of laughter and quickly shoved bread in her mouth. Ash didn't hold back his laughter. Phoenix, like Callie, didn't give a shit. Phoenix focused his attention on his parents, talking about their community garden and the local co-op.

Margo adjusted to his family quickly. The jury was still out on whether or not it was a good thing. If Nate thought about it too hard, he would convince himself that it probably wasn't for the best. Jillian had never really adjusted to the Hawkes, though they liked each other well enough.

The fact that he made this comparison brought a tightness to his stomach. Nate didn't like to think about the nature of his relationship with Margo... But he had to. She was meeting his family, Callie was getting attached to her. When you had a child in the picture, things were different. The relationships he had with other people would impact his daughter, no matter what. Margo didn't seem scared away by Callie, in fact they got along almost too well.

"My mom has too much fun." He muttered to Margo, though he couldn't resist a smile. He took her advice and took a sip (or rather, a giant gulp) of beer.

Aunt Cherish's lips were pursed-- directing her veritable case of cat butt face at Margo. Clearly, his aunt and uncle didn't approve. They had very little tolerance for nonsense.

"So, Margo." Uncle Griffin interjected, "What is it that you do..?"

"--Besides my sons!" Perry laughed. Nate groaned.

As if on cue,  Pheonix, Ash, and Mandy came through the door and immediately took the remaining seats.

His entire father's side of the family lived in or around Whatcom county. His parents had been absolutely delighted to hear that he was in a position to go on a trip. Bellingham was the first stop-- but after that, Callie would be staying with his parents while he took Margo around the country. They were going to end in Vegas, because Vegas seemed exactly like Margo's kind of place.

Bigfoot Bay Brewing Company was a wizarding brewery that also served plenty of food. Of course, it was kid friendly before 8:00 PM, and all the food was from local farms. They sat at a large table, big enough to fit his father's side of the family.

1. His mother, Molly
2. His father, Peregrin
3. His brother, Pheonix
4. Peregrin's twin brother, Griffin (Nate's uncle)
5. Griffin's wife, Cherish
6. Griffin and Cherish's children, Ash and Mandy

While Nate grew up in more humble circumstances (due to the choices of his hippie parents). Ash and Mandy grew up in simlar circumstances... Until Griffin and Cherish became Apple Millionaires. They transformed from lovely, laid back, stoner hippie parents into stoic, rich as fuck, baby boomers. Baby boomers who regretted naming their children Ashwinder and Mandrake. Nate was not looking forward to visiting with them, though he liked his cousins.

"Uh," Nate had already ordered a beer-- an oatmeal stout. Callie was sipping on a root beer happily, and rambling about how she wanted mac and cheese. She wasn't talking to anybody in particular. "Well my aunt and uncle are usually early. My parents run late. They're arriving together soooo...."

As if on cue, they arrived. Molly greeted Margo with an awkward hug in which she stuffed Margo's face into her boobs. The aunt and uncle waved awkwardly and exchanged polite greetings.

"I heard you have slept with both my sons!" She said with a laugh before bopping Nate on the nose. "So you two are real brothers and eskimo brothers."

"Jesus christ, mom." Nate mumbled, "Not this again."

"His name is not Nick." Oh my god. How many times did he have to say that?! "Phoenix. Like the magical fire bird. His name is Phoenix Alexander Hawke." Nate even hated his brother's middle name, "Alexander, like... After an American founding father. Because of how our parents met." Hopefully that memory would distract Margo from being too upset.

Then something clicked in.

How would Margo know about his brother's birthmark? There was only one explanation.

He gave Margo a long stare. Well. Nate wasn't as bothered by this as he should've been.

"Margo." He began, voice tense as he struggled to hold back a laugh, "Did you fuck my fucking brother?" It was a difficult feat, but Nate managed to keep his face straight. "Did you fuck my fucking brother, Margo?"[1]

1.	have a gif

"His name isn't Nick!" Nate insisted as a piece of fried potato hit in him the face. He totally could've dodged it. At least, that's what he told himself. Whatever he needed to do to keep some semblance of pride and honor... Even if it was kind of difficult to act holier-than-thou when you were just pelted by breakfast food. What was next? Was she going to pour gravy on his head? That was probably illegal or something. And he would know, he was a lawyer!

