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Messages - The Hogwarts Howler
1
January 18, 2021, 04:56:20 PM
February 2012
Secret Secrets are Loads of Fun Akira's Sweet of the Month: Marshmallows!
by Akira Hericho, Ravenclaw 2nd Yr
After all of that chocolate from Valentines day you are bound to have given out or been given. It is time to have some Marshmallows! I myself am a personal fan of them, useful in so many things such as for cakes or treats, but also for other treats such as Hot Chocolates!
But the main reason I am listing them as Sweet of the Month: Remember boys! White Day is coming up! For those not in the know, it is a day for boys to gift back to the girls who gave them chocolates on Valentines Day, traditionally it is something white and has been expanded to include other items, but White Chocolate and Marshmallows are the better things to give!
And don't start giving out Wagon Wheels or Marshmallow Teacakes those do not count!
At the editor for my previous reviews request, apparently multiple pages is not allowed. I will keep this one shorter, but just remember that White Day is on the Fourteenth! So remember to go out and buy some Marshmallows for the girls who got you Chocolate!
Quidditch Quips
Gryffindor plays Hufflepuff on the 3rd. Hufflepuff hasn't beaten Gryffindor since the 90s at least but their keeper's arm is finally out of a sling from the Staircase races, so that should help matters. Come out and get loud and stay warm!
"What's wrong," he asks. "They won't stop making owl noises," she laments. "Who?" he inquires. "Not you, too!" she wails!. Comic by Zeta Pepper, Hufflepuff 6th Yr.
Early's Investigations: Professor Malfoy
by Cosima Early, Ravenclaw 4th Yr
You've learned about him in History class but now you're learning from him in the Potions dungeon: Professor Draco Malfoy. Starting in mid-February, Malfoy took over as Potions master for Professor Darkstorm. There was no official announcement or introduction.
According to a source close to administration, the Headmaster is in charge of hirings and firings. There was a period in the 1990s where the Ministry of Magic used Educational Decrees to make changes to the faculty, but those rules were removed under Minister Shaklebolt.
Unlike positions at the Ministry of Magic, there are no official NEWT requirements for Hogwarts teachers. School records show that Malfoy never finished his seventh year, but it is possible to sit for NEWTS through a Ministry program. The Ministry did not return the Howler's request for records.
When I asked Headmaster Greyfriar why he hired Malfoy he said unhelpfully, "people have a way of finding their way back home, don't you find? Only minor hazing, please."
Whether or not Malfoy was ever actually a Death Eater has been hotly debated. Some maintain that he was only seventeen at the time and was likely coerced. Others say his actions even as a youth show he believed in the cause and acted on his own. Either way, no criminal charges were ever filed by the Ministry of Magic.
Slytherin 6th year Kari Strong claims to have seen a Dark Mark. "Oh yeah. I saw it. He was washing his hands before Potions and his sleeve was rolled up. It was amazing. I mean horrible, it was horrible. How's he allowed to teach here, again?"
Good question.
Fashion Spotlight: Bruno Mwangi
The hottest new designer in London is Bruno Mwangi. He's young, he's a squib, and he cuts a mean lapel. He blends the worlds of muggle and magical and his new line of outerwear are slaying so hard St. Mungo's doesn't know what to do.
Source
Exclusive: Birds with Arms
Direct all questions to Prof. Onuris
All answers can be found in the wiki and Cast of Characters. Good luck!
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August 31, 2019, 08:12:52 PM
 The Hogwarts Howler, the student newspaper, is distributed whenever they feel like it via the bathrooms and commonrooms. It has an editor-in-chief but is not, chiefly, edited at all.20 January 2012 Best and Worst Things About Magical Measles
BEST
+ Front row seats to the Headmaster's lectures - Eirene Antonopoulos, R4
+ Not certain, ask me in a few weeks - Sulwen Ried, S1
+ NO STORM - Wesley Wold, H1
+ More room in class - Greer Grant, G3
+ Stacks of Quidditch magazines - Frank Sellaphix, R3
+ Sending Professor Storm buckets of glittery get well cards - Zeta Pepper, H6
| WORST
- Other students - Eirene Antonopoulos, R4
- Squib conspiracies. Think before speaking, thank you! - Sulwen Reid, S1
- Everything hurts and I'm dying - Frank Sellaphix, R3
- Fewer people, professors notice you more - Greer Grant, G3
- What am I supposed to do without Acco!? Get up!? - Phil Penn, G7
- New Healer gives us the morbs - Katie O'Hollow, R7
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Editor's Note: Don't leave these lugs lousing - send your baked goods and well-wishes and exam answers to the Infirmary![1]
Classifieds
Among the requests for class notes, personals, missing toad notices, and adverts for jokes products is this novel note:
If you need anyone to talk to, or need anything from advice to listening, come to the room of requirement. Enter either one of the doors and I’ll be there to listen. Open after dinner for 3 hours on weekdays and 3 hours after lunch on weekends. Anonymity guaranteed[2].
