 Posts
This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
Messages - Witch Weekly
1
November 04, 2021, 01:42:24 PM
A full page advertisement for Calaveras runs in this weekend's publication. Full Moon Festivitiesat
Calaveras Every Full Moon
Sundown to Sunrise
189, South Side, Diagon Alley
Tired of dreading the full moon?
Fed-up with those early nights, fearful thoughts?
Of having to feel afraid in your own wonderful magical town?Let those of us at Calaveras take your minds off the terror and agitation. Come eat, drink, and dance the night away - don't let your fears keep you from enjoying life!All entryways will be managed by a private security detail of former werewolf hunters, in addition to top-notch protection charms. Entry on full moon nights are 18+ after sundown.
Don't forget, St.Mungo's , DMLE and Werewolf Wing Staff are always entitled to a 15% discount on food and drink! Discounts may be used at any time and not only at festivities.
And of course - Werewolves not invited.
2
December 10, 2019, 01:53:29 PM
Valentine's Interview Special: Yavin Morgenthau
BY GENEVIEVE GARCIA-GAMP With the exciting approach of Valentine’s Day, I went on a little mission of my own to track down some very eligible and engaging gentlemen to provide all of you witches out there with a plethora of choice. Earlier this week, I was treated to a tête à tête with the tantalisingly charming and wondrously mysterious Head of the Department of Mysteries, Yavin Morgenthau. Let’s call him Mr M for Mysterious, shall we?
Queen G:Mr Yavin Morgenthau. Writer of books, fixer of heads and keeper of secrets, what a pleasure this is. Tell me, will you be a breaker of hearts this year, too? Or are you looking for a lonely one to piece back together? Mr M:Why, Queen G, monarch of ink-dripping hearts, the, ah, the pleasure is all mine. I’ve never been much of a, um, what they call a player so here’s to hoping you’ll find me doing neither. Love comes when you, I mean, when you least expect it… but I do think it helps to give it a fighting chance, don’t you? Keep the door a little, ahah, a little open? Queen G:Would that be the mental door? I must admit, while I have tried to read your decidedly successful book, it went a little over my head. I’m not sure that I imagined such a romantic from what I did manage to read. Mr M:Oh, no no. The door of one’s heart. I’m very, hm, very passionate about my work but there’s no reason to ah, talk shop at every opportunity. All work and no play… Queen G:Oh we’re experts about play here at the Weekly, Mr M. You don’t mind me calling you Mr M, do you? I’d rather like to think it means mysterious. I expect you have a lot of mysteries hiding under that adorable sweatshirt. We’re rather hoping you might share some. Mr M:I, hah, I quite like Mr M. Contrary to popular belief my, um, my life’s an open book. Back when I first came to these shores, one of your predecessors did try, ah, try to dig out the answers to a few question marks. Have you done the homework, your royal highness? Queen G:I’m a good girl, I always do my homework [ insert trademark queen G wink here, ladies]. A little birdie did happen to tell me about you being rather a naughty boy in the last decade. Some of our readers might remember a certain November edition in 2002 that mentions you and some very personal relations with a rather adventurous couple. You were all quite tight lipped at the time. Care to sate our curiosity now?i Mr M:Now why, ahah, why would I do that? Wizards like me with so few secrets in our, hm, in our personal lives, we must safely keep the ones we do have. Queen G:Open book, or man of mystery, Mr M? You wouldn’t disappoint our readers with such coyness, would you? I hear you had a wildly dramatic time. Quite the scene, shall we say? Mr M:Dramatic was more Edgar’s area if we’re being frank…. [ light laughter] There’s something to be, hm, to be said about public imagination. What if reality falls shorts? I’d hate to, uh, to be a disappointment. Queen G:The imaginations of our readers run rather wild, sweetie; you’re putting yourself in dangerous hands. But perhaps you enjoy that? A little bit of danger to ignite your fire? Mr M:I don’t think anyone wants, hm, wants ‘calm and steady’ for the entirety of a romance. Danger’s an aphrodisiac. Queen G:I’ll take your word for it. Now, you have bravely put your love life in the capable hands of Witch Weekly, haven’t you? Signing up to our blind date event is quite the bold move. Dangerous, perhaps. What sort of witch are you hoping to open doors with on the 11th? Mr M:Or wizard. I try not to have expectations. Useful in a, hm, in a professional environment, but I prefer to be surprised where matters of the heart are concerned. Or matters of, ah, of friendship, if I’m not to the lady or gentleman’s liking. Queen G:I’d have expected a man of your statue to be decidedly discerning. You are quite the enigma, Mr M. Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised. So tell me, are you actively looking for love? I imagine you are waiting for it to find you? Don’t sit around too long, darling. Love moves fast. Mr M:Actively? Aha, not exactly. I’m open to love. It found me once. My late wife and I met, hm… about forty years ago. I don’t think I can expect to be so lucky, hah, so lucky twice in a single lifetime. She would hate if I gave up, though, without giving it a good old college try. Queen G:Then you must go for it, mustn’t you? I guess we’ll have to wait with anticipation for your date on the 11th? You will catch up with me and let me know if love found you? Mr M:It’s the, haha, the least I can do for our reigning empress. Queen G:You’re too kind, Mr M. Thank you so much for joining me here in my little Queendom, and I think that I can say on behalf of our wonderful readers, we hope lightning strikes twice.
