Absit Omen RPG

“Oi! Mordy Dents!” It was one of those moments where you think you’ve imagined hearing someone shout your name. Especially right outside the front of the hospital amongst the muggles. She almost jumped out of her skin at the pat on her shoulder. A man in denim wearing sunglasses was attempting to get her attention, did they know each other?

“Hey there, stranger…”

“Rufus!” She sprang on her tired feet with pleasant excitement at recognising him. “Hej! You gave me a start. How are you?!” She threw her arms around him tightly without further hesitation. Ahh he smelled always as he had, aftershave, pipe smoke and the city. It was too early for him to smell like he’d had a few pints, after all. At least she thought it was… hard to tell what with finishing an extra long night shift and the wizard owning more than one pub. There was always somewhere in London you could drink, any hour of the day. She probably smelled of herbs and astringent.

“So good to see you!” She continued to exclaim, hugging him tightly on her tiptoes. She’d changed out of her healer’s robes, into sandals, skirt and short-sleeved top which showed off her arms. The feeble summer sun in England had barely warmed her colour which she had inherited from her Italian mother, so she was determined to find every excuse to get them out if she couldn’t escape abroad before summer was done. Her thick wavy black hair was pinned up as best she could with help from a charm, though two ringlets were loose before her ears.

“What are you doing here, or shouldn’t I ask?” She thumbed towards the front of Purge and Dowse, worried for a moment he was seeking a healer’s assistance or visiting someone unwell.

“… if it’s fake, what is it?” Andromeda asked, and then turned to Tara, keen to continue their discussion while Elixa got on with it.

The two dangerous witches continued their conversation as the healer uncorked the bottle. A convincing whisp of blue smoke climbed from the neck of the glass. She wafted it towards her with a wave of a hand, and sniffed. She wasn’t convinced already, but she didn’t spend her days sniffing wolfsbane potion. Carefully, she decanted small measures into the test tubes and in turn dropped small amounts of other potions or herbs into them.

“… it seems unstable.” Tara’s assessment wasn’t about this particular sample, but it wasn’t far off. One of the herbs sizzled, and the smoke had turned thicker from the tube Lix was heating over a flame. She pulled it out, and lit the smoke with the flame. It gave a loud pop and a purple burst of light.

“Where did you get this from again?” Lix asked, setting the tube back in the rack. “And were they really expecting you to come back?”

“Hej!” Lix exclaimed, stepping out from one of the ward doors. She thought she had seen them pass by through the glass, and she was right. She was dressed in her green healer’s robes, her loosely curled black hair pinned up atop her head with help from a charm. Some of the strands had begun to descend down the back of her warm, clammy neck. She blew air out of her lips to dislodge some strands plastered to her clammy forehead. August in London was always a bit too warm for the Swede who had gone to Durmstrang.

“Have you got it?” She asked, recalling Andromeda’s owl about the wolfsbane. “Great, come this way,” Lix beckoned back down the hallway, and through a door marked laboratory. Inside was, as to be expected, a very well stocked potions lab with cauldrons, bottles and all manner of ingredients in what seemed to be a vast cupboard. Another healer was in, but once disturbed, took a look at the trio and sniffed to himself, before leaving.

“He was only hiding,” Lix shrugged, collecting a handful of glass test tubes into a pretty yet functional wood rack. It looked like it had seen a thousand potions from the marks and stains on the grain. “But he has been here since like midnight.” She grinned. “Right then, hand it over. You want to know if it’s genuine?”

“She’s asking for further combat training… I’m prettier… I’ve been assigned to give her some lessons… not just rely on your wand in a fight…” Lix nodded, thinking this was sage advice.

“Make sure you throttle her,” Andromeda advised, and Lix’s gaze switched quickly to the auror, an eyebrow rising quizzically. “… threw a wizard over my shoulder in the field once…” Lix swallowed and leaned away from the table, looking about the bar instead for a moment. An uncomfortable memory[1] was washing over her.

“Learned it from Fenny, Hitwizard. He going to retire when they send Musgrave to Azkaban?” Lix snapped back to the room, blinked and frowned in concentration as Andromeda explained who she meant. “He’s the bald guy…”

“Oh, yes. Reads strange books…” Lix agreed quietly, her words almost colliding with Tara’s confirmation too.
“There’s quite a few bald Hit-wix…” Tara remarked. “… was almost made bald at one point.”