Lethal Accessories
Push fashion and the school dress code to the limit with a few deadly statement pieces.[3]
Mordent's Maladies #1[4]
The Sweet of the Month: Pocky
Otherwise known as Mikado in the UK and to the uncultured. This is the best snack of the month. After the excitement of Halloween and then after the indulgence of Christmas. What is really useful now is something small and not too sugary to relax. Many may still be living off the chocolates gained over Christmas, some may still be snacking from Halloween. What better way to relax however then with a snack that is both sweet and savory?
Pocky is essentially like a breadstick, but thinner with chocolate on the end (Other versions are available but here you only really get chocolate.) Why is it the perfect one to relax with? Because it doesn't over indulge in more sugar after the long festivities, the amount of chocolates and sugar ingested from advent calendars, chocolate coins, boxes of different chocolates, the value tubs and so on.
As it is mostly stick it goes more into the role of savory with a bit of sweetness, and since it comes in a pack means you can snack on it all day long if you are patient and well trained.Personally I love Pocky, it is great and I feel like many others will love it to.
~Editors note: Several pages on the history and more reviews of it have been removed so the article doesn't go over 10 pages.
Article by: Akira Hericho, Ravenclaw
We're With You - SAWS Returns to Hogwarts
This week Hufflepuff Sixth Year Zeta Pepper aka the Pepper-in-Charge revived SAWS, Students Against Werewolf Segregation. She wants to set the record straight and quash any rumors specifically that the club is, "a hilarious collision between soft-minded do-goodery and a rotten tomato fight."
"It all started when society wanted to separate werewolf students from everyone else. There's been loads of positive change since then, but there's still more we can do to make sure werewolves are safe and welcome at Hogwarts. For anyone who says that we're not organized, just wait. Nothing worth doing ever started out perfectly. Going forward we're hoping to raise awareness of werewolf issues, change Hogwarts for the better, and even reach out into the community. If you love justice and all that, join us at our next meeting. Ayla Collins will provide baked goods."
Completely Uncorroborated
Nothing fit to print.[5]
1. Rigel Acrux got bit by a vampire at Christmas
2. Ayla Collins makes "special" brownies
3. Noriko Wakahisa beat Professor Storm in a duel
4. Frank Sellaphix is sweet on Eirene Antonopoulos
5. Magical Measles is really a Muggle Studies experiment orchestrated by Professor Honeysuckle.
6. Akira Hericho has never eaten a vegetable
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March 29, 2018, 04:37:01 AM
GRINGOTTS TEEMING WITH SSEARCH TEAMS 1 October 2011 By Harold Knight, Slytherin 6th YearAre you, dear reader, generally glumbumbled to seeing Gringotts lined with grey-haired goblins? Resigned to regularly respecting with the receding hairlines of short arithmancers? Crestfallen with continually catching accountants' condescending, wizened glares always looking down upon you? Well, aren't you the ageist? Regardless of your social failings, if you have heard murmurings about younger goblins sporting a different set of ears and an actual sense of fashion then worry not, this has nothing to do with your horrid imagination! You've just caught wind of SSEARCH, the multi-Species Syndicate of Expert Artisans Recovering Cultural Heritage, and their rarely-seen teams of African diasporic archivists, often led by an elusive goblin named Manoka Olabode. Since there aren't any red robes wandering about, SSEARCH is most likely helping Gringotts with some routine antiquities insurance policy, or claim, by ensuring artifacts' authenticity, preservation, safety, and provenance (its history of ownership or history of where it's been). Now, this may sound extraordinarily dull, but if there's enough SSEARCH officials present that even the Hogwarts grapevine knows about them, then that means they're probably reviewing enough artifacts to fill a vault. Add that to the fact that the relentless Manoka Olabode might be among those officials also means SSEARCH may question antiquities' authenticity, provenance, or both—always a brilliantly nasty affair. Of course, proving that in a legal court is an entirely different issue. Cultural heritage laws tend to favor the Statute of Secrecy first, wixes second, muggles third and non-human creatures last, meaning that evidence of provenance may not result in repatriation if authorities believe it would result in a breach of the statute. In fact, if authorities believe the magical tests related to proving provenance may simply breach the statute, then a cultural object's provenance may remain a stubborn mystery. However, contrary to the authorities' goals, their dragging their feet on this issue often results in the mistreatment, destruction, or loss of cultural heritage among muggles as commercial goods, among wixes as powerful magical goods, and among the illict trade of antiquities as a murky mix of both. Even the Goblet of Fire was lost after the Tetrawizard Tournament! This is usually where entities like SSEARCH or Gringotts step in and start throwing their weight around in gold (…and silver, diamonds, iron—you get the picture). While Gringotts is known having leveraged the