3
April 06, 2019, 10:39:21 AM
Wishing You a Magical Christmas
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Saturday 17th December To my dearest readers,
We have a magical and fun filled Christmas issue for you today. I hope we have crammed in enough to sate your thirst for your favourite reading material for 2 weeks, as our offices will be closed to give your favourite writers a much-needed break.. . . . .So, what do I have for you, my darlings? . . . . Have your chance to vote for the Christmas number 1 wrock song! Will it be Ariana D with ‘You make my broom merry.’ or an entry from across the channel from The Basilisk in Your Pasta with their very catchy ‘Rocking around the Christmas troll’. Let’s not forget, the up and coming Weird kydz, making their exciting debut with ‘The Holly and the Pumpkin’ Just tap your wand to the page and be filled with Christmas cheer.
On page 13, you can hear all about how a group of the sexiest veelas around are rebranding Christmas, and on page 27, let us take you on a tour of the best places to get your Christmas cheer on across the country. Turn to page 45 to read my exclusive interview with Celestina Warbeck as she prepares to embark upon her 5th marriage. Good luck Celestina! We hope those glorious vocal chords will serve you well!
Now, on a more serious note. You must have been living under a rock to not have noticed that this upcoming week holds a lot of power for my family and wizarding law when my husband appeals his conviction from the Wizengamot. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your letters of encouragement and support that have flooded into our offices over the past weeks. Whatever your personal beliefs, dear readers, I ask that you respect my family’s privacy at this turbulent time.
From all of us here at Witch Weekly, we wish you a merry and magical Christmas.
All my love,
4
April 22, 2018, 10:51:27 AM
A Heavy Heart
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Saturday 1st October To my dearest readers,
No gossip from your devoted editor today. It is with sadness and compassion that I have to bring you some most unfortunate news. Recently I have grown concerned over a decline in sensibilities of our beloved and, let’s be honest, the witch we all love to hate, Lil Snigger. It is with a heavy heart that Lil Snigger and us at Witch Weekly have had to part ways due to the witch’s problematic and damaging addiction to experimenting with magical mushrooms.
One can only hope, my darling little bees, that Lil finds the help that she needs to once more become a whole and happy person. We at Witch Weekly wish her the best in making the healthy choices that will guide her back to a good wellbeing. I can only apologise to anyone that her problem may have affected throughout the past couple of weeks.
My love,
5
March 22, 2018, 02:27:05 PM
MOST SMOOCHABLE BACHELOR ANNOUNCED!
BY Queen G & Lil Snigger Auror Neville Longbottom  The man is a legend and a hero ( and single) so why aren't we surprised? Longbottom needs no introduction to wizarding society but, if you've been living under a rock for the last thirty years, here's the primer: he kicked arse at the Battle of Hogwarts alongside the likes of Harry Potter, and went on to steal hearts as a proud member of the famed Auror Corps! If you like your blokes bold but humble, join the Neville Longbottom fan club. We're just dying to see which of you ladies will catch his twinkling eye! RUNNERS-UP Tied for second place, we can't fail to mention the wizards Kurby Bagnold and Cepheus Gamp!
When Aurors aren't ruling our hearts, we can always count on the heartthrobs of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Not everyone wants a famous wizard in their beds so why not set your sights on one of these delectable men? Whether it be sizing up the werewolf issue or placating Goblins, they have you covered!
6
March 06, 2018, 11:00:56 AM
Letter from the Adoring Public
by The Secret Society of Winsome & Wise Witches Dear Witch Weekly,
In the interest of bachelorettes everywhere, we, the secret society of Winsome and Wise Witches have a few additions to offer! Please see below  .