Lix blinked several times in quick succession, staring at Tara, trying to picture this. With magic, one could switch back and forth fairly easily.
“You what? You’re going to have to tell that story,” the healer requested. “Think you might be able to pull off the whole shaved head look.” 

1.	24th March, 2010, The Desperate Thief, Lix was attacked while working as an apothecary at St Mungo’s.

Lucked out with Neon as my Dobby! Thank you so much for this awesome artwork of Lix!

We miss Arc very much too!

Oh poor Tara, Andie could be so blunt. Neither of them had their feet far from their mouth once a few drinks were down.

“Higgins thought he had been burgled. The floo guy.”

“Ohhh the floo guy.” Lix’s eyes widened at the memory of a ginger haired wizard wearing a waistcoat with as many pockets as a fisherman. Johann had warned her never to make eye contact if possible, that she would be stuck forever. Luckily he was more likely to end up in Spell Damage than Potions and Poisons.

“Nah, she’s the child I’m going to punch in a couple of days…” Tara replied about the name Lix didn’t recognise.

“Why are you going to punch her?” She asked.

“If only getting someone off was the solution to everything. I know it is for you.” Andie took a dig. Lix stuck her tongue out in retaliation.

“Next time I have to talk to Kuester about something serious I am going to owl you…”
“… I wanna ask for a raise…”

“Yeah, yeah… you haven’t been the first to say it since word got out.” Lix batted a hand at Andie and then at Tara. “We don’t talk about work if we can help it. Most of it is confidentiality like, for specifics.” Lix was a healer, and as much as she made jokes, she did take her job seriously. Kuester meanwhile wasn’t the sort to crack jokes often, and took her job super seriously. A lot of what she dealt with was heavy, so it was a priority to take her mind off it when they were together. It didn’t mean they didn’t bitch about things behind closed doors, but Lix wasn’t about to tell two of Kuester’s underlings that…

“But winding back there…” Lix gestured with her fingers as if winding a roll of string up, “did you just infer Andie was fuckable if she can grow a dick?”

"Waiting for the inspection." How frustrating! Lix felt that frustration herself on hearing the response, and that could be nothing on what the Gamps were feeling.

"If you need me to get some attention for an inspector, I can see about kicking up a fuss in Level Four..." Tara offered. Lix shook her head ever so slightly. It wasn't a you-shouldn't-do-that shake it was a I-don't-doubt-you'd-love-to one.

"How do you win the dating game? Got anyone right now, or at least not going for fools like someone's brother?" Tara asked.

"I've had my fair share of fools, don't worry," Lix assured her. She had not told the details to the hitwitch ever, as they were newer acquaintances, but it was no secret in London that Lix Mordent had graced the bedsheets of partners of all genders in double figures in a couple of years, and in Sweden the list was a lot longer. "Are you suggesting that monogamy is not a good look on me, Tara?" Lix teased, framing her chin with the backs of her palms.

"No, me and Kuester have been going strong since last July, somehow!" Evangeline Kuester was superior in Magical Law Enforcement to both her drinking companions, though only since the start of the year.

"It hasn't come up in conversation, darling, hope it's not too much of a surprise." Kuester had believed herself straight as an arrow before, after all, and was straight-laced at work. She wasn't the sort of witch to talk about her private life, especially given the jobs she had held before.

"That's why I was off the market this valentine's day. Andie had her chance before that." She reached out to playfully push the upper arm of the auror. "Maybe you two should just be friends with benefits and cheer each other up." Lix winked, and grinned, thumbing between auror and hitwitch. She did love to stir the cauldron.

Lix Mordent, healer by day, collected friends by night. Admittedly, some of her friends had been more than such in the past, but these days she was tied to blonde bombshell and badass Deputy Head of the Department of Law Enforcement, Eva Kuester. A couple of drinks in, the witches at the table with her were overlooking the fact she was dating one of their bosses. Truth was, these two witches were bosses of their own design.

Andromeda Gamp was uncharacteristically despairing over a decision. She had always been so direct, so assertive, but Lix supposed that the past year, and certainly the past month, had upset that stone foundation.

“If I was a brother and Ceph was my sister, it would be normal right?” Gamp asked, while similarly butch Tara Sallow nodded along to the account.

“If it was you as a brother,” the hitwitch counselled, “it could look like you’re simply picking on your sibling’s questionable choice in partners.”