economy in the past, SSEARCH is notorious for revoking excavation rights and permits alongside banning access to their academic archives. The two also have their own, secretive way of keeping track of cultural heritage objects, repatriating objects and providing safety and security for said objects—services that older magical families often apply for at Gringotts and which we may only get a glimpse of through Gringotss' public art loss registers. However, while these two powerhouses do plenty to bolster international cultural heritage rights, sometimes it's just not enough. Goblins-made cultural objects may only get to be added to The Affronts (a document that is not recognized by the British Ministry of Magic) and old magical families may seek out their own justice when aurors and ministry officials place an impossible burden of proof upon proving provenance. Again, this is counter-productive. since the ensuing chaos of goblin riots or vigilante justice means the authorities are going to have to intervene anyway, so their excuses and protocols end up backfiring a lot. Regardless of what SSEARCH and Gringotts are up to, if magical folks can't exercise their cultural heritage rights, then bet on them exercising their magical rites! (OOC: this involves lots of opinions and pureblood gossip mixed with bits of the truth)
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June 18, 2017, 03:25:56 AM
Blowing the Lyd Off!April 2011 By Lydie Patil, Fifth Year GryffindorAt an undisclosed location hereby known as “The Party”, a certain Slytherin Overachiever broke the ever-loving heart of her dedicated boyfriend, a former Hufflepuff with a heart of gold. How’d the snake do it? A spirited slither in the bushes at The Party with Boy X, someone most assuredly not aforementioned golden-hearted Hufflepuff. Seems Boy X got lucky in more than one way - thanks to the death of a wealthy relative. The rest of the Party attendees took a very Special Trip together, having eaten brownies with an extra Special ingredient. An eyewitness discloses that what was essentially a scene from a 1970s adult movie. Boys and girls were doing some “grown-up mingling” with members of the opposite sex as well as their own. Another Slytherin was spotted flashing his nipples, there was an unsurprising appearance from a Particularly Social Butterfly, and a few of the lions preyed on some birds - including one of Hogwarts’ best Quidditch players. Even some of the most “responsible” and “well-respected” students could be seen at The Party, which also featured a gigantuan bottle of champagne. Most 7th years were in attendance -- but one notable absentee was apparently too busy to come, and not with class work. Do we have this year’s teen mother-to-be?
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August 22, 2014, 05:56:42 PM
A LITTLE LION'S LAST ROARMay 31st By Bastian Desrosies, Slytherin/4thToday it is my sad duty to announce that one of our number has been lost before his time. Linus Hughes, a precocious Gryffindor second year aged just 10, was murdered by the satanic potions mistress. A tragic loss, torn from us while so terribly young, it may comfort you somewhat to know that Huges loss was not in vain. He died fighting evil, attempting to bring happiness and laughter to our lives once more, a noble crusader on the side of good who died alone because we were too cowardly to aid him. Yes, readers, he died after successfully pranking Di Luca. A magnificent feat, I am sure you all agree, indicative of a genius beyond his pitiful 9 years, Huges sadly remained at the location of the prank in order to witness its effects, a fatal mistake as Di Luca caught the poor young boy. But who can blame him? A glimpse of Di Luca, who it has been suggested should really be in Azkaban and not at a school, coated in pink, glittering slime (a product of the famous Weasley Wizard Wheezes) would be an irresistible reward for such hard work. Although it is undoubtedly his final hours which produced his finest work, Hugs was a lifelong pranker and in addition to this final, great work, had orchestrated many other pranks, including dropping a Babbling Bomb during a class of Defence Against the Dark Arts, run by the terrifying Professor Storm. Was he one of the comedic geniuses behind the body swap incident of this year? We cannot confirm it, but it is undoubted that dear Linus was a great loss to the Halls of Hogwarts and would have ensured that there would have been joyous laughter resounding off the walls for many years to come, and wherever he went afterwards (Azkaban, possibly) had he not sadly been torn from us before his time. Linus is survived by the only one of his pet frogs not brutally slaughtered by the vindictive teacher, his favourite, Francis. Francis was located by a considerate Hufflepuff who found him wandering the grounds, dressed as and nearly indistinguishable from Theo "Evil" Whitman, Di Luca's protege. He is also survived by the wonderful Professor of Transfiguration, Bertie. Bertie is an excellent Professor and we hope to support him through this difficult time. We are devastated by the loss of such magnificent ears from our hallowed halls. Linus was a dear friend, beloved by all who knew him and weren’t evil, a pure spirit aiming only to make sure that we were able to be happy and sleep well, secure in the knowledge that we could always have a laugh at the expense of the enemy our teachers.