CLASSIC CHOICES Edwin Glass
Age: 61 years old
Interests: Drinking wine, candlelight dinners, fruity flavoured lip salves and stamp collecting
Job: Minister for Magic
Exciting fact: Edwin used to experiment with flying cars (naughty boy!)
Why smooch? Our poor Minister has had a hard time finding love. But with lips like those, we don’t see why! He's old and he looks like raw clay, that's why!
Flash LockhartAge: 40 years old Interests: Fashion, quidditch and morris dancing Job: Head of the Department for Magical Games and Sports Exciting fact: Flash has a fake left leg due to a flying accident but he doesn’t let that hold him back, if you know what we mean. Why smooch? He’s loud and he’s proud so you better make sure that muffling charm is well rehearsed. Alec Carter
Age: 50 years old
Interests: Menageries, ancient Scandinavian literature, restoring antique Wireless sets.
Job: Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Exciting fact: This fine example of a man has regularly been spotted going skinny dipping in the River Cam!
Why smooch? He can handle a dragon but maybe it’s time to see if this divorcee can handle a REAL witch!Don't be silly, all witches are real witches.
Sebastian DarkfallAge: 47 years old Interests: Cleanliness and Medieval Architecture Job: Head of Slytherin & Potions Master at Hogwarts Exciting fact: This snake in disguise was nothing less than a Healer and an Irish saint in the last wizarding war! Why smooch? The man is half-veela, what else do you need to know? HUNKY HEROES Corduroy Canterbury
Age: 41 years old
Interests: Quidditch (obviously), hipster coffee shops, Victorian bed linen.
Job: Flying Instructor & Quidditch Coach at Hogwarts
Exciting fact: A former Beater for Puddlmore United, this towering hunk had to beat off his lady fans!
Why smooch? It’s time to finally realise your fantasy of dating a Quidditch player, witches, without the drawbacks of a huge ego!
Edward PrattAge: 35 years old Interests: Quidditch, walking his dog and performing pranks on his colleagues. Those green eyes can cause Vertigio!Job: Head Auror Exciting fact: Eddie has tried to quit his job twice but is so popular with the aurors that they can’t bear to see him go! His memos are like a form of crossword puzzles, you’ll never get bored.Why smooch? He’s fertile and clearly has no trouble falling in love. Could he fall in love with you? Kurby Bagnold
Age: 33 years old
Interests: Subduing werewolves and other dangerous creatures with his bare hands and rippling muscles.
Job: Head of the WCU at the Ministry of Magic. If you can get past the silver, you’ll find a heart of gold
Exciting fact: This tough bloke lost a leg in a wrestle with a werewolf, there was enough left for healers to grow it back.
Why smooch? Don’t let the frown fool you, ladies, it only means he's delicious where it counts! Will save your arse while grumbling, it’s a skill!
Neville LongbottomAge: 31 years old Interests: Wrestling snakes, knitting, tea leaf reading Job: Auror Exciting fact: Neville grew up living with his elderly grandma, can you think of a sweeter upbringing? Why smooch? We can’t think of anyone else we’d like to save us from the dark lord with those dark eyes! It's Neville Longbottom! Enough said. Check in with desk witch Sandra, Level Two, to join the fan club. Omari Warrington
Age: 34 years old
Interests: Travelling, collecting fine china, square dancing.
Job: Auror and Quidditch pro in the conference room!
Exciting fact: This strapping Auror has just returned from travels in South Africa! Who knows what tricks he’s picked up while abroad?
Why smooch? If you’re feeling frightened by Dementors and Dark Wizards, there’s nobody better to keep those fears away! Sends the best postcards. Best. Hugs.
BOOK SMART BOYS Ravindar Singh
Age: 37 years old
Interests: Meditation, fire-eating, yoga retreats on the Gold Coast.
Job: Head of Gryffindor & Transfiguration Professor at Hogwarts
Exciting fact: Ravindar is a registered animagus, with the VERY manly form of a Bengal Tiger!
Why smooch? Clever, experienced, gorgeous AND (to deal with those Gryffindors) patient! What’s not to love? We can personally vouch for his patience!
Cepheus GampAge: 34 years old Interests: Vampires, cats, anything with fangs we guess? Job: Head of Being Division Exciting fact: A secret Casanova and maestro of scandalous threesomes with the likes of Margo Amherst and Nate Hawk! Why smooch? Who knows what a tongue can do if it can get around speaking Gobbledegook! Draco Malfoy
Age: 31 years old
Interests: Brooding, still life painting and Blast-Ended Skrewt breeding.
Job: Potions Master
Exciting fact: Draco has recently come back onto the market after a terrible break up with a cheating wife who ran away with a centaur. That’s gotta hurt!