"Go ahead, owl Balfour!" What did Balfour have to do with any of this? Oh. Right. Dragons. "My brother is named Phoenix. Do you really think my parents would have given him a reasonable name? You've met them. My middle name is Merlin, Margo. And it's not after the wizard, it's after the bird."

Why, why was he attracted to crazy? Maybe it had something to do with the fact that was raised in crazy. He married into crazy. The town he lived in was crazy. With this pattern.... Nate really couldn't blame the world around him. He was the common denominator. There was just something about him that caused the world to go wonky. That was the only explanation.

"Why does this bother you so much, Margo?" He finally asked, brow furrowed with confusion. "Dude is named Pheonix. It's a horrible name but what did you expect?"

"Phoenix doesn't work in Wales! He works in Washington. Right now he's on the coast, working with the San Juan Serpents." Washington had plenty of dragon breeds unique to the area, like the Douglas Furbacks, Okanogan Hydras, Pacific Pinetails and Nate's favorite-- the flightless Washington Wyverns. "He really doesn't travel that much." Though now that he thought of it, Wales did ring a bell.  If he remembered correctly, Phoenix had hated Wales. His brother had visited then.

Okay. Maybe Margo did know him. But his name wasn't Nick. He'd never gone by Nick in his life!

Nate took a frustrated bite of potato. "Dude, have some chill. His name's not Nick. I don't know a Nick. His name is Phoenix, and Callie talks about him all the time because he's her uncle, not because he's imaginary!" He tried not to laugh at that thought-- imaginary. This would be a great story to tell his brother later. Sure Margo was being insane before... But now she was being extra-insane. She deserved to think she was crazy.

She practically hit him in the face with his photo album. Nate nearly choked on his food but managed to force it down the right pipe with a well timed cough. Lost it. She had totally lost it. He gently pushed the book out of his personal space before glancing at the offensive page. It was a picture of him and his younger brother, hiking with his brother's dogs.

"Uh." He gave Margo a look that clearly said that she was certifiably insane. "That's Phoenix. My brother. I've mentioned him." How could she be so oblivious? Nate and Callie had clearly been explicit. "He's a year younger than me. He lives in Washington." He paused, to remind her, "The state, not the city."

"Who the fuck is Nick Hawke?" Nate asked incredulously, taking a seat on the couch. He placed his plate on his knees and used a knife to slice himself a bite of steak. Just because Margo was having a meltdown didn't mean that he didn't deserve a meal!

When Margo had first asked him about Nick, he had even asked his father if there were any black Nicks on his side of the family. Some cousin or something. His dad couldn't think of a single one! There was a Nikki, but she was white and an herbologist who dabbled in hallucinogenic plants and mushrooms.

He took a bite, chewed, swallowed. And waited for an answer. "Are you high? Did you eat a cookie?"

Nate was a morning person by default-- Callie rose early, and he worked a 9-5 job. Even on the weekends, he couldn't force himself to sleep in past 8:00... Max. Last night he had promised Margo that he would make her an American breakfast (which was such a varied thing.) With his mother's recipe, Nate made some absolutely bomb chicken fried steak, sausage gravy, fried eggs, and fried potatoes. Nate doubted they could eat all of this but it wouldn't hurt to try.

He had started plating breakfast when Margo called out his name. "NATHANIEL!" God, she was impatient.

Nate slowly poured the gravy on top of the steak and walked into the living room, plates in his hands. The only thing he was wearing was his boxer briefs and a pair of slippers.

"Sorry I wasn't fast enough." He teased.

Apparently bringing breakfast to the living room wasn't enough to appease her. Margo was looking at a photo album, how in the world could she be disturbed right now? Hangry. She was probably hangry. And caffeine-deprived. "Do you need coffee?"

"Fighting dragons. Being COOL." Callie said. Nate rolled his eyes when she wasn't looking. As much as Nate tried to claim that Calliope had inherited the eye-rolling behavior from her mother, it was most definitely from him. "Sometimes he's on fire. But he always comes back."