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June 12, 2014, 01:12:55 PM
Gryff and Slyth to the Quidditch Cup1 May 2010 By Figaro Sellaphix, Hufflepuff Sixth YearGryffindor nearly binned all their hard work and well-intentioned do-goodery last night against Ravenclaw who positively destroyed them. Honestly, children should have averted their eyes from that trouncing, it was so mightily awful. As a Hufflepuff, I know what from horrible matches and I think Gryffindor's finally had one. To recap, Slytherin has been a sure thing for the cup since about halfway through the season, leading the league and ending up with 710 points accrued. Gryffindor was coming up just as strong behind them. All they had to do was not totally ruin things, but they very nearly did! I'd like to guess that it was Gryffindor's fault, but it's probably easier to believe that Ravenclaw finally figured out how to play Quidditch! All credit seems due to Ravenclaw's beaters and keeper. The beaters protected their chasers as they took seven shots on goal, and the keeper only let one from Gryffindor through out of five. But it's too late, Eagles. It'll be Gryffindor and Slytherin for the Quidditch Cup on the 14th of May. Deus Deres is definitely not taking bets in the 4th story boys' lav after dinners starting tomorrow.
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January 31, 2014, 12:05:09 PM
CORRECTION
We hereby retract the part from yesterday's article about Quidditch where we wrote that Mr. Morgan told us to piss off. Recent studies have found that he didn't actually say that because he is an upstanding member of Hogwarts staff. We regret our hilarious miscarriage of journalism.
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January 29, 2014, 02:15:53 PM
Quidditch Quagmire12 Mar 2010 By Figaro Sellaphix, Hufflepuff Sixth YearToday Gryffindor and Slytherin's Quidditch match is the place to be. If you are holed up studying, rethink your life choices, because all my sources tell me that tonight is going to be a blood bath. Or at least hilarious. The anticipation has been building and so has the trash talk. A castle divided! The Quidditch Cup is on the line! What the hell is going to happen?! Nick Bevans, Gryffindor and lay-about: "For Merlin's sake, Fig, Gryffindor will wipe the floor with them. Now stop badgering me before I hex you." Charming as always. A second year Gryffindor called Mairead O'fearghail said: "We're gonna toss those snakes out with a pitchfork!" She's caught the snitch before, so maybe she's not full of it. Peyton Wentworth from Ravenclaw agrees. "I really don't want to be rooting for the Snakes but they do have a killer team this year, then again that little Gryffie, the second year they've got playing, hasn't missed aSnitch yet, she might be just enough to give Harper a run for his galleons." Editor's note: Harper is a tosser. Peyton also dished a sick burn on game-ruiner Demitria Strelnikov. "Almasy's a great Captain and she's put together a stellar team, the snakes may have advantage with experience but it's still anyone's game. So long as Demitria keeps her head on straight " Captain of Hufflepuff, and all around Queen of Town, Elysia Hughes provides what is probably the best, most insightful commentary of all. Because Hufflepuff is the best. "I don't know about deserve -- but I'm not sure Slytherin can afford another embarrassment like the last time they were paired together. They have their talents, sure, but equally large flaws. Gryffindor definitely has the upper hand." "This could be the game of the season! This match pretty much tells us if Slytherin has a spot in the Cup. It's bound to be a viscous match. " Well put, cap. When I bothered Gryffindor Captain Raine Almasy for a quote, she was tight-mouthed as usual. Not to mention having that intoxicating beauty of a warrior witch... She told me that Gryffindor is "of course" going to win. And that Slytherin is "in the lead now, I can't say that they deserve to lose." Tre diplomatic, girl. But she's right. It's going to be mad. "In every sense of the word." Deus Deres from Slytherin shows a surprising lack of tact and what seems like a death wish. "I'm just hoping for a cat fight between Slant and Almasy. They get along way too well for a proper rivalry. Three sickles says Slant can take her." Editor's Note: Gambling on games is against the rules. So definitely don't find Deus under the stands before the match, and definitely don't place bets on what should be wholesome traditions. That would be irresponsible and no amount of fun or money should deter one from proper behavior. Before I close, I want to give a shout out to Mr. Morgan, Head of Slytherin, who has always been a supporter of student journalism. "Piss off, Sellaphix." Inspiring words. See you all on the pitch. Disclaimer: This article is the product of Figaro Sellaphix's warped sense of reality and lack of journalistic integrity. Take it with a grain of salt!Or two.