Why smooch? Don’t you just love the word master? Will he master you once you heal his broken heart?
Sandy MisslethorpeAge: 48 years old Interests: Saving lives, reading, long walks with that one special person, colourful teapots. Job: Deputy Head Healer at St Mungo’s Hospital Exciting fact: Risked his life saving his girlfriend from the giant squid in the Hogwarts lake when he was 15, what a hero! Why smooch? Let’s ignore that fact that this man owns a magazine and think about what those healing hands could do, ladies! YOUNG CONTENDERS Xavier Tawse
Age: 18 years old
Interests: Whisky, bar fights, anyone sensing a pattern? Don’t let the bar fights fool you – he’s about as dangerous as a puffskein
Job: Galleonaire Socialite, Owner of Wentworth Menageries.
Exciting fact: Can tie a cherry stem into a knot with his tongue.
Why smooch? Besides the cherry stem thing? He knows how to party and is looking for a tough lady to finally straighten him out. Prefers bantering to boxing, all in that lovely drawl!
Sasha ShlagenweitAge: 18 years old Interests: Books, horses, muggle…. stuff. Fluent in German and amusing German swears. Accomplishes more in the morning than most people do in a lifetimeJob: Student at Cambridge (muggle) University. Exciting fact: Knows SIXTEEN different forms of ballroom dancing. Secret prince (of my our hearts)Why smooch? Shy gentleman in the streets - who knows what in the sheets? His blush! Healer of hex wounds and bearer of housewarming gifts, always considerate, those skills must transfer elsewhere! Virgil Carstairs
Age: 18 years old
Interests: Theatre, Flowers, his collection of novelty lamps. + weird whale sounds!
Job: Unspeakable-in-Training, secret master chef/baker, and ability to make your dreams come true
Exciting fact: You might not recognise him without all the make-up but this is the same actor who graced Stardust’s stage as Rapunzel and Peter Pan!
Why smooch? Actor, enigmatic Unspeakable. Try your hand with this man of mystery! His words will woo you, and we suspect that’s just the beginning
Honorable mention and shout out goes to Jonas Trevleyan, who is Not Single, but an absolutely lovely redheaded hunky hunk who keeps us all sane with his jokes, his corny Cornishness, and his neverending patience. We <3 you!
7
February 26, 2018, 12:46:21 PM
WITCH WEEKLY'S
MOST SMOOCHABLE BACHELOR
BY Queen G & Lil Snigger Well, my darling readers, Lil Snigger and I have had a busy week. While you’ve been eagerly awaiting the weekly release of your favourite reading material, us at Witch Weekly have been seeking out the best and most handsome wizards in the country to bring them straight to your living rooms, offices and hospital waiting rooms.
Yes, this week is our triannual awards for Witch Weekly’s most smoochable!
This week we bring you 16 smoochable gents but there can only be one winner. Get those votes into us at our offices in Diagon Alley by the 24th September so we can crown our King.
Enjoy, my loves,
Queen G
CLASSIC CHOICES Edwin GlassAge: 61 years old Interests: Drinking wine, candlelight dinners, fruity flavoured lip salves and stamp collecting Job: Minister for Magic Exciting fact: Edwin used to experiment with flying cars (naughty boy!) Why smooch? Our poor Minister has had a hard time finding love. But with lips like those, we don’t see why! Flash LockhartAge: 40 years old Interests: Fashion, quidditch and morris dancing Job: Head of the Department for Magical Games and Sports Exciting fact: Flash has a fake left leg due to a flying accident but he doesn’t let that hold him back, if you know what we mean. Why smooch? He’s loud and he’s proud so you better make sure that muffling charm is well rehearsed. Alec CarterAge: 50 years old Interests: Menageries, ancient Scandinavian literature, restoring antique Wireless sets. Job: Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures Exciting fact: This fine example of a man has regularly been spotted going skinny dipping in the River Cam! Why smooch? He can handle a dragon but maybe it’s time to see if this divorcee can handle a REAL witch! Sebastian DarkfallAge: 47 years old Interests: Cleanliness and Medieval Architecture Job: Head of Slytherin & Potions Master at Hogwarts Exciting fact: This snake in disguise was nothing less than a Healer and an Irish saint in the last wizarding war! Why smooch? The man is half-veela, what else do you need to know? HUNKY HEROES Corduroy CanterburyAge: 41 years old Interests: Quidditch (obviously), hipster coffee shops, Victorian bed linen. Job: Flying Instructor & Quidditch Coach at Hogwarts Exciting fact: A former Beater for Puddlmore United, this towering hunk had to beat off his lady fans! Why smooch? It’s time to finally realise your fantasy of