“Mhm,” Lix agreed. “You’re only looking out for him, and who can blame you with everything lately. But maybe ease off? He is a grown man, even if that doesn’t count for much sometimes.” She grinned.

Cepheus Gamp had once stood in her living room, perusing Arcturus Hollingbury’s book collection, waiting for Lix’s housemate to rise and join him for breakfast. Lix knew it had all come to an end, Arc’s relationships never seemed to run smoothly, but she had not realised Ceph had already moved on with someone notably younger.

“Fuck. I am doom and gloom. Thank you for listening. Who else could I rely on to drink on a Tuesday with me? What is going on for you?” Auror Gamp raised her glass, and their glasses met in the middle of the table.

Tara brushed it aside, deciding she was going to outdo her auror colleague on this measurement.
“… I don’t think you’re excited about the opportunity to punch a child in a couple of days…”

“What?” Lix asked, eyebrows drawing together in confusion at this statement, dark gaze turning to Sallow instead.

“… you’ve probably got a better dating game going on.”

“Nah, I win there.” Lix smiled smugly, and traced a finger round the rim of her glass.

“… in a couple of days I’m going to be a giant mess of fur that will try killing anyone nearby…” Lix pressed her lips together, the corner of her mouth turning down at the monthly curse Tara suffered.

“Try not to,” Lix suggested, though her tone indicated she fully accepted there was not much past taking wolfsbane for the nights leading up to the full moon.

“Is it a Ministry one?” She asked, referring to the safehouse, “only I read the Ministry’s cracking down on unregulated and private safehouses.” She looked to Andie. “Have you managed to get yours sorted?” Andromeda wasn’t a werewolf, but Lix knew she was making a safehouse for someone she loved.

Dealing with potions primarily, Lix always found it a bit of a thrill to be involved in casting the same spell with other healers to supply a stronger effect on a patient. This was something more akin to spell damage where curses and enchantments had taken deep hold. Precisely, she reflected, what had happened to Jasper Limrick and his slippers.

Healer Ketteridge pressed the rune stone to the top of the charred flesh and plunged the foot back into the bucket. It still steamed and sizzled the water but Lix crossed her fingers behind her back that it would solve it. Jasper took a deep breath and clutched Rufus, emotional.

“Has it done it?” Lix couldn’t help but ask, her curiosity and hope getting the better of her.

The burn paste wasn’t hard to locate amongst the supplies. Lix lifted the lid to check the condition of the bright orange paste, the smell of which brought tears to her eyes it was so strong. Yes, that would definitely do. She grabbed a dragonhide glove and hurried back to her patient. She found four people in the room. To Lix’s relief, Rufus had returned, seemingly unscathed, and was back by Jasper’s side, providing comfort.

“Brilliant, that was quick!” She declared to the wizard, even though it had felt like a lot longer in person.

The new arrival was Healer Ketteridge who Lix recognised from the artefacts ward from when she worked in the apothecary before returning to healing. It must have been her who Sandy had summoned. Lix was glad of her arrival, but definitely felt the junior in the room. They were both pouring over the slippers, which were already in pieces, their wands out rather than touching them. Lix did not fancy anyone’s hands going up in flames.

“Here, we’ll try this on the top, see if it helps,” she offered Jasper, “it’s dragon burn paste, used to treat serious burns that are still hot or enchanted.” Admittedly not ones that reignited, but she had to show confidence to instil it in her patient. With dragonhide glove on, she smeared the luminous orange paste to the bottom of Jasper’s shin which sizzled. The burn was definitely growing…!

Lix was obedient and quick, attending to a potion to put Jasper at some ease. How at ease could one be when one’s foot was a magical inferno in a bucket? It was the first one Lix had encountered that she couldn’t extinguish with a counter spell or dunking.

The news that the slippers were gifted by yet another secretive wizard on Level Nine didn’t apply any further reassurance. Did wizards who explored the edges of magic gift each other slippers from Diagon Alley or did they like to show off a bit?

She checked the time, wondering how long it would take Rufus to fetch the slippers. With Jasper’s leg entombed in ice and freezing water, and the pain relief potion beginning to take effect, Elixa stepped aside with Healer Misslethorpe to check they hadn’t missed anything.