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October 09, 2013, 02:18:39 PM
Charms Explosion11 Mar 2010 By Figaro Sellaphix, Hufflepuff Sixth YearIf you've been living under a rock, you might not have heard about the explosion in NEWT Charms this week. Sadly, it wasn't a spell backfiring and laying waste in a demonstrative [1] fireball. Nope. Sorry. What actually happened was a kind of mutiny. Professor Kesali vs half the NEWTs students in a shouting match to end all shouting matches. A row of epic proportions. A titanic tantrum had by all. Class spun out of control like some absurd theater. Madness, I tell you. It all started with an outside day and all of us walking down the hallways single file like first years. Some thought it was a laugh and others it twisted their knickers up their bums and started complaining about it. Professor Kesali had none of it and by the time we were out of doors, someone who will remain nameless set the fourth fire Hogwarts has had in less than two years. Some people had to go to hospital hut for minor burns, but that's not even the best part. What came of that was a total breakdown. A train wreck. Professor and students storming around, running their mouths. It was an absolute riot. Except for the part where a slab of detentions were meted out, house points were slashed and class ended without any answer to what that giant metal dragon or the suit of armor was form. Bollocks! We could have had more fire! All I know is this - someone's bound to get fired. And only one person in the fray is actually employed. RIP Professor Kesali. OOC: This, like all other articles in the Howler are poorly researched and nearly works of fiction. Hyperbolic 'journalism' at it's finest. Complaints may be sent to Anita Senz-O'Hyumer.
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January 30, 2013, 11:38:53 PM
House Point Heroes17 Dec 2009 By Figaro Sellaphix, Hufflepuff Sixth YearHogwarts, where everything is made up and the points matter. They matter like hell. And some of us are better at this than others. We all know what house is totally smashing face in House Points: Slytherin. But I happen to know more. Believe me or not, and don't ask how I found out. Top point earner in the whole school so far is none other than Slytherin Naomi Foley. You may know her. She bloodies noses for her Quidditch team every other week. But overall, it looks like the cute little First Years have it all wrapped up, earning more points than any other year. We have Madam Hooch to blame for that. She handed out more points to those little point sponges than any other professor. Alexandra McGee, who I know nothing about, was the earnest earningest of the firsties and lead Gryffindor House in points. And no one will be surprised to hear that Sasha Schlagenweit headed up Ravenclaw's effort. That and he's best in his year so far as well. Good job, Schlagenwagon. Maybe you can ease up on the studying now? I know what you're thinking - where is Hufflepuff in all that? Well, if everyone would just calm down and wait up you'd find out. We're way back here having an awesome time. There are more important things than house points, you know.
| | First | | Second | | Fourth | | Sixth | | | | | Alexandra M.yh | | Erik C. | | Ambrose P | | Sophie F. | | | | | Alice H.h | | Pax W. | | Ayla C. | | Figaro S. | | | | | Noah A. | | Eirene A.y | | Zoe T. | | Sasha Schlagenweit yh | | | | | Blossom R. | | Slyvia B. | | Naomi F.yh | | Xavier T. | |
y - Best in year
h - Best in house
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September 27, 2012, 02:58:17 PM
December 1st 2009
Gossip Column
| ______________________________ | ______________________________ | ______________________________ | Dragon Pox! The Daily Prophet has accused Salem of carrying some mutant Dragon Pox, putting the Hogwarts student populace at a large health risk. After conducting some research, we believe the problem is much more dire. We've concluded the Americans' disease causes others to swap bodies--it's only a matter of time before students begin swapping genders!
| Dungeon Crawler Now what? As told by some younger students, something big and scaley is traveling through the school pipes. Despite the rumors of a Basilisk, many are shrugging this off as a poor attempt at a joke, but the growing number of eye-witnesses is telling us otherwise.
| What's the Catch? In Ancient Runes, Addison Rockwell paints a moving self-portrait, probably for the Beauxbatons common room entrance; Alvis Norling, Ravenclaw Keeper, is on offense by dueling a magical medallion; and Blake Knight, Ravenclaw Beater, is on the defense presenting shields, but not before he has to watch out for Naomi Foley falling from a floo fire!
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| Lovebird After an explosive Transfiguration lesson, Casey O'Doherty accuses Alvis Norling of making "lovey dovey" eyes at nearly anyone, including O'Doherty. It would explain why he is so friendly and gentle towards anyone and everyone. It seems so obvious now!
| Tongue-Tied? Literally. After their Halloween night, Seems Liviana Weidman has fallen for Ezra Miller, as the two were caught lip-locked by a few first years who were followed by Professor Kesali catching them with a sticking charm. Whoops!
| Darling Pumpkins As the weather gets colder, everyone snuggles close to someone they care for to keep warm. But the first years seem to be expressing their own brand of affection as Alice Hunter transfigured a pumpkin to take on the appearance of Ted Lupin's face surrounded by hearts. If she had just asked Ted I'm sure he wouldn't have minded turning his face orange for her!