dating a Quidditch player, witches, without the drawbacks of a huge ego! Edward PrattAge: 35 years old Interests: Quidditch, walking his dog and performing pranks on his colleagues. Job: Head Auror Exciting fact: Eddie has tried to quit his job twice but is so popular with the aurors that they can’t bear to see him go! Why smooch? He’s fertile and clearly has no trouble falling in love. Could he fall in love with you? Kurby BagnoldAge: 33 years old Interests: Subduing werewolves and other dangerous creatures with his bare hands and rippling muscles. Job: Head of the WCU at the Ministry of Magic Exciting fact: This tough bloke lost a leg in a wrestle with a werewolf, there was enough left for healers to grow it back. Why smooch? Don’t let the frown fool you, ladies, it only means he's delicious where it counts! Neville LongbottomAge: 31 years old Interests: Wrestling snakes, knitting, tea leaf reading Job: Auror Exciting fact: Neville grew up living with his elderly grandma, can you think of a sweeter upbringing? Why smooch? We can’t think of anyone else we’d like to save us from the dark lord with those dark eyes! Omari WarringtonAge: 34 years old Interests: Travelling, collecting fine china, square dancing. Job: Auror Exciting fact: This strapping Auror has just returned from travels in South Africa! Who knows what tricks he’s picked up while abroad? Why smooch? If you’re feeling frightened by Dementors and Dark Wizards, there’s nobody better to keep those fears away! BOOK SMART BOYS Ravindar SinghAge: 37 years old Interests: Meditation, fire-eating, yoga retreats on the Gold Coast. Job: Head of Gryffindor & Transfiguration Professor at Hogwarts Exciting fact: Ravindar is a registered animagus, with the VERY manly form of a Bengal Tiger! Why smooch? Clever, experienced, gorgeous AND (to deal with those Gryffindors) patient! What’s not to love? Cepheus GampAge: 34 years old Interests: Vampires, cats, anything with fangs we guess? Job: Head of Being Division Exciting fact: A secret Casanova and maestro of scandalous threesomes with the likes of Margo Amherst and Nate Hawk! Why smooch? Who knows what a tongue can do if it can get around speaking Gobbledegook! Draco MalfoyAge: 31 years old Interests: Brooding, still life painting and Blast-Ended Skrewt breeding. Job: Potions Master Exciting fact: Draco has recently come back onto the market after a terrible break up with a cheating wife who ran away with a centaur. That’s gotta hurt! Why smooch? Don’t you just love the word master? Will he master you once you heal his broken heart? Sandy MisslethorpeAge: 48 years old Interests: Saving lives, reading, long walks with that one special person, colourful teapots. Job: Deputy Head Healer at St Mungo’s Hospital Exciting fact: Risked his life saving his girlfriend from the giant squid in the Hogwarts lake when he was 15, what a hero! Why smooch? Let’s ignore that fact that this man owns a magazine and think about what those healing hands could do, ladies! YOUNG CONTENDERS Xavier TawseAge: 18 years old Interests: Whisky, bar fights, anyone sensing a pattern? Job: Galleonaire Socialite, Owner of Wentworth Menageries. Exciting fact: Can tie a cherry stem into a knot with his tongue. Why smooch? Besides the cherry stem thing? He knows how to party and is looking for a tough lady to finally straighten him out. Sasha ShlagenweitAge: 18 years old Interests: Books, horses, muggle…. stuff. Job: Student at Cambridge (muggle) University. Exciting fact: Knows SIXTEEN different forms of ballroom dancing. Why smooch? Shy gentleman in the streets - who knows what in the sheets? Virgil CarstairsAge: 18 years old Interests: Theatre, Flowers, his collection of novelty lamps. Job: Unspeakable-in-Training Exciting fact: You might not recognise him without all the make-up but this is the same actor who graced Stardust’s stage as Rapunzel and Peter Pan! Why smooch? Actor, enigmatic Unspeakable. Try your hand with this man of mystery!
8
February 10, 2018, 09:46:52 AM
Editor's Letter
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Saturday 10th September  Well, my darling readers, I have been out to stir up some real salacious gossip for you this week. And the heart of the gossip? St Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.
News on Diagon Alley is that St Mungo’s trainee healer moonlights as a rather lustful Lady of the Night. Sources report seeing her with the likes of hunky Level 4 Head Alec Carter, filthy rich obliviator Mihai Zampiera and even our dear Minister’s Assistant, Evangeline Kuester. It is important, my loyal fans, to reiterate that this is merely gossip, but if I wore boots like Elixa Mordent with not a shred of clothing under my coat, I would be raking it in.