“I hope nothing worse has happened to his partner,” she muttered, concerned they had just sent a man back to fetch potentially cursed slippers. “Are you hoping the slippers are the reason? That we’ll be able to examine them and find out?” She asked, and then adjusted her sleeves without needing to, glancing back to their patient. She lowered her voice further. “I think it’s spreading… What about trying dragon burn paste, dunk it in a bucket of that?” She couldn’t help but feel this case was more likely spell damage or an artefact accident than it was anything to do with potions.

The unspeakables exchanged a look with each other, as if reading each other's minds. Lix wondered for a split second if that might be possible. She knew Healer Misslethorpe could read minds, a lot of the senior healers had trained in these extra fields. Lix was content for now with her own specialities of potions, though it did not feel like potions was the correct field for Jasper's burning foot tonight.

"They were a birthday gift." Their patient explained, his words heavy with implication. Rufus had squeezed his arm tight in both hands.
"Not from you?" Lix asked the patient's partner. Who shook his head, paler by the second. "Could you fetch them? Carefully though - put them in something. Don't touch them." The last thing they needed was Rufus to come back with flaming hands.

"So potentially something in the slippers, or something they're made of," Healer Mordent explained aloud for her patient's benefit. "Happy birthday by the way."
"Yesterday, but thank you."
"Keep bucketing until he gets back?" Lix asked Sandy, seeking his experienced advice.

So what did they have? A wizard who put a slipper on and his foot began to burn. An empty slipper and no fire even lit that evening. That the wizard was an unspeakable in experimental charms. That the foot was producing its own heat, enough to begin to simmer water, and if taken out it burned harder.

"Ice water Mordent." Misslethorpe took charge automatically, not that Lix wished to complain in the circumstances. She set aside her notes to conjure more buckets, water, and turn it cold as ice.

Sandy was asking about the slippers.
"No fire, no, and left them home. Took them off immediately..." Rufus fielded the questions this time. Looking worried at the suggestion of ashwinders. Their unchecked presence could burn a house down.

"On three," Elixa readied her bucket beside the first. "One, two, three-" in the time Jasper's foot emerged from the warm water of the first bucket and into the air above the second the charred skin fizzled like a frying pan. Its owner yelled in pain, and both healers plunged his leg into the ice water without delay. The other bucket was warm as bathwater.

"Worth trying some counter curses?" Lix suggested, wand in hand. Not truly looking for permission, as she raised her wand and cast all manner of general counter-spells, but still the ice melted. They could try together, but perhaps this wasn't the route to take.

"Tell us about the charms you've been working on. How you're testing them." She suggested.

Not an arsehole, but someone who outranked her. Lix was surprised to see Healer Misslethorpe. For some reason she believed he was above treating new arrivals, and kept to his pet projects on the floor above. She did at least know he was more approachable than their Head Healer.

“Mordent.”
“Mr Misslethorpe.” Lix nodded, new patient history forms in her fingertips, at the ready. Her dark gaze swept over the scene. The Mediwitch dousing one foot in water, the patient’s age, gender and state of dress. It seemed odd to have an accident in bed, but she must not assume that was the case. Naturally she let Misslethorpe take point.

“How did this happen?”

“He’s not been feeling well all afternoon-.”
“I had just put my slippers on and next my foot started burning like a hot coal-.“
“So we thought it was just that but there was nothing - they’d not even been near the fire-.”
“- and my foot got redder and redder-.”
“-so we put it in a bucket of water, but…”

The patient and his partner tag teamed, and Lix got the immediate impression the two wizards were a well established couple, if not husbands.

“But that only slows it down.” The mediwitch interrupted, “The moment it’s out in the air it burns like it’s dry tinder.” She held the foot into the bucket. Lix peered in, noting the flesh looked as bad as if it had plunged into dragon flame, and the water was bubbling like a cauldron on the way to simmer.

All in all, it was nothing Lix had seen in her healing career to date, but initial bafflement aside, answers often came from decent questions.

“Alright, I need some details, a history, we’ll get to the bottom of this,” Lix assured them brightly, and began to take names. The mediwitch handed the bucket over and headed out to her next assignment.

Swiftly they became acquainted with Jasper and his husband Rufus. With lowered voices they added they were both unspeakables, and Jasper worked in experimental charms.

“Hm, that puts a unique angle on it,” Lix agreed, eyeing the bucket which appeared to be as good as bathwater now.