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| Creature Feature! From scaley skin moultings belonging to four-legged creatures, to trails of unknown faerie dust, to snapping turtles with a bad attitude lead us to believe that Hogwarts is being haunted by some lingering Halloween presence. Even the new Headmistress is said to have be seen with a cloud of fog trailing in her wake!
| Whitman Half-Giant? Maxen Whitman has revealed his older sister, Carys Whitman, is the result of a strange experiment that resulted in her becoming a half-giant. We are told that she will continue to grow taller and taller until she dwarfs Rubeus Hagrid, the Care of Magical Creatures professor. Let's hope she doesn't wear heels to the Yule Ball!
| House of Wolves As per Figaro Sellaphix, we all now know Zel Trumble, the timid and tall Hufflepuff, is a werewolf. However, reliable sources tell us that his shy behavior is really a cover for a daring and wild personality! Can anyone discover and tame this mysterious beast?
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June 15, 2012, 05:39:58 PM
 SLYTHERIN’S MILLION GALLEON BABES Step It Up
and BRING IT ONUNEDITEDby Connor ToddSo, ladies ‘n gents, is it just me or does the Green Team look more like a pride of lions this year than Gryffindor does? Dunno if you’ve noticed (and I don’t know you couldn’t have), but one of our Houses’ teams is an arse-naked contrast to the ones years before. Known for more than its fair share of nasty, Slytherin is bloody famous for packing both kinds—the good ol’ fashioned sort and what’s been known as Monarchy style—on and off the field. Still, for years and years their team has been predominantly guys, whether by coincidence or by choice. Last year’s captain Callum Knight was known to have a few unpopular views of his own. But this year, though, it’s a different story. This year it’s positively spilling with babes, each one of them nastier (and fitter than hell) than the first. The trick, mate, is just knowing where to start… and how finely sliced you like your bollocks handed to you. And blimey, how finely sliced they’d be. Steamin’ hot from Hecate’s cauldron themselves, I’m chuffed to start off with Demitria Strelnikov and Kitty Li, a Chaser’s nightmare and Beaters without sticks. Now, I guess you’re asking, what would a smooth, handsome fourth year (with bloody fantastic hair, I might add) such as myself know anything about the hottest girls from sixth year? Well, my friend, the answer is ‘enough’. I’d say more on the subject, but seeing how my last source is probably still blubbering in the loo as we speak… I’ll let one of them speak for herself. CT: “Why d’ya think Harper let you ‘n Strelnikov keep yer positions...?”
Kitty Li: “Because we’re the best, obviously. I’d like to see another pair have the same brute force as Strelnikov and I - the boys sure as Merlin can’t pack a punch in the same way.”
CT: “So yer positive it’s not ‘cos o’... you an’ Strelnikov-? –Ow! Agh! Arghnoarghhhh-”
But seeing how that helped, I went and asked their captain a few questions, too. CT: “Harper, why’dja really let Li and Strelnikov keep their old positions. Really?”
Erin Harper: “Because they’re bloody great players, that's why.”
CT: “...Yeah huh. O-kay, if that’s th’ story yer stickin’ to...”
Next up is Waverly Roh-Ballentyne, one of the nicer links on the Slytherin food chain but still kicks arse regularly on the field. Not quite as frightening as the Terrible Two, yeah, but then again we’ve got another pair coming right up to make up for it: Gracie Slant and my own lovely, lovely peer, Naomi Foley. These girls have some of the best green eyes and hex-happy reps—bleedin’ perfect additions to a cutthroat team. And now their captain’s gone an’ armed them with bats. Naturally, I had to get some of their Housemates’ reactions—both supportive and hilarious. CT: “Strelnikov, Roh-B, Slant, Foley, an’ Li. On brooms... sticks. Thoughts, mate?”
Richard Plumb: “Heh. Eheheheh. You got pictures, or...?”
CT: “So. There’s a lotta really fit girls on yer House team.”
Harold Knight: “Yeah... and it’s gross. Girls should not be all muscle-ly like that. They need to be... girls. And do girl things. Like paint their nails or brush their hair.”
WelP. You heard it here, guys. Men, I’d wet my trousers if I were you; Harper slapped down the gauntlet when he gathered Slytherin’s finest arses onto the same team. Question is, will he be able to clean up the drool the rest of us are gonna leave behind? Hufflepuff, I’ll be holding a bucket for your tears. Cheers!