Now, it will come as no surprise to you that I have taken a perhaps unhealthy interest in the life of Lawrence Musgrave, former associate of the husband we should never talk about. After months of waiting, we finally have news on what has been done with the demented wizard himself.
Has Lawrence been taken to Azkaban?
Has he been given a sentence imposed on only the most deplorable of criminals?
No, dear readers. In late August, Lawrence Musgrave was secretly taken to St Mungo’s Hospital to be treated and looked after by our Head Healer herself.
An emotional reunion of past lovers one might suggest? Or does she plan to finish the job her husband failed at? Only time will tell, and I can promise you, my loyal fans, my lips won’t remain sealed for long.All my love,
Queen G
9
January 17, 2018, 03:34:06 PM
Secret Lovechild of a Murderess
by Lil Snigger
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Spotted on Platform 9 3/4 on the 1st of September: Witch Weekly favourite, Balfour Spectre, and his current beau bidding farewell to a mysterious child! Another of numerous, mundane Spectre clan children being sent off by their fond cousin…. or something more sinister? Worry not faithful readers! Lil Snigger was on the case. Introducing the secret lovechild of Ira Almasy, socialite and sociopath extraordinaire. Feliks Spectre was quickly ruled out as a distant relation after it was confirmed through indirect questioning that he bears no intimacies with other strains of the Spectre clan, who are introducing no other students to Hogwarts this school year. The boy wizard was observed wandering Diagon Alley in late August, putting together his Hogwarts kit and acquiring a wand. More importantly, he was overheard by sales assistants throughout as having referred to the Division Head as “papa” and intermittently using Russian vocabulary. How did Balfour Spectre become a father overnight? And can the identity of his mother be as easily divined? From Russia, With Love International waters were braved in the pursuit of this truth, such was the dedication of your faithful reporter. Spectre was a known associate and friend to Ira Almasy, whose pureblood family are generous patrons of Moscow’s primary wizarding hospital. Administrators at St.Eudoxia’s declined to disclose their private birth records. They did, however, suggest examining the Russian Ministry’s public registrar of Metamorphmagi, in which all wixes with the ability are registered from birth. Feliks Viktor Siobhan Spectre. Pureblood. Metamorphmagus. An inside source at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry has confirmed that he has been sorted into the House of Slytherin, where he will join the offspring of other nefarious peoples. Should we expect any less from the son of a foreign murderess? And where has this boy wizard been hiding all these years? Was he being raised as an heir to the Almasy criminal network? Has Balfour Spectre always known of him? And what does his lover, Johann Storm, have to do with this sordid situation? If the two-faced life of Ira Almasy has taught us anything, readers, it’s that nothing is quite what it seems.
10
April 17, 2017, 03:51:34 AM
Did Love Blow the Cauldron?
BY JOSIE FLINT
Did unrequited love blow the Leaky Cauldron sky high? Susannah Bellingham was admired by her peers and Ravenclaw housemates alike. She had brains, blonde hair and pretty blue eyes. She was the typical girl next door. And for one of her classmates, a livelong unrequited love. Born in 1963 Susannah grew up on the south coast in Bournemouth. She was the apple of her father's eye. Augustus was a respected Ministry worker with the Department for International Magical Co-operation. He hoped his daughter would follow in his footsteps in London. He was always proud of her in Ravenclaw his own house. Meanwhile born in 1962 Lawrence Musgrave grew up in St Albans. He was the younger of two children. He grew up in his sister Cynthia's shadow. Son of Anthony (once director of the Knight Bus) and August he was sorted into Gryffindor the same night the Hat shouted for Susannah. An infatuation began. "He always fancied her." Classmate Gladys-May Shufflebottom tells me. We sit together in the Shufflebottom family home. William Shufflebottom Gladys-May's husband was convicted of terrorism charges involving dementors at the start of February. Mr Shufflebottom was aiding Musgrave. He is considered the dark wizard's closest confidante. His imprisonment leaves Gladys-May to continue to raise their two children alone. "She wasn't even that pretty." Gladys-May asserts. She offers me a photograph from the late 1970s where she and Susannah were together at school. Gladys-May is formerly Gladys-May Carter and the cousin of St Mungo's Head Healer Miranda Storm though "poor relation" in Shufflebottom's words. Storm is another of Musgrave's obsessions. "My Willy used to tease Susie. Nothing strong mind but Lawrence punched him for it." Were the two boys competing for the affections of Bellingham back in Hogwarts? "Of course not. They were teenagers. Silly idiots." Gladys-May dismisses my theory. Despite seven years at school together Gladys-May says there was no indication Susannah was ever more than friends with Lawrence Musgrave. His interest was clear though. "But he never asked her out. She had boyfriends." After leaving school Musgrave trained to be an auror. He still kept in touch with Bellingham. Friends of both at the time say Musgrave's affections were unrequited though it was a constant will-they-won't they. Reportedly Lawrence once threw one of her boyfriends out of The Leaky Cauldron. Was it this night which led Musgrave back to the historic pub to destroy it last November? Susannah Bellingham died of illness in 2008, while Musgrave served time at Azkaban for war crimes. He was to discover upon his release in 2010, when he hoped to reunite with her. He would never get to see her again. She died November 5. Did her death send him over the edge?