At that, Nate let out a little laugh. "That's true. It's like it's impossible to kill him." His voice adopted a joking tone, "I've tried."

She gave Margo a look like, "This guy gets it."

It was official: his life sucked.

With an expression that wasn't anything less than pure dismay, he stole one of Callie's fries. She protested, but not for long. She knew how to share. He wasn't paying for her to go to daycare at The Mandrake Patch for her to not know how to share. Only children had a tendency to be self absorbed and straight up spoiled (thankfully, he grew up with a younger brother). Nate was trying to counteract that by having her spend time with other kids her age.

Unfortunately, Callie had a bossy streak, and had gotten in trouble multiple times for accidentally angering other children. She was getting better, but still. It was something they were working on. Nate assumed she got that trait from her mom.

"Yeah, I usually lose." Nate agreed.

Callie gave Margo a very serious look. "Phoenix never loses."

"Uh huh." Nate said, in the kind, abiding way that parents usually did when referring to a child's favorite toy being referenced, or an imaginary friend. "Sure he does."

Everything about Margo was so completely, utterly obnoxious. Including her laugh. He waited patiently for her to finish, the corner of his mouth twitching as he suppressed a smile. No. He was not going to encourage her! She was incorrigible enough as it was.

He startled a moment. Was she going to squish some food on his face? Force beer down his throat? She was a wild card, Nate couldn't usually predict what she'd do next. But he was never, never opposed to a kiss. Especially when Callie wasn't around. He kissed Margo back with an eagerness (and a bit of anxiety) that indicated that he usually only had so much time before he was walked in on. Usually by his daughter and secretary. Sometimes by his parents.

A bar patron wolf-whistled, and he hastily pulled away.

"You are. You should try, y'know... Being resistible." Not exactly what most women like hearing, but this was Margo. She could handle it.

Mortified, absolutely mortified, Nate stared at Margo as she laughed at his pain. His feelings and not-so-delicate sensibilities were being fist-fucked by fiendfyre. Not even in a good way.

And she laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

Merlin, how long could this go? And how long could he stay quiet for? It was like something imploded in his brain and he could no longer form coherent thoughts. Finally, she settled down, wiping literal tears from her eyes. When her foot moved, he thought that maybe she would be moving it away But no. It couldn't be that simple. She couldn't be that benevolent. And he was a fool to think that for one second.

Nate tried to keep a serious face on, "I don't have a foot fetish, Margo." Alas, his voice cracked at the last syllable as he choked down a laugh. Ridiculous. This was completely ridiculous.

Margo had that look on her face. It was subtle, but Nate now knew her well enough to know what it meant. It meant she had a probably ill-advised idea and that she was going to act on it immediately. God fucking damn, Margo. Why. Why did Nate choose to have her in his life? He gave her a look of subtle dread just moments before he felt a foot creep up his leg, past his knee... He nearly choked on his fish.

Callie slammed her hands on the the table and looked from Nate to Margo. "I am going to pee." She declared, climbing down from her seat. "Don't eat my food. I counted." She paused for a moment, "Please." Cal gave them an appraising stare. "Margo is winning footsie."

She skipped away to the bathroom and Nate just wanted to die.

"You," He hissed, "Are Satan."

Callie and Margo got along well. Sometimes too well. Too well for his own well-being. At least, Nate reasoned, they got along. Margo wasn't somebody who liked children in general, so the fact that she liked Calliope was either a sign that his kid was great, or that she was a smartass terror. Those two traits didn't have to be mutually exclusive, but in the case of children they usually were.

"Grandma and Papa?" He raised his eyebrows, "I, uh." His parents cussed in front of him of course, but it had been very clear from a young age that he was not allowed to use those words. "Grandma's from the south, so... The worst I can say to her is 'bless your heart.'" Nate managed to take a bite of a fry, "Uh, so don't say Margo words around Grandma and Papa." He thought about his dad though. Maaaybe he wouldn't be too upset, but the habit to not cuss in front of them ran deep.

"They both curse though. Especially if they think I'm not listening."