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April 11, 2012, 07:30:00 PM
Nice Body Paint, GaubertCoverage of the First Taskby Figaro Sellaphix You're all thinking it. I'm going to say it. Nice body paint, Corey Gaubert. [1] With that out of the way, here's the run-down of the scores from the First Task. HOGWARTS
- Joshua Harcroft - 68pts
- Sasha Schlagenweit - 77pts
- Erin Harper - 61pts
- TOTAL: 206
| DURMSTRANG
- Yekaterina Alkaev - 66pts
- Vladlena Savitskaya - 94pts
- Magdalena Eisenberg 82pts
- TOTAL: 242
| BEAUXBATONS
- Teodosio Medici - 19pts
- Corey Gaubert - 70pts
- Séraphin Olivier - 60pts
- TOTAL: 149
| SALEM
- Vexillarius Anderson - 80pts
- Tracy Jones - 85pts
- Taryn Dickenson - 73pts
- TOTAL: 238
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So good job, witches of Durmstrang for handily kicking everyone's butts! Remind me to avoid you. Also remind me someone, how does scoring work in this thing? Everyone but Teodosio got the box, but then, only Taryn spent time playing spider doctor. [2] So when we find the conversion chart of being captured by spiders to Celcius, tell my editor. If you were in a Vanishing Cupboard yesterday, basically these twelve paragons of magical skill, cup-chosen to represent us all, were dropped into an Acromantula's backyard. Our champions had to work their way through a maze, fight off spiders, and then steal a box from a giant queen Acromantula. And if you are Vladlena from Durmstrang you have a chat with the giant one first, then get on with snagging the prize. [3] There was blood. There was guts. There was a berry-smeared, half-naked French kid. Vote for me for Second Task. Figaro OUT.
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March 11, 2011, 06:52:16 PM
March 15, 2009 Article by Malia/Quinn McAvoy Header above made by Armiece
Well, good morning to all you Hogwartians! It is my utmost pleasure to introduce the school paper's newest addition: Quidditch with Quinn. As many of you know, those in charge of disciplinary procedures (I'm a familiar face in many a professor's office) have forbidden that I partake in any school Quidditch try-outs, matches, reserve lists etc and to be honest, I can't really blame them. I'm rather brash on a broomstick, and the staff members must always consider other students' safety first! With this in mind, the closest I can get to the most amazing, awesome, incredible sport in the world is through journalism, and that's where my new column comes in. I'll be presenting all the latest news and scores from the Quidditch world; you'll get interviews, broomstick tips, Hogwarts, National and International League coverage, and anything and everything related to the Quaffle, the Bludger and the Snitch, so keep your eyes peeled for my regular slot, because it's going nowhere first. After thinking long and hard about who my first victim guest should be here at Quidditch with Quinn, there's only one option. Ladies, be jealous. EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: IAN CUDDYER REVEALS ALL That's right, Ian Cuddyer, the Tutshill Tornadoes maverick that has broken so many hearts defending those hoops. He came over from the Canadian Quidditch scene (and thank Merlin for that), and who better to grill him about the ins-and-outs of the pitch, with maybe a few personal questions thrown in for girly good measure. I uncover his real passion for Quidditch, the family behind it, the truth about his on-pitch rivalry with Weidman and rumours of that 'special lady' in his life.
QM: Well, Ian Cuddyer, please may I start by giving you a massively ginormous thanks for letting this interview happen. IC: You're very welcome, Ms. Quinn. My publicist said that one of my biggest fans was a student at Hogwarts. And I'm sure if there is one there are plenty who go here. QM: First up, let's talk about Quidditch and the family. It's a little known secret that both your mother and aunt were rather sick chasers in the French Quidditch league, and that your grandfather was a big player in his heyday. Did everyone in your family expect you to just fall into the game, or was your introduction a wee bit more gradual? IC: Well, I grew up first in Canada and my first exposure to athletics was the muggle sport of hockey because of my dad. But, as soon as we moved back to France to be closer to my mum's family - who as you all know is very Quidditch oriented -- that became the norm. And I wouldn't say that I just fell into the game....it does require a lot of hard work and practice. Luckily for me, I had a lot of people to show me the way. Between my grandfather, my mother, my uncle and my aunt, I had plenty of coaches. And then between my cousins, I had plenty of practice partners. Hanover family get togethers had plenty of pick up matches. QM: With all of that mind, did you ever feel pressured to perform? After all, Quidditch is in your bloodline, so is there always an effort to impress the family? Was there any issues concerning your mother's fame in regards to your development in the game? IC: Well, I won't lie. It's always been in the back of my mind....living up to the standards set from my family members before. But in a lot of ways, it's like the muggle phrase of comparing apples to oranges. A lot of things about the game are different now. In my grandfather's era, he didn't have to deal with as much media as we have now. He was able to focus on playing. And then he got hurt and had to retire prematurely and he moved on to managing and owning. Same thing with my uncle. And my mom--her career was cut short by having a family. Even my aunt....she wasn't big on league play and stuck more to international play. I think