11
January 21, 2017, 10:18:53 AM
PRODIGAL SON RETURNS
by Millie Flockton
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . While the Wizarding World is still shocked by the sudden death of well known Businessman, Arathorn Wentworth, another startling discovery has been made. The only son of the late owner of Wentworth Menageries, is still alive! In late May 2000, Henry Wentworth disappeared without a trace from the menagerie in Diagon Alley. The shop had been purchased by the Wentworth family after the second war and is popular with many families of Hogwarts students who purchased their first companion for school. Although it was investigated, there was no sign of a struggle and no witnesses. The shop itself had simply been left abandoned. The search for the Gallionaire's son lasted through most of the summer that year until the Department of Magical Law Enforcement declared him 'presumed dead' and closed the case.  Henry Wentworth before his disappearanceTo the surprise of his family, the presumed deceased Henry Wentworth reappeared to attend his father's funeral over the weekend. When questioned, Henry revealed that he had moved to a small rural Muggle village. Effectively fleeing into hiding. The reasons for are unconfirmed, though there is much speculation. Although uncorroborated, several close sources believe the young playboy's disappearance was a cover up to hide his affair with a Muggle woman - one that has resulted in two illegitimate children, both of whom currently attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  Cináed Tawse, brother in law, wanted for several crimes were unable to reach Henry's wife, Athalia Wentworth (nee Tawse) for comment as she too has been missing since Aurors raided her Scotland home in 2008. Level 2 were pursuing her brother - the infamous Cináed Tawse. Level Two has declined to comment on the events. Before his disappearance, Henry Wentworth was set to inherit his family's fortune and company. With Henry presumed dead, the inheritance was passed down to his son, Arathorn's grandson, Xavier. Now that Henry is back from the dead, readers, will he seek to reclaim his legacy from his estranged son?  Xavier Tawse, Henry's estranged son and heir to Arathorn's legacy
12
June 03, 2016, 10:35:22 AM
Head Healer Battles Blast from the Past
by Lil Snigger
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . St Mungo’s Head Healer Miranda Storm doesn’t seem to be able to keep out of the papers. Two months ago there was great debate about her sudden marriage to Hogwarts’ Deputy Headmaster and the possibility of them expecting a miniature Storm, but now, dear readers, I bring you further controversy. Twice since her wedding, the new Mrs Storm has been visited by old friend and notorious wanted criminal Lawrence Musgrave. Back in January, aurors were called to the scene after Musgrave broke in and apparently threatened our dear Head Healer.  This last Sunday morning Musgrave returned to the scene of the crime. But did he break in, you ask? Certainly not. The newly married Miranda Storm invited him in and cooked him breakfast while her husband was on his weekly visit to the muggle newsagents. Witnesses say that they saw Mrs Storm in a very revealing dressing robe which ‘left nothing to the imagination’. So was she expecting Musgrave? ROMANCE REKINDLED “It wouldn’t surprise me,” commented Gladys-May Shufflebottom, former classmate and Miranda’s cousin, “she turned him down at school, but he always liked them hard to get. She likes dangerous sorts.” Have these two got more history than simply that of friendship? We will let you readers decide. What we can tell you is that Ignan Storm was enraged to find Musgrave in his home and the two went to battle over the Head Healer, leaving Storm passed out and unable to give a statement to the aurors.
13
May 02, 2016, 02:47:23 PM
Ménage à trois and Mischief
by Lil Snigger
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Has trouble erupted in the passionate courting of pureblood lovers Cepheus Gamp and Primrose Woolfolk? [1]Recent news [2] tells us that we can hardly blame the likes of Miss Woolfolk for wanting to distance herself from the Gamp name, now that it has become apparent that Mortimer Gamp was a wizard of distasteful habits. News of so criminal a family member could drive a man to drink - or maybe even worse? Witnesses claim that American lawyer Nathaniel Hawke was sighted discussing the nature of his relationship with the Beings Division head and bar owner Margo Amherst. "But Cepheus is my best friend,” he remarked. "It's weird.”We here at Witch Weekly pride ourselves in the quality of our journalism! There is no telling who the true instigator of this unexpected ménage à trois might be. Hawke's displeasure made him out to be a most troubled participant in their liaisons! UNASSUMING SEDUCTION?  Indeed, perhaps it was Death & Co's brightest star that has ensnared these men in her web? With her hefty social presence and a stare that could no doubt seduce dragons, Amherst is a witch with whom one should not trifle. Patrons at her bar have heard the former beast handler asserting that "...Cepheus is great and I'm not averse to sharing" in regards to her relationship with Mister Hawke. Your humble reporter, let me tell you, was unable to detect a predatory tone in her observations. Could it be then that the unassuming Cepheus Gamp had proposed a liberal minded affair between the three? What is it about the wizard that lures these wizards and witches to his bed? And what does Primrose Woolfolk have to say about her once-fiancé indulging in such intemperance? Has his broken heart opened up a wound that no one person can fill? When reached for opinion, the Woolfolk estate delivered no response.  Perhaps, much like his father, Mister Gamp has the happy capacity to indulge in physical avarice without anyone in the wizarding world being wise to it! What do you think readers? Write in to let us know if you think we we discovered an unassuming casanova in the making.
14
April 02, 2016, 03:43:39 PM
 Pureblood Passionby Lil Snigger. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Do we hear wedding bells in the distance? Just last weekend at the glamorous Prewett birthday party in Wiltshire, a scene [1] that resulted in Primrose Woolfolk's recess from the floor provoked touching concern in none other than Cepheus Gamp. The witch and wizard's respective families have long harboured hopes of the romantic sort for them - and it looks like this high class vessel might be set to sail! Not to mention, witnesses at the Sword and Chant report the couple as having been "giggly and happy" just the night before while sharing a bottle of wine. [2] And that's just the polite version of events. But don't take our word for it. Anything might be deceiving from the outside, and so Witch Weekly reached out to none other than one of the lady's closest confidants. Amaryllis Woolfolk - her sister. MATCH MADE IN ARCADIA "Well, I certainly can't say anything on that..." confided the witch in a hopeful and wistful tone, one which induced many a sigh from this journalist. "Two attractive, smart people are bound to hit it off, right?" she finished suggestively. And did we or did we not spy a wink in her twinkling eyes? But there you have it, readers! Might we suggest that Primrose and Cepheus Gamp are simply bound to click? The wishes of their family and friends are no doubt to follow, for who can resist swooning over such fairytale heights of happiness for the pureblood prince and princess.
15
September 02, 2015, 02:18:40 PM
LOVERS QUARREL IN SLANDERMOUTH?by Lil Snigger. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Has jealousy reared its ugly head in polite society? Amongst the crème de la crème of wizarding upperclass no less? Fine dining restaurant Ascendio Italiano was enjoying a busy dinner hour when the Ministry of Magic's Head of Beasts Division stormed in to assault an unsuspecting patron last evening. Witnesses claim that Balfour Spectre was drenched in blood when he rudely ejected a witch's date to sit down with her instead. Our witch in question? Russian aristocrat and patron of the arts, Ira Almasy. GREEN EYED MONSTER Spectre and Almasy have been caught out together in public, often in each other's company at opening night in the Royal Opera House or strolling casually down Diagon Alley. Has this violent tiff confirmed rumours that the pair are actually involved? If so, how does it affect Spectre's rumoured dalliances with German linguist Johann Storm? Was Ms. Almasy's appointment with Edwin Glass cause for retaliation or an act of vengeance in itself? Neither have been available for comment, although a representative from Level Four has confirmed that any blood in question was of course dragon's blood.The duel that broke out following the rude interruption has cost the restaurant more than its fair share of galleons. "There was a conflict, it was resolved and the damages were dealt with accordingly," informed co-owner Catarina Bell when asked about the confrontation. " It has not impacted business in any way." No doubt a hefty bill is on its way to the Beasts Division as you read this. NOT SO MR. NICE GUY? LET US KNOW! Balfour Spectre's reputation as one of the Ministry's most charming bachelors is quickly coming under fire. Has the popular wizard secretly been nursing a jealous streak? Former lovers and partners are encouraged to write in with their tales of woe! Send your owls to our usual address and we'll print the most revealing stories!
|