my development has always had a different spin to it. International Quidditch Superstar is more what this era is all about. I'm in the prime of my career. I have the world at my fingertips and can play anywhere I would like. And I'm not limiting myself as far as goals of having a family or playing for national pride. It's certainly hard to compare. But I'm always proud, nonetheless. QM: You're a Beauxbatons big-shot on the Canadian scene, so it was some time before I actually caught wind of you as a player. Did your previous international experience cause any difficulties when trying to make it in the British league? How different is it playing over here? IC: Well, it definitely took some time getting acclimated to the style of play here and even getting to know my teammates on the Tornados. But overall, I think Quiddy players and their fans are pretty standard no matter where you go. My philosophy has mainly been to play hard and the fans would come around once they saw that. QM: I'm a Harpies girl, so I'm all about the 'sisters doing it for themselves' shizzle, but I have to say that the Tornadoes have been pulling some pretty awesome moves out of the bag recently. What secrets have you lot got up your sleeves for this coming season, and how is the team dynamic in a club that has so much prestige and support? IC: Well, we're still in third right now (behind the Magpies and the Falcons) so we're by no means perfect. We have a lot of work to do as the season goes on. But, considering we have some new components to our team, we're doing well as far as the chemistry is concerned. I think one thing that makes the Torrnados stand out is the fact that we're a franchise that is committed to winning. From the top down we want to win and we're willing to work hard to make that a reality. We're ball players and we take pride in what we do. QM: You're twenty two man, and you've achieved so much. How on earth do you keep that head screwed on your shoulders? Is the Quidditch sportstar lifestyle all hot witches and rock 'n' roll? IC: *laughs sheepishly* Well, it helps to have family and friends who make a point to keep you in check. I may have a Canadian Quidditch League title under my belt as well as all star and MVP accolades, but there are plenty of people willing to point out that I haven't yet conquered the world. I'd love to play on a Canadian National Team that goes deep into the World Cup in just a few years...and my league title across the pond doesn't mean squat to many people here unless I can duplicate that magic come the post season. And as for being a sportstar....I wouldn't believe everything you read in the tabloids. I'm just really a very, very ordinary person. QM: There's always going to be rumours in the tabloids about our players, it's unavoidable, and there's been an absolute storm over how all the gossip detracts from the game. Do you think your personal life and public image can be completely separate now you're head first in the professional league? IC: I think when you reach the point in your career that I have, it's hard to expect that your life will be your own anymore. It's all part of the game. Like I said, my grandfather and even my mother and aunt's generation before me did not have to deal with this like I have. But I do. It's just one more thing that I have to deal with to be a good player. I could complain about it if I wanted, but that wouldn't necessarily make me any better at my job. So, I just deal with it. And I just try to be the best that I can on and off the pitch. QM: And how about any lucky ladies? Got that special someone right now? Call me rude, but some of the girls would kill me if I never asked haha! IC: Another hazard of my job, no doubt. To keep it simple, let's just say that I'm still single. QM: You're no stranger to conflict it seems Cuddyer, and there have been reports that you have something of a rivalry with Dominik Weidman. Pure rumour or is there really an axe to grind? IC: Well, I can hardly deny some sort of a rivalry when there are pictures from Fan Fest to prove it. I think we are both just coming from different places which makes it difficult to relate to one another. QM: Okay okay, so I'm going to ask a few questions and I want the first thing that comes into your head! Alright? - First broom. Silver Arrow - Current broom. Silver Arrow (although working on an upgrade) - Favourite team growing up. Marsielle Metros (the French team my grandfather owns, my uncle played on and most of the Hanovers support) - Favourite all-time player. Isolee Hanover. - Most memorable moment so far. World Cup play. - Favourite food. Anything my mum makes. - Favourite band or artist. Three Owl Standard. - Biggest sporting regret. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like playing for the French National Team that my aunt currently coaches. - Glitter. Yay or nay? On me or on others? I guess it can be okay... QM: Well, Cuddyer, I can only thank you so much for granting this interview, it's been an honour. But lastly, what advice would you give any soon-to-be graduates interested in taking up Quidditch professionally? IC: I know it must seem like such a cliched thing to say, but being yourself really is the way to win over fans. I know for some people who follow the sport, I'm not their cup of tea. They might follow a Wiedman or maybe even a Juno Grimulken. That's nothing to sniff at because there's room in our sport for everyone. You just have to find your home and be willing to stay true to who your are. QM: Cheers, mate. Peace out! IC: Thanks, Quinn! It was a pleasure. Hope to see